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Secret Blogger Crushes

Danit Brown, author of Ask for a Convertible, will be blogging all week as one of Jewcy‘s Lit Klatsch bloggers. Danit’s book uses a fictional character to discuss life as an Israeli-American who has trouble fitting into both her parents’ homelands.

When I was a teenager, I knew a girl who was such a big fan of the TV show Fame that she would take snapshots of her TV screen and send the stars of the show gifts on their birthdays. At the time, I thought she was weird: yes, I too have had dreams in which I was being wooed by celebrities (most notably, Barry Williams a.k.a. Greg Brady, but also, more recently, Barack Obama and Kelly Ripa), but even way back in junior high, I already knew instinctively that these people had better things to do than answer my mail.

And then my husband introduced me to the wonder that is blogging.

These days, I spend my waking hours cultivating crushes on women who would surely be my best friends if only they knew me better. Some of these are women I know–e.g. my downstairs neighbor with the kick-ass boots, my son’s doe-eyed pediatrician–but more of them are women who blog, and some of them are well-known writers.

And while odds are that I’ll never run into Alexa, who writes the Flotsam blog, or Tiffany who writes Electric Boogaloo, this isn’t the case with those professional writers who go on book tours and occasionally end up in your hometown.

Take Meg Cabot, author of The Princess Diaries. If any one writer is responsible for my marriage, it’s Meg (see? We’re on a first-name basis). My third date with my husband was to see the movie, and we spent hours during our courtship reading Meg’s oeuvre aloud to each other–no small task since the woman is frighteningly prolific. We also read her blog. Every single day. And go to her book signings.

And this false sense of intimacy (Meg likes smoked almonds! And Gwen Stefani!) has led to several awkward encounters.

Encounter 1:

Me: My husband and I read your books all the time! To each other! And we’re way over thirty! What Meg should have said: Great! Here’s my phone number!! What Meg did say: That’s nice.

Encounter 2:

Me: My husband and I went to school in Bloomington, which is where you grew up! And I’m pregnant and planning to read your books in between contractions! What Meg should have said: Wonderful! Let me know when the baby comes! Here’s my phone number!! What Meg did say: That’s nice.

Encounter 3:

Desperate for recognition, I resorted to extreme measures and offered Meg a gift, a book by my former best friend, who shall remain nameless (Ha! Take that!). In theory, it was the perfect plan. Meg always thanks the people who bring her presents on her blog, and I was hoping that in doing so she’d mention my ex-friend’s book, thereby spiking her sales and enabling me to win back her affections as well.

Me: Here’s a book by my ex-best friend! It’s happy! I know from reading your blog that you only like happy books! What Meg should have said: What a coincidence! I’m in the market for a new best friend! Here’s my phone number!! What Meg did say: That’s nice.

And she didn’t mention my gift on her blog. After that, I was mad at her, and she didn’t even know we were fighting.

It was a shame, really. I mean, we have so much in common: she has brown hair, I have brown hair; we’re both Midwestern; she’s rich and famous, and I really really want to be rich and famous… Meg, I’m serious, call me!

Despite this bitter experience, I still often find myself gazing at author photos of the writers whose books I’m reading: Margo Rabb, Elisa Albert, Lorrie Moore. "She’s so beautiful!" I’ll gush to my husband. "And doesn’t she look nice?" And then I’ll rush to my computer and check if the writer has a blog. "Look!" I’ll cry in triumph. "Margo Rabb has a baby! We have a baby! Surely we’re meant to be best friends!!" (Margo, if you’re out there, call me!! )

Of course, I’m still sitting by the phone, waiting and passing the time reading Meg and Margo’s blogs. Which is how I know that Meg celebrated last Passover with Judy Blume. Meg! My mom makes gefilte fish that’s way better than Judy’s! I’m sure of it! Call me!!

Who’s your Secret Blogger Crush?

Danit Brown, author of Ask for a Convertible, is guest-blogging on Jewcy, and she’ll be here all week. Stay tuned.

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