Cheers to Chabad!

Once again, Chabad hosted a fun and enlightening Purim party. An event filled with comedy, culinary delights and charisma!

Congregation Bnai Avraham in Brooklyn Heights is an amazing place where everyone feels at home. Singles, couples, families, elders all enjoy weekly classes, congregational meals and time with the amazing Raskin! Forget the Amazing Kreskin, Raskin puts him to shame..his family welcome everyone and the Rebbetzen dressed as Queen Esther (but without the ego) is beautiful.

Simcha Weinstein runs multiple programs for Chabad and teaches at Pratt University. He is also a published author and a very funny Englishman!

Speaking of funny, the annual Congreation Bnai Avraham Purimpalooza, offered members top of the line comedy in way of Steve Marshall! Steve is a very well known stand up comic, film director and comedy coach. His work and style is similar to that of Woody Allen, Steve Martin and Colin Quinn. You can visit his website, www.dontbehave.com for much more information on his work. He does great "kosher comedy."

For more information on Congregation Bnai Avraham, visit: http://www.bnaiavrahambrooklynheights.com

Last week, I had the honor of appearing in the annual Latke-Hammentaschen Debate at UW-Madison.  This event was first held at the University of Chicago in 1946, and has taken place at many locations ever since. My opponent for the Madison debate was Prof. Steve Nadler, Chair of Jewish Studies, holder of endowed chairs in both the Jewish Studies and Philosophy Departments, an expert on Spinoza.  Obviously, this was going to be a serious affair.  Here is the argument that I presented on behalf of the Hamentasch: 

The hamentasch is the embodiment of artistic endavor. The hammentasch is a prescribed form that leaves the artist free to imbue its filling with meaning. Like all great art, its liberating potential lies is the wild creativity that expresses itself within the stern confines of technical mastery. To see this truth, let us consider the object in its material and its form.

First, its material essence. The crust is the most demanding of all, and most rarely realized in practice. How often have we cringed at a dry, chalky, cakey shell? Indeed, in a thousand years of efforts, how rare is true mastery of this excruciatingly demanding art form? Yet we as consumers experience each moment of discomfort as a reminder of the aspiration of the culinary artist.  Our very dissatisfaction calls us to exercise our critical faculties and declare that this crust is less than ideal because we are capable of ideals. 

Continue reading...

 

As Purim approaches, my thoughts turn to the various themes in the book of Esther: the hiddenness of God in our lives, the masks we wear, how we hide from God and God hides from us, and how life is a topsy-turvy undertaking wherein what is right can also be wrong.  However, even while I am completely engaged in these philosophical and religious themes, year after year, I inevitably find myself stopped short in chapter 2 by the brief description of Esther's preparation before meeting the king: "at the end of the twelve months' treatment prescribed for women (for that was the period spent on beautifying them: six months with oil of myrrh and six months with perfumes and women's cosmetics, and it was after that that the girl would go to the king)..." 

I find that spending one year primping in the bathroom is at least as shocking as the genocide described in the book of Esther or the fact that God's name doesn't even appear in this Biblical book.  What was Esther doing? Did she have some bodily bits that I don't have?  Was she plucking every hair individually on her body?    Was there an ancient moisturizer that required months of immersion?  Oh, I know that it was a hot country and people smelled and these perfumes helped to mask the odors, and then there were the hands and feet that needed to be hennaed, and the eyes that had to be enhanced, and various pastes put on the body to get rid of spots and blemishes, and undoubtedly the whole thing was tied up in some kind of purification ritual but still...one year?  As committed as I am to beauty products and to maintaining soft, supple skin (and I unabashedly admit it), even I have my limits, and one year is well past the outer reaches of my capabilities. 

I'm tempted to pontificate that this says something about women, and their historical urge to please men, and all that.  Which, of course, it does, so I guess I'll just say that.  However, this book is famous for its point/counterpoint, and there is one woman in the book of Esther who refuses to please the king.   Queen Vashti was de-queened when the king called for her to appear before his drunken guests wearing  only the royal diadem.  When she doesn't obey, one of the king's advisors warns the king that Vashti "has committed an offense not only against Your Majesty but also against all the peoples in the provinces of King Ahasuerus.  For the queen's behavior will make all wives despise their husbands...and there will be no end of scorn and provocation!"  So the king, who throughout the book is half looped and is manipulated by one or the other in his court, initiates the "Who Wants to Be the Queen?" contest,  and gathers together the most beautiful virgins in the country to compete for Miss Persia.   Esther is befriended by Hegai, one of the eunuchs who "furnishes her with her cosmetics and treats her and her maids with special kindness", (I can't help but see Esther as being groomed by some gay guy with a great eye), and Esther, who does what she is told unlike Vashti, becomes the king's favorite.  The diadem is transferred to her head. 

It's impossible to know how much of the story is historically accurate, but according to various other, non-Biblical texts that date back 3,000 plus years, the royal wives spent a lo-ong time applying make-up and perfume before meeting the king.  So it's entirely possible that these harem girls were duking it out for a year, so to speak, in the hopes of being the lucky one to be pricked by the king.  I can imagine that it was not simply because the king was a big prize.  It's also that the alternative - being stuck forever in the harem with the eunuchs and the other rejected concubines - was not something a girl looked forward to. 

Fast forward 2500 years to the Upper West Side of Manhattan and some things never change.  Or, they change but not so much.  By that I don't mean to suggest that anyone here is in possession of a harem, but there are certainly a lot of single, Jewish men and women wandering around looking for their "beschert", the one who is fated for them.  To that end, women (not all, but many) are getting their hair blown out straight, whitening their teeth, plucking eyebrows, shaving legs, waxing the "bikini" area, rubbing on nice-smelling moisturizers after showering, spritzing themselves with perfume, putting on make-up, getting a manicure and pedicure - and that's just on Friday afternoon before shabbos!   I won't go so far as to say that women are masking who they are, but they are certainly doing whatever it takes to beat out all the other contenders.   Again, who wants to be left in that dating pool with the eunuchs?  A girl can't leave it all up to beschert -  God needs a partner to help out, too.

For some women, Purim is a story of female empowerment: Queen Vashti has the courage to refuse to appear before the king, and Queen Esther ultimately summons up the courage to reveal herself as a Jew and to appear before the king without being summoned (which could have gotten her killed) thereby saving the Jewish people from the genocide that's being planned.  The book is filled with these reversals:  the same words or actions might save you or ruin you.   Other women view the story as one in which women basically have no power and have to compete with one another for a man,  using sex appeal, sneakiness and a year of personal upkeep to get what they want.   (And the problem with that is?)

Both perspectives undoubtedly have merit, and I'm not sure they're mutually exclusive - just two sides of the same female face.  It should be noted, though, that men don't come across so well in the book either: the king is an idiot, Haman is evil and petty, Mordechai is perhaps the nice Jewish guy that every girl should aspire to, even though he whines a bit and pimps out his niece Esther to the king, and the eunuchs are conniving.   Then there's the character who is not mentioned at all: the elusive, ever-present yet unseen and unnamed God whose face is hidden behind the mask of seeming fate. 

