Total muff-muncher: LizzyLizzy the Lezzy might be the cutest cartoon lesbian of all time. She’s got a British accent and a giant oval-shaped head, and she sings filthy songs about muff-munching in a high-pitched voice, sounding a bit like a sapphic Hermione on helium. The brainchild of Ruth Selwyn, a Jewish Brit based in Israel, Lizzy’s combination of hilarious candor—you should hear what she has to say about bisexuals—and unabashed pride has won her a devoted fanbase. After less than a year as a MySpace phenomenon, she was picked up by LOGO TV, which airs her episodes on “Alien Boot Camp,” their Friday night animation show for gay geeks.

We spoke to Lizzy through her intermediary Selwyn about sex, Judaism, and gay Tel Aviv.

Lizzy, what’s your background? Are you British? Where do you currently live?

I was born and raised in a secular Jewish family in a small town in England. I attended a Church of England local primary school where the headmistress was called Mrs. Winterbottom and my class teacher was called Mrs. Shrimpton, I kid you not. I developed my love for singing when they made me head of the choir and every week I sang merrily from the pulpit in church. I broke challah bread with my family on Friday night and offered it up to Jesus on Sunday. But there was never any confusion in my head.

One freezing winter’s day a teacher scolded me for praying in church with my gloves on. “But I’m not praying to your god,” I said, “I’m Jewish, and my god doesn’t mind!”

Throughout my teenage years I attended Habonim-Dror Jewish youth movement, where I learned about Judaism, Socialism, Zionism and smoking pot. It was there that I met a girl who liked it when we tickled each other’s arms and backs. “We’re not really lesbians, are we?” she said. “Naaaaa, it just feels nice.” I replied. It took me another ten years to realize that I was indeed a lesbian, and that it felt more than nice.

Successfully brainwashed to “marry someone Jewish” and feel like “Israel is my home” I packed a bag and made aliyah to Israel in search of a nice Jewish girl to tickle.

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Think your family is dysfunctional? Meet Uncle Monsterface, Redyellow Nose, and Captain Smarm of the sock puppet clan. Their creator, Marty, sells their adorable portraits online and at Union Square in Manhattan. The tiny portraits make a great gift for your own family. Maybe now they'll finally be nice to you.

Depending on your opinion of things like Myspace and "bling," you might find ChaiSpace cute, cool, hilarious, or a disturbing reflection of the modern world.  You also might see it and rush immediately to customize your own Hebrew Hammer layout.    

Who blings Hebrew style?  Have a look.  The last thing I expected to encounter at the intersection of Hip-Hop and Jewish iconography in cyberspace 2.0 was a Messianic Jewess putting her sequencer to work to create Mike Oldfield-meets-Delerium tunes.  Outstanding.        

Be careful what you post on MySpace. It may lead to your arrest.

Police made five arrests Tuesday and Wednesday in Florida after using MySpace to crack, pun intended, an alleged drug ring. Through MySpace networking cops made undercover transactions, probably of cocaine and marijuana, which led to the arrests. The cop that led the bust was turned on to the power of MySpace in 2006 by his teenage son. Way to go, kiddo! Ruin all our fun, why don't you?

Police arrested a 15-year-old high school sophomore who supposedly created a phony MySpace page for one of hs teachers with the poor fellow's yearbook picture. The kid thought it was a joke. The police, a felony ("fraudulent use of information"). He left school in handcuffs.

A woman in Fresno watched her daughter fight (like, rolling around on the ground fight) with a 14-year-old girl. An unknown sicko videotaped it--for SEVEN MINTUES--and posted it on MySpace. The mother will go to jail for 30 days.

Thank God Carly Ryan used MySpace. The 15-year-old Australian was found dead Tuesday morning. Police are studying her profile for clues into her " 'goth' and 'emo' world." The links on her profile supposedly show "graphic images involving bondage, suicide, and drug use."

