How To

Gone: but not forgottenI'd been planning to post about Havdalah for this week's Light My Fire, but a good family friend passed away at the beginning of the week, and I found myself wondering what to do. When do you visit? What do you say? What do you bring? Judaism has a lot to say about what to do when someone dies. Last year, Tamar Fox offered some very helpful rules for making a respectful shivah call. More recently, Paulina Borsook blogged about her personal experience with the Jewish traditions around death and dying, which she calls "simply the best." Here are a few of the rules that will help you find your way, and below are a handful basic guidelines to help you help a mourner.

• Unless you are family or very close friends, it's traditional to wait three days before making a shivah call.

• You're there to offer support, and your presence alone may be enough. Don't feel obligated to wax poetic about the deceased, or to lighten the mood. Let the mourner take the lead in the conversation, listen if they need to speak, and remember that it's acceptable to just be quiet. I tend to give an Angel Catcher--a journal of loss and remembrance--to those who I believe may benefit from it in the long run.

• If there are memories, feelings, or extended thoughts you want to share, consider writing a note. This will allow the mourner to read and process it in their own time and on their own terms.

• Though cooking and cleaning the house are the two forms of work Jewish mourners are permitted to do, and while it isn't required to provide food, preparing and arranging food for a mourner can be a welcome assistance. Think practically about what to bring: What's healthiest? Most sustaining? What will last the longest? Remember, this is not a time for frivolity or pleasure.
  

• Be sensitive to the amount of time you spend with a mourner. It's important to visit and let them know they are not alone, but it's also important not to overstay your welcome. Trust your instincts: If you think it's time to go, it probably is.
  

• In some communities, mourners walk around the block to indicate the conclusion of the shivah week. Whether you join them for this ritual or not, remember that their mourning continues. Unless they've lost a parent, the entire mourning period is 30 days. If they've lost a parent, the mourning period is one year.

Previous: How to Celebrate Tu b'Shevat

Celebrate The Trees: or else...If you're like me, Tu b'Shevat didn't figure prominently in your upbringing. As a kid, we did the Purim carnivals and the Hanukkah parties; we erected an annual sukkah and always had a Passover seder, but the Jewish New Year for Trees, well--it didn't enjoy a whole lot of fanfare. In fact, it wasn't until recently that I learned what Tu b'Shevat is all about.

One of the four "new years" in the Jewish calendar, Tu b'Shevat celebrates the rebirth offered by the approaching spring season and the sanctity of the earth.

Being that it's a minor holiday with agricultural origins, Tu b'Shevat lends itself to all kinds of modern interpretations and applications. You can use these guides as a jumping off point, and below you'll find a few tips and ideas for hosting your own Tu b'Shevat seder.

• Host a potluck. Ask your guests to each bring a dish that uses ingredients symbolic of the holiday: Examples include pomegranates, almonds, citrus fruits, coconuts, dates, olives, cherries, peaches and avocados.
• Create a seder plate that represents the Kabbalistic concept of the "Four Worlds." Assiyah: nuts and fruits with a tough skin; Yetzirah: fruits with a tough inner core; B'riyah: fruits that are completely edible; Atzilut: leave this space on the plate empty, symbolizing divine emanation.
• Provide four different wines, ranging in color from white to deep red. Explain that the colors symbolize the changing seasons.
• Provide paper and markers, and encourage your guests to design a tree that best represents who they are and want to be, then share them with the group.
  
• Give bonsai trees as party favors.
• Organize a tree planting event for your friends, family, or co-workers with the help of one of these following groups:

American Forests
P.O. Box 2000
Washington, DC 20013
Membership Hotline (800) 873-5323; fax (202) 667-7751
The citizens' conservation group for trees and forests, working for healthy communities and forest ecosystems.

 

Fairfax ReLeaf
2055 Government Center Parkway
Suite 703, Fairfax, VA 22035
Telephone: (703) 324-1409
Plants and preserves trees, improves community appearance, and restores habitat on public and commons lands in Northern Virginia.

Forest Releaf of Missouri
4205 Lindell Boulevard
St. Louis, MO 63108
Voice (314) 533-5323 or (314) 524-7305; Fax (314) 533-0016
Dedicated to increasing the tree population in Missouri metropolitan areas and to educate its public about trees, tree care and tree planting.

Greening Milwaukee
1150 East Brady Street
Milwaukee WI 53202
Voice: (414) 273-8733; Fax: (414) 273-3393
Envisions a greener, cleaner Milwaukee by increasing tree planting and green space through education and involvement.

National Tree Trust
1120 G Street, N.W., Suite 770
Washington, DC 20005
Phone, (800) 846-8733
Seeks to increase volunteerism and civic pride in local communities and schools by promoting tree planting.

SeedTree
RR 2 Box 802
West Cape, Stockton Springs, ME 04981
(207) 567-3056
Supports international tree planting efforts to protect and regenerate endangered forest ecosystems and biodiversity.

Tree Central USA
P.O. Box 080054
SI, NY 10308
(917) 953-4724
America's tree fighters, dedicated to all trees rights being destroyed by builders.

Tree Musketeers
136 Main Street
El Segundo, CA 90245
Telephone: (310) 322-0263
Empowers young people to lead environmental improvement in Earth's communities through innovative action and educational programs.

TreeFolks
P.O. Box 704
Austin, Texas 78767
Voice and fax, (512) 443-5323
Promotes community partnerships in the renewal and care of the Austin/Central Texas urban forest through public tree plantings and education.

Tree-Mendous
Maryland Department of Natural Resources, Forest Service
Tawes State Office Building E-1
Annapolis MD 21401
Telephone, 410-260-8510
Works with volunteer groups planting and caring for trees on public land throughout the state.

TreePeople
12601 Mulholland Drive
Beverly Hills, CA 90210
Telephone, (818) 753-4600
An environmental education and activist organization that has been the leader in the community forestry movement.

Trees for Life
3006 W. Saint Louis Street
Wichita, KS 67203-5129
Telephone, (316) 263-7294
Empowers people by demonstrating that in helping each other, we can unleash extraordinary power that impacts our lives.

Trees for the Future
PO Box 7027
Silver Spring, MD 20907
A non-profit organization initiating and supporting agroforestry self-help projects.

[Killer list of tree planting organizations courtesy of Marshall House Empowerment Consulting.]

People think I'm a mah-jongg maven and I have no idea why. I recently was given a mah-jongg set. It's old and the case is falling apart, but I love it. Problem? I don't know how the effin' eff to play mah-jongg. Another time, I was given some rad mah-jongg jewelry like this. I think the mah-jongg jewelry is cool, some of it cute and kitschy, but I'd feel like a fraud wearing any of it without actually knowing how to play.

Serendipitously, I received an email tip this morning (hat tip) about this very serious (har) young man's quest for mah-jongg fulfillment.

I'm not a sci-fi geek. But, almost a decade ago, I had a roommate that introduced me to the world of the cons. ComiCon, GenCon, something that seemed tailored for the renaissance fair, er, faire crowd, a couple of Star Trek cons and such. She and her boyfriend were sci-fi lovin', comic book readin', -Con attendin', role playin' folks. (It's not my bag, but rest assured, I'm not making fun. I'm all for people doing whatever they're into. Anyway.)

Even in a galaxy far, far away: You can still sorta-kinda keep Shabbes.During this time, it was explained to me that several of such -cons host wedding and religious services in theme of the event, and both admitted they'd only seem limited Jewish weddings or services in their travels, or at least always saw more activity from other religious groups, which always seemed odd to me, with so many comic superheroes having such good Jewish roots and with the Star Trek Dr. Spock "live long and prosper" hand gesture having a Jewcy base as well. Isaac Asimov? Harlan Ellison? David Brin? Mind you, that's only what I was told based on the events they attended. I never braved an event to verify any of their claims for myself.

