This article in the Jerusalem Post highlights the not-so-surprising lack of interest in the GA conference (huge gathering of Federation professionals from the States) by Israelis and well, the philanthropic American Jews are cranky about it. In the article, GA attendees claim that Israelis have a lot to learn from American Jewry about Jewish life and education. Frankly, my fellow Americans are laughably misguided.

There's no denying that the philanthropic efforts of the Federation system in the States are worthy of praise; as a former member of the American Jewish community at large, I've personally benefited from their assistance and was always amazed that there was a Jewish communal infrastructure with funding and dedicated employees willing to help anyone if they wanted to be 'affiliated' (a favorite buzzword that you should be aware of if you're looking to sweet talk a GA attendee; according to most non-Orthodox American Jews, an affiliated Jew is a Jew that does something with his/her fellow Jews, whether it be joining a youth group, going on a one time trip to Israel, or working out at the JCC instead of a gym with gentiles). GA participants told the JPost that Israelis could learn a lot from them when it comes to Jewish life, especially in relation to things like Jewish education and the concept of Jewish people hood. They claim that Israelis don't learn enough in school about their own country or the Jewish religion; while that may be true, what could Israelis possibly learn from American Jewry about Jewish education?

Perhaps the children of GA attendees go to Jewish day schools and learn about Judaism and Israel in addition to their other subjects-- and that's great. But we aren't talking exclusively about GA attendees; we're talking about American Jews in general. We're talking about some of the most assimilated Jews in the diaspora, most of whom do not attend Jewish day schools and whose Jewish identities revolve around things like an overbearing mother and bagels with lox.

It's true that Israel has a long way to go before it lives up to its designated role as a light unto the nations, but one thing is for certain-- Israelis shouldn't look to American Jews as an example. The generosity of American Jewish philanthropists is a beautiful thing, but it's a separate issue. As for Jewish life, American Jewry is hanging by a thread. Apart from the Orthodox minority, most American Jews interpret their Jewishness as a side note; a way to relate to others based on a shared culture. Despite their fancy schools and summer camps funded by generous GA attendees, most American Jews can't articulate how they feel about Jewish issues and maybe some of them can tell you that they value Jewish people hood, but their words are rarely followed by actions other than spearheading committees that throw ice cream parties with other Jews, with some obvious exceptions.

Sure, Jews in Israel vary in terms of how much they value Judaism and their Jewish identities, and the education system leaves much to be desired-- but Israelis live in the Jewish State, where all of the important Jewish questions are being asked and where they will all be answered. The conflicts between the religious and the secular, the separation and integration of synagogue and state, the five million ways in which Judaism has a presence in Israeli culture-- these, among other things, are the reality of life in Israel and this is what educates Israeli Jews. Jewish education amounts to more than baking challah in school and memorizing key phrases by important rabbis or Jewish philosophers. Simply living in Israel is Jewish education at its finest and if American Jewry is so concerned about the future of Jewish education, it may be time to leave the conference rooms in mid-town Manhattan and start brainstorming farther east.

David Prashker: drops the F-bomb and gets firedTwo Jewish educators are out of jobs—and one is on the run—due to allegations of molestation and...dirty poems.

The first infraction seems fairly minor: David Prashker, director of the Toronto Leo Baeck Jewish Day School, was all but forced to quit his job in the wake of a scandal involving poetry he wrote decades ago and published on his personal website. Though the poetry has since been removed, the National Post summarizes it:

One poem explored a young man's heady sexual encounter and used the word "f---" several times, another included the verse "the first act of killing is the hardest" and "the second time is remarkably straightforward." It is not clear when the poetry was written--Mr. Prashker's Web site references material that dates back to 1973 -- and it has since been removed from his personal page.

Was Prashker foolish to publish such poetry on his personal website? Arguably, yes. If the poems in question were written years before he entered the school system though, it seems a tad unfair to penalize him. Writing some angsty poetry and dropping the f-bomb in 1973 isn't exactly the kind of thing that should get a man fired in 2008. If anything, it's the poor judgment demonstrated by putting his crude verse on the internet makes him seem like an idiot—not to mention a bad leader for a Jewish (or any) school.

