Here are today's top stories in no particular order: 

• The world is one step closer to being without nuclear weapons after the U.N. Security Council adopted a resolution drafted by the U.S.

• Alleged dog-fighting has been exposed at a day-care center outside of Chicago. Three men have been arrested after allowing children to play just feet from a fighting dog. Safety inspections, anybody?

• Khloe Kardashian is getting married - this weekend - leaving her guests scrambling for gifts and gowns. She will wed L.A. Lakers player Lamar Odom on Sunday.

• Over 1,000 Anglo-Saxon artifacts from around the seventh century A.D. have been discovered outside of Birmingham, England by an unemployed metal detectorist. It has been deemed "treasure" by the coroner. All in a day's work, right? [Editor's Note: Is "detectorist" a real word? You know what? I don't care. It sounds funny.]

• Today marks the mass of the world's 20 largest economies gathering in Pittsburgh, of all places, for the G-20 summit. With it, of course, comes protestors.

• After the biggest dust storm in more than 70 years on Wednesday, Sydney is scrambling to wipe reddish grit from the surfaces of everything in the city. Transportation has finally resumed a normal pace after "the day the country blew into the town."

• Mackenzie Phillips has released a tell-all book about years of an incestuous (and consensual) relationship with her father, "Papa John" of The Mamas and the Papas.

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• Da Vinci Code author Dan Brown broke all one-day sales records with the release of his new book, "The Lost Symbol," selling over a million copies in the US, UK, and Canada. Weirder still, the Kindle version is selling better than the hardcopy on Amazon.

• A car bomb in Kabul is responsible for the death of ten Afghan citizens and six Italian paratroopers, just steps from the American embassy.

• Is it your lucky day? Pick up a Powerball ticket - the jackpot is already up to more than $100 million. Two ticket holders in Pennsylvania have already claimed prizes of around $200,000.

• The world's tallest man is looking for love! Sultan Kosen, of Turkey, stands 8'1" and was just recognized by the Guiness Book of World Records for his astounding height. He's hoping that his new found fame will finally help him find a girlfriend. Ladies, he's living in London!

• You might be able to find love with the world's tallest man in London, but you likely won't be getting your mail. The Royal Mail is on strike in the UK, operating at only a quarter of their regular volume as workers demand higher wages and more job security.

• Chris Brown has begun his community service... cleaning up horse dung in a Virginia police horse stable. Just 5 months, 29 days to go. Karma's a bitch.

• Just in case going into surgery wasn't scary enough, one woman caught on fire while going under the knife in a Tennessee hospital. She died of her injuries six days later, but the hospital is still calling it an accidental death.

• Imma let you finish, but... Traffic on Twitter tripled during the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday, including tweets from Pink, Katy Perry and other celebs who immediately bashed Kanye for his bad behavior.

Here are today's top stories in no particular order: 

• The Iraqi journalist who notoriously threw a shoe at former President Bush has been welcomed home after nine months in prison. He says that while in prison he went through electric shock and waterboarding, which might have been a tad bit excessive.

• A Florida high school student was stabbed to death this morning after a fight broke out between classes. One of his fellow classmates has been taken into custody.

• Elton John sought to adopt a child from Ukraine, but was apparently turned down for being too old and too gay. [Editor's note: Said child is potentially Jewish - his name is Lev.]

• New laws in the Indonesian province of Aceh will allow adulterers to be stoned to death. How's that for progress?

• A student at Johns Hopkins University had his Playstation and two laptops stolen, so he slayed the burglar with a samurai sword. Naturally.

• If you live in France, don't work for France Telecom. But if you do, be aware that they are now offering a free hotline for workers undergoing severe stress, after facing 23 suicides within the company in the last 18 months.

• You've heard about the Kanye West/Taylor Swift drama from Sunday night's VMAs. But have you heard President Obama's take on it? He thinks Kanye is a jackass. Oops - prematurely Tweeted!