The word "Purim" embodies the whole notion of fate and arbitrariness.  "Purim" means "lots", referring to how the evil Haman cast lots to choose the date on which to execute the Jews.  In the ultimate reversal of fate, instead of that lot being the date on which the Jews will die, it turns out to be the day on which the enemies of the Jews die.  (I really hate this part, actually.)  In this sense, the book of Esther tells the story of what is truly beschert in the original meaning of the word beschert.  Even when it isn't readily apparent, some things are beschert, not fated but "brought about by heaven, blessed with."   Seeking their beschert, Esther and the King, and men and women since continue to do their part - soak in oil, host a Purim party - in order to help God, our unseen partner.

 

Purim is a revelrous Jewish holiday. It's traditional to feast, drink, give gifts of food to friends and to the poor, and dress in costume.

While the Judaica shops are full of Queen Esther, Mordecai, King Ahasuerus, and Haman masks, you won't find much for adults. Sure, you can go in drag but consider a Venetian mask. Italian Jews in the middle ages were the first to adopt the custom of dressing in costume to celebrate Purim. The Italian Jews were inspired to wear costumes by the Roman Carnival, naturally. But the custom spread and stuck, likely because it is so appropriate for Purim.

Hiding our identity by dressing in costume is a way for us to experience the Purim story. The story is chock full of people mis-representing themselves and concealing their true identity. Esther is the major incognito who conceals her Jewishness from the King and becomes Queen. Of course, later she reveals she is a Jewess to save her people from Haman's plot to kill the Jews. Other cases of mistaken identity include Mordecai (Esther's uncle and informant) hiding his language abilities and thus eavesdropping on the plot for Jewish extermination; Mordecai was able to listen with ease because the conspiritors felt free to discuss: they thought he didn't know their language. Then Haman (the King's right hand man and striving Jew killer) is mistaken for Mordechai and thus, as it's discussed in the Talmud, Haman's daughter dumps her chamberpot on top of her own father's head! Oops.

Shakespeare must have gotten his inspiration from the Purim Megillah.

Yesterday was Tu B'shvat, which falls between Chanukah, the holiday of miracles, and Purim, the holiday that, according to Talmud, is "the end of all miracles." In other words, this is a miraculous time, which is great, because who doesn't love a good miracle?

But unfortunately, if you're not watching closely, you could miss a miracle, or worse, chalk one up to something mundane - like, say, coincidence, or odds. And then, because you are an ingrate, you might never get another miracle as long as you live, according to seasoned miracle-spotters, who will remind you that God only speaks if you're listening and that you should count your blessings.

So, in hopes of filling your life with blessings too numerous to be counted, I have compiled a list of Ways to Spot a Miracle.

1. A miracle is unexpected, but never unpleasantly so. For example, a pigeon relieving itself on your hair when you've just stepped out of the salon does not qualify as a miracle. However, a pigeon relieving itself on a park bench, moments after you've risen from that park bench-now that's a miracle.

*Note: If such a miracle happens to you, do maximize your appreciation of it by telling everyone you see for the rest of the day that you got up from that bench when you did because you "just had a bad feeling." Ill-defined "bad feelings" often portend miracles.

2. If a person seems like he might die, but then he doesn't? Miracle.

3. If you get to a store five minutes before it closes, that's not a miracle, but if you get to a store five minutes before it closes, and Chanukah's about to start in an hour, and you haven't yet gotten your niece a present, and it's the only store in America, well. That's got the M-word written all over it.

4. If something good happens, but you can't figure out why it happened, feel free to call it a miracle. For example, if it rains all night before a wedding, but then clears in the morning just in time, that's a miracle. It's also a sign that the couple will never get a divorce.

*Note: When this type of love miracle occurs, you might overhear the phrase "meant to be."

5. Miracles are always meant to be. That's why they're miracles.

I hope you had a miraculous Tu B'shvat. May you never again mistake a miracle for some other thing.

Diana Spechler, author of Who By Fire, is guest blogging on Jewcy, and she'll be here all week. Stay tuned. 

Last year, Jewcy received an invitation to the 3rd Annual Broadway Purim Shpiel. At the time, Jewcy couldn't afford any real reporters, and both our editors, Weiss and Izzy, were indisposed.

Jewcy's editor-in-chief Raz called me into his office. "Leinoff!" he bellowed, ashes from his fat cigar dropping into his lap, "I need you to cover the 3rd Annual Broadway Purim Shpiel at the Hudson Theater on 44th Street!"

So I went, and I had a right good time. I met Doctor Ruth, Seth Rudetsky, an Israeli guy, and even some other people! Naturally, I had to go back for this year's performance.

Sadly, the 4th Annual Broadway Purim Shpiel was notably less fun than the 3rd Annual Broadway Purim Shpiel. I did enjoy the opening performance -- wherein a woman pretended to be wealthy entrepreneur and friend of Jewcy Michael Steinhardt (later in the evening, Steinhardt had someone put a bullet in her head from 1800 yards away) -- but host Jackie Hoffman was a little trying for my tastes. She came out strong, but soon her act degenerated into a series of rimshot-inducing puns on Judaism and JAPs and what-have-you. When is one time too many when it comes to "Jewish mothers cook a lot of food" jokes? Never, if you're the Broadway Purim Shpiel.

The musical numbers were the highlight of the show, but a three-piece band couldn't totally do them justice. The spoken bits were more of a chore in general. Although Iris Bahr's excerpts from her spoken off-broadway show, DAI (enough) were impressive, improv group "Don't Quit Your Night Job" failed to deliver the goods with two painful experiments in Broadway-themed comedy.

In the end, I'm glad I went. They served free dessert! (But where were the hamantaschen?) Still, the highlight of my evening shouldn't have been chasing around the same photographer who snubbed me last year, trying to snap a photo of his elusive face. But maybe that says more about me than the show.

Here's a photo gallery commemorating all the fun times we had.

c/o Goddess Perlman.

Welcome to a semi-regular column by JDub Records founder Aaron Bisman. Since he spends his days immersed in new Jewish music, we asked him what he listens to on his time off.

She's so unusual: Kaki King"Pull Me Out Alive" – Kaki King
Kaki King was good friends with one of my roommates senior year of college, so she hung around our place sometimes. With the exception of a baal tshuva and a former frummie from Monsey, my other Alphabet City roommates were all musicians, and being surrounded by artists was by turns inspiring, maddening, and fun as hell. Kaki had a very unique air about her—quiet but obviously passionate. Mellow in conversation but aggressive on her guitar. We went to a few of her early shows, where she stood alone onstage using her guitar as a drum when she wasn’t fingerpicking the hell out it. It wasn't what I expected to see (or like) in a New York club, but she was totally captivating.