On the opposite end of the spectrum we find Malka Leifer, former principal of an ultra-Orthodox school in inner Melbourne. The wife of a rabbi and mother of eight is being accused of all kinds of craziness, including the allegations that she "shared a bed" with her students, and that she molested girls at school and at camps. Parents also claim that one victim has attempted suicide.

Within 24 hours of being fired from the school, Leifer left Australia for Israel, and some parents seem to think the school paid for her flight.

There are also claims that Mrs. Leifer left Australia with up to $100,000 borrowed from a family within the community, two days before she flew to Israel. She is also alleged to have taken about $20,000 from a pool of money earned from some students' part-time jobs. The money, managed by Mrs. Leifer, was pooled in a community fund and then lent to people in need.

This is hardly the first case of teachers and principals being accused of molestation in Jewish schools. The Awareness Center has a frighteningly long list of similar cases from all around the world.

What’s striking about the gulf between these two stories is that in the case of Prashker it seems clear that a parent was out to get him, and would go to any lengths—including hacking into the school’s computer system—in order to defame the director’s name. In Leifer’s case, the molestation seems to have gone on for many years before girls spoke up, likely because of the stigma associated with sexual abuse in these communities.

The challenge facing the day school community is in creating an environment that's open enough that kids in day schools will come forward if something inappropriate is happening, but principals don’t have to be responsible for bad words (and bad poetry) they wrote decades ago.

I will admit to being obnoxiously addicted to my iPod. During the school year it’s not unusual for me to listen to it for four or more hours a day, and while a significant portion of that time is spent listening to music, I’m also a huge fan of the podcast. News podcasts, music podcasts, and cool radio shows like This American Life keep me company when I ride my bike to campus. One of my favorite things to listen to on my iPod (aside from Lip Gloss by Lil' Mama on repeat—thanks Annie!) is the awesome selection of Jewish learning podcasts. I am not even close to being able to keep up with learning a page of Talmud a day, but I’m a big fan of the two Daf Yomi podcasts available for free on iTunes (I can’t link to them, but just type “daf yomi” into the search window). You can subscribe to a weekly parsha podcast (I recommend the Pardes one—search for “Pardes”), do some meditation (search for “Jewish meditation”) or get Jewish book recommendations (via the Nextbook podcast. I actually had to unsubscribe from Nextbook because I was buying every book they recommended, and it was leaving me poor, if well-read). If you don’t have an iPod yet, but you’re thinking of getting one, you could shell out some cash for an iPod that already has the complete cycle of Daf Yomi uploaded onto it. For about $300 shaspod will send you an iPod that’s so frum it practically needs its own kipah.
My iPod Is So Frum: sometimes it looks at me and tells me to go put something more appopropriate on if I want to leave the house
If learning isn’t your thing, but you’re committed to davening, you can get yourself iDaven for about twenty bucks. The iDaven website brags:

With iDaven, there's no need to carry a spare Siddur with you for those Mincha moments – just open your iPod and pray! No need to search your purse for a bentcher – you've got your iPod! Sitting in the plane, Tefilat HaDerech is a breeze - read it on your iPod!

iDaven makes a great gift for the iPod fan in your family –it's simple, easy, and so cool!

iDaven features clear, razor-sharp Hebrew text with vowels on a white background. Each page of Hebrew text is a picture. Copy the pictures to your computer, synchronize with your iPod, and you're set!

I think that “so cool” might be something of an exaggeration, but it is kinda nifty.

Looking for something a little less yeshivish? The community where I’m learning this summer is offering free recordings of the classes online. We’ve got everything from an analytic look at various prayers to Biblical criticism to a look at what Maimonides said about business dealings with non-Jews (hint: it’s not good). Though the classes aren’t yet in podcast form, you can still listen from your computer while you fold laundry, cook dinner, or surf the web. You have to create an account in order to listen, but it’s worth it, and Hadar promises not to slam you with spam. Sign up and start learning by clicking here.