I'm back! Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• A powerful earthquake shook Jakarta, Indonesia mid-afternoon, killing at least 25 people. The quake triggered landslides that buried homes, leaving at least 50 more feared dead.

• Charles Gibson will be retiring from ABC's World News at the end of the year, to be replaced by Diane Sawyer.

• Same-sex ice cream! Ben & Jerry's has released "Hubby Hubby" in honor of Vermont's ruling to allow same-sex marriage. [Editor's Note: I believe the couple is interracial as well.]

• The search is on for a powerful south Indian politician after his helicopter disappeared in rebel Maoist territory. The hunt is expected to continue into the night.

• Whitney Houston returned to the stage for fans for the first time in five years, playing yesterday in Central Park for this morning's edition of Good Morning America. Fordham College at Lincoln Center freshmen are still bitter that they had to sit through orientation instead of running across the street to see her.

• Pakistan's religious affairs minister survived an assassination attempt. He was shot at by two men on motorcycles in Islamabad and has sustained non-life-threatening injuries to his leg. His driver, however, was killed in the attack.

• Wildfires rage on outside of Los Angeles, consuming 140,000 acres - the size of Chicago. Low humidity is feared to foster the continued growth of the fire zone.

• The stock exchange in Athens, Greece was under fire overnight, facing a bomb attack that injured one and did significant damage to the building. The investigation is being conducted by Greece's anti-terrorist unit.

• Preliminary autopsy reports on the death of DJ AM have found several OxyContin pills in his body. They were undigested and the last one remained in his throat.

• A suicide bomber in Afghanistan has killed 23, including the country's deputy head of the intelligence agency.

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• A ship that disappeared from the English channel two weeks ago has been spotted heading toward the Atlantic. Maritime officials are still of the belief that it's been hijacked.

• If you've always wanted to visit a nearby national park and never made it, now's you're chance! National parks across the country are waiving their entrance fees for the weekend.

• Two embedded AP journalists have been wounded in a bombing in southern Afghanistan. Both were badly injured but expected to survive; one of them lost a foot.

• Paula Abdul is finally gone from American Idol, but it looks like the Idol enterprise isn't done with her yet. In fact, in what seems to be the trend with all of those reality talent shows, she may just be shipped halfway across the world. To Australian Idol. Can we get a cute new Australian judge in her place? I vote for Darren Hayes of Savage Garden fame.

• Sonia Sotomayor has (finally) been welcomed to the U.S. Supreme Court. President Obama took the opportunity to share a sappy moment, saying, "No dream is beyond reach in the United States of America."

• John Hughes was laid to rest yesterday in a low-profile service that was attended by Michael Broderick, Vince Vaughn, Ben Stein, Molly Ringwald, and others. [Editor's note: Did anyone play the premarital sax?]

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• A typhoon has hit Taiwan, leaving hundreds missing. Sixty-two people are dead.

• A Massachusetts man has been sentenced to 22.5 years in prison after plotting to have a hit man kill his seven-year-old daughter, estranged wife and mother-in-law.

• It's a boy! Former American Idol contestant Jennifer Hudson has given birth to a healthy baby boy, even though she never confirmed reports that she was pregnant. David Daniel Otunga, Jr. was 7 pounds, 4 ounces.

• This sounds like movie material: an armed gang was able to pull off the biggest gem heist in British history after thieving more than 40 million pounds worth of jewels from a London jeweler. In all, 43 items were stolen.

• Eunice Kennedy Shriver, sister of President Kennedy, has passed away at the age of 88. Several strokes over the past year had left her struggling with illness.

• Rut-roh! A shark sighting in Marin County, California has left a three-mile stretch of Stinson Beach closed.

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• This weekend's tragic crash over the Hudson between a small plane and a tourist helicopter has left nine dead. Today, an eighth body was pulled from the river.

• Two pacific typhoons continue to cause chaos in Taiwan, China, Japan, and the Philippines, with dozens dead, hundreds missing, and towns in ruin.