In the past year, Kaki's career has taken off. Sean Penn asked her to do music for Into the Wild and she worked with the Foo Fighters on their last album. She’s no longer a mute instrumentalist—last week, she put out Dreaming Of Revenge. You MUST watch this video. Yes, the light effect is similar to those annoying Sprint commercials. But this video was made from 5,000 still photographs. And the song has that perfect poppy edge while staying rooted in Kaki’s alternative/indie base. Love it.

"Cocaine" – Sly & the Revolutionaries & Jah Thomas Dreux
Dub is essentially reggae with the delay effects turned up and the vocals turned down—chill instrumental music. Adam Mansbach, the author of The End of the Jews, turned me onto this track. Adam’s book is about a multigenerational family of Jewish artists, including stoned bar mitzvah DJs and graffiti-bombing grandfathers When he made a “playlist” for the book, he included this and described it as solid music to write to. So I took his advice, bought it on iTunes, and put it on as I started to write this. I think it's a new essential in my collection.

"Big Mistake" – Tim Fite
Mark my words, Tim Fite is the new Beck. He's steeped in blues, country, and the hip hop art of sampling, but has a personality (and stage show) all his own. I bummed a ride with Tim to Bonnaroo last year in a van where we were only allowed to listen to books on tape and ‘80s hip also on tape—and we had to stop in the mountains of Tennessee to check out a gourd stand (where we convinced his brother, Greg Fite, to buy a hand-made raccoon-skin hat). Tim plays acoustic guitar onstage, and Greg runs sampler and projections, which often show Tim backing himself up on other instruments, and other times feature Tim’s illustrations and animations. Have I made the “personality all his own” point well enough yet?

This song is from his upcoming album, “Fair Ain’t Fair.” It’s a great leap forward in Tim's songwriting and style, but also a perfect introduction to his music: Catchy, melodic, easy to sing along with, but still with the bleeps and blips and weird moments I love him for. You can hear it here.

Rays of sunshine: DeVotchKa"Transliterator" – DeVotchKa
Heard this on Woxy.com, a great online radio station I recently got into. DeVotchKa waves the flag of “Gypsy rock” (the camp inhabited by Gogol Bordello, Balkan Beat Box, Slavic Soul Party, Golem, etc), which I've never fully understood. Using an accordion is great, but it doesn’t make the music Gypsy (or Roma). I hear more David Byrne that Eugene Hutz.

This track is from DeVotchKa’s album, which came out this week. It's also the second song in today's list from Anti Records, which I guess makes me an Anti fan. I love the keyboard riff, the delicate sound of the music, the strings – I can almost imagine this being used in an extended cut of a van-chasing scene in Little Miss Sunshine (which they scored).

"Purim crunk"(from the Emory Hillel)
Thursday night is Purim, so we can’t miss the only opportunity I’ll have to showcase my favorite and only Purim Crunk song, called, appropriately, “Purim Crunk.” It was commissioned by Emory University's Hillel last year. I’m pretty sure the artists weren’t Jews, which makes their accurate retelling of the Purim story all the more impressive. Please download this song and play it loud and proud at your Masquerade balls this weekend.

Don’t have a Purim plan? JDub has five, in NY, Boston, Cleveland, SF, & LA and we’d love to see you at one of them.

Previously: Yeasayer and more

Are Your Hamantaschen: ready to go?It's Purim, party people, and that means you have six mitzvoth to observe in the next couple of days. What, you thought it was just a costume party? The Purim mitzvoth are:

1. Hearing the Megillah. We’re supposed to hear the Megillah twice: Once tonight, and once tomorrow morning.
2. Giving mishloach manot to your friends and family.
   
3. Giving money to the poor.
   
4. Having a festive Purim meal.
   
5. Adding the appropriate prayer, Al Hanisim, during the Amidah
   
6. Being extra happy on Shushan Purim, which this year falls on Shabbat.

Word to the wise: Purim is a great time to try out a new synagogue—you get to see how much liquor they’ve got around and how generous they are with it, and sample their hamantaschen. A lot of synagogues offer Purim Carnivals, such as Ikar in Los Angeles. They're hosting a "Justice" Purim Carnival—with games like Guitar Hero and Wii Sports—from which all proceeds will go to charity. To find a cool shul near you, try shulshopper.

We’ve already covered giving mishloach manot here, but remember that the mitzvah is to distribute them on the day of Purim, which is Friday. Ideally, one should send them by messenger, but if your chauffeur has the day off, it’s cool to deliver them yourself. You should put together and send at least two gift baskets.
You Gotta Give: to everyone who asks on Purim
Giving money and gifts to the poor is an integral part of celebrating Purim. On Friday one should try to give money, food or clothing to at least two needy people. The minimum amount you should give is only about 20 cents per person, but if you can afford to give more, then do so. Technically one is obligated to give money to every needy person who asks on Purim, and it’s preferable to give more money to the poor than to spend tons on your mishloach manot or on making a lavish Purim meal.

Having a festive meal on the day of Purim is one of the less commonly observed mitzvoth, but it need not be. Since Purim falls on Good Friday this year, you might have the day off, which means plenty of time to put together a nice Purim brunch. Check out Not Derby Pie for some great ideas, or our own Jewcy suggestions. And we’re supposed to drink on Purim, so how about mimosas? Another suggestion: Brew up a pitcher of Sukkot Sangria, and tell your friends it's Purim Punch.

Being especially happy and joyous on Shabbat, and adding Al Hanisim during the Amidah are pretty easy to figure out without much explanation.

Now, start cleaning for Pesach…

Related: Must Have: Readymade Purim Baskets, How To: Make Your Own Purim Baskets

Pre-Made Mishloach Manot: no need to lift a fingerYesterday we gave you some ideas and tips for creating your own mishloach manot. Today, we're giving a shout out to the especially busy and/or all-too-lazy readers among us, by offering leads on pre-made Purim Baskets. If you’re too darn lethargic to put something together yourself, fear not:

• You can purchase premade mishloach manot, which can be conveniently mailed to your friends, at Oh Nuts!

 

• If you're feeling especially generous, you can have mishloach manot delivered to Israeli soldiers.

• Less than enamored by the basket options? Why not send cards that say “A donation has been made in your honor to X charity this Purim” to the important people in your life. Yad Sarah has some beautiful options, and the money helps bring the gift of Mishloach Manot to a homebound and/or disabled person in Israel.

• Table to Table has some cute ones that can even be emailed, with the money going to hunger charities in Israel. Your local synagogue probably has their own version, as well.

Previously: Letters of Creation Necklace (and Natalie Portman's Shoes)

DIY: Mishloach ManotWith Purim quickly approaching, it's time to start putting together the mishloach manot, or Purim baskets, that are customarily given to friends and family for the holiday. There aren’t any hard and fast rules for what has to go into mishloach manot, but Jewish law and custom does dictate that two different types of ready-to-eat food—each of which require a different blessing—should be included. So hamentaschen along with some fruit or a beverage have you covered, but feel free to get creative.

