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Exposed: The Jewcy Bacon Fetish

“I have no problem with this,” I admitted with ‘tude as I stared down into my Cobb salad.

It was day two of Passover, and, having stopped for lunch at a neighborhood eatery, I had opted for the salad (hold the bread on the side, please) instead of the usual K-for-P-violating sandwich.

Now, there I sat.  With bacon on my fork.

As many times as I’ve had to explain to my non-Jewish friends that kosher for Passover doesn’t mean kosher, they still don’t seem to get it.  Luckily, I have most of the Jewcy staff to back me up on this one.

I am about to let you in on a little secret that is shocking, but true.  Jewcy people love bacon.  So, so much. 

I’d estimate that a whopping 10% of my own posts have had something to do with bacon, but aside from that, you have no idea how much time I have spent skyping with fellow Jewcers about the treif delight.  I don’t know how it got started, but, long ago, in a time before Swine Flu, every time something bacon related showed up in a Jewcer’s Google reader, the rest of the staff knew about it within approximately 30 seconds.

And let me tell you, we have discovered some amazing things.  Some of them have made it on to the site.  But there is also a whole reserve of products that has thus far gone unmentioned, and that continue to be unearthed.

Take, for instance, two weeks ago, when Lilit took it upon herself to post a story about bacon-flavored lube on my Facebook wall.  Or that time before our winter holiday party, when we found ourselves sort of bummed out about our incredible deal with Embittermints upon our discovery of bacon-flavored mints.  At one point, Todd and I stumbled upon a purely bacon-themed news site to keep ourselves in the bacon-themed loop (this site also happens to have apparel that rivals the sexiness of the Jewcy thong.)  We’ve found gummy bacon, gourmet bacon cocktails, even bacon dental floss. (it exists, you guys.  I saw it at Ricky’s.)

A limit was reached recently when Lilit discovered Meatpaper, a magazine specifically designed for the carnivore. Get this: it recently ran a “Pig Issue” which included an article that suggested that bacon can cure a rare disease called furuncular myiasis.  Hear that world?  Bacon. Can. Cure. You.  Cure! You!

Screw the what-if-I-have-to-get-a-pig’s-heart-valve-implanted-in-my-chest debate, this is taking it to the next level.  Then again, not many people have problems with invasive fly larvae.  But still.

So what is it about bacon, specifically?  As a culture, we seem to be obsessed.  The truth is, bacon represents a perfect extreme: a completely gratuitous and delicious rebellion from a defining tenet of Judaism.  Bacon is hillarious in its offensiveness.  And it just tastes so good.

Even my own family, which does not keep kosher, but won’t keep pork products in the house out of some sort of hereditary guilt will make an exception for bacon and a very scarce selection of pig-based foods.  I have a vivid memory of my dad holding up a fried pork dumpling in his chopsticks and saying, “Well, if this is going to send me to hell, then I’d say it’s worth it.” 

The truth is, bacon is irresistible.   In the “so wrong, it’s right” kind of way.

So the next time you need a mildly offensive gag gift for your Jewish friend, or need additional ways of incorporating bacon into your life, just ask a Jewcer.  They’ll have you violating biblical codes in no time, and they’ll do it with a smile.

View Comments (4)
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