Sat, Oct 11, 2008

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Jewcy Book Club

This week:
Hyperchondriac
and
I Have Fun Everywhere I Go
Welcome Authors
Brian Frazer
 &
Mike Edison
who are posting all week.
Coming up:
  • 10/13:
    Rabbi Levi Brackman and Sam Jaffe
  • 10/20:
    Jonathan Garfinkel
  • 10/20:
    Rabbi Robert Levine
  • 10/27:
    Danit Brown
  • 10/27:
    Joshua Henkin
  • 11/03:
    Craig Glazer
  • 11/10:
    Max Gross
  • 11/17:
    Seth Greenland

Last logged in: Jun 11, 2007
Comments:
Friends: 1
Blog Posts: 0
Age, Status: 58, Single
School:
You must be joking.
Interests:
My perfect first date:, Full day of brisk downhill skiing on new powder taking each run together for fun and companionship (NOT competition) followed by an hour or so at a funky, live entertainment rock-and-roll bar at the bottom of the slope; on to a chalet with a secluded, outdoor hot tub with some great wine under the canopy of a star-studded sky with just a flutter of new snow melting as it hits the our naked bodies or tub's steam; then, dinner eaten with great gusto and no guilt(minimal gastronomical political correctness regarding menu selections and a shared certainty that epicurian delight is a form of foreplay); back to the chalet to build a roaring fire in the fireplace which is then reflected in her glistening, dilating eyes ("self-medication" optional) as we .JUST KIDDING. This description is of a perfect SECOND DATE. Also, during the non-skiing season, substiture canoeing or mountain trekking as the activity of choice. THIRD DATE: activities include horizontal mutual discovery.(Interpret this anyway you want but I MAY be referring to a chatty yoga session on floor mats.), My ideal relationship:, An ideal relationship includes romantic love (where extended separation is painful and extended togetherness is bliss), mutual respect; lots of encouragement, laughs, hugs (or whatever else we can get away with) sharing responsibilities reasonably equally, being trustworthy and getting same, a perpetual state of barely controllable mutual lust; many friends, social events and family gatherings; the ability to talk things through (anger management); an absence of put-downs, jealousy, bickering, game-playing, and silence/celibacy as punishment. NOTE: not once did I use any variation of the word "communication". Ugh. Also desirable: shared midlife angst concerning the internal dialectic struggle betweeen yuppie pragmatism and dreamy irreverance, bourgeois banality & ambition and adolescent rebellion - not to mention an ability to BS bigtime by using polysyllabic, impressive sounding words, such as the ones I just mischiveously strung together in this devilishly complex, hyper-adjectivized sentence., My past relationships:, I love the female gender (because I adore my mother and the gentler sex healed my post-divorce depression). Women reveal feelings easier, prefer relationships to things, are less aggressive/competiti ve, and can develop faster, less superficial relationships; some women confuse the words "voluptuous" and "obese", "shapely toned" and "silicone enhanced"; for many women, age is a major issue and can hence be "fudged" or remain "an unlisted number". Golf is for crass, self-centered nouveau riches who grab, fence-off, and artificialize large chunks of land in order to avoid contact with those they've left behind. I've also learned that I have not a few attractive features myself (humility may not be among them). "Practice safe eating - always use condiments. No matter how much I care, some people are just assholes. A day without sunshine is - like, night. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. You can get by on charm for about 15 minutes; after that you'd better have a big wily or huge breasts. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it. Know how to say "f -k them if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages. You shouldn't compare yourself to others; they're more screwed up than you think. He who laughs last thinks slowest. Life is all about ass: either you are covering it, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get it, or acting like one. The art of converstation is not only saying the right thing at the right moment but also resisting rolling a brilliant insult when it's most tempting." Dear reader: If reading through this profile, you had to consult a dictionary or your college professor uncle or have noticed that your lips moved not in a manner displayed by your gender during peaks of erotic arousal, then (UNLESS you are a non-native-English-s peaker) please, save both of us time and frustration, move on to the next JDate dude who'd be a much better match for you than am I., My Ideal Match, Age Range:, 45 to 65, Relationship Status:, Single, Divorced, Separated, Widowed, Religious Background:, Conservative, Conservadox, Modern Orthodox, Reconstructionist, Reform, Secular, Traditional, Unaffiliated, Education Level:, Some College, Associate's Degree, Bachelor's Degree, Master's Degree, JD/Ph.D/Postdoctoral, Drinking Habits:, Never, Socially, Occasionally, Smoking Habits:, Non-Smoker, Occasionally, Trying to quit, I am looking for a:, The woman I'd like to meet loves children - lots of them (I have 5), is kind, unpretentous, intelligent, funny, earthy, athletic, cultured; has high self-esteem, low-cut blouses, class (totally unrelated to wealth/networth), and a healthy/uninhibited libido; is searchin' ana' seekin' about what it means to be a Jew; a honey who likes lots of family gatherings and social events, co-ed contact sports, heavy discussions & light flirtations; a woman who has forsaken forever or ad infinatum (whichever comes later) taking life (especially her own) too seriously (for example, Begninni's "Life is Beautiful"), and has a high tolerance for a man slightly obsessed with parenthases, forward slashes and Latin, ad nausium; and, who is, above all, passionate about passion. (Or, an unbearably bored suburban matron, choking from self-effacement whose unforgotten sizzling past still makes her yearn to breathe free yet again.) Bonus points to a woman delighted to share her renaissance/ emancipation with precisely the sort of "bohemian bum" consistently condemned by her perfection obsessed, convention enslaved ex/late-husband(a Republican, no doubt) whos (ill-begotten) gains she could now gleefully spend with hedonistic abandon on cheap thrills (preferably, with "the bum"). Constant chirpy cheerfulness chiseled into character ("my glass is always half full") invariably begets a gag reflex on my part. I know I'm asking for a lot but, Babe, (that reminds me of another highly desireable attribute, a generous smattering of political INcorrectness)I just KNOW you're out there somewhere.