It can be fun to put your personal stamp on Purim baskets, so why not come up with a theme? One timely idea is doing “green” baskets, with reusable containers and organic ingredients. If you’re a big baseball fan, how about filling your basket with snacks you'd get at a ballgame, like beer, peanuts, and popcorn? If you're especially crafty, you might even want to include your own homemade hamentaschen and personal dried fruit mix.

Here are some tips and guidelines to get you started:

1. Make two lists: One of recipients for your baskets, the other of the items you'll include. Then shop accordingly.
2. You can use any kind of container, from a nice wicker basket to a brown bag or shoe box. Recycle something you already have, and feel free to decorate.
   
3. Include a Purim card with each basket.
4. Mishloach manot shouldn't be delivered to anyone currently in mourning.
5. Deliver your baskets on Purim!
6. Have some extra baskets ready to go, just in case someone surprises you with an unexpected offering.

Previously: How To Explain Shabbat to a Non-Jew

Today is the first day of Rosh Chodesh Adar, the beginning of the month of Adar. Adar is the happiest (and luckiest) month in the Jewish calendar, and inspired the famous Talmudic dictum, Mishenichnas Adar marbim b’simcha. Whoever enters Adar increases their level of joy.
Adar: good for the Jews
The basic reason that Adar is considered so awesome has to do with Purim occurring in the month of Adar, because Purim is generally thought of as a lucky and joyous time for Jews. It’s the Jewish equivalent of the secular “holiday season” (except we get hamantaschen instead of fruitcake) in that it’s supposed to be a time of joy and charity and good tidings.

Traditionally, Av is a crappy month for the Jews what with all of the temple destruction and the expulsion from Spain and so on. And Adar is supposed to be Av’s opposite. The Talmud says, 'Just as joy is reduced from the start of Av, likewise, is joy increased at the start of Adar.' Rav Papa said: 'Therefore, a Jew engaged in litigation with a non-Jew, should avoid him during Av, which is a time of ill omen for him; and should make himself available during Adar, which is a fortunate time for him' (Ta'anit 29).’

So Adar is not just a good time of year for three cornered cookies and little kids dressed up as kings and queens, it’s also a good time for Jews in the judicial system. Pretty bizarre.

Also, Adar is how the Jewish calendar grounds itself, so that the months of the year don’t rotate around the seasons the way they do in the Muslim calendar. Some years (like this one) there’s Adar I and Adar II. The most succinct explanation for all this I’ve ever seen is over at jewfaq.com:

The problem with strictly lunar calendars is that there are approximately 12.4 lunar months in every solar year, so a 12-month lunar calendar loses about 11 days every year and a 13-month lunar gains about 19 days every year. The months on such a calendar "drift" relative to the solar year. On a 12 lunar month calendar, the month of Nissan, which is supposed to occur in the Spring, would occur 11 days earlier each year, eventually occurring in the Winter, the Fall, the Summer, and then the Spring again. To compensate for this drift, an extra month was occasionally added. The month of Nissan would occur 11 days earlier for two or three years, and then would jump forward 29 or 30 days, balancing out the drift. In ancient times, this month was also added by observation: the Sanhedrin observed the conditions of the weather, the crops and the livestock, and if these were not sufficiently advanced to be considered "spring," then the Sanhedrin inserted an additional month into the calendar to make sure that Pesach (Passover) would occur in the spring (it is, after all, referred to in the Torah as Chag he-Aviv, the Festival of Spring!).

A year with 13 months is referred to in Hebrew as Shanah Me'uberet (pronounced shah-NAH meh-oo-BEH-reht), literally: a pregnant year. In English, we commonly call it a leap year. The additional month is known as Adar I, Adar Rishon or Adar Alef. It is inserted before the regular month of Adar (known in such years as Adar II, Adar Sheini or Adar Beit). Note that Adar II is the "real" Adar, the one in which Purim is celebrated, the one in which yahrzeits for Adar are observed, the one in which a 13-year-old born in Adar becomes a Bar Mitzvah. Adar I is the "extra" Adar.

In the fourth century, Hillel II established a fixed calendar based on mathematical and astronomical calculations. This calendar, still in use, standardized the length of months and the addition of months over the course of a 19 year cycle, so that the lunar calendar realigns with the solar years. Adar I is added in the 3rd, 6th, 8th, 11th, 14th, 17th and 19th years of the cycle. The current cycle began in Jewish year 5758 (the year that began October 2, 1997).

Since Adar I begins today, we’ve got a ways to go before Purim, which falls on March 21, but if you’ve got a parking ticket you want to argue, now’s the time…

Previously: How To Host Havdalah

Today is the first day of the last month of the Jewish year, Elul.  Since this is the month before we beg forgiveness from God for totally screwing each other and God over for the past year, we’re supposed to spend Elul focusing on being better people and making marked improvements in our religious practices. It’s kind of a scary time.  Every morning we get a nice little blast of the shofar to remind us of what’s coming up in a few weeks, and if you’re spehardic you start saying selichot (supplicatory prayers), tomorrow morning (if you’re ashkenzai you’ve got a couple of weeks left before that begins).  And we’re not talking a couple of measly paragraphs of half-assed apologetic lip service-- we’re talking upwards of an hour of heavy scary stuff.  The threat of not being inscribed in the Book of Life is a pretty terrifying possibility to those who take this kind of thing seriously, and it’s not generally treated with much levity.
Here's The Word Elul: so you can follow along with all my fancy acronyms
In this spirit Elul is often said to be an acronym for the famous words from the Songs of Songs, “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.”  (In Hebrew, “Ani l’dodi v’dodi li.”)  The point is that we are in a serious relationship with God, and as such we have obligations to God.  If we’ve been somewhat careless with our connection to the Big Guy, this is meant to be a wakeup call and a reminder to get back with the program.

But I’ve heard other interpretations of Elul, as well.  Besides being an acronym for that verse in Song of Songs, it’s also an acronym for part of a verse in the book of Esther.  At the end of Esther we’re told, “-the same days on which the Jews enjoyed relief from their foes and the same month which had been transformed for them from one of grief and mourning to one of festive joy.  They were to observe them as days of feasting and merrymaking and as an occasion of sending gifts to one another and presents to the poor.” (Esther 9:22)  The end of this verse, “sending gifts to one another and presents to the poor” also works as an acronym for Elul (in Hebrew it’s “Ish l’re’eihu v’matanot l’evyonim.”)   
What's Your Weight on the Mitzvah Scale?: Honestly, this totally freaks me out
If we take this verse to heart we’re reminded that the month of Elul is a time when we really have to get things together in our interpersonal affairs.  Whether it’s a fight with a coworker of family member, or a failed commitment to give more money to tzedakah, Elul is about living up to our relationships with each other.  And I’m not saying that’s any easier than trying to path things up with God, but I do think that once you’ve made the effort to smooth over whatever happened at Thanksgiving with your Uncle Harry you’re more likely to feel more successful when you ask God for forgiveness on Rosh Hashana.  It’s obviously not a foolproof plan, but I’ve found that if I really commit myself to my friends and neighbors during Elul I feel a lot more prepared for Rosh Hashana than I do if I focus only on all those times I said shma way after the correct time. 