About a month ago, Jewish Journal of Los Angeles ran a short piece that caught my attention and reminded me of these conversations with the roommate and her guy. LosCon, an annual weekend Sci-Fi invasion at the LAX Marriott had featured a Sci-Fi Catholic mass and a Sci-Fi pagan/wiccan circle and last year, thanks to uber-sci-fi-fan, Marsha Minsky, a minyan was added to the schedule of events, Beit LosCon. She's named herself "Rabbi of the Con", though she doesn't have a rabbinical ordination and her services, based on a conservative liturgy, brought about two dozen people of the thousand or so in attendance of LosCon.

Could one do a B'nai Mitzvah at a 'con? Has anyone?

I'd just like to eveyone to take a moment and imagine what a Sci-Fi or RenFaire Shabbat service might involve. And, if you've been to one, please tell us about it. I'm dying to know if it's tailored to the occasion. Discuss.

[Ed. Note: This article was co-written by rabbis Arthur Waskow and Jeff Sultar. Technical limitations prevent us from displaying two authors for an article.]

There are three levels of wisdom through which Hanukkah invites us to address the planetary dangers of the global climate crisis—what some of us call "globalIt's No Day on the Beach: Global warming will be a scorcher scorching" because "warming" seems so pleasant, so comforting.

We can encode these teachings into actions we take to heal the earth, each of the eight days.

1. The Talmud's legend about using one day's oil to meet eight days' needs: a reminder that if we have the courage to change our life-styles to conserve energy, it will sustain us.

2. The vision of Zechariah (whose prophetic passages we read on Shabbat Hanukkah) that the Temple Menorah was itself a living being, uniting the world of "nature" and "humanity"—for it was not only fashioned in the shape of a Tree of Light, as Torah teaches, but was flanked by two olive trees that fed olive oil directly into it.

3. The memory that a community of "the powerless" can overcome a great empire, giving us courage to face our modern corporate empires of Oil and Coal when they defile our most sacred Temple: Earth itself. And the reminder (again from Zechariah) that we triumph "Not by might and not by power but by My Spirit (b'ruchi—or, "My breath," "My wind!"), says YHWH, the Infinite Breath of Life."

We are taught not only to light the menorah, but to publicize the miracle, to turn our individual actions outward for the rest of the world to see and to be inspired by.

So we invite you to join, this Hanukkah, to join in The Shalom Center 's Green Menorah Covenant for taking action—personal, communal, and political—to heal the earth from the global climate crisis.

After lighting your menorah each evening, dedicate yourself to making the changes in your life that will allow our limited sources of energy to last for as long as they're needed, and with minimal impact on our climate.

Use wind power: To power your household. No single action will solve the global climate crisis, just as no one of us alone can make enough of a difference. Yet, if we act on as many of the areas below as possible, and act together, a seemingly small group of people can overcome a seemingly intractable crisis. We can, as in days of old, turn this time of darkness into one of light.

Day 1: Personal/Household: Call your electric-power utility to switch to wind-powered electricity. (For each home, 100% wind-power reduces CO₂ emissions the same as not driving 20,000 miles in one year.)

Day 2: Synagogue, Hillel, or JCC: Urge your congregation or community building to switch to wind-powered electricity.

Day 3. Your network of friends, IM buddies, and members of civic or professional groups you belong to: Connect with people like newspaper editors, real-estate developers, architects, bankers, etc. to urge them to strengthen the green factor in all their decisions, speeches, and actions.

Day 4 (which this year is Shabbat). Automobile: If possible, choose today or one other day a week to not use your car at all. Other days, lessen driving. Shop on-line. Cluster errands. Carpool. Don't idle engine beyond 20 seconds.

Day 5: Workplace or College: Urge the top officials to arrange an energy audit. Check with utility company about getting one free or at low-cost.

Day 6: Town/City: Urge town/city officials to require greening of buildings through ordinances and executive orders. Creating change is often easier on the local level!

Carpool with your friends: It's fun and energy efficient.Day 7: State: Urge state representatives to reduce subsidies for highways, increase them for mass transit.

Day 8: National: Urge your Senators to strengthen and pass the Lieberman-Warner "America's Climate Security Act." For easy addressing and a model letter to send them, click here.

Make our planet's Hanukkah a happy one!

*****

Continue reading...

Jewish Living: Awesome Martheleh goodness or feminist party foul?I'll probably read this. I mean, I am mostly in the demographic, it covers stuff I am into, but... what is it that's got my knickers in a twist? Is it that Heeb is selling itself short? Is it that I feel like I'm being told I'm too old to play with Heeb and that it's time to grow-up and read something more grown up? Is it that Martha, while her subscriber base probably is largely female, I can't say I've heard her ever specifically address her readership as female? Is it that I'm not too keen on the hearth and home magazines being addressed to me (I'm pretty sure that like that sort of thing because I like it, not because I'm female, etc.)? All of the above?

In any case, here's what's up. Ex-ad exec Daniel Zimmerman is set to launch Jewish Living magazine next week, a "thoroughly modern magazine" that covers the "Jewish home, family and cultural life":

The bimonthly magazine, boasting "How-To" features on Chanukah parties, Friday night diners and something entitled "Stop Coddling Your Kids", will launch with a rate base of 100,000-- part newsstand, part pre-launch subscriptions sold to Jewish associations-- targeting Jewish professional women ages 25-34 with a median household income of over $125,000.

(Full story from Folio)

So, maybe I'm iddly because it's dangerously close to promoting itself as the reader for the second-shift syndrome (when both parties of a couple are employed, and one, usually female, assumes the household responsibilities, or the bulk thereof)...? Would I feel differently if it billed itself as being aimed at Jewish professionals, rather than Jewish professional women? Or, am I coming to the table with a a notion of what women's magazines are and assuming this is just a Jewish Redbook? (Oy, can you imagine?) I mean, maybe it's a Jewish Bitch or Jewish Bust? Right, that would be cool. I could dig that.

Eh well, I have to reserve judgment until I've read it, to be fair. And, I will read it. And, maybe I'll keep a copy of it next to my copy of Heeb and read them both.

I'm not too old to read Heeb, right?

Jewish Origami: Oy.I can almost guarantee this is totally not the sort of thing darling Jewcy had in mind when "On The Nightstand Thursday" was hatched, I'm sure. But, this week, shuffling through book after book, trying to find just the right, heavy, thought-provoking title to share with all of you, I found these early on and kept coming back to them. Was it the paper hammentaschen? Maaayyyyybe. The little horrible stereotype of a shrugging guy made from folded paper on the cover? Maaaaaayyyyyyyyybe. An any event, I couldn't let this one go, so humor me. I promise you a more impassioned essay of greater intellectual clout next week. But for now: Jewish Origami.

The first book I found was Jewish Holiday Origami by Joel Stern. Tracking down a copy and giving it a whirl, I have to admit challenging as it may be, making tiny origami Torah scrolls might be my new thing. It might. It was fairly easy to follow and didn't make me feel like a complete paper-folding failure, so I liked it. What to do with all of my efforts, I wondered? Well, there's no shortage of tiny Jewish kids on my radar, and they were at first curious, then amazed, then delighted to shred, stomp, hide and otherwise enjoy their paper treasures. My cat was pretty gung-ho about a few things, but lost interest once he realized they weren't too stalkable.