 

There’s no longer an excuse for slacking. Some of these podcasts are shorter than one express stop on the subway. If you sandwich it between the Jackson 5 and Amy Winehouse you’ll hardly feel a thing…

Last week I started a series I’ll be doing on thing that aren’t being taught in day schools. I sent an e-mail to a bunch of my friends and asked what they wish someone had told them while their parents were still paying many thousands of dollars for their Jewish education. The response I want to focus on today comes from a guy who spent 13 years in Orthodox institutions before college. When he decided to go to grad school in rural Virginia he knew it would be a transition, but he wasn’t fully prepared:

It truly was a culture shock. Everyone is white and Christian. Not only are they Christian, but they are "hard-core" Christians, Southern Baptists (regular, new, old regular etc.), Church of Christ, Catholic etc. They have bible study every Sunday just like we have Gemorah class on Shabbos. Everything that Modern Orthodox Jews have, they almost have an equivalent, not all the rituals, but a lot. I even learned this year that churches held community wide passover sedars, just like the those of the Jews. Everything came at me at once. I was the first Jew a lot of my friends had ever met. Although they didn't look for horns, they did ask me to participate in church, go to the pig roast, and the lighting of the Christmas tree. I attended the latter two out of curiosity and interest. But when I was asked all these questions, it was hard for me to give answers that my friends could understand. I did not want to say that the reason I could not go anywhere on Friday night is because in the time of the Mishkan, the Jews did not move fire. I managed, but I was not provided the tools to convey and articulate to an "outsider" (even Jews sometimes) about Judaism. [Orthodox high school] assumes that everyone is going to live in the Upper West Side of NYC or Skokie Illinois their whole life, and that’s not the case. I needed to know how to talk to my Irish Catholic friend about separating milk and meat. I can not say because it says in the bible "thou shalt not cook thy calf in the thy mother's milk." That is the reason, but that’s not what i'm going to say. I need answers that everyone can understand and not from the Gemorah. We are all going to deal with non-Jews and we will all need to explain why we can't come to work on Simchat Torah.

This letter touches on several related problems, all of which basically boil down to a general lack of interest in Orthodox schools to spend any time teaching about Christianity, and/or how to deal with non-missionary Christians.
Do You Know?: I didn't
In eighth grade I vaguely remember a comparative religions unit which gave me a very basic understanding of Christianity and Islam, but it was never mentioned in high school, and certainly no one ever sat me down and warned me about some of the conflicts I’d run into when I was loosed from the walls of a Jewish institution. How does one notify a professor that one will be missing six classes because of a holiday involving a hut and a lemon? How does one observe kashrut in a business meeting where everyone is expected to snack on the pastries provided, but none of them are kosher? How do you observe Shabbat if your dorm required you to swipe a card through an electronic reader in order to get to your room? These are all very basic and important questions that most observant kids will have to deal with at some point in their college career, and yet there’s never any discussion of it. Neither is there a conversation about what Ash Wednesday is, and why it might be considered impolite to tell someone they have shmutz on their face that day. A brief survey of Christian holidays would be very helpful, since the American calendar revolves entirely around them. And a summary of the various denominations and their core beliefs/differences could also save someone from making an ass of himself at a corporate conference some years down the line.

In August I’ll be posting a sample e-mail to send to professors warning them of an absence or absences over the high holidays. I’ll also give some tips on how to get around otherwise awkward situations that sometimes arise when observant Jews are in the minority for the first time in their lives. And while I’m happy to help out here, it’s sad that Jewish high schools are doing it on their own. The attitude of ignoring non-Jews for as long as possible is simply ridiculous.

I am the product of thirteen years of Jewish day schools. I speak Hebrew, and can read and translate a page of Tanach with no problem. I can give you a pretty detailed history of Zionism and the State of Israel, I can tell you everything you could ever want to know about the Holocaust, and I can speak at great length about the importance of being shomer negiah (thought I won’t). But even with such a solid Jewish educational background, there’s a lot that I now realize I never learned. To some extent this is my fault in not asking the right questions, and requesting the right classes. But sadly, in the world of day schools there are still lots of important issues not being discussed—usually because the curriculum is stuck on a few core issues, and rarely ventures to new or more dynamic subjects.

