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Jews Watching TV: The Bachelorette with Andi Dorfman, Episode 7

And then there were eight. This episode begins with the gang in Venice, where Andi arrives to inform the men which one of them will be her solo date, and though we are led to believe it might be Cody, it ends up being moody Nick. Let’s hope he found a better attitude somewhere in his luggage, because Andi has questions for this guy, and she wants answers.

Andi and Nick walk through Venice, encountering a gondola, gelato, pizza, and a whole lot of pigeons. But it’s at dinner, for which Andi is decked out in a ballgown, that the official interrogation begins. “Where did my sweet Nick go?” wonders our heroine. Nick mans up (just kidding) and blames his surliness on Cody, who had dared to call him arrogant in a previous episode, gravely wounding his feelings. Nick doesn’t seem very kind or good humored, but maybe he and Andi share some raw, animal energy that just isn’t translating on screen, because she gives him a rose and lets him stay.

The next morning, Andi wakes up alongside a secret admirer (it would be more interesting if i stopped here, wouldn’t it?) card, and so she chooses to focus on honesty during that day’s group date and arranges lie detector tests for everyone. Because nothing says romance quite like lie detector test, right, lovers?

Chris, by all accounts till now a gentle and placid farmer, confesses to the camera and the world that he’s pretty nervous because he’s actually been hiding something from Andi. This serves to make him just a little more interesting. As the guys take their tests, we learn some lame, revealing and squicky things, including the fact that Dylan doesn’t wash his hands after using the bathroom—but nothing is more lame than the revelation that Chris’s big secret is merely that he was Andi’s secret admirer. (And with that, the promo voiceover guy officially decides to stop pretending that this is the most dramatic season of The Bachelorette ever.) But Andi learns none of these confessions because she decides to rip up the results, and good lord do I hope a production assistant handles all the food should she and Dylan ever go on a dinner date again.

At the cocktail party, Brian steals Andi away for a fairly cute diversion, in which he administers his own lie detector test to Andi and asks the inevitable question, “Do you want to make out?” Well-played, Brian. Josh uses his alone time with Andi to protest the lie detector tests because relationships are built on trust (and on television, of course), and at this point, Josh’s constant need to defend his image definitely looks suspect. When Chris gets his own tête-à-tête, he nervously confesses his secretive admiring ways, as though there’s a chance Andi’s not going to totally love it. Of course, Chris gets the date rose. This irks JJ, who shares his ire with the gang, and Chris gets his farmer’s overalls in a twist when he harshly rebukes JJ—with foul language, to boot. My my, Chris, do you speak to the cows and sheep that way?

Finally, at long last, Cody gets a one-on-one date in the fair city of Verona, and it’s a rather cruel twist of fate—or the production team—that Cody, not the sharpest tool in the utility shed of contestants, gets a date that involves letter-writing and Shakespeare. Cody keeps professing his love for Andi, who clearly doesn’t reciprocate. Dinner’s gonna be awk-ward. And it is, as Cody babbles that he wants to introduce Andi to his parents and “roll around” with her. I guess Shakespeare didn’t make that much of an impression. Andi starts tearing up, which Cody wrongly interprets as an encouraging sign. Finally, well past the point of mercy, she tells him straight out that she’s just not that into him.

At the cocktail party, Andi continues to be inordinately in love with Nick, Josh continues to brim with righteous indignation, and in the end, Andi sends JJ home so he can dedicate himself to making custom pants for the masses.

Well, we’ll always have Venice, readers. Next week: Brussels, as in the sprouts.

Catch up on all the Bachelorette re-caps here.

Image: ABC / The Bachelorette

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