You know, I've taken a lot of crap from the Kosher police in my lifetime: marshmallows, select Dunkin' Donuts locations, fancy cheese, and while I was growing up, Oreos! All verboten by the munchy-hatin' rabbis that make the Kosher rules. But now they are going after my beloved lox, and I am putting my foot down.

Gothamist reports that though the OU denies it, ultra-Orthodox group Chevra Mehadrin is revoking the hechsher (stamp of approval) of all lox, due to a parasite that sometimes infests wild salmon. Personally, I'm willing to risk a few worms here and there if it means chowing down on that perfect bagel on a Sunday morning!

Sure, I might be falling prey to the sensationalist nature of internet news, but I can't help starting a call to arms when a Jewish delicacy is threatened: save the lox!

Thanks to the lovely invention that is the Facebook newsfeed, I stumbled onto this YouTube video astutely titled "Party In Brooklyn Today."  It seems that our protagonist, hereforth known as Yid in Orange Polo, thought he had what it takes to redo Miley Cyrus' smash hit "Party in the USA."  Little did Yid in Orange Polo know, that despite his well-placed shidduch and Lipa Schmeltzer references, that Jewish Brooklyn is just no match for Miley. 

I have a few questions about this video, mainly being that I cannot for the life of me understand where he is filming this.  Is this where Yid in Orange polo sleeps?  Is this his daughter's room?  Why is everything so pink?

The real triumph, though, is the artful hand with which YIOP has re-written Miley's lyrics.  Still, I'm gonna have to label this pitiful parody a failure of the best kind.  See for yourself below.

Well, now that it's almost Hanukkah, I'm pretty sure most of us are going through a very similar (and strange) phenomena: you spend all fall lusting after a few choice tchotchkes, and when Hanukkah rolls around, you seem to get the exact opposite of what you lovingly scribbled onto your Holiday wish-lists. Not only that, this feels as if it happens EVERY year! It's like your out-of-touch Bubbe is somehow controlling the currents of gift-giving, and you are trapped in a never ending vortex of scratchy wool sweaters and socks.

Rest easy, because that ends here. Below, I've included 2 very important lists: the top 10 gifts you want, and the top 10 gifts you get instead. Hear that, Bubbe? Take notes.

THE TOP 10 GIFTS YOU WANT:

• 10. Let's start with some Judaica, after all, it is Hanukkah. Check this Menorah Cork, an easy way to turn any bottle of wine into a way to celebrate the season. Order it from ModernTribe for only $14!

• 9. Don't let the name fool you: Stories for Children by Isaac Bashevis Singer is most definitely not for children. This book of short stories is biting, racy and ghoulish, and I distinctly remember reading it as a child and wondering why my parents would even let me peek at the thing! Sure, there are plenty of Jewish authors releasing new fiction for both adults and children, but why not take the time to familiarize yourself with the real thing? Amazon has it for as low as $6.98.

• 8. Luxury retailer Proenza Schouler has a new exclusive online store, and somehow, against the laws of nature, the items currently being featured are pretty affordable for a designer shop. I have my eye on this buttery-looking evergreen wallet, priced at a just-OK $165.

• 7. American designer Steven Alan's "don't go out without a sweater"-sweater is a lot more handsome than what you got from your Aunt Fraide last Hanukkah, and since Alan generally uses rich fabrics, I doubt it'll itch as much either. I especially like this grey chunky knit sweater for men.

• Continue reading...

A friend showed me the breathtaking trailer for Michael Knight's new documentary Taqwacore: The Birth of Punk Islam, which I've included above. The film explores Michael's unique relationship to his religion, while following the emergent culture of punk Islam, which the documentary alleges is partially due to Michael's writing. Like Jericho's Echo (a documentary about punk rock in Israel), it looks as if Taqwacore is a labor of love, a film that is at points both difficult and delightful as it struggles with handling and explaining concepts that seem to be naturally at-odds with each other.

"When he was 17, Michael Knight left his mother’s home in Rochester to study Islam at a Pakistani madrassa. It was his first act of rebellion – against his abusive, schizophrenic, white-supremacist father. Years later, burned out on the demands of religious dogma, Mike rebelled once more – by penning a Muslim Punk manifesto called The Taqwacores. His work of fiction struck a chord with young Muslims around the world and before long, real-life Taqwacore bands were creating a scene. This film follows Michael and his band of Muslim punks as they journey across the U.S. and Pakistan, transforming their worlds, their religion and themselves through the spirit of Taqwacore."