So, I moved on to Jewish Origami by Florence Temko. I kind of sucked at making the tiny origami dreidels, but there was some improvement with each. So, I tried out Jewish Origami II, and had a bit less success, but all in all, I have to admit my Jewish origami experience was kind of fun. So, run right out and try it for yourself and totally, completely impress your friends silly with your folding-savvy.  Plus, you know, if I'm not the only one doing Jewish origami, I'll feel a little less-weird about it all. Heh.

Check this out. Some kids at Cornell are putting a little eco-kasher in their Shabbes, which I've always thought was a splendid idea. It's not a new idea, by any means, as Hillels and other groups have been hosting things like this for years. And, of course, lots of people are thinking along the same lines because, well, it's a vital aspect of Tikkun Olam and especially this year, the Shemitah, the year to let the land rest, there's certainly a lot of discussion about going greener.

Coalition for the Environment and Jewish Life made this cool list of conservation tips called Lo-Watt Shabbat, and while you're there, check out their list of tips for greening up several holidays.

Uh: It takes more than a green kippot to go green for Shabbes.

Sometimes, it can be overwhelming to go-green all at once, so what if we all just started with Shabbes? What things could be done to make Shabbes, specifically, more eco-friendly? Perhaps baking our own challah? I know, I know, easy for me to say. I cook. Okay, how about at least buying it locally? Right? Sure. In fact, maybe buying local/oranic produce for our Shabbes meals would be a nice thing, too. Or maybe trying out an "eco-veg" vegetarian Shabbes meal if you aren't vegetarian full-time? Add a little organic kosher wine, perhaps? That's not too difficult, right?

These recycled glasses could be a nice gift or addition to a Shabbes table. (However, although they'd have to be re-heated and such to be reshaped, I still wonder about the kashrut issues surrounding recycled glassware...? Know what I mean? The "previously used" aspect makes me want to say not kosher, the recycled part and the high-temperature part makes me want to say kosher. Discuss.) ChosenThings has a little post up about a cool idea for making a very naturey set of shabbes candleholders (might be very cute and thematic for Rosh HsShanaha or, as they suggest, Sukkot, no?) And, on the topic of candles, here is some interesting reading about selecting the healthiest Shabbes candles.

What about looking for a challah board made from a sustainable/renewable wood like bamboo? All sorts of ideas, folks, and every little bit counts. What eco-friendly things can you think of for a greener Shabbes? Hmmm?

Shabbat Shalom.

You know what I really dig? Yoga. It never occurred to me that yoga conflicted with Judaism, because, quite simply, I felt that it only enhanced things I already believed and felt, not contradicted it. Turns out, I'm not the only one.

Shalooooooooooohm: Are you down with yoga?

There's the worldwide Bibliyoga, Israel's CircleYoga, Evolution Yoga in Ohio is "weaving Jewish themes" into their classes, as does Shalom Yoga in DC, apparently. The Genesis Society is the only "ophanim certified" center on the east coast, I hear. What is Ophanim? "A kabbalistic practice in which the body is positioned to correspond to Hebrew letters in postures that are supposed to channel a divine energy" says Nathanial Popper in the Forward, and the Tai Chi-based similar practice of Otiyot Chayot.

Whatever your thoughts are on the Kabbalah bizznass, if you think it might be fun/interesting to make your body into Hebrew letters, check out Aleph-Bet Yoga: Embodying the Hebrew letters for Physical and Spiritual Well-Being by Steven A. Rapp (Jewish Lights Publishing) and try your hand at it at whatever level you'd like. In a book I often reference, Jewish With Feeling, there is a (if I may dust off this word and put it back in service for a moment) rad section about combining the yoga (I think it was the Sun Salutation, if memory serves, but I could be wrong) and stretching with Shacharit (morning prayers). Also, don't overlook the very-popular Torah Yoga. Here's a website and association, here's an excerpt, and here's an interview with the author. Ohh, and check out Jewish Meditation, too.

Ready to hook yourself up with a Jewish yoga teacher? Hit Yoga Mosiac. Schlep your gear with this Om Shalom totebag. Concerned with modesty in your yoga apparel? This article certainly feels you, and tiptoes into (my beloved) eco-kasher territory. Sadly, I couldn't find any Jewcy yoga mats or clothing. Anybody out there know of any such thing? Or did we just stumble upon a business venture? Ahem. I'm in.

Anyway, speaking of career moves, for the truly inspired, here's how to get your Yoga/Jewish Spirituality Teacher Certification at the potentially cool (what? I've never been. I can't vouch!) Elat Chayyim Jewish yoga retreat center. Ahh. Sounds, well, divine. Har har.

A friend and fellow blogger (I realize I have no shame linking to her like that) has decided it's time to find Mr. Menschy Right and over numerous gmail chat sessions, we have been digging through dating sites and profiles and such and found some things you might have overlooked. I can't say I can personally vouch for any of these, but let's assume that by my listing them I have not personally heard anyone say a date from any of these sites resulted in calling the cops, getting matched with a relative or otherwise grossed-out and a couple of these sites even resulted in some hot bashert-y action for a few people I know.

Shabbat Shalommmm!: Got plans Friday night?

1.Frumster. You've probably heard of it. Maybe you've been intimidated to use it because you don't call yourself frum? Puhleeze. It's not all frum, give it a whirl.

 2. Jewish Quality Singles. So what if only three people I know heard of this site prior to my asking about it? There were some decent-looking menschy types on the pages I clicked around on, so ya nevah know.

3. A Jewish Dating Site. So what if the first couple you see when you click over is dressed in circa-1985 finery? Old is new, bitches. 80s revival is in for autumn '07.

4. Jewish Singles Cafe. Yeah the page banner looks like a Sweet & Low advertisement. Big deal. Saccharin schmaccharin!

5. Jewish Matchmaker. Eh, it's free. Give a little try. 

6. Jmerica. Okay, slight bias here. I am sort of kind of BFFs with (and rumored to be related to) the or one of the masterminds behind this one. But, I can at least vouch for it's non-suckitude in that way, eh? Eh?

7. Saw You At Sinai. Well, with a catchy little name like that, what's bad? Look for their cute "You had me a Shalom" bookmarks at all the MOT get-togethers. Or I'll give you one sometime. I have like eight, for reals.  

8. J Singles. What giant smiles on the front page! Look how happy those two are! They are so peas and carrots. 

9. J Love. So you meet the love of your life on a website that sounds like a funk band. Big deal.  

10. Jewish Friend Finder. Something about this title reminds me of how little old ladies introduce same-sex couples when they're trying really, really hard to be cool. "Esther, this is my grandson and is... uh, friend.." with "friend" all in air-quotes. (Speaking of oddly-used quotes, this is a great blog sent unto me today. Hilar squared.)

11. Executive Jewish Dating. Hey, if that's your bag, you might as wel.

12. J Soul Mate. Nice website, friendly-looking people, eh, why not? (I'm not positive you can be terribly successful if you are anything other than straight here, fyi.)

13. J Retro Match. I enjoy the retro trivia.

14. Someone Jewish. Find, schmooze, meet. 

15. Let My People Go. The title alone should get you clicking. 

16. Sephardic Date. The bears on the site creep me out, but otherwise, yeah, seems swell. 

17. Craigslist RSS. Here's what you do. Go into your group (m4w, w4m, m4m, w4w, whatever), set your age range and then scroll down after you do the search and there is an RSS feed option. What the fuck does that mean? It means you'll get any new ads that fit your criteria in the form of an update in your RSS reader (bloglines, etc.). Not too shabby.

18. Koolanoo.  Seems to be one of those sites people either really like or really don't like, but it's a site, it's social and it's Jewy. 

