Now Reading
‘NOT THE ONE: A Love Story’
Slut for Slicha
A Very Jewcy Rosh Hashanah
Snipped and Satisfied
Schtupless in Seattle
Gefilte Guilt
Messy Meshugane. Again.

‘NOT THE ONE: A Love Story’

Mindy Raf didn’t have enough time to come out to her mother who passed away ten years ago. But Raf’s one-woman show, NOT THE ONE: A Love Story creates a stage to keep Raf’s dialogue with Kitty Raf alive; a celebration of her mother mixed with an interrogation of how relationship models are evolving in 2018.

NOT THE ONE: A Love Story made its international debut at the 2017 Edinburgh Fringe Festival and the show has continued with monthly NYC performances, including January 25th and 26th at The Tank. Directed by Tara Elliot, the 60 minute show blends stand-up with storytelling and traditional theatre, juxtaposing the more traditional values Raf’s Jewish mother taught her about love with her current polyamorous relationships.

Raf, who identifies as pansexual, is interested in expressing fluidity and acceptance when it comes to love, sex, gender, and monogamy.

“You don’t have to fully understand something in order to accept it,” says Raf. “And when you tell your story you become visible, you represent nuances and this allows other people to see themselves and be seen as well.”

Are people shocked by polyamory?

“There are many preconceptions about non-monogamy and polyamory, like assuming you’re always going sex parties. Which is fine if that’s your thing, but a relationship structure doesn’t mean you’re love or sex life is just one thing or the other,” says Raf.

She also mentions that people come back to see her show multiple times likely searching for answers while delighting in listening to love and sex spoken about in such a frank way: after all it’s just one woman standing on the stage, no mic, no bells and whistles.

Raised in a Detroit suburb, Raf went to a Reform synagogue, attended Hebrew school and went through all the usual milestones of a Jewish upbringing from confirmation to a bat mitzvah. “You know there’s that Jewish thing we all joke about, calming your anxious Jewish mother down when it comes to your love life. The show deals with the struggle and the celebration of that dichotomy, the parts of your life that are Jewish mother approved and the parts that are tougher to communicate.”

Are Jews really that neurotic? “I’ve met a lot of chill Jews,” Raf says, also mentioning that she experiences humor to be very much part of Jewish culture and often functioning as a refuge from anxieties. Her 2013 young adult book, The Symptoms of My Insanity, deals with a hypochondriac teenager and Raf is interested in dismantling stereotypes about native Jewish anxiety.

The world of Raf’s childhood was largely heteronormative, and NOT THE ONE: A Love Story explores a way to blend past and present.

“We tend to insert our own point of view into other people’s experiences out of fear of the unknown. We think we have to put ourselves and others in these boxes with solid walls. We don’t all have to be fluid, but if we come from kindness and allow the space for other people to live their lives and be fluid… it’s just better,” Raf comments.

Raf, (recently she’s been called the female Woody Allen. Does it bother her? Not at all, but she does hope people will start to move away from the cis white male stereotypes of Jewish humor) feels very connected to her Jewish identity and talks about the developing process of executing Judaism in everyday life in a way that feels authentic. She considers herself very spiritual, but much like her path to becoming who she is today, she’s working towards balance within organized religion and personal spirituality.

“Specifically in the Jewish family narrative, it’s very challenging to be modern and also identify with something that relies on tradition without feeling like you’re letting someone down. But I’m trying to take the things that I identify with in Judaism and recreate them in a way that works for me. Sometimes I feel guilty about that process and other times I’m like, this really isn’t anybody else’s business.”

As an afterthought Raf adds,  “And if people do make it their business, I hope they do so with kindness and curiosity. ”

For more information about Raf, weed lube, and upcoming performances click here.

Photo credit Christiana Chavez

View Comments (45)
  • Its like you learn my thoughts! You seem to grasp a lot about this,
    such as you wrote the e-book in it or something.
    I think that you just could do with a few % to power the message home a little bit, however
    instead of that, that is excellent blog.
    A fantastic read. I will definitely be back.