Anyway, wishing everyone a hopeful and fulfilling Elul.

Your Birthday: Did you make a motzi?Tomorrow I’m going to a birthday party. My friend Bea is turning ONE!

And while I posted awhile back about “Jewish birthdays”, and linked to a cool “Jewish birthday calculator” I realize now that I neglected to mention why birthdays matter in Judaism.

This is probably because I didn’t know if they did at all. I mean, it’s not like there was time for Moses, while wandering around in the desert, to stop off at Chuck E Cheese for a few games of skee-ball. And I don’t think ice-cream cake had even been invented yet.

But according to Chabad, birthdays ARE Jewish. And meaningful too.

This site puts it like this:

A Jewish birthday is a very auspicious day. Our sages tell us that on a person’s birthday his “mazel” is dominant. Indeed, according to the Talmud, the miracle of Purim is largely credited to the fact that Moses’ birthday occurs during the month of Adar! Two of our major holidays celebrate birthdays: Rosh Hashanah is the birthday of Adam, and Passover is the collective birthday of the Jewish Nation (see Ezekiel, chapter 16). Your birthday is a day to express gratitude to G-d for bringing you into this world, entrusting you with the mission of illuminating it with the radiance of Torah and Mitzvot. This day, which is akin to a personal Rosh Hashanah, is the appropriate time to recommit to the mission at hand, resolving that the added maturity and experience gained during the past year will cause the following year to be even more productive and fruitful.

Which is certainly not a distinctly Jewish idea, but it’s a good reminder that your birthday is a time to reflect on what you’ve learned. Not just a time for wishing—blowing out your candles and hoping for good fortune—but for thanks and wisdom too.

And maybe…if you don’t plan on taking Chabad’s suggestion to “Study a Chassidic idea and repeat it at a gathering in honor of your birthday,” you will think about making a motzi when you blow out your candles. Or taking a walk before your party, so you can think about the things you’ve learned in the previous year. Because it’s always a good idea to slow down and think…

Man! I bet Bea isn’t even thinking about how lucky she is. The little princess. I bet she hasn’t given all she’s learned this year a second thought. Selfish little thing!

Courtesy The Jerusalem Post:

What was originally meant as a Purim spiel in a Hungarian Jewish newspaper has set off a commotion in diplomatic circles and the Israeli and Hungarian media, focusing attention on anti-Semitic threats to the local Jewish population ahead of that country's March 15 national holiday.

The original piece in the Ujelet's newspaper's Purim edition quoted Hungarian Jewish community president Peter Feldmejer as saying that Hungarian Jews should flee the country before March 15, for fear of anti-Semitic violence.

That article led to Ma'ariv running a story on the matter, stressing the threat and warning to Hungarian Jews, which stirred concern here for their safety. The Jewish Telegraphic Agency, reacting to the Ma'ariv piece, then ran its own story, under the headline: "Hungarian Jews urged to leave for Passover."

However, Feldmejer told The Jerusalem Post in a phone interview from Budapest Thursday that his warning was "a joke, but we have had violence on this day before."

The joke gets better:

The prime minister noted that Fidesz (Far-Right Hungarian party) recently staged a demonstration in the parliament square in which the names of "alleged Jewish politicians" were read out, in what was seen as an effort to detract support from Gyurcsany's Socialist government.

Talk about reality imitating a joke, or is it a joke that mirrors reality? Eh, either way...

• Madonna and Guy Ritchie's Purim Get-Up 2007Madonna isn't Esther. At least, according to the Catholics who think her hubby needs a nice paddling on the behind. [Tittle-Tattle]
• Mikvahs will soon replace all the spas in New York CIty, Austin, Telluride, and all the other places In Style magazine informs me rich people go to escape their little lives. [BeliefNet]
• "Four Brothers" meet "Three Mothers." [Courier News]
• Hmm...I wonder how Su Fei is celebrating Purim in China. [Tennessean.Com]
• "Not Jewish Or Gay"=good luck getting a laugh or nominated for an Oscar. [Playbill News]
• Purim in Tijuana. We're serious. [NC Times.Com]

I recognize I'm the light and fluffy Culturista at Jewcy.Com and no Faitherhacker, but a few times a year I like to dig a little deeper. One of these occasions is Purim. And while the purpose of my personal exploration is not directly related to the Purim story or its significance in biblical history, I'm also not innocent to the irony of my situation.

In 1994, at the closing ceremony of Lillehammer Olympics, my mother passed away at the age of 49, just shy of her 50th birthday. I probably cannot recall any actual Olympic event that happened during the course of those two weeks, just that at the beginning of the Olympics, my mother was carried in an ambulance to the hospital and its closing on February 27, she was gone.

This day also happened to be Purim so the funeral arrangements were all the more convoluted in that, as we all know, Purim is one of the few Jewish holidays where we are commanded to be joyous and celebrate. This translated to no one being able to give a speech at my mother's funeral. Imagine that the only thing that could bring you any sense of consolation would be stripped away in the name of "happiness."

I told myself that things happen for a reason and that maybe my mother wouldn't have wanted a big fuss made of her. But, as anyone who has ever dealt with the loss of a loved one and sat shiva knows, as much as you're there to deal with the person you're losing and the emphasis is on them, these rituals are intended to help those of us left behind even more. In short, I wanted my mother to feel remembered and to do justice to her memory.

Of course, this is what lighting the Yahrzeit candle is about. It's the candle's flame that's supposed to remind me that her soul is still flickering, still reaching upward. This is also the reason that every year when I light the candle, I pay close attention to the flame. As was the case last night, most years I don't sleep because I insist on sleeping in the same room as the candle and as the flame is pronounced, it keeps me awake. I am very aware that I am not alone in these times, but also frightened by all that's uncertain.

Should I feel good that her presence is still as pervasive as ever? Or simply "in the dark" that I don't know what any of this even means. And while the cynical part of me reiterates something akin to what my father told me about heaven after she died ("It's something we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel better."), I need to believe that wherever she is, she's looking out for all of us and imparting her wisdom in some subtle way and not just the cliche that her spirit lives on through her children.

Witnessing the intensity of the flame last night was also why I went for a symbolic run this morning. I seldom go these days, but prior to growing boobs, I was an ardent runner in my teens. My mother, who had unfortunately witnessed plenty of atrocities in her day growing up in Eastern Europe, used to follow me for my daily runs in her car for fear someone would steal me. I resented this, naturally.