In an informal survey held in my kitchen a week and a half ago, four girls told me they wished they'd learned more about davening, about Israeli politics, about the theologies of all the Jewish movements, and, to quote my little sister, "I wish someone would have told me that not all good Jewish boys are good boys."
These Girls: don't know Jack about Christianity. Oy!
Later that day I sent out mass e-mails to old friends and dayschool alumni, asking what people wished they’d been taught now that they’d had some time to reflect on their education. Though my friends went to a variety of day schools, ranging from Orthodox to Jewish community schools, their answers generally fell into four categories:
1) Things we weren’t taught about Jews/Jewish history
2) Things we weren’t taught about the rest of the world (Christianity specifically, but the secular world in general)
3) Jewcy pieces of our own tradition that were conveniently skipped over because they involved sex, and
4) Sex/sexuality

In the next few weeks I’ll be attacking these issues, showing you some of the things my friends wrote, and giving some tips on how you can make sure that kids in your community, regardless of whether they go to day schools, don’t go to college without knowing the history or culture of non-Ashkenazi Jews, or how to explain sukkot to a Methodist roommate. If you’re a day school grad out there, feel free to leave more ideas in the comments section, or e-mail me directly at tamar@jewcy.com.

In the meantime, I leave you with some highlights from my friends’ responses:

I managed, but i was not provided the tools to convey and articulate to an "outsider" (even Jews sometimes) about Judaism. [Orthodox high school] assumes that everyone is going to live in the Upper West Side of NYC or Skokie Illinois their whole life, and that’s not the case. I needed to know how to talk to my Irish Catholic friend about separating milk and meat. I can not say because it says in the bible "thou shalt not cook thy calf in the thy mother's milk." That is the reason, but that’s not what i'm going to say. I need answers that everyone can understand and not from the Gemorah. We are all going to deal with non-Jews and we will all need to explain why we can't come to work on Simchat Torah.

* the theologies of Jewish movements, yes, but frankly a sense of the flow of Jewish history between the ninth and twentieth centuries outside of ". . .and then there were a lot of pogroms, Goldinah Medina, Holocaust, Israel" would have been nice. A lot of the history we got was in isolation: Now We Shall Study Chasidut. Ok, but what's the context, again?
* along the same lines, Jewish intellectual history between the ninth and twentieth centuries--though this is probably more of a college curriculum. The intellectual history of recent Jewish movements would also be useful. I really have no idea where Orthodoxy, as currently practised, comes from, besides, obviously, Moshe m'Sinai by direct transmission of black velvet kippot.
* Speaking of history: anything at all about the Eidot Mizrah or European Sephardic Jews. After the Christian reconquista non-Ashkenazic Jewry vanished off the educational radar. I assume some things happened between Saadiah Gaon and Shallah Shabbati (and that can be taken in more ways than one, now that I think about it) (though not that way. Hee.), but I don't know what they are.

healthy sex and spirituality. this could include anything from safe sex to safe emotional sex and spirituality anything from ecstatic hassidish stuff to what does sprituality have to do with ritual.

Of course, there are lots of jewcy bits in the Torah (the Nephilim; Judah and
Tamar; Moses's uncircumcized son; seeing God and the saphire brickwork beneath
his feet) that I would have liked to have heard about - for one thing, it might
have made those classes more interesting.

 

Something that I am becoming more and more aware of, and wish that I had some prior knowledge of, is the difference between Ashkenazi and Sepharadi Jewish communities and histories. There are obvious and basic differences, like foods and traditions, but I think something more important is the history. Growing up and going to day school, I was surrounded by others that were exactly like me- eastern european with some connection to the Holocaust. My identity as a Jew and my ties with the Jewish community had to do with the Holocaust and my family's experiences during the war. However, it is important to know that the Holocaust is not a good connector as not all Jews were touched by the Holocaust. Jewish communities in Tunisia, Algeria, Iran, etc, all had different horrible experiences that were never talked about. Part of our education should have been a more modern Jewish history which should have included the history of Jewish communities in different parts of the world. There are really interesting stories of Jews in China, India, Burma, the Middle East, Africa, and so many other places.

