The Sabbath: A palace in timeLiving in Iowa, Dublin and Nashville, I have had plenty of explanatory conversations about Shabbat. When people want to have plans on Friday night, or wonder why I don’t go to football games on Saturday morning, or just want to know why I won’t turn on the bathroom light on occasion, I end up having to explain Shabbat beyond the standard, “It’s a day of rest.”

In situations like this, one can always turn to Jew FAQ, which provides easy-to-understand explanations of all kinds of Jewish traditions and laws on levels from the basic to the more advanced. If you feel comfortable sending someone to the Jew FAQ explanation, it’s excellent.

But here’s what I usually say:

On Shabbat, we refrain from doing anything that’s creative. Because we’re honoring the creation of the world, and the rest that followed it, we ourselves rest, and stop from our generally creative habits. We don’t write. We don’t draw. We don’t cook, or play music. We also don’t do some things that wouldn’t necessarily seem creative, but that are on a technical level. For instance, driving a car is creative in that sparks are created in the engine. Turning on a light creates a circuit.

But Shabbat isn’t about refraining from creating so much as it is about resting and taking some time to be rejuvenated. Talk to people who have kept Shabbat for a while and they don’t complain about all the things they can’t do: watch TV, cook dinner, go online, listen to or play music. They’ll likely talk about how refreshing and relaxing the day is: how they get to take a nap, spend time with family and friends, play board games and eat a good meal with fun and interesting people. Shabbat seems restrictive on first analysis, but most people who observe Shabbat don’t see it that way.

For further reading on the rockin’ qualities of Shabbat, check out the amazing (and quite short) book by Abraham Joshua Heschel, The Sabbath. It’s a quick read, but really intense, and a wonderful introduction to Heschel’s work.

Shabbat Dinner: jew can do it!My favorite part of any week is Shabbat dinner. Good food, good friends, and usually a somewhat inappropriate conversation always means a good time. Hosting a Shabbat dinner can seem like a formidable task, especially if you’re not big on entertaining in general, but it doesn’t have to be a stressful experience. Here’s a handy little schedule for planning your next Shabbat dinner.

Sunday-Tuesday: Invite guests. Eight is the ideal number for one raucous conversation, and ideally you want to keep the ratio of guys to girls fairly even, but there’s no hard and fast rules here. Remember to ask your guests if they have any food allergies.

Tuesday: Plan menu. You know your own limitations in the kitchen, but a nice baseline standard is challah, a soup or appetizer, a main course, a vegetable, a starch and a dessert.

Wednesday: Make a shopping list based on the menu you’ve planned.

Thursday: Shop. Don’t forget Shabbat candles and a bottle of wine. On Thursday night prepare at least two of the items on your menu so that Friday isn’t so crazy. If you buy challah and make a soup that can just be thrown in the crock pot and/or buy dessert, you’re not looking at much cooking at all.

Friday: Finish cooking. Make sure you’ve got candlesticks and a challah cover. You also probably want a siddur to consult for Kiddush, hand washing and motzi. And possibly those little booklets (bentchers) with grace after the meal in them. If you plan wisely, you can cook for as little as an hour and a half on Friday and still have a plenty elaborate meal for your friends. If people bring a dish, you’re down even more work.

Here's a checklist of essential items to make sure you have ahead of time:
Challah and Challah Cover
Candles and Candlesticks
Wine and Kiddush Cup
Siddur and bentchers

It’s really not that hard, and a good Shabbat dinner can pretty much carry you through until next week, especially if the leftovers are good.

Previously: How to Host Havdalah 

Today is the first day of Rosh Chodesh Adar, the beginning of the month of Adar. Adar is the happiest (and luckiest) month in the Jewish calendar, and inspired the famous Talmudic dictum, Mishenichnas Adar marbim b’simcha. Whoever enters Adar increases their level of joy.
Adar: good for the Jews
The basic reason that Adar is considered so awesome has to do with Purim occurring in the month of Adar, because Purim is generally thought of as a lucky and joyous time for Jews. It’s the Jewish equivalent of the secular “holiday season” (except we get hamantaschen instead of fruitcake) in that it’s supposed to be a time of joy and charity and good tidings.

Traditionally, Av is a crappy month for the Jews what with all of the temple destruction and the expulsion from Spain and so on. And Adar is supposed to be Av’s opposite. The Talmud says, 'Just as joy is reduced from the start of Av, likewise, is joy increased at the start of Adar.' Rav Papa said: 'Therefore, a Jew engaged in litigation with a non-Jew, should avoid him during Av, which is a time of ill omen for him; and should make himself available during Adar, which is a fortunate time for him' (Ta'anit 29).’

So Adar is not just a good time of year for three cornered cookies and little kids dressed up as kings and queens, it’s also a good time for Jews in the judicial system. Pretty bizarre.

Also, Adar is how the Jewish calendar grounds itself, so that the months of the year don’t rotate around the seasons the way they do in the Muslim calendar. Some years (like this one) there’s Adar I and Adar II. The most succinct explanation for all this I’ve ever seen is over at jewfaq.com:

The problem with strictly lunar calendars is that there are approximately 12.4 lunar months in every solar year, so a 12-month lunar calendar loses about 11 days every year and a 13-month lunar gains about 19 days every year. The months on such a calendar "drift" relative to the solar year. On a 12 lunar month calendar, the month of Nissan, which is supposed to occur in the Spring, would occur 11 days earlier each year, eventually occurring in the Winter, the Fall, the Summer, and then the Spring again. To compensate for this drift, an extra month was occasionally added. The month of Nissan would occur 11 days earlier for two or three years, and then would jump forward 29 or 30 days, balancing out the drift. In ancient times, this month was also added by observation: the Sanhedrin observed the conditions of the weather, the crops and the livestock, and if these were not sufficiently advanced to be considered "spring," then the Sanhedrin inserted an additional month into the calendar to make sure that Pesach (Passover) would occur in the spring (it is, after all, referred to in the Torah as Chag he-Aviv, the Festival of Spring!).