It's almost Sukkot, gang. Are you so excited? Personally, despite living in an apartment building with a balcony I share with my neighbor that would be impossible to build a Sukkah on, I'm a fan. It's a lovely reminder of the fragility of our lives, at the mercy of elements, and, probably my favorite theme is the reminder that our "homes" aren't in the buildings we construct, or in the things we buy, but in ourselves and the people we surround ourselves with. (Among other things. I mean, hello, I could sit and write explaining the particulars of Sukkot for days, but that's not what we're here to dig up in this post. Although, this is a nice explanation of some particulars here.)

Anyway. SukkahSoul is, apparently, all the rage this year. I have to admit, that's pretty nice-looking Sukkah. (Maybe not quite as awesome as last year's Sukkot Shake, or the Grease-inspired Sukkah Building, but eh. We do what we can.) Last year, Sukkahless, I grabbed some friends, and we slapped together tiny Sukkot with kosher graham crackers, lemon icing with etrog liquer, and rosemary branches for the roof. Sure, half the fun was probably the number of "etrogitos" we put away while indulging my inner-children, but hey. Whatever. There are ton of resources for building your own sukkah, but I like this one, only for the mention at the end of Jewcy jack-o-lanterns, which I am a big fan of.

There are all sorts of sukkah-building kits like this, of course, or like this, too.

Pimp My Sukkah: Any way you trick your sukkah out, it's all good.

Here sister is doin' it herself, and here is an interesting piece from Project Chana about using empty ushpizin chairs in support of domestic violence victims, and on that sort of note about helping women out, there is, apparently, a proposed boycott this year of a particular Sukkah-dealer's goods, as he is not forking over a get for his wife, though they did obtain a civil divorce almost a decade ago, so groups are calling for a boycott of his sukkot for his recalcitrance. And, speaking of boycotts, the Jerusalem Post is reporting today about a potential educators' strike after Sukkot.

Of course, there are a variety of things to do with your etrog post-Sukkot, ranging from the green-thumbed, to the recycled mitzvot to the delicious. As a side note, I have never seen an etrog this big in my life. Look at it! (Sorry about the lame music.)

Does anyone have any perhaps unusual or outside-the-box Sukkot traditions they want to share with the rest of the class? Hmm?

I stumbled across a beautiful Shabbes quilt not long ago, and when I inquired about it, I was pointed towards various resources online for Jewcy-crafty types. I had no idea! Anyway, sewing and general Martha Stewarting (I know, I know, I want to resent her, too, but sister makes some great stuff) is sort of a secret pleasure of mine, so here's what I know:

For some inspiration, try my two faves: hit the campy and wonderful Judaikitsch: Tchotchkes, Schmattes & Nosherei by Jennifer Traig for projects like the Neil Tzedekah Box and a beaded matzah purse. With a description of "what would happen if Martha Stewart was abducted by a tribe of trailer park rabbis"--- it's obviously useful and hilarious. Then check out Jewish Holiday Style by Rita "Jewish Martha Stewart" Milos Brownstein. A few other good reads you might find some inspiration in: Jewish Holiday Crafts for Little Hands by Ruth Esrig Brinn, and Jewish Holiday Treats: Recipes and Crafts for the Whole Family by Joan Zoloth & Lisa Hubbard.

The Pomegranate Guild members are reviving Jewish traditions and stories through their work with textiles, here we read about Marci Greenberg’s “Knitting by Torah” project, and here is a great article about Knitzvah, Skitch & Kvetch (modified from the popular Stitch and Bitch) and Not Your Bubbie’s Yarn. (And check out this alef-bet chart.)

Quilted Quickest Sewer Upper: Who wants to sew this for me? Kidding! Sort of.

The fabulous Dreidel Crafts offers Jewcy-themed buttons, a nice selection of rubber stamps, several clasps and charms, appliqués, quilt supplies, fabric, candy molds, and on and on. Such great stuff. So fun. And they even offer gorgeous quilting patterns, like this Torah Quilt and tons of other Jewcy quilt designs. Here Elizabeth Rosenberg sells patterns for her stunning quilts, (Oh, speaking of Jewish quilting, read this interesting piece about Jewish and Palestinian quilters coming together for a peace quilt.) Fancy Delancy by the way, specializes in hard-to-find Jewcy fabrics.

Blackwork Archives has these beautiful pomegranate needlepoint patterns (Rosh HaShanah napkins next year anyone?) while Crafty Needle has several patterns for tallis bags and needlepoint. And, will you get a load of these DIY wedding resources? This from Do-It-Yourself Weddings and this from Martheleh Stewart. Rumor has it, The Artful Bride by April Paffrath and Laura McFadden is a really great DIY wedding book, but, uh, yeah, I'm no authority on weddings, yo.

Chadis Crafts offers all sorts of tribey bead projects like adorable “beadie” dreidles that would surely be a hit with kids. A DIY seder plate would be a cute project, too. For more fun resources for kids’ projects, Making Friends has a jewish crafts section, (I say “kids’ projects” but, hello?, I’d totally make the Magen David napkin rings.) and this dreidel would be a cute projects for a bit older kids. Then again, a friend of mine decoupaged beautiful dreidels a year or two ago, so maybe we can have just as much fun as the wee ones on the dreidel craft department. I mean, even Martheleh gets into dreidels. Oh, and see her other Chanukah craft ideas here. Oh, oh, and her matzo cover here. Uh, and of course she makes candles for Chanukah.

Handmade candles: Oy, Martheleh, oh, Martheleh, what can't you do?

Of course, if you’re not so keen to make things yourself, you can always hit a design-your-own site or commission a tallis to be woven for you, or look through hundreds of sites for Jewish artisans (like here and here) and still reap the benefits of having beautifully handmade Judaica.

What about you folks out there in Jewcylvania? Any craftiness you want to share?

(My mother, by the way, is going to plotz over this post. She's so crafty. Must be where I get it from.)

 

This afternoon, I got a phone call from a friend of mine and we ended up in a discussion about a feminist Yom Kippur service she's attending this week in a start-up minyan living-room sort of setting. I asked her what elements were going to be changed, implemented or excluded to qualify the service as feminist and she pointed out some resources I'll be sharing with all of you a bit later this week, of course. She mentioned something which I found terribly interesting, and that the women leading this service made a point to let the attending women know that it was a "body-positive, fast-optional" minyan, feeling all too often food, eating, not-eating, and being female is so very loaded.

Yom Kippur: No laughing matter.

This idea started, my friend explained, when one of the service leaders, years ago, overhead women talking about the Yom Kippur diet and felt that seeing the fast as a trick to outsmart the metabolism to be quite a shonda, if not just missing the spiritual point, so they decided on their mindful approach.

Personally, this is a subject of great interest to me, mainly because I write a great deal about the social-cultural issues surrounding women and eating and so often about media literary versus body image and the like. This article from Jewish Family offers a breakdown of physical effects of temporary fasting, with a mindfulness towards eating disorders and here a few rabbis and physician talk it over in a broad sense. Here Richard Israel offers some tips and a decent explanation (for some of our friends-of-the-Jewcy readers) about why we fast, in personal and spiritual terms, while here a rabbi and health officials at the Renfrew Center for Eating Disorders urges people to consider not fasting at all.

This essay by Janie Lieberman details her struggle with eating disorders, why, with the day and its rituals too loaded for her, she did not chose to fast any longer, which ends with this paragraph:

"With Yom Kippur 'fast' approaching, we atone for our sins of the body and spirit. Forgetting all that, many will end their daylong fast by gorging at sundown. Indeed, the Jewish holidays are as rich in traditions as they are in rich food. I, however, do not fast. I did enough of that, and it was only a set up to binge. Judaism teaches us that the body is a soul's house. I respect that philosophy and don't abuse food or my body."