 

I agree with the God and theology part too. I think that it was very unfortunate that my school chose to focus more on Jewish Law and ritual and very little on actual religious philosophy. Even if it was going to be heavily biased, I would have preferred a bigger focus on the "why?" instead of the "how to."

 

im gonna have to agree with the God part. it was as if they avoided the topic as a whole. Also the way we prayed really sucked. it was as if the whole point was to race through the service as fast as you could without understanding what you were saying.

 

That nice Jewish girls and boys are not born with blinders that make them only meet and fall for other nice Jewish girls and boys.
-That there are Reconstructionist, Renewal, Humanist and other denominations of Jews, not just the "big three." And while we're at it, that Reform Jews aren't just "Jews who don't want to do anything."
-That Jews can meditate and commune with nature through Judaism, not just Buddhism.
-That there are loads of amazing Israeli movies out there that can be watched and analyzed, and not just be a babysitter when the teacher is out sick.

 

A family friend in Chicago just told me about a group of students from Northwestern who are collecting new and used Jewish educational books and other resources for the Jewish community in Cuba. I’ve been in touch with Marshall Miller, the student spearheading this effort, and he’s sent me some information. If there are any Jewcers out there who think they have contributions you can send me a message through Jewcy, or you can e-mail MarshallJews in Cuba: We'll see you in C-U-B-A at mhm777 [at] northwestern[dot]edu.

Here’s Marshall’s message:

At the end of this past March, twenty-five Northwestern students spent 8 days visiting the Cuban Jewish community on a trip sponsored by Northwestern Hillel. We were a diverse group of Jews and non-Jews, but we all had the same mission of connecting with and supporting the small but strong Cuban Jewish community. There are approximately 1,500 Jews in Cuba, most highly concentrated in Havana. Because of the trade sanctions placed upon Cuba under the Castro regime, Cuban Jews, along with all other Cubans, have been cut off from the rest of the world both in information and supplies. They lack clothing, medicine, and Judaic materials, which they desperately need in order to keep their community together. It was our mission to collect as much of these things as we could and deliver them to the Patronato, the center of Jewish life in Havana, which holds services, Hebrew classes, social events, and hosts the only private pharmacy in Cuba.

After the experience we had in Cuba, we in the Hillel group that went have been trying to stay involved and continuing to support the Havana Jewish community. One of the ways we know we can do that is by continuing to collect aid to be sent on trips to Cuba taken by other groups. While we were at the synagogues in Cuba, Jewish leaders told us that something they would really like us to send is Jewish educational materials, such as Hebrew books or workbooks and Jewish and Israeli history books. This would help them to generate enthusiasm in the culture, and also to prepare the members of the community who are likely enough to obtain the resources to make aliyah to Israel.

We are looking to the Jewish community for support in our ongoing mission. We are hoping that local synagogues and Hebrew schools are willing to donate some new or used Jewish educational materials of any sort that we can send along to Cuba through future trips.

Marshall’s especially interested in communities in and around Chicago that might be able to help out, but if you’re from farther afield it’s still worth it to shoot him an e-mail and see if you can work something out.

For more information on the Jewish community in Cuba, check out this recent article from the NY Times.

On Friday night a friend of mine brought over an article from the Jerusalem Post about the Secular Yeshiva, a new organization in Tel Aviv devoted to giving non-observant Israeli Jews a stronger understanding of Jewish texts. Here’s a little snippet from the article:

Like in any yeshiva, students pore over the Gemara, the Torah, the Shulhan Aruch and Maimonides from morning until evening. But unlike other yeshivot, there is no prayer service, no kosher kitchen and no separation between the sexes. There is a period in the morning called shaharit, but rather than pray, the students meditate or read poetry.

Study at the Secular Yeshiva: and no one will shove anything down your throat. Yay!

At its head is not an old, bearded rabbi, but Tal Shaked, a fair-skinned woman with long blonde hair, who prefers not to be called rosh yeshiva but rather the yeshiva's director.