A year with 13 months is referred to in Hebrew as Shanah Me'uberet (pronounced shah-NAH meh-oo-BEH-reht), literally: a pregnant year. In English, we commonly call it a leap year. The additional month is known as Adar I, Adar Rishon or Adar Alef. It is inserted before the regular month of Adar (known in such years as Adar II, Adar Sheini or Adar Beit). Note that Adar II is the "real" Adar, the one in which Purim is celebrated, the one in which yahrzeits for Adar are observed, the one in which a 13-year-old born in Adar becomes a Bar Mitzvah. Adar I is the "extra" Adar.

In the fourth century, Hillel II established a fixed calendar based on mathematical and astronomical calculations. This calendar, still in use, standardized the length of months and the addition of months over the course of a 19 year cycle, so that the lunar calendar realigns with the solar years. Adar I is added in the 3rd, 6th, 8th, 11th, 14th, 17th and 19th years of the cycle. The current cycle began in Jewish year 5758 (the year that began October 2, 1997).

Since Adar I begins today, we’ve got a ways to go before Purim, which falls on March 21, but if you’ve got a parking ticket you want to argue, now’s the time…

Previously: How To Host Havdalah

A Traditional Havdalah Set: wine, spice box, and braided candleMost secular Jews are at least vaguely familiar with the various blessings and observances of Shabbat, but unless you attended a Jewish camp or went on an Israel trip, you might not have experienced Havdalah. The mini-ceremony performed at the close of Shabbat (when you can count three stars in the sky on Saturday night), Havdalah means "separation" in Hebrew, and the ritual signifies separating the holy from the mundane. It's a simple and beautiful ceremony, and a pleasant way to start a Saturday night. Here's some handy info on Havdalah, along with the items you'll need to host your own private service.

• Imbibe: First, you need something to drink. You can’t use water, but pretty much anything else will do. Ideally, get some kosher wine, but tea or coke or juice will work in a bind. Pour your beverage into a cup all the way to the rim. Some people pour enough so that the liquid overflows a little, to symbolize overflowing love and whatnot.

• Inhale: You also need some fragrant spices, such as cloves. I just use the ground cinnamon from my spice drawer, but you can use a spice sachet, potpourri, or make your own aromatic blend. When you sing the blessing over the spices, pass them around so everyone can breathe them in.

• Illuminate: Finally, you need a candle with more than one wick. If you don't have a traditional Havdalah candle, you can just hold two regular candles together, or you can buy one of the many fancy, braided options on the market. They last for ages since you only have them lit a few minutes every week. Everyone should hold out their hands to see the candlelight shed on them during the blessing over the fire. At the end of the ceremony, the candle is put out in the wine.

You can listen to a partial track of Debbie Friedman's Birchot Havdalah here. Havdalah prayers, transliterations, and translations can be found here.

Finally, there's one long blessing at the end:

Blessed are you, Lord, our God, sovereign of the universe
Who separates between sacred and secular
between light and darkness, between Israel and the nations
between the seventh day and the six days of labor
Blessed are You, Lord, who separates between sacred and secular. (Amen)

Get Creative: make your own spice boxFor tips on how to conduct the ritual itself, see Jew FAQ’s helpful page, My Jewish Learning, or Hillel’s explanation.

Finally, there are some weird but cool customs having to do with Havdalah. For example, if you’re an unmarried girl, you’re supposed to hold the candle at the height of the husband you’d like. Also, when you put the candle out in the wine at the end (after drinking from it), you can dip your fingers in (symbolizing holiness) and touch them to your temples (for intellectual strength), your heart (for love), and your pockets (for financial success).

Gone: but not forgottenI'd been planning to post about Havdalah for this week's Light My Fire, but a good family friend passed away at the beginning of the week, and I found myself wondering what to do. When do you visit? What do you say? What do you bring? Judaism has a lot to say about what to do when someone dies. Last year, Tamar Fox offered some very helpful rules for making a respectful shivah call. More recently, Paulina Borsook blogged about her personal experience with the Jewish traditions around death and dying, which she calls "simply the best." Here are a few of the rules that will help you find your way, and below are a handful basic guidelines to help you help a mourner.

• Unless you are family or very close friends, it's traditional to wait three days before making a shivah call.

• You're there to offer support, and your presence alone may be enough. Don't feel obligated to wax poetic about the deceased, or to lighten the mood. Let the mourner take the lead in the conversation, listen if they need to speak, and remember that it's acceptable to just be quiet. I tend to give an Angel Catcher--a journal of loss and remembrance--to those who I believe may benefit from it in the long run.

• If there are memories, feelings, or extended thoughts you want to share, consider writing a note. This will allow the mourner to read and process it in their own time and on their own terms.

• Though cooking and cleaning the house are the two forms of work Jewish mourners are permitted to do, and while it isn't required to provide food, preparing and arranging food for a mourner can be a welcome assistance. Think practically about what to bring: What's healthiest? Most sustaining? What will last the longest? Remember, this is not a time for frivolity or pleasure.
  

• Be sensitive to the amount of time you spend with a mourner. It's important to visit and let them know they are not alone, but it's also important not to overstay your welcome. Trust your instincts: If you think it's time to go, it probably is.
  

• In some communities, mourners walk around the block to indicate the conclusion of the shivah week. Whether you join them for this ritual or not, remember that their mourning continues. Unless they've lost a parent, the entire mourning period is 30 days. If they've lost a parent, the mourning period is one year.

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