Fasting: Some can, some cannot. No shame, either way.

The Talmud declares that one must maintain a healthy body in order to have a healthy soul, and with such discussion in Judaism devoted to saving a single life being like saving the whole world, and with even the most observant person not only being rabbinically permitted but required to violate other halachic terms to spare someone death.

But, in my humble opinion, there is physically saving a life, and there is emotionally saving a life. Sometimes the lines blur, sometimes they do not, but both are of great sacredness and importance. This year on Yom Kippur, I wish everyone a meaningful, mindful and safe experience, however it manifests, and however we thoughtfully choose.

 

I am all about sending New Years cards before the High Holidays, but I’m not all about paying Hallmark insane amounts of money for lame little notecards with a shofar and a Jewish star on them. I have sixty people I want to send cards to this year, and even though I’m not exactly Miss Crafty I figured that I could buy some supplies at a craft store and make them myself for cheaper than it would cost to buy them. Here’s how to make cards like mine:

Have A Sweet New Year

Continue reading...

A few years ago I went to England for a semester of study at Christ Church College, Oxford. I was incredibly excited for the trip until I realized I would be arriving around noon on the eve of Sukkot. I had a few hours to land, get to the flat where I was going to be living, and then find somewhere to eat for the three days of Shabbat and holiday that started at sundown.
The Jewish Chaplains in Oxford: they will hook you up
Luckily, I realized this would be a problem months before I left thanks to HebCal, a website that lets you look up the dates of Jewish holidays for any year from 1 CE to 9999. It will also give you candle lighting times for Shabbat and holidays, and you can format it to tell you what parsha it is, and what the Hebrew date is, too. Anyway, when I realized I was going to be in a time crunch, and I’d need a place to eat for my first few days I googled “Jewish Oxford” and was directed to the Jsoc (Jewish Society) of Oxford website, which gave me the names of some people in town. I e-mailed the Jewish chaplain, and he immediately responded, inviting me to eat every meal for three days at his family’s house. So just a few hours after clearing immigration I was sitting in a sukkah with a table full of other students and guests. By the end of the first chag I had a whole slew of British friends, and within a month I was kissing a British boy, gabbing to a British best friend, and had no interaction with any Americans outside of my flat. It was, as they say in England, brilliant.

I’ve had similar experiences in Ireland, Vienna, Nashville, and Iowa City. Basically, I’ve found that if you make the effort to seek out other Jews before you even make the trip you can set yourself up with a full package of friends and helpers before you even arrive. Instead of waiting to magically meet people who you want to be friends with, let some rabbi do the leg work. Even if you don’t end up being lifelong buddies with the people from your new community, they’re helpful resources for everything from where to buy the best produce, to how to pay your electricity bill. Case in point: when I was hit by a car in Oxford, it was the Jewish chaplain and his wife who took care of me and checked up on me when I was recovering. Without them I would have been at the mercy of my American roommates.

Frankly, if it ends up being a point of spiritual growth that’s an ancillary benefit to me. Jews are my network, and even when they piss me off, or make me cry, or generally frustrate me, it’s great to always have someone who will make me chicken soup when I’m sick, and can give me the name of a reliable mechanic when I get into a fender bender. And you never know—you might make a lifelong friend. I spent yesterday with a handsome Englishman named Jeremy, who I met at the table of the Jewish chaplain in Oxford during that first weekend in town several years back.

For a number of reasons I’m friends with a lot of people who are constantly being tormented by crises of faith. There are smart, educated, engaged Jews who are passionate about Judaism most days-- until they find themselves rubbing up against the edges of acceptability within their own communities. Maybe they fall in love with someone who’s not Jewish. Maybe they become frustrated by a closed-minded understanding of Biblical criticism and archeology. Maybe they have a bad experience with a member of the clergy. Maybe chicken parmesan suddenly looks really appealing. Whatever the impetus, the crisis it brings on is intense and frustrating. Men and women who have devoted years of their lives to Jewish study and education, who are active members of a community, who regularly pray, give tzedakah, and are involved in various social justice programs, suddenly lose motivation, and feel alienated and angry. And for a few days, or a few weeks, or months, or years, they distance themselves from everything that they once used to identify themselves. Depending on their background, their families begin to freak out. Some of their friends edge away, suddenly uncomfortable with someone they’ve known for years.
Freak. Out.: It's normal
By all accounts and purposes, I should be one the people having a theological crisis at minimum once a week. The way I live, constantly negotiating between halachic rulings, contemporary moral imperatives, and my own ill-fated desires seems like it should be a religious nightmare in the making. But instead I’m the girl listening to everyone else’s trauma. I’m the one people call in the middle of the night when they’ve just slept with a goy for the first time, and they’re worried about going to Gehinnom. Against all odds, I’m the well balanced one. And because I’ve somehow been cast in this role as frum zen guru, I’ve come up with some tips for people going through a rocky patch with God. So whether you need them for yourself or for a friend I hope they’ll provide a little relief.

1. Don’t abandon your community
Chances are, this crisis is a temporary thing. Though you’re feeling tormented today, by next Wednesday, or a month from now, or next year, you’ll be over it. You might not end up in exactly the same place as you have been, but just in case, it’s important to maintain a connection to your community—whether it’s a synagogue, an indie minyan, a group of friends from camp, or the Jews in your neighborhood. You want to keep these people around for practical reasons (you will, for instance, want their casseroles if someone n your family gets sick, or dies). They will feed and comfort you in times of crisis, and cheer you on when things are going swimmingly. Alienating them will only end up badly. If you really can’t stand to attend services anymore, or you’ve decided that camp ruined your like and you refuse to go back for a reunion, try to do something that keeps you in the loop—even if it means you’re consciously shifting yourself into a less public or involved position. Show up just for Kiddush. Go out to dinner with camp friends. Keep in mind that many of your friends have gone through similar ordeals, and they’re probably willing to be pretty tolerant of whatever you need to do or not do. As long as you don’t bring crab to a Shabbat dinner, there’s no reason you can’t maintain your position in the community.

2. Don’t join another community right away
Hare Krishna is not a good idea. Neither are Jews for Jesus. Having a crisis on Shabbat afternoon and then leaving Saturday night to run off with the circus is probably not going to turn out well. Respect the speed of your own transition, and accept that you may need some space from any kind of theological community for awhile.

3. Don’t use this time to experiment with new substances
Replacing a Judaism habit with a crack habit is probably not going to work out well for you.

4. Consider God
For some reason, most of my friends who struggle with the pulls of halacha and modernity don’t consider their struggles to have much to do with God at all. And that confuses me, because it seems like God is at the center of Judaism, and if I’m having a problem with Judaism it’s because I’m having a problem with either my own or someone else’s interpretation of what God wants. Think about where God fits into your religious life, and think about allowing space for a God that trusts you to live your life the best way you can. Consider that you might let God down without being smited from the face of the earth with a bolt of lightening. Consider how much you care about letting God down—if at all. (I don’t mean this in a pretentious way. I frequently decide that I just can’t do whatever I think God would prefer. And I’m sorry about it, but I accept it, and move on, and hope that next time I’m more up to the challenge). If you don’t believe in God, try and pin down why, and whether or not you still want to be around/involved with people who don’t feel the same way. There’s no reason an atheist can’t be an active member of a Jewish community.