"One of the main ideas of the yeshiva is that there is no one person in charge," says Shaked, a former lawyer with the Jerusalem District Attorney's Office. "There's no one authority, the idea is to expose them to many worldviews."

So along with the classic Jewish texts, the students also study Ahad Ha'am, A.D. Gordon and Haim Nahman Bialik with the same fervency.

"We don't see any text as an authority but as an inspiration," explains Eran Baruch, one of the founders of the Secular Yeshiva and head of the Bina Center for Jewish Identity and Hebrew Culture, through which the yeshiva is administered. "We treat Ahad Ha'am and Gemara the same way - no text is holier than the other."

The intention here in the converted Kupat Holim building in South Tel Aviv is not to study and become more religious, but to learn about Jewish culture, says Shaked. "You can be a Jew without doing mitzvot."

Perhaps, but doing mitzvot is half the program at the Secular Yeshiva, where some 150 pre- and post-army men and women spend a year studying two or three days a week and volunteering in the surrounding impoverished neighborhoods the rest of the time. There's even a program for students from abroad to spend one day a week learning in the yeshiva and the remainder of the week in community service.

Is this the best thing since sliced bread, or what? Finally, a program that’s not trying to brainwash anyone, that doesn’t have an agenda beyond the respect and understanding of Judaism and Zionist history. Too often in Israel secular society ignores Jewish history entirely. I think this kind of place, an organization that isn’t doing kiruv, that isn’t trying to trick people into becoming more religious, is an amazing antidote to the distance so many Israelis feel between themselves and their heritage. Learning about your roots doesn’t mean you have wear a long skirt and daven micha, it just means you have a deeper understanding of yourself and your country. So cool! I can’t wait to visit when I’m next in Israel. In the meantime, check out their website.

I’m going to be in New York this summer, and part of the reason I’m so excited about it is the proximity of my chevruta. A chevruta is a study partner, a person you learn Torah (or Talmuch, or Nach or whatever) with. Kind of like an AA sponsor, but for learning. The benefits of a chevruta are huge. Your partner will add insight, will bring another point of view, and will ask all kinds of questions that you hadn’t thought of.

To start your own chevruta you need to first pick a friend. It doesn’t have to be your best friend, it can be someone you know but not that well, someone that you get along with, but who you think might have a different take on things than you. Someone who’s adventurous and motivated and dedicated. Then set up a time to sit down together. Every week, every other week, once a month, but make it regular, so that you can really build it into your schedule. Having consistent study habits is the key to making this work.

Next, pick a book. If this is your first time learning text, you might consider Genesis, which is action packed, but is full of stories you’re probably somewhat familiar with. If you’ve done some text study before, I suggest either heading over to the Prophets, like Joshua, Judges, or Samuel I, or checking out some of the megillot. The books of Esther and Ruth aren’t too long, so if you give yourself a year to look at them in depth you can be confident that by next Purim or next Shavuot you’ll be done. If you’re interested in Jewish Law, start with Mishna, and instead of beginning with the laws of damages and found objects (why does everyone begin with that crap? It’s painfully boring! Grrr!) start with something more relevant to you, like Megilla or Nashim, laws having to do with Purim and women respectively.
This is My Friend Rebekah: And her chevruta
Once you’ve chosen what you want to study, you have to get the appropriate books. Ideally you should go to a Judaica store where you can browse and ask the salespeople what they recommend. But if you don’t have a Judaica store nearby, or you happen to have a gift certificate to an online bookstore or something, here are some suggestions:

For Torah study, I adore the JPS Commentary, which you can buy as a set of all five books, or in single volumes. Robert Alter’s translation and commentary is also nice, but I think for chevruta you should have a bit more commentary than he usually offers. For lots of fascinating and in depth discussion, plus added questions for you to think about, get a copy of Nechama Leibovitz’s commentary on the parshot. You can buy it volume by volume, or in a set, and it comes in Hebrew and in English. An excellent resource.