• In another reminder that the world may or may not be coming to an end, a powerful 6.6 magnitude earthquake has hit Tokyo. Luckily, no serious injuries or damage have yet been reported, though two nuclear reactors had to be shut down for safety checks. Another completely unrelated 7.6 quake was also reported in the Indian Ocean. Now, of course, there are fears of a tsunami in the wake of the quakes. Rhyming totally unintentional.

• Okay, so. Kathy Griffin appeared at last night's taping of the Teen Choice awards with none other than Levi Johnston, of Bristol Palin's baby fame, on her arm. He said the event was "funner" than most. Funner. Anyway, Griffin is 48. Johnston is 19. No biggie. Luckily for us, little Levi is really loving Hollywood life and already pondering his own reality TV show. Because the world needs more of those.

• An explosion in a Slovak coal mine has left 20 feared dead in what is being called the country's worst mining disaster. Six bodies have been found, but 14 remain missing.

• The Kennedy clan is keeping up a vigil for Eunice Kennedy Shriver, sister of President Kennedy and mother of California First Lady Maria Shriver, who is in a Hyannis hospital and is reportedly "minute-to-minute." The 88-year-old family matriarch has been in the intensive care unit for more than a week. Today, Arnold Schwarzenegger pulled out of the National Clean Energy Summit to be with his wife's extended family in Cape Cod.

• Michael Jackson will be hitting the big screen on October 30. A new movie is in the process of being created out of rehearsal videos, behind-the-scenes footage, and interviews with friends and family.

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• A plane skidded off the runway at a Thai airport, causing the death of the chief pilot and several injuries.

• Finally, good news for New Jersey! The murder rate is down nearly 25% to only 158 reported homicides in the first six months of the year. I'm still not sure if that makes me feel safer or not. [Editor's note: What do you mean, "finally"? It's not enough to get Springsteen and "The Sopranos," is it?]

• Uh oh, here it comes: there is now speculation that the process of destroying old vehicles in the midst of the government "Cash for Clunkers" program may actually be more harmful than leaving them on the road. Going green? Maybe not. But you'll look hotter driving a sparkling new car, right?

• In the age of technology, snail mail is suffering. In order to cut costs, the U.S. Postal Service is planning to close roughly 700 offices. Did your local post office make the cut? Check out the list here. Mine didn't. Damn.

• An image of a socialist, joker Obama has gone viral and is all over the internet, as well as city streets. Come on, guys, can't we at least be nice to him on his birthday? He was born on this day 48 years ago. Yes, in the United States, to all you "birthers" out there.

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• Former Philippine President Corazon Aquino passed away over the weekend and thousands gathered in the streets to offer a final farewell.

• All is apparently hunky-dory between Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates and Boston cop Sgt. James Crowley after last week's "beer summit" - Gates even joked that he would help Crowley's kids get into Harvard. That is, if he doesn't arrest him anymore. Wanna help me get into Harvard? I'd be glad to transfer and I'll leave the handcuffs at home. [Editor's note: I did my patriotic duty by consuming lots of Bud Light this weekend.]

• Although he denies any wrongdoing, Israeli Foreign Minister Avigdor Lieberman has said that he will resign if he is indicted on pending corruption charges.

• For the first time since last year, Disney Theme Parks are raising admission prices. The one-day, one-park adult ticket is up $4, now costing $79 to enter the park. Ouch. Multi-day and children's tickets have also gone up.

• Christian schools in Pakistan have gone on strike in protest over the bloody killings of seven Christians in riots over the weekend.

• Funny People topped the box office this weekend, but it was a soft lead at best. It still beat out Harry Potter so I'm okay with that.

• Israeli gays are feeling more vulnerable than ever after this weekend's attack on the Tel Aviv Gay and Lesbian Association. Two were killed and eleven others were wounded.

• In Wisconsin, the new domestic partnership program has taken effect, allowing same-sex couples to register for the same legal rights as married couples. Baby steps.