But this morning as I was running and trying desperately to keep my damn ear buds from falling out of my ears, I slowed down a bit and gradually started walking. I still felt very much alone, but when I returned home to my candle, I noticed the flame had reached the point of calm, as a waves does after it crashes, and as I had done earlier when I surrendered my stride to the earbuds.

"There's nothing wrong with change," I keep telling myself. The small things don't matter. Adversity makes us stronger. Of course, this would all be easier to digest if the big things we lose didn't have to hurt so damn much all of the time and if the very people who made adversity palatable were still around to support us.

As I've posted before, Purim is the Jewish equivalent to Mardi Gras in terms of the shit-faced factor. Being mandated by religion to drink and be merry absolves of us some measure of guilt and accountability in our uninhibited actions. But how much is too much?

The New Jersey Star-Ledger takes on this question in an editorial today.

Two? Four? Seventeen? How many glasses of wine, or shots of whiskey or vodka, is an observant Jew to drink Sunday for the festive holiday of Purim?

That sacred Jewish writings demand at least some alcoholic indulgence on this day, there is no doubt. The best-known passage of Talmud on the subject favors drinking until good and evil are indecipherable.

So when should a Purim-observant Jew stop drinking?

A popular explanation, endorsed by Maimonides, that happens to give rabbis a way to deter excess drunkenness, is that a person should drink just enough to bring on sleep. When a person is asleep, the theory goes, they can't hear the difference between Haman and Mordecai.

"I've always told people that the obligation can be satisfied by going to sleep," said Rabbi Yaakov Wasser, of Young Israel of East Brunswick. "It would be irresponsible for me to tell people to get drunk."

Another answer given is that a person should not drink if they know they can't handle it, or if they won't be able to say their evening prayers.

"You're not to become to the point where you don't know what you're doing and you're wild," said Rabbi Moshe Herson, of the Rabbinical College of America in Morristown. "That removes the purpose, defeats the purpose. The purpose is to maintain a certain sanctity of the holiday so you come to a position where you're elated, with happiness."

So there you have it folks. Drink till you drop, but don't go and beat your spouses or TP your neighbor's houses.

A former High School debate champ turned Rabbi debates the importance of hamentaschen vs. latkes. I'd contend that his most powerful argument against latkes, "they cause pimples" is enough to prevent most adolescents from engaging in extraneous gnoshing.

If only his points against eating hamantaschen were as strong...

Like Queen Esther: This girl is obviously rilly religiousToday is the Fast of Esther (or Ta-anit Esther, for the transliteration-happy among you).

“Go and gather all the Jews who are found in Shushan and fast over me, and do not eat and do not drink three days, night and day; and I and my maidens will also fast thus,” Esther is said to have told Mordechai. And, since the story ended well, the fast remains.

So, blackberry/raspberry bran morning muffin aside, I’m feeling nice and hungry and contemplative. (Can’t I meditate on my hunger between meals? I mean, technically I’m fasting at this very moment! And boy, am I thinking some redemptive thoughts.)

Unhappy correlation between modern American Jewish women and starvation aside, there are many, many purported benefits of fasting (redemption of your people is just icing on the cake you can't eat). If it’s good enough for Esther et al, Robin Quivers, and Beyonce, there’s got to be something to it.

Come on! We'll do it together! It'll be, like, a bonding thing!

Purim tradition: masqueradeFor the Creole, it’s Mardi Gras. For Brazilians, it’s Carnivale. And for the Jews, it’s Purim. When the sun goes down Saturday, Jewcy’s favorite holiday begins with drinking, masquerading, eating jam-filled pastries, followed by more drinking.

Purim honors a time when the Jews were saved from extermination in Persia, thanks to one badass chick: Queen Esther. Esther was raised by her cousin, Mordecai, who advised her to conceal her Jewish identity from the King, who fell head over heels for her. The King made Esther queen, and it was good. But Haman, the king’s advisor, hated Mordecai because he refused to let Haman boss him around. So Haman decided to get genocidal, and told the king a “certain race” weren’t following the laws of the kingdom. The king told Haman to do what he wanted with this race, and so Haman began plotting the extermination of the Jews.

Wily Esther knew of the plot, and upon Mordecai’s urgings, went to the king on behalf of her people. The Jews were saved and Haman was hanged on the very gallows he had prepared for Mordecai. A yarmulke’d Shakespeare couldn’t have written it better.

Religious texts teach us Purim celebrates the Divinity that intervened via Esther and saved the Jews.Hamantaschen: jam-filled Purim munchies The mitzvoth of Purim decree that we tell the story of Purim by reading the Megillah, a.k.a. the Book of Esther, aloud and drink until we can’t distinguish “blessed Mordecai” from “cursed Haman.” We also eat Hamantaschen, triangular jam-filled cookies that represent Haman’s hat, and masquerade to illustrate the mistaken identity motif of the Purim story.

We’ve told the story. Now we just need to get to drinking and mask-wearing. Won’t you join us? Here are the best parties (read: no children) happening this weekend to help you fulfill the mitzvoth. Remember: Orthos drink responsibly. Take the Q-train back to Crown Heights.

New York:
Queen Esther’s Royal Palace at Capitale, presented by The Tribe
For: Jewish leftovers from 27th Street’s drunken cesspool; Israeli leftovers from 27th Street’s drunken cesspool.
The Draw: “The largest Purim party held outside of Israel,” this “Costume Carnival” promises “late night Israeli Style trance,” which could be mesmerizing and rave-like if the DJs deliver; prizes for best costume; an enormous palace-like space.
Expect: Aggressive Israeli pick-up “artists”; heightened Israeli aggression due to coagulation of Israeli pheremones; laser lights; under-agers; prom flashbacks.
Saturday, March 3, 11 p.m. to 4 a.m., Capitale, 130 Bowery at Grand, $25

JDub hosts “Masks and Flasks”
For: The Jewish hipster; the rare breed of girl who openly prefers beer; myopenbar.com whores (it’s nothing to be ashamed of).
The draw: Free Stella Artois beer “until it runs out.”
Expect: Girls in flat slouch boots; boys in hoodies with those trendy new swirlies; backpacks; Israeli DJs; eclectic Hebrew hip-hop/house; alcoholics.
Saturday, March 3, 9 p.m., Lowbar, 81 Washington Street, DUMBO, Brooklyn, $10 at door