If you’re working with Joshua, Judges, Ruth or Esther, and if you’re set on something in English, Artscroll publishes a variety of useful texts. They’ve got a pretty right wing translation and agenda, but they offer lots of commentary in English, so it’s worth it to have one of their books on hand, and supplement it with something more wacky and liberal like this book about the political implications of the book of Esther. If you’re comfortable with Hebrew, I’m obsessed with the HaKeter series, which is gorgeous and very easy to read. And any basic mikraot gedolot will do.

For Mishna, in English there’s the trusty Artscroll, and in Hebrew, start with the Kehati which has lots of helpful hints.

Once you’ve chosen a text, sit down, and begin studying. This means you take turns reading the primary text, first in Hebrew, if possible, and then in English. Then ask any questions you might have, and try to clarify things. You can use the commentary in your text as a guide, but feel free to try to figure things out as you go along. Rinse and repeat.

When you’ve finished a chapter, a book, or a section, have a party, a siyum to celebrate all your hard work and study. Invite friends, make good food, and give a dvar Torah based on what you learned. Take pictures with your awesome chevruta and congratulate yourselves on being so cool and Jewish.

If I ever wanted to write a soap opera, or a damning book about the underbelly of the Jewish world, all I’d have to do is spend a year or two working as a secretary at a Jewish day school to get plenty of material. I was a day school student for thirteen years, and have been subbing at day schools for more than a year, and I can tell you, the shit that goes down in the office of your typical Hebrew/Yeshiva/Schechter Day school is un-fucking-believable.

First of all, there are parents calling from seven in the morning till after five every day with all kinds of absolutely URGENT matters to discuss with various members of the administration. The reason Johnny didn’t do well on his multiplication test is because his teacher HATES him, and she should be FIRED. Julia couldn’t come to school today because she didn’t have matching socks, and she just can’t go out looking like this. We’re pulling Yoni and Dahlia out of class three weeks early to go to Bermuda for the summer. Can we have their assignments and part of the tuition back, please? Menachem was only throwing his desk at his teacher because she embarrassed him in class.
Parental control is way out of hand. WAY out of hand. But for the most part administrators have no choice but to listen to this asinine shit because if they tell the parents to shove it they risk losing a child from the school, and every tuition dollar has to be stretched to its limits and subsidized in order to keep the school out of bankruptcy.
Aren't These Kids Cute?: You could be their princiPAL
Is it any wonder, then, that the turn around rate for principals of Jewish day schools is extraordinarily high? According to an editorial in the Jewish Journal by Rabbi Larry Scheindlin, “Observers estimate the average tenure of Jewish day school heads at between two and five years. Having labeled the problem a crisis, a consortium of organizations, including the Partnership for Excellence in Jewish Education and the Avichai Foundation, recently invited 50 participants to convene at a think tank consultation in New York.”

Just to put things into perspective, from the year I started sixth grade to the year I started tenth grade I had five principals in two schools. In ninth grade, the board fired the principal of my high school in the middle of the week in February. He’d been at the school for seventh months.

Now, part of this is because a lot of the people in charge of day school boards, (who traditionally do the hiring and firing of principals), are really bad at their jobs. Too many of them are parents who can’t see past the experiences of their own children. But there’s also a huge deficit of people who are qualified to run Jewish day schools.

An ideal candidate for a day school principalship is someone with a great background in Judaica. A Hebrew speaker who is comfortable with Jewish text and can be a good example to the community and the kids in the school. Additionally, this person has to have great leadership skills, has to be able to entice excellent general studies teachers away from other private schools, has to be able to juggle eleven different discipline situations at a time, and has to do it all with a warm and friendly demeanor that kids and parents alike find welcoming and comforting.

It’s a tall order, and it gets even taller when you consider that there are about eight hundred Jewish day schools in the US. Probably only a hundred or so are anything other than ultra-Orthodox, but still. You need a hundred fantastic people, and so far, we just don’t have that kind of capital.

So here’s the tip of the day: next time you’re trying to decide what to do with your life, consider being a Jewish educator. There’s high demand, and high rewards (not monetarily, but whatever). Jewish day schools need you.