5. Work out
Okay, this is kind of cheesy, but I find that going to the gym makes me feel calmer and more able to deal with my problems no matter what kind of crap is going down in my religious, academic or personal life. If you’re not too intimidated or annoyed by the idea of a yoga class, I highly recommend them. To find a yoga studio near you, try Om Pass.

6. State your needs
I’m big on just asking for what you want instead of beating around the bush. I think it’s highly effective everywhere from the bedroom to the boardroom to the beit midrash. When your theology is falling apart, think about what you want from religion. Do you want a comforting picture of the afterlife? Do you want Jewish culture and no religion whatsoever? Do you want Jewish learning, but no sense of obligation to the commandments? Do you want the advantages of being a member of a tight-knit community? When you can state clearly what you really want from Judaism, and what you don’t want, too, then you can start looking for ways to maintain your identity as a Jew without ignoring the problems that brought you to the edge of your faith.

7. Stop worrying about being a hypocrite
Everyone’s a hypocrite. You need to be honest and dignified with yourself, but it’s completely reasonable to say something along the lines of, “I think halacha is really important, and not something that I’m comfortable disregarding, but I’m all for gay rights, gay marriage, and gay pride.” Accepting that you’re going to struggle with something is a nice way of keeping your head from exploding.

8. Respect your own decisions, and everyone else’s, too
You might decide that you can’t participate in a community because of its position on Israel, homosexuality, social justice, kashrut…whatever. Flaunting your new self in the faces of former friends and acquaintances is a quick and easy way to burn bridges and look like an idiot. Try to be cool with people whose journeys haven’t coincided with yours. If you need to, I recommend spewing hatred into a journal. Harmless, but highly effective.

9. Seriously, chill out
It happens to the best of us.

You may have heard that the Vatican recently released the Drivers' Ten Commandments. It sounds kind of dumb, but as someone who has been hit by a car, and who has a somewhat unhealthy fear of dying in a car crash, I have to say I’m impressed by the thought put into these. I’m pasting the “Commandments” below, along with amendments from Allison at Find Religion.

The “Drivers’ Ten Commandments” (with my little comments)

Baby You Can Drive My Car: As long as you can recite the Ten Commandments by heart

1. You shall not kill.
(aka, slow down and THINK when you’re driving.)
2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.
(huh? isn’t this reiteration of don’t kill with cars?)
3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.
(aka, stop flipping people off and let someone cut ahead of you once in awhile.)
4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.
(good advice is underlying here–you should learn what to do in an emergency so that you’re prepared to call 911 and do first aid)
5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.
(aka, buy a smart car to get you around, not a flashy car that is bad on gas and high on emissions)
6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.
(again, there’s good underlying advice here–be a parent, not a friend. Not everyone is ready to drive at 16 years old.)
7. Support the families of accident victims.
(I like this one–give help where you can, when you can.)
8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.
(this seems like a commandment for a judge, not for the everyday person. I think it would be better to call for the guilty to seek forgiveness and the victim to work toward forgiving)
9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.
(I guess that means be respectful toward a car if you’re a 18-wheeler…which makes total sense!)
10. Feel responsible toward others.
(the best advice–if we all feel a little responsible for other all the time, there would be less stupid mistakes and more happy people in the world!)

I especially like number 5. I’m pretty sure they’re telling us all not to fornicate in cars. Sad.

I don’t like to take advice from the Pope, though. Pretty much on principal, I don’t let the Vatican set rules for me. If you insist on being contrary, too, you can check out the pluralistic list over at Zen Habits, 5 Powerful Reasons to Drive Slower and How to Do It.

I drive slower these days. While I used to be a bit of a driving maniac (ask my wife), passing everybody and stepping hard on my accelerator, I would also get increasingly frustrated when people would drive slow and keep me from driving fast, or cut me off. Driving was a stressful experience.
Not anymore. These days, driving is a much more calm, serene experience, and I enjoy it much more.
I look around at other drivers and wonder whether they really need to get to where they’re going so fast, and whether they’ll slow down when they get there. I wonder if it’s really worth burning all that gas and getting so angry and risking so many lives. And then I think about other things, because driving for me has become a time of contemplation.
I heartily recommend driving slower — for many reasons, but one of the best reasons is that it has made me a much happier person. It’s such a simple step to take, but it makes an incredibly big difference.

Full Story.

Close Your Eyes and Sway: Don't forget the guitarIf you’re interested in bringing the intense spirituality of Shabbat (back) into your life, head over to the Institute for Jewish Spirituality website and check out their upcoming events, including a big Shabbaton during the first weekend in July entitled ‘Re-Souling: Shabbat as a day for restoring our soul.’ Sounds pretty awesome. The Shabbaton will be held in Connecticut and costs $400 per person for three night and four days.

I don’t really know what’s been going on with me lately, but I’ve been losing things all over the place. Last week I lost my phone twice, and my bank card once. One morning I spent fifteen minutes frantically searching for my keys, and I’m almost positive that I permanently lost one of my favorite earrings. I’m blaming too many early mornings in a row, but regardless, being such a loser this week reminded me of one of the craziest and most useful things I learned in high school.
Losing Things: Makes me feel like a fourth grader
I had an incredibly zealous Bible teacher my senior year, and though she was clearly an incredible scholar of traditional commentaries on Tanach I wasn’t her biggest fan. Despite our differences, I have always appreciated that she made all of the girls in her class memorize this little piece of halachic writing to say when you’ve lost something. It’s very superstitious, but basically you say it when you can’t find something, and then, magically, you find the thing you’ve been looking for. I generally don’t put much stock in this kind of thing, but I have to say, often when I can’t find something little and specific I say this phrase, and a minute later I’ve found what I needed. The key is remembering to say the phrase.

Sadly, I can’t type in Hebrew on my computer, but I’ll give a transliteration, a translation and a citation below.

Amar Rabbi Binyomin, Hakol bchezkat sumin ad sheHakadosh Baruch Hu meir et aynayhem.
Rabbi Benyamin said, “All are considered blind until the Holy One, Blessed be He, lights up their eyes.”
Midrash Rabba Breishit, 53:19

Okay, so it’s corny and ridiculous, but it really has worked for me in the past. So if you’re having a week like mine, and you need to find something, it’s worth a try, right? And if it doesn’t work, try some of the tips on this Cool Tools post.

“Just looking.”

What is wrong with just looking?

Does it harm anyone just to look?

I had said that I would blog about evil today, but certain events this week have led me to write about lust instead.

One of those events was pricing a fence for our back yard. Sticker shock! Could a fence be so important that someone could spend three months' salary on one?

FrostWhat did Robert Frost mean by this line: Good fences make good neighbors. (Bonus points if you can recall the name of the poem.)

Is the poem about the irony of meeting your neighbor only when building a wall between you, or is it a metaphor for constructing social fences between people? Social fences make good relationships?

There are several religious Jewish families in our neighborhood. We’re even friendly with some of them. We recently saw some of these Jewish daughters hanging out with some teenage boys who are not Jewish. Normal for a secular teenage girl, unusual for a religious one. Then they were playing some kind of game that kids play. But one of the non-Jewish boys was overheard taunting one of the girls, “You can’t touch me because you’re Jewish!” I’m certain that he didn’t make that up.

Good fences....

Maybe he meant good fences as opposed to bad fences. The narrator’s voice comes across as critical of the wall, but acknowledges that his neighbor’s belief in the wall comes from his father – that is, from tradition. He has a tradition that good fences make good neighbors, but he may not know why.

Another Jewish fence besides the touching thing is the looking thing. If you have a significant someone in your life, man or woman, how do you feel when he or she looks at other women or men? How would it feel if you were absolutely certain that he or she never had eyes for anyone else?