About zvikor

I'm the quintessential cosmopolitan Jew, ill at ease no matter where I am (A. Koestler) - unless it's in the arms of my Dream Woman, the uniform of the IDF(Israeli Army), or on the summit of a 15K ski slope. Like Woody Allen, I regret only that I wasn't born someone else - preferably Clint Eastwood or Bill Maher. Lived in Budapest until the '56 Revolt, escaped to the US, "matured" for 24 yrs. in Detroit and Denver, an icon of the Amerikan Dream. Zionist zeal got me merrily muddling along in the Muddled East, The Land of My Foreskinless Forefathers, for another 24 years. 3 sons and a daughter have served in IDF elite units (as have I). With Holocaust survivor parents I KNOW Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Hence, I love to party, dance (wild/dirty, imagining I'm Black, to slow/soft taking long, tight dips), get into heavy discussions & light flirtations, make passionate love (any other kind?), humble the arrogant, fight the "good fight"(charge windmills), challenge the smug; solitude, silence, spitiuality, nature, current affairs, NPR, Air Amerika; high-volume stereo singing along with Orbison, CCR, Rait, Motown, James Taylor, The Eagles; and seeking to understand my God. An ageing anachronism from the Age of Aquarius. A recovering lawyer meeting a better class of people in the building trades wearing jeans than in the so-called Halls of Justice wearing suits; imagining extending my youth by extending my hair (what's left of it). As in "Good Will Hunting", I maintain an irrationally fierce loyalty to my (working) class roots. Adore movies, nauseated by TV. Spectator sports induce a yawn. My ageing didn't end a happy childhood. I make friends and enemies with equal grace. I am the sum of all my (many) wounds (but won't bore you with their details, unless you insist). Confessing to delirious delight with post-divorce skirt-chasing now eager for a serious/forever union & entwining of fates (or whatever else we can entwine). TRUST me I'm no lonesome loser with a laptop.

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