• The remains of Navy Captain Michael Scott Speicher, the first American to be killed in the Persian Gulf War in 1991, have been discovered. He was the only American from that war still missing in action.

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• Britain has decided to pull out nearly all of its remaining troops from Iraq as of Friday, as the agreement that's keeping them there will expire at the end of this week.

• Vice President Joe Biden has announced that the U.S. will be providing $1 billion to cover the costs of hiring and rehiring police officers in every state.

• In yet another reminder of why you really should stay home when you're not feeling well, the cockpit voice recorder from the fatal flight that crashed in Buffalo in February indicated that the co-pilot wasn't feeling well. Apparently, she didn't want to pay for a hotel room, so she decided she was "pretty tough" and could make the trip. Four crew members, 45 passengers, and one person on the ground were killed.

• A Haitian shipwreck off the coast of Turks and Caicos has left 79 migrant workers missing after the wooden boat ran aground. Over 120 have been rescued and two men were found dead.

• Twitter is only kinda-sorta banned at the White House. HootSuite is available on the computers of those on President Obama's new media team, but remains blocked elsewhere for security purposes. I wonder how they feel about Facebook and Myspace? This sounds like high school library computers all over again.

• A whale-watching boat impaled a rare 70-foot fin whale off the coast of Alaska and dragged it all the way back to Vancouver. Recent reports indicate that the whale may have been ill prior to being killed by the boat.

• A new multi-shot taser has been released, allowing users to stun up to three times before requiring reloading. Apparently, police in the UK are pretty excited about it. 

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• President Obama has opened policy talks with China and is urging mutual respect and better relations.

• Eight people died in a tragic car accident when a woman somehow ended up going the wrong way down a freeway outside of New York City. The driver, her 2-year-old daughter, and three young nieces were killed, as were three men in the car she hit. Firefighters were able to rescue one child from the wreckage. The five-year-old remains in stable but critical condition.

• French President Nicolas Sarkozy collapsed during a run yesterday and was taken to the hospital. He has since been discharged and doctors have said he was merely suffering from the heat and overwork.

• In yet another reason why I'm glad I opted out of my high school's "13th grade" college selection, Penn State has been named the number one party school in the country, according to this year's Princeton Review. My school, on the other hand, is ranked thirteenth for "Is it food?" No, it really isn't.

• A former American Idol contestant was the victim of a hit-and-run in the New Jersey shore town of Seaside Heights. The local man who killed Alexis Cohen, who appeared on the show in 2007, has been charged with manslaughter and could be facing 10-15 years.

• 55 people have been killed in Nigeria as the police fight radical Islamists who have been torching churches and various police and government posts. 

• In your "that's too disgusting to be real" news for the day, a San Antonio mother has been charged with murder after killing and dismembering her 3 and a half week old baby with a sword and eating his brains. Apparently, her sister says "she didn't mean to do that."

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• Bombs struck two luxury hotels in Jakarta, Indonesia today, causing New York police to beef up security at city hotels as a result.

• The U.S. Senate has passed a bill that will significantly expand the hate crimes law, to cover those attacked on the basis of gender identification and/or sexual orientation. It's about time.

• Uh oh! The Pope took a tumble today and fractured his wrist. He had a twenty minute surgery and was released later in the day. More proof that the health care system in Italy is much more efficient than, say, here. I wonder if the Pope got a Prada sling to match his red shoes...

• "Help is available for college students struggling to pay tuition." Colleges are "doing what they can." Really? I'd LOVE to see that. My college certainly isn't doing what it can.

• Tomorrow is to be celebrated as Nelson Mandela Day, as the anti-apartheid icon celebrates his 91st birthday. He said he has mellowed and plans to spend his birthday quietly.

• Republican Senator. Sex Scandal. Again. Enough said.

• Marine One flew the first black U.S. president with its first all-female crew, piloted by Major Jennifer Grieves on her last day on the Marine One rotation. To commemorate her duties as the first female pilot of Marine One, the crew on her final trip was made of all women.