Okay, not all Orthodox rabbis, but a select and nauseating few. Know why? Because making girls cry at your Shabbat table is a lame little trick you only pull to make yourself feel powerful. Everyone can see this, and everyone can also see that you’re weak, and it would only take about thirty five seconds of level one kung fu moves to transform you into a black-hatted lump of soft moaning flesh, cowering on the floor beneath your oversized table. Watch yourself, buddy. I got a pair of steel-toed boots that are calling for blood.

Allow me to explain my wrath.
This Rabbi: Is About to Suffer the Wrath of Tamar
This weekend I heard yet another instance of an Orthodox rabbi inviting a college student over for a Shabbat meal, and then attacking her background, level of observancy, and life choices over the soup course, while his enormous family looked on coolly. Not surprisingly, said student burst into tears, and was, among other charming results of the meal, completely humiliated. Never mind that she’d walked more than two miles to attend services at the Orthodox synagogue this guy heads. Never mind that she keeps Shabbat and kashrut, and is very active at Hillel. Since her clavicle was visible and she hadn’t devoted her nineteenth year to a seminary she was, clearly, worthy of a stern talking-to. Everyone knows that if you just yell at someone about how the Torah has come directly from Sinai, unchanged by humans, and throw in indiscriminate criticisms of the Reform and Conservative movements, you can really change some minds. What everyone secretly wants is to be told everything they learned and studied growing up was a conspiracy of self-hating Jews trying to rob them of their rightful tradition. More kugel?

Seriously, is this how you get your kicks, rabbi? Making college girls cry—is that what makes you feel like a big shot? Now, this phrase may not mean anything to you since you shun the world outside of your beis midrash, but it sure sounds to me like somebody’s overcompensating. Just a guess, though.

I wish this was the first time I’d heard a story like this, but actually it’s a narrative I hear at least twice a year. I have been that embarrassed weeping girl who gets her theology crapped on during the salad course, and so have my friends, and members of my family, and a range of people I’ve met at Hillel dinners. This is the normal MO for some guys, and I can hardly blame them. Reducing your debate opponent to tears is a pretty convincing victory.

There’s not really much more to say about the guys (and it’s always guys, and their wives always sit there quietly and listen, because rhetorically beating up guests is, apparently, a prize component of hachnasat orchim, welcoming guests). While their arguments are sometimes somewhat convincing, it’s hard to believe that any girl in her right mind would go back to a house where making people cry is a Shabbat tradition.

What makes me really crazy about this kind of thing is that even someone who went to Jewish day school for her entire life, someone who is dedicated to Torah and Mitzvot, is liable to be put in this situation. And why? Because non-Orthodox Jewish schools don’t teach kids how to stand up for their own theological choices. The message in Conservative schools these days seems to be that you have to figure your shit out on your own, and if you want to look at the scholarship that agrees with you you’ll have to make a trip to JTS yourself, because no one is reaching out to help you.

When someone comes at me with their bullcrap about how they KNOW that the Torah and Talmud came down from God on Sinai and haven’t been changed since, I should have fighting words ready. I should be able to defend my views just as strenuously as Mr. I’m-Wearing-A-Black-Hat-And-I-Have-A-Degree-From-YU-So-I-Know-What-I’m-Talking-About. But I don’t and I can’t because no one has sat me down and taught me precisely why Divine inspiration makes more sense than the straight up revelation this whackjob is bringing. I have a pretty good idea since I’m friends with half the Judaic studies department at Vandy and I’ve pursued a lot of this stuff in my own time, but that makes me an exception. If youth groups routinely have seminars on how to fend off Jews for Jesus, why didn’t USY teach me to hold my own in a theological debate?

So while I’m pissed at these rabbis for being overzealous and rude in their tactics, I’m even more angry that thirteen years of full time Jewish education didn’t afford me (or any of the people who get hit with this crap) a few flip and persuasive comments of my own. Are there any Jewish educators out there? You guys need to get on this problem ASAP. Because while I advocate beating up obnoxious rabbis who make teenage girls cry, I admit it’s probably not the best solution to the problem…