Havalight and The Jewish Week’s Purim party at Frederick’s
For: Confused 42-year-old European Jewish singles, confused 28-year-old single Jewesses looking for “nice Jewish boys” drawn to the “exclusive” factor and mystic artwork in the Havalight mailblast; anyone who will go to the trouble to rent an elaborate Queen Esther costume.
The Draw: For the first 75 members to purchase tickets, an “outrageous” Megillah reading at The New York Synagogue; free drinks and treats; exclusivity (Havalight members and their guests only, but, you know, talk the talk, walk the walk…); Dudu Fisher.
Expect: Gaggles of over-dressed, overly made-up husband hunters armed with cleavage; bald European men with glasses to help hide where their eyes are really looking; white suits; vodka mixed with juice; languages you won’t understand.
Saturday, March 3, Megillah reading at New York Synagogue, 124 East 58th Street, 7 to 9 p.m.; party at Frederick's, 8 W. 58th St., 10 p.m. to 3 a.m., $13 to $20

The Shushan Channel Megillah Reading and Purim Shpiel
For: Jews on the Upper West Side looking for something “hip” and “fresh” to do on Purim.
The Draw: The Shushan Channel previously brought us “Hamantourage,” “Curb Your Anti-Semitism,” and “Persian Idol.” Purim brings us a special video presentation by Stephen Colbert, and features Dan Bakkedahl of the Daily Show in person; dance party at midnight.
Expect: Why isn’t Colbert there? His office is right next to Jewcy’s. In midtown. Is it because he spends his weekends in Jersey? Can’t he hop in his town car and make a real live cameo? For the Jews?!
Saturday, March 3, Makor, 35 West 67th Street, Megillah Reading 7:30 p.m., Purim Shpiel 9 to 10:30 p.m., Dance Party, midnight.

Borscht Belt Brunch at Mo Pitkins
For: Downtown residents who make brunch their one and only Sunday meal and the final opportunity to get wasted before Monday; New Yorkers who cure hangovers with more alcohol.
The Draw: Mo’s weekly Semitic Sunday (read: Jews unite!); greasy eggs and hash browns; free hamantaschen for all!; live flute music; a serious make-your-own bloody mary bar: choose from garnishes like blue cheese stuffed olives, chipotle hot sauce, and okra.
Expect: Hangovers; to be hungover; attempts to cure hangovers with poorly selected combos from the make-your-own bar. (Don’t fuck up your bloody mary with a poorly-chosen combo: The standard includes vodka, tomato juice, horseradish, cracked black pepper, hot sauce and a dash of lime or lemon.)
Sunday, March 4, 12 p.m., Mo Pitkins, 34 Avenue A between 2nd and 3rd Streets

Miami:
Purim Carnival at Glass at the Forge
For: Rich Southern Floridians; snobby rich Southern Floridians; Miami Jews that just want to get their party on (read: all Miami Jews).
The Draw: Welcome to Miami; succumbing to the marketing power of JDate; laser lights; finger food and hamantaschen; hot Miami DJing; wealthy people.
Expect: The signature hot pink glow found in 96 percent of Miami nightspots; greetings that start with “Daaaaaaaaahling”; bling; Dior sunglasses at night; half-assed costumes consisting of one prop, like a scepter or tiara; body glitter; body shimmer.
Saturday, March 3, 8 to 11 p.m., Glass at the Forge, 432 41st Street, Miami Beach

Boston Area:
Purim Masquerade Party Mixer
For: Singles and Couples
The Draw: The first ever Jewish mixer for singles and couples. Woo hoo! Tolerance forges ahead!; a kosher adult hypnotist; performance by the L.A.-based “Jewish Eminem”; unlimited hamantaschen.
Expect: Whiteboy Jewish Eminem wannabes; partiers dropping to the floor in hypnotic stupors; “cordial confusion” (how almost all Boston visitors feel); costumes crazy enough to have a shot at that coveted romantic Cape Cod weekend prize—all partygoers are dying to go for the twelfth time.
Saturday, March 3, The Longwood Club, 20 Chapel Street, Brookline, MA, Megillah 8:00 p.m., live performance 8:45 p.m.

R-Rated Masquerade Party
For: Anyone who has a babysitter’s number in their cell phone.
The Draw: Purim “the way it was meant to be celebrated”—with Sushi; martinis; an R-rated version of the Purim story; adults only.
Expect: Couples that wish they were secretly into S&M; couples who use the word “Bubbe” conversationally; curse words; boisterous marrieds discussing soccer practice and Thomas and Deb’s divorce.
Saturday, March 3, 7:30 p.m., Congregation Shirat Hayam, 55 Atlantic Avenue, Swampscott

Cleveland:
Masquerade Double Dutch Extravaganza
For: Cleveland Jew hipsters
Jewcy's Double Dutch tee: get yoursThe Draw: Six-person double dutch collective (imagine the Jewcy tee—times two!); a VJ; live eclectic modern Jewish music, including Bling Kong, which includes cheerleaders.
Expect: Stompingjumpingstompingjumpingstompingjumping; thoughts like, “I like this, I think I’ll add it to my iPod. Wait, I don’t know if I like it. Do I want this on my iPod? Can I work out to this? Wait—is that an awkward remix of ‘Dangerously in Love’?"; not adding the promo cd sampler to your iPod but reflecting on it warmly amidst your hangover.
Saturday, March 3, 9 p.m., Grog Shop, 2785 Euclid Heights Blvd., Cleveland Heights

Los Angeles:
IKAR’s Purim Justice Carnival
For: Charity givers, do-gooders, manly drinkers
The Draw: The idea that partying supports local and global social justice organizations; scotch tasting; blackjack; blackjack while scotch tasting.
Expect: “Green” posters (not like the color, but the color of Al Gore’s heart and political affiliation); expensive costumes; expensive wrinkle-free foreheads; drinking and blackjacking away remorse over fees for expensive wrinkle-free foreheads, money better spent on social justice.
Saturday, March 3, The Westside JCC, 5870 West Olympic Blvd., Los Angeles, 7:15 p.m. Megillah, 8:30 Adult Carnival

Philly:
Esther’s Masquerade at the Raven Lounge
For: Horny singles, anyone in need of a fake ID, anyone too lazy to remove a fake ID from their wallet after the 21 mark.
The Draw: Masked madness in posh Rittenhouse Square; a costume contest with a prize for the queen; tasty hors d'oeuvres from 9-11 and drink specials all night.
Expect: Eligible Jewish bachelors and bachelorettes straight out of Wharton; eligible Jewish bachelors and bachelorettes straight out of Jefferson (the invite says “young professionals and graduate students”); 18-year-old Penn girls with fake IDs; costume contest cheaters (they’re giving away masks at the door).
Saturday, March 3, 9 p.m., The Raven Lounge, 1718 Sansom Street, Philadelphia

Vashti: A feminist iconWhen I was a kid, and we dressed up for Purim at Hebrew School, everyone wanted to be Esther.

Why?