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• It's official, I feel ancient. Because I remember this vividly. Today marks the 10th anniversary of the death of John F. Kennedy, Jr. You may recall, he, his wife Carolyn, and his sister-in-law Lauren Bessette were all killed in a private plane crash.

• A day after the kidnap and murder of Russian human rights activist Natalya Estemirova in Chechnya, many human rights groups are demanding a full investigation into her kidnapping and death.

• Uh oh! Actress Mischa Barton (think: The O.C.) was reportedly removed from her home by police and hospitalized under an involuntary psychiatric hold.

• Look, cruise ship cabins may be close quarters for quarreling couples, but it shouldn't come to this: a man allegedly killed his wife on a cruise to Mexico after an argument in their cabin.

• Just a day after the release of Harry Potter, word has it that Emma Watson, known for her role as Hermione, is crossing the pond to attend Brown University in the fall. She said she plans to take a break from acting in college.

• After a month-long lull, a quassam from Gaza has landed in southern Israel. No injuries or damage has been reported. I wonder if that QuassamCount Facebook application still works...

• Guns against Sotomayer! The National Rifle Association has said that it is against Sonya Sotomayer's nomination to the Supreme Court. Boo hoo.

• Preparations for a Madonna concert in France turned deadly when the stage collapsed amid construction, killing one and injuring six others when the stage finally fell apart. Madonna is reportedly "devastated."

• A 17-year-old from California has just broken the record as the youngest person to sail around the world solo. The trip took him 13 months to complete. That's a lot of time to one's self.

• It was Emmy morning in Hollywood today. Feelings were bittersweet over the nomination of "Farrah's Story" for best non-fiction television special, just three weeks after the actress' death.

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• A civilian helicopter has been shot down in Afghanistan, killing all six of the crew members, as well as a young child on the ground. The helicopter was carrying humanitarian aid from Ukraine.

• Happy Bastille Day to all you French Jewcers out there! Also marching in the Bastille Day parade in Paris are more than 300 Indian troops. The Indian Prime Minister was the guest of honor at these festivities.

• The Episcopal Church is moving to lift its ban on gay bishops and toward sanctioning same-sex marriage blessings. Also, Bill Clinton supports gay marriage.

• Happy Harry Potter Day! Well, tomorrow. Movie theaters across the country are starting the reels at 12:01 a.m. to give fans their fix ASAP.

• Fourteen of the gang members responsible for the death of Ilan Halimi are about to be retried after the determination was made that their sentences were too lenient.

• The state of New Jersey appears to be a "bright spot" in narrowing the achievement gap between black and white students. [Editor's note: Look, that's great and everything, but the only New Jersey-related gap I care about is the one between Dina and Danielle on The Real Housewives.]

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• The Sotomayer hearings have begun and The New York Times is live-blogging here.

• The body of a New York City cleaning woman was found in an air duct in the building she cleaned. Her crucifix was found duct taped to her lips. 

• Great Britain has revoked five licenses for arms exports to Israel after reevaluating use of arms provided by Britain in the Gaza War earlier this year.

• A home invasion in Florida has ended in tragedy after a pregnant woman was shot and killed. Her baby was delivered and lived on a respirator for two hours before dying at the hospital.

• American Idol host Ryan Seacrest has renegotiated his contract and is coming back for the next three years for an additional $45 million. Damn it. Bring back Dunkleman, he was cuter.

• Sad news came over the weekend as a Gulf Coast couple was slain in their home as their SIXTEEN children slept. The couple adopted twelve children with developmental disabilities. They may have actually been saints. Arrests have been made, but there is no word on motive yet.

• Voodoo takes South Jersey and kills an Arkansas woman seeking to be cleansed. Enough said. Haven't they learned from Law & Order reruns that Voodoo cleansing and exorcisms always end in death?

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• The annual Pamplona bull-running festival got deadly this year, as a 27-year-old Spanish man was gored to death and 11 others were injured.

• The G-8 has pledged $20 million dollars to aid in the fight against world hunger, after pleas from President Obama.