How do you yourself feel when you're playing the seeker?

That feeling is totally physical. There is nothing spiritual about it. Once, after hearing me say this, some guy challenged me -”Isn’t it possible to look at a woman and just appreciate her beauty without it being sexual?”

Well, I guess theoretically, but not practical for 99.9999995 percent of the men out there.

The Entire PlanetMeaning, there are approximately three dozen men on the entire planet who can pull it off.

Judaism says that if you look merely at a woman-who’s-not-your-wife’s little finger in an aroused way, you are objectifying her, which is bad for you. Makes you more of an animal, less of a holy soul.

What’s a poor fella to do?

Well, he could start by finding a soul mate. And with her channel all of that physical energy into a synergistic spiritual fusion that can only happen when you’ve made a binding commitment to each other.

A soul mate isn’t the solution, but she can help.

Like any addiction, the surest way out of the wandering eye syndrome is a 12-step method. The first step is to admit you have a problem.

So men (and women) should at least be honest. Instead of “just looking” they should say, “Just lusting”. It’s not going to make your partner feel better, but it’s the way to start.

Here’s a little exercise you can do: next time you're out there - try counting how many times in one hour you wander after your eyes. Then challenge yourself to go an entire hour without seeking.

As usual, please share your results below!

This is my final guest blog of the week. Thank you to Jewcy for inviting me and thank you everyone for welcoming me here. Your comments and feedback have been always interesting, at times uplifting and occasionally moving. I will continue to blog my Friday Table Talk over at my usual space, (if there is enough clamor, maybe the good folks at Jewcy will invite me back some time!) Please stay in touch, and don't forget to check out the book that everyone's talking about.

Wishing you a truly Shabbat Shalom.

PS – Does anyone remember Opus the Penguin?

Opus

I don’t know how I feel about using online resources for meditation. Something about my laptop just doesn’t scream inner peace and tranquility. In a bind, though, I might give it a shot, and I found an awesome list of ten free guided meditations available online. You can read about all ten over at Be Conscious Now, but here’s the info on the first four.
Guided meditations: You are getting sleeeeepy
Ommmmm…

1. Universal Soul - 6 minutes: This is a video meditation, and it’s short, so it’s a nice one to do if you only have a few moments. The trick is to treat it exactly as you would a aural meditation. Plant both feet firmly on the floor and ground yourself. Place your hands in a comfortable position on your lap. Focus on your breathing and hit play. As you watch, drop all thoughts and judgments and just lets the words, images and sounds permeate your very being. See the meditation without thinking about it, and you will feel it’s magic working. This is a stunnig experience put together by Vera Nadine. Enjoy!

2. Meet a guide - 19 minutes: I had the honour of testing this meditation before it was posted, and I loved it. I’ve long admired Jeff Lilly’s posts on his meditations, and envied his ability to ’see’ the most amazing scenes unfold before him. He really does have a knack for the visual - so I was eager to see what would happen if he guided me through a meditation. I wasn’t disappointed. Both times I have done this lovely meditation, I have ’seen’ a guide and spoken to them. It’s the most concrete visual experience I’ve had from meditation so far. No doubt part of this is because I have been meditating more and more, but I think part of it is also Jeff’s magic. This is a meditation I will be returning to time and time again. (Plus it’s a great length at just under 19 minutes…) Don’t skip the article either, Jeff has some great stuff to say about meditation, and it’s well worth reading that before clicking on the meditation.

3. Brain Sync - 10 minutes: To get access to this meditation, you need to subscribe to their newsletter, but it’s easy to immediately unsubscribe if you’re not interested. This is a great practical meditation which focuses on the physical and real first, like the breath and relaxing the muscles of the face, before moving into imagery of a deep, still lake and a refreshing waterfall. It’s described as a health and well-being meditation, but I found it invigorating and especially enjoyed the very end, when it tells you that you have everything you need in life. (Discolosure: If you go on to purchase any Brain Sync products, I do receive an affiliate commission.)

4. Visit the Angels - 30 minutes: You need to download this file, and as it is quite large (27.5MB), it can take some time. It’s only good if you’re on a high speed connection. I really enjoyed this meditation though, and am glad it’s now saved on my desktop. It does use angel imagery and angelic realms, so if these don’t resonate with you, it’s probably not the meditation for you. I was able to see and sense my guardian angels on either side of me taking me into the angelic realms, and felt the joy and happiness described in the meditation. It’s a long meditation, but the time flew past.

A riot in Palmdale, California.
Pandemonium on the streets of Boston.
Hundreds of people camping out for days outside toy stores to be the first on the block to own a new $500 video game machine.

You missed out? Couldn’t find your tent?
Playstation Bonanza
That’s OK, now that's it's June, the price of these stocking-stuffers has come down to the $400-500 range. Some of those campers were entrepreneurs who are reselling their machines on ebay. I personally saw markups of $7-10,000, and at least one machine sold for $31,000 (makes you wonder why Sony decided to sell them at a $300 loss....)

When a person has a craving, it seems, he will do almost anything to satisfy it.

Question: What is the solution to this madness?

There is a Jewish antidote to this human condition. You’ve heard of it, it’s called Shabbat or Shabbos.

If you ask at your Friday night dinner table if anyone knows what Shabbat means, I'll bet that most people will say “day of rest.”

That’s sort-of right.....

The Hebrew word Shabbat actually means STOP (or “day of stopping”).

That is, in order to combat the material frenzy of this world we live in, once a week just....stop.

Stop running around.

Stop jumping up every time the phone rings.

Stop checking your email every ten minutes.

The pace of life can be so frenetic that we feel guilty taking a break. So I hereby give you permission to....stop!

Here’s how to do it. Ask yourself and everyone at your table: what’s one thing that you could stop doing for 24 hours that would take your mind away from the weekly rat race?

An investor wrote me that he stopped reading the financial section on Saturday morning. It works for him. For one day, he stops thinking about earning money. He has in fact liberated himself from a certain kind of slavery.

So ask yourself and your friends and family: what’s one thing that you do all week that you would like to liberate yourself from? (Please let me know what you come up with.) Then give yourself and each other permission to stop doing that activity for 24+ hours, a few minutes before sunset Friday until a few minutes after sunset Saturday.

Shalom means harmony. Shabbat Shalom means the harmony of mind you get when you allow yourself to stop.

What is one thing that you have a hard time stopping, that you know it would be good for your soul to take a break from once a week? Please share below.

Over at Zen Habits they’ve got an awesome list of 52 ways to make your life happy and productive. They’re not particularly religious or spiritual, but worth checking out.

So you wanna be a Jew? The Talmud says:

Our Rabbis taught: One who comes to convert at this time, they say to him: 'Why did you come to convert? Do you know that Israel at this time is afflicted, oppressed, downtrodden, and rejected, and that tribulations are visited upon them?' If he says, 'I know, but I am unworthy,' they accept him immediately…" (Yebamot 47a).

Apparently, if you want to be a member of the Tribe you gotta want it bad, and you have to prove it, too. But if you prove it, you’re in, right? Um, not so much. The next page of the Talmud contains a fairly unsavory comment, “Rav Helbo said: Proselytes are as hard for Israel [to endure] as scabs'" (Yebamot 47b). Ouch.
Ruth Converted: And we're sweet on her...
So what’s the deal? How are those of us born Jewish supposed to react to converts (or Jews-by-choice, as they’re often called today)?

Well first of all, we have to be nice to them. Rav Helbo or no Rav Helbo, the commandment to welcome the ger, the stranger, is all over the Torah. Take, for instance, Deut 10:19 which says “And you are to love those who are aliens, for you yourselves were aliens in Egypt.”