Because (as every third-grader knew back then) Esther was beautiful and Vashti was ugly. Vashti looked something like a witch. She had black straight hair and Esther had golden curls. Esther wore pink and purple and Vashti wore black. So if you were popular (which I was not) you got to be Esther. I don’t know how this trend began (Villains always wear black? Heros are always attractive?) but it was a pretty firmly entrenched myth…

Now, as I’m discovering now, there are a lot of people who think (to varying degrees) that Vashti was a badass. There’s a lot of feminist writing about her, and her role in the story. It seems that “Vashti has been reconceived by feminist Jews not so much as a victim of a despotic husband-king, but as a heroine for her refusal to bow to his demand that she dance naked at his party.”

Which is reasonable enough to me (though I’ve been known to take my shirt off on occasion, I wouldn’t do it because anyone but Jack Daniels told me to)

What’s your understanding of this particular wench?

Esther: My kind of harem girl!As some of you know, I’ve been thinking a lot about names lately—Jewish baby names in particular.  And I’ve also been thinking—as a result—about what makes a name Jewish.  Hebrew names are lovely, but does translating any given word into Hebrew make it a good name for a Jewish baby?  Does that make it Jewish? 

When I was studying in Israel, they called me “Dafna” because it’s the Hebrew word for the flower we call “Laurel” in English.  And I liked that, because it made me feel legit… but it didn’t really make my name Jewish, did it?  I mean, really—can I call my kid Spatula (what’s the Hebrew for spatula?) and have it be a Jewish name if I just translate it into Hebrew?  I can imagine his bris—

“Spatula ben Leah!”

And the fact that we’re about to celebrate Purim (March 3!) reminds me that I’ve often wondered (though not enough to look it up, obviously) how the hell “Esther” translates into “Hadassah”.  In the same way I’ve always wondered how “Firenze” translates into “Florence” for us English speakers (where did we get that L?).

So today I looked it up, and funnily enough, Esther is EXACTLY like Laurel, in that Haddasah is just the Hebrew word for another flower, myrtle.  

According to the Book of Esther she was a Persian Jewish woman originally named Hadassah. Both Esther and Mordechai's burial is in Hamadan, Iran. When she entered the royal harem she received the name Esther by which she was henceforth known. Hadassah means "myrtle" in Hebrew and the name Esther is most likely related to the Median word for myrtle, astra, and the Persian word setareh meaning star — the myrtle blossom resembles a twinkling star. The Targum provides another Midrashic explanation: that she was as beautiful as the Evening Star, which is astara in Greek.

Which answers my question, but makes me wonder about why we name our daughters Esther and not Haddasah… I’d been thinking that Esther was a “Jewish” name and Haddasah was the Hebrew version.  I figured Esther had somehow morphed over time, in Eastern Europe or something…  changed in transliteration.  Like Abel and Hevel are the same name.  Or Abraham and Avraham.  Or Chava and Eve.

But no!  Esther is the undercover version.  It’s the assimilationist version.

Although it’s also prettier.

No, really. The Washington Post article I just linked to quotes lots of people basically saying that the fact that we get to dress up on Purim means that it really resonates with gay people. I mean, they say it fancier: “Purim is gay Jewish Halloween…Everyone has put on a drag Purim festival, including most straight organizations. It's a very gender-bending holiday.”

Wha?

There are some thoughtful quotes: "Me coming out as queer, as gay, part of the power of being able to do that comes from the Book of Esther…It really helps people understand oppression and what it looks like to fight for liberation . . . from the threat of death or slavery or the closet."

I respect that, but it’s not like Purim is the only Jewish holiday having to do with fighting for liberation. What about Hanukkah, Pesach, and Yom Ha’Atzmaut?

Also, let’s not forget that as far as we know Esther stayed married to the drunken king, which is to sThe Village People Do Purim: Now THAT'S Gayay she was stuck in a sucky marriage for the rest of her life. Not the best example of liberated sexuality.

But okay, I like the sentiment here. And if gay Jewish community leaders think it’d be good for Purim to be Gay Jewish Coming Out Day, that sounds cool to me, too. I just get annoyed with the “gay Jewish Halloween” crap, because if you’re connecting with Purim purely because it’s like Halloween and lets you dress in drag then you’re not actually connecting to Purim, you’re connecting to dressing in drag. Which is fine, but not intrinsically Jewish. I’m thrilled that gay Jews want more of a connection to Jewish holidays and ritual, but if they just want to get it through cross-dressing, well, that doesn’t seem particularly genuine. I’m just saying.

If you haven’t had the chance to attend the original Latke Hamantaschen Debate at the University of Chicago, well, that’s sad for you, because it’s brilliant. But if you’ve missed any of the last seventy years’ debates you can still buy the book, which is pretty sweet.

I bring this up because I made hamantaschen last night, and I feel strongly that my particular recipe is Divinely inspired. Hamantaschen and hummus are pretty much the reason I believe in God.

But just for the sake of argument let’s assume your hamantaschen are the dry crumbly kind and are void of all inspiration. Are you going to write them off entirely as just one of those dumb things Jews make because we like an excuse to make sweets?
Hamantaschen Baking at the Foxhole: Poppyseed, the godfather of Purim treats
Well first of all, we probably didn’t come up with it on our own. There’s a Swedish Cookie that’s eerily similar, called Napoleon’s Hat. Were the cookies around before Napoleon? How far back do Hamantaschen go? I have no idea, and I just spent 45 minutes looking for an academic article about it on ProQuest to no avail.

But if you are looking for some spiritual backing for hamantaschen look no further than this article from Aish titled, “The Deeper Meaning of Hamentaschen.” The accompanying graphic is a hamentaschen in outer space. Deep space, one assumes. Heavy.

I don’t have any particularly exciting graphics, but I do have a Jewish food theory. First of all, food is holy in any form. I mean, we have to say blessings and everything, so we know that we have to have a certain respect for what we eat. And on Purim in particular we’re supposed to give each other little packages of food and then come together for a big feast. Food is a reasonable way for us to share and come together. And yeah, we’ve got some wacky ideas about how our cookies are related to the holiday, but ultimately just making food and sitting down together…Well, that ends up being pretty spiritual.

Unless you have those dry crumbly hamantaschen, in which case you probably hate God. So in the name of Kiddush Hashem (making God look good) here’s my recipe:
1 cup OJ
1 cup margarine
1 1/2 cup sugar
2 egg yolks
1/2 t vanilla
1/2 t lemon extract
6 c flower
2 t baking soda

Combine butter and sugar, add egg yolks, OJ, vanilla and lemon. Mix and add dry ingredients. Roll out dough and using biscuit cutters or the edge of a can make circles of dough. In each circle spoon a half teaspoon or so of your topping of choice. Traditionally there are poppy seed, strawberry, raspberry, apricot, and occasionally chocolate. (I believe prune hamantaschen are the work of the devil, but suit yourself). Pinch the corners in three places so that you have a triangle shaped cookie with walls that hold in the filling. Bake on greased cookie sheets at 350 for 15 minutes.

Put your feet up, and eat the fruits of your labor while watching The Chosen and drinking a Sepharadi. Congratulate yourself for being so Jewish.