If you’re under 30, chances are you have either a facebook profile, a MySpace page, or both. And if you’re on facebook or MySpace, you’ve probably had some of those sick to your stomach moments. Maybe it was when you saw pictures posted of a party you weren’t invited to, or found out from the newsfeed that your ex has got a blond leggy new girlfriend. Or maybe you were moved out of your best friend’s Top Eight. Either you heard something you didn’t really want to know, or you broadcast something you kind of wish you hadn’t. It’s happened to all of us, and it really sucks.

Personally, I have a love/hate relationship with facebook (thus far I’ve kept myself from developing any relatioship with MySpace). On the one hand, I love that it reminds me about birthdays and helps me keep track of which of my friends are where, and what their latest contact information is. I think of it like a rolodex that my friends update for me. BUT I’ve had some seriously upsetting facebook experiences. Turns out there are some people who I really don’t want to find me, and some things I’d really rather not know about my friends.

I hadn’t thought about these issues in a Jewish context, but then at Limmud NY there was a session called ‘What does Judaism have to say about Facebook and MySpace?’ led by Rabbi Joan Glazer Farber. Rabbi Glazer-Farber presented a bunch of texts having to do with lashon hara (gossip) and publicly humiliating people, which are definitely issues that arise on social networking sites. Maybe I’m wrong, but I think these are more prevalent problems with younger users. I keep reading articles about teenagers bullying each other via MySpace and facebook, but the sense I get is that it’s the same kind of stuff we used to do in real life back when I was 14. I’m not saying it’s okay, but I’m not sure it’s any worse than other kinds of bullying.

My experience is that social networking is all about proving yourself. These sites are built on the principle of “If you’ve got it, flaunt it.” I don’t necessarily have a problem with that, but I think most of the time other people don’t really care about whatever you’re flaunting. And when they do? Well, then you’re screwed. Being held to something you posted on facebook at four in the morning? Not fun. Somebody will ask you about it. Somebody could tell your mom about it (that seriously happened to a friend of mine). There’s a pretty huge potential for it to bite you in the ass.

The Shulchan Aruch, (Hoshen Mishpat 154:7) says that it’s prohibited to stand at your window and look into your neighbor’s courtyard, even if your neighbor helped you build the window and knows that you can see onto his property. The implication is that your neighbor might have forfeited his right to privacy, but that still doesn’t make it okay to snoop. And that’s why facebook makes me nervous. It feels too much like snooping sometimes, and even though I know my friends are aware that the stuff they wrote and posted is available to everyone to see, I still think it’s sketchy. I think most of us aren’t aware of how much privacy we actually want until it’s too late.

What about you guys? Is anyone else a little freaked out about all this?

During a rare evening of down time here at the Jewcer I decided to cruise the user profiles. I was hoping to find hotties, hardcore jewies, hardcore non-jewies, half-naked pictures, rambling and/or nonsensical blog entries... But I turned up a whole lot of NOTHING. Why, oh why, dear Jewcers do you leave me and your fellow web crawlers unentertained with blank profile pages and our shin logo where your gorgeous eyes should be twinkling at me?

User acedmb (active for almost 24 hours) writes in his "About" section:

aw, i just did all this stuff on myspace. just look at that, it is a way better profileacedmb anyways.

(!!) Ok, I know you can't have fancy shmancy wallpaper or a theme song just *yet* on Jewcy (we're still in our infancy, expanding "fuctionality" takes time). But why do users spend so much time "pimping out" their MySpace pages and not their Jewcy pages? And why do people agonize trying to select the hottest/cutest/most clever picture of themselves to post on MySpace when most Jewcy users post no picture at all?

I mean, isn't MySpace, like, played out already? Try something new! Post seductive bikini pictures! Add buddies to your buddylist! Write in your blogs! Shamelessly promote your clubs, organizations, bands, gyms, synagogues, companies, what have you on your profiles or better yet--make individual profiles for them! Please tell us insignificant details about your lives--we really are interested!

Ranting and personal opinions aside, we need "Users of the Week" for our weekly newsletter and we'd just be shit editors if we chose users with blank profiles. Remember, there may not be a blank for it, but we really do want to know what you like on your pizza.