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John McCain Was Confused, Frustrated By a Shabbat Elevator in Israel

Retiring senator and Shabbat enthusiast Joe Lieberman talked to Mark Leibovich in this weekend’s New York Times Magazine, and it was pretty entertaining. You know, in that is-he-trying-to-be-funny-on-purpose-or-is-it-just-funny kind of way. Here are the best parts, not counting when he admits to never using the Senate gym.

On the subject of running mates, apparently the words “Paul Ryan” and “shirtless” have been Googled nine times more often than “Paul Ryan” and “budget.” Are you puzzled that more attention was not paid to your physique?
I am. Because beneath this shirt, there is really a lot to behold that would give voters a sense of confidence about my capacity for balanced leadership.

We don’t really get that one, and we’re not sure we want to. The end section is the real gem, though:

I’m told you recently enjoyed a Shabbat dinner with Senator McCain in Israel.
He said that traveling with me compelled him to put up with all this Shabbat stuff — well, he actually used another term, but it’s not appropriate. The first time he got into a Shabbat elevator with me in Jerusalem, he pressed Button 9, and it went to Floor 2. He pressed it again and it went to Floor 3. These Shabbat elevators, they’re preset because you can’t use them on Shabbat. McCain has many virtues, but one is not patience. He said, “What the hell is going on with this elevator?”

Is there anything that I did not ask you that you’d want to touch on?
There are many things you did ask me that I shouldn’t have touched on. Here is a parting gift. There’s an older guy on the park bench, crying — tell me if you’ve heard this one. Finally a jogger stops, sees the guy sobbing. ‘‘What’s wrong?’’ ‘‘My wife of 48 years died, and I was very lonely. I went on JDate and met a younger Russian woman. We liked each other. So she’s moved in with me, and she’s wonderful. She’s attractive, she cooks well, she takes care of me and almost every night we have fabulous sex.’’ So the jogger says: ‘‘Well that’s a wonderful story. Why are you crying?’’ The old guy says, ‘‘I’m crying because I can’t remember where I live.’’

The Last Days of Joementum [NYT Magazine] Previously on Jewcy: Joe Lieberman Talks About Kinky Shabbat Sex
Dear Joe Lieberman, Please Quit And Don’t Seek Reelection
Joe Lieberman Vows To Blow Up The Internet

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