    Look into my website; coupon

  • First off I would like to say superb blog! I had a quick question which I’d like to ask if
    you do not mind. I was curious to find out how you center yourself and clear
    your head prior to writing. I’ve had difficulty clearing my mind in getting my
    ideas out. I truly do enjoy writing however it just seems
    like the first 10 to 15 minutes are lost just trying to figure out how to begin. Any ideas or hints?

    Have a look at my web-site – coupon

  • When someone writes an article he/she maintains the plan of a user in his/her brain that how a user can understand it.
    So that’s why this article is amazing. Thanks!

  • I’m very pleased to find this web site. I want to to thank
    you for your time due to this fantastic read!! I definitely loved every
    bit of it and I have you saved to fav to look at new stuff in your blog.

  • Thank you for some other magnificent article. Where else may just anyone get that type of info in such an ideal approach of
    writing? I have a presentation subsequent week, and I’m
    at the look for such information.

  • You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but
    I find this matter to be really something which I think I would never understand.
    It seems too complicated and extremely broad for me.
    I am looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang of it!

  • Greetings I am so excited I found your webpage, I really
    found you by error, while I was looking on Aol for something else, Nonetheless I
    am here now and would just like to say thanks for a incredible post and a all round exciting blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to go through it all at the minute but I
    have book-marked it and also included your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read much more, Please
    do keep up the awesome job.

  • Hello outstanding blog! Does running a blog like this require
    a large amount of work? I have virtually no understanding of computer programming however I had been hoping to start my own blog soon. Anyhow,
    if you have any recommendations or tips for new blog owners please share.
    I know this is off topic however I just wanted to ask.


  • I like the helpful information you provide in your
    articles. I will bookmark your blog and check again here regularly.
    I am quite certain I will learn a lot of new stuff right here!
    Good luck for the next!

  • I’ll immediately take hold of your rss as I can’t in finding your
    email subscription link or e-newsletter service. Do you have any?
    Kindly allow me realize in order that I may subscribe.

  • My brother recommended I might like this web site.
    He was entirely right. This post actually made my day. You cann’t imagine just
    how much time I had spent for this info! Thanks!

  • This design is steller! You obviously know how to keep a reader amused.
    Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to
    start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Wonderful
    job. I really enjoyed what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it.

    Too cool!

  • What’s up to all, how is everything, I think every one is
    getting more from this site, and your views are fastidious in support
    of new viewers.

  • An interesting discussion is definitely worth
    comment. I do believe that you ought to write more about this issue, it may not be a taboo
    matter but typically people don’t discuss these subjects.

    To the next! Cheers!!

  • Excellent weblog right here! Also your website so much up fast!
    What web host are you using? Can I am getting your associate hyperlink for
    your host? I desire my web site loaded up as fast as yours lol

  • Wonderful goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff previous
    to and you’re just too fantastic. I actually like what you have acquired here, really like what you’re stating and the way
    in which you say it. You make it enjoyable and you still care for to keep it
    wise. I cant wait to read far more from you.
    This is really a great website.

  • We’re a group of volunteers and starting a new
    scheme in our community. Your website offered us with valuable info
    to work on. You have done a formidable job and our whole community will be thankful to you.

  • I appreciate, lead to I found just what I used to be having a look for.
    You’ve ended my four day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day.


  • I read this paragraph completely about the difference of most
    up-to-date and previous technologies, it’s remarkable article.

  • For most recent information you have to go to see world-wide-web
    and on world-wide-web I found this website as a most excellent web page for hottest updates.

  • You actually make it seem really easy together with your presentation but I
    to find this matter to be really something which I believe I might by no
    means understand. It kind of feels too complex and very wide for me.
    I am having a look forward for your subsequent publish, I’ll attempt to get the cling of

  • I was wondering if you ever thought of changing the layout of your website?
    Its very well written; I love what youve got
    to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better.
    Youve got an awful lot of text for only having 1 or two pictures.
    Maybe you could space it out better?

  • It’s actually very complex in this active life to listen news
    on TV, so I only use web for that reason, and get the most up-to-date news.

  • Hi there! This article couldn’t be written much better!

    Looking at this post reminds me of my previous roommate!
    He always kept preaching about this. I most certainly
    will send this information to him. Fairly certain he will have a great
    read. Thank you for sharing!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Scroll To Top