Beyond just a general precept on being a mensch, I’ve heard a number of rabbis speak about precisely what one can and can’t say to a convert. It’s generally accepted that referring to their conversion or to their life pre-Judaism is verboten, because it may cause them shame, or cause them to lose credibility in the community. Basically you don’t want to say anything that will cause the person to be seen as a non-genuine Jew.

To some of this that may seem like a fairly obvious ruling. The law against embarrassing people clearly stands here as it would anywhere else (although I struggle with the concept of Jews-by-choice being ashamed of their past to begin with). But the sad truth is that there is plenty of evidence of the Jewish community being less than welcoming to converts. In the book The Intermarriage Handbook: A Guide for Jews and Christians by Judy Petsonk and Jim Remsen, Petsonk and Remsen write about dealing with negative Jewish attitudes about converts:

Try to let someone's first insensitive comment or glance roll off your back. You are an emissary for all converts and need to keep your image in mind. At first, if confronted, be abstrusely polite or disarmingly direct: "Yes, I was born Jewish, but to Episcopalian parents." "Yes, I'm a convert. Have you known others of us?" "I converted and I'm trying to settle into it. Have any pointers?"

If the person is well meaning, it should be easy to fall into pleasant conversation. But if she is scornful, you can turn on a bit more tartness. Tell her there are Irish Jews, Chinese Jews, blond Jews, black Jews--and there always have been. Tell her that Judaism honors you as a righteous convert.

As this is happening, remind yourself of the many people who have welcomed you into the religion. Try to redraw your friendship circle for awhile so that it brings you into contact with the welcomers and not the rejecters. Gail has felt suspicious glances from some parts of the community, but she has tried not to let them penetrate. "To some people I will never be Jewish," she says. "That's the way they feel. But that doesn't mean that I can't consider myself Jewish, just because one Jew in the whole world doesn't feel that I am Jewish."

I wish I could write off Gail’s experiences as the exception, and not the rule, but I recently read Girl Meets God by Lauren Winner, a memoir about a woman from an intermarried family who converted to Orthodox Judaism in college and then became Anglican in grad school. I expected to hate the book based on its premise, but Winner is an unbelievably good writer, and she makes us face some hard truths about the Jewish community. She writes:

So anyway, when I tell the story of leaving Judaism, I can’t begin with the small space for women.

The story begins instead with a lacrosse-playing, Prada-clad college classmate of mine named Sarah. Sarah was a biology major from New Jersey. She had long curly black hair and a wonderful toothy grin. We were at a party one night, a party where I met a beautiful older man, a man who had moved from New York to Israel as a teenager and served in the army and was just returning, and was full of desperate, drunken, profound stories about violence and rape and suffering. I was standing with the men, over by the window, and Sarah leaned over to a friend and, just loud enough, said that I had only converted because I wanted to marry a Jew.

There were lots of Sarahs, lots of pretty Orthodox girls who snubbed me, the convert, never mine all the rules the rabbis piled up forbidding Jews to remind converts of their background. Those small snide remarks, which I should have been able to overlook, those, I think, are where this story begins.

Or possibly it begins with Hank Hirschfield. This was just weeks after the mikvah. He was the older brother of a friend of mine, and met twice, three times, at a bar near Columbia called The Abbey, and he introduced me to his favorite beer, a sweet-tasting red brewed by Belgian Trappist monks. We talked, at that bar, about Torah and God and Tolstoy and the Rolling Stones, and then one night he turned up at my dorm and said really h couldn’t do this, date me he meant, “Because of your conversion,” he said. “Because, you see, I want my parents to dance with my in-laws at my wedding, I want my bride’s family and my family to have giant holiday celebrations together, giant shared Passover feasts and Purim chagigahs. So I could never marry a convert.” I wept that night, cried myself to sleep for the first time ever, and when I woke up, I found that Beth had filled my wall with homemade, hand lettered signs: Lauren is a Jewess, they said, Lauren the Jew, to remind me that I was really Jewish, pay no attention to what Hank Hirschfield said, or how he acted, or how I felt.

It takes a certain kind of callousness not to find this heartbreaking. And yet I’ve heard my friends echo Hank Hirschfield’s feelings. For some reason many of us want a REAL Jew to join us under the chuppah.

I was talking about this with a friend, a Jew-by-choice, and she had a fascinating insight. She said she thinks about her non-Jewish life as an ex-boyfriend. This ex wasn’t an awful guy, they had lots of great times together, and they came from the same background and everything, but in the end the attraction just wasn’t there, and they broke up. And yes she still thinks about him, and she’s not ashamed of him, but she has a new beau now, and she’d rather not talk about the ex in front of the new beau because it seems rude.

That, to me, was the perfect guideline for situations where I’m unsure what I can and cannot say without offending someone. Think about their non-Jewish life as an ex. While it’s not inappropriate to remind one of something that happened while they were with the ex, reminding them that they were with the wrong guy (or girl) is uncouth. It’s a good rule of thumb for conversations with Jews-by-choice.

I have to admit that I kind of like a plain cotton white tallis with dark blue stripes. On a dignified man, the old classic still rocks. But I think it looks silly on me, and on most women. And I absolutely detest that sad thin silk thing that hang like a limp boa around your neck during davening. I don’t care if the silk is painted to coordinate with your kippah—it’s tacky.
The ubiquitous and ugly tallit: Tacky!
And it turns out, a tallit doesn’t have to be white. A tallit just has to have four corners with tsitsit. Most people prefer to have an atarah, an embroidered band at the head of the Tallit as a sign not to switch its upper side with its lower side, and so that the front tsitsit won't be in the back and vice versa. Lots of people embroider quotes from Tanakh on the atarah, or decorate it with beading, but this is completely optional.

If you know a kid about to have a bar/bat mitzvah, a cool and meaningful gift is to make them a tallit. Make it, not buy it. Take them on a trip to a fabric store, and find something they like. If they’re obsessed with the Red Sox, there’s no reason why it can’t be a Red Sox tallit—except maybe that it won’t seem so awesome thirty years down the line. More classic/sophisticated fabrics like wool, linen, and raw silk can totally work, and will generally withstand the test of time. Ribbons can be stripes, but you don’t actually need them, so it becomes a taste thing. In the corners you want a reinforcement of some kind for the place where you’ll be tying the tsitsit. This fabric can be in another color, and often you make the atarah and the corners from matching fabric. If you want the edges to be fringed make sure to choose a fabric that can be fringed (silk, for instance, doesn’t really fringe, but raw silk does).

The actually construction of the tallit requires very minimal sewing. Cut it into the size you want, hem or fringe the edges, and sew on the corners and atarah. Make small reinforced holes in the middle of each of the four corners, and then get your tsitsit.

Tsitsit must be made out of special string, which you can find at most Judaica stores, or online. Most places will have two options. You can get all white strings, or mostly white with one blue string for each corner. The reason for this has to do with the mitzvah of tsitsit. We’re commanded to put tsitsit on any four cornered garment, and told that the color of the thread should be techelet-blue – like the color of the sky, which is a symbol of purity. According to the tradition, its color was extracted in the past from the blood of a certain snail. Some people say the new blue strings count as techelet, and some don’t—it’s up to you.
This is the tallit I made when I was 12: teal satin with blue silk leaves at the corners and atarah
Either way, tsitsit must be tied a certain way. There are a few different traditions, so you can ask someone in your community, or you can check out the great and extensive guide online at tekhelet.com.

It’s really simple, and way way cooler than those crappy ones hanging on the tallis rack at shul. Get thee to the fabric store!