• One person is dead and more than 300 are injured after a 6.0 magnitude earthquake shook China yesterday.

• Going green is getting bigger around the world, as one Belgian town enforces meat-free days and a Sydney suburb bans water bottles, all in an effort to reduce greenhouse gas emissions. Will it work?

• A collision between an Amtrak train and a passenger car yesterday outside of Detroit has left five teenagers dead. The 19-year-old driver was apparently driving with a suspended license when the car swerved around a closed railroad gate in an effort to beat the oncoming train. There's a reason why some people should not have licenses.

• Penn State, also called "thirteenth grade" at my high school, may be imposing a nearly 10% tuition hike on its students in the wake of last month's decision to call it a "non-public" institution. Glad I decided to leave the state. (Go Rams.)

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• President Obama and Russian President Medvedev have reached an agreement to drastically cut the number of arms in each country's arsenal. The big question is whether they coordinated their outfits.

• Six more U.S. troops have died in two separate blasts in Afghanistan.

• Robert McNamara, known for his role as architect of the Vietnam War, has died. He was 93.

• Former star of Three's Company, Joyce DeWitt, has been cited for driving under the influence of alcohol. Oops.

• The Dalai Lama had a birthday today! He turned 74 and is said he thinks the number of prayers said in his honor should help him live to 100.

• A 21-year-old abduction has been solved by police. The case involving missing 7-year-old Amber Swartz from California had previously remained unsolved since 1988.

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• A military helicopter crash has killed 26 Pakistani soldiers after the aircraft faced technical problems on board. Thirteen others are dead in Pakistan after a suspected U.S. drone attack on a Taliban stronghold.

• For the first time since September 11, 2001, the Statue of Liberty's crown will reopen tomorrow in honor of Independence Day.

• The death toll in Monday's Italian train derailment has risen to 22.

• There are reports that Michael Jackson was working on two albums at the time of his death. There is speculation that they will be released posthumously.

• It's almost the 4th of July, which can only mean one thing. No, not fireworks - tea parties. Anti-tax tea parties are planned for more than a thousand locations across the country. Good luck with that. [Editor's note: Actually, the number one thing you should associate with the Fourth of July is the hot dog eating contest in Coney Island. Obviously, my money's on Joey "Jaws" Chestnut.]

• A really, really old dinosaur has been found in Australia. Scientists have confirmed that the Australovenator lived 98 million years ago in the Outback, and he wasn't a friendly dinosaur.

• A 16-year-old boy is dead after being shot by Chicago police. He allegedly had a gun pointed at the cops.

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• India has lifted its ban on gay sex. But only to those 18 and older and living in New Delhi.

• South Carolina has found that there was no misuse of state funds in Mark Sanford's love affair scandal. Just misuse of better judgment.

• The Jackson saga goes on, with a raging custody battle, fights over funds, and rumors of drug abuse, but perhaps most importantly, his memorial service will be held at the Staples Center in LA on Tuesday.

• Vice President Joe Biden has arrived in Iraq to visit U.S. troops, two days after all American combat troops were removed.

• A 13-year-old girl committed suicide in fall 2006 after her "rival's" mother started harassing her on MySpace. A federal judge overturned the misdemeanor ruling against the "cyberbully" today. Because bullies need more opportunities to ruin middle schoolers' lives. Literally.

Here are today's top stories in no particular order (with a little extra to make up for our mini hiatus since Monday):

• A Yemenia plane crash over the weekend is thought to have left only one survivor, a 12-year-old girl, who is now sharing her story of the traumatic incident.

• The South Carolina governor scandal gets stranger as Sanford says that his mistress is his "soulmate," but that he's trying to fall back in love with his wife. Which makes sense because love is definitely something that can be forced if you try really, really hard. And ignore your so-called soulmate.

• It's July 1, which means Sweden has taken over presidency of the EU for the next six months. Its first topic of conversation? Global climate change.

• Gossip Girl is getting a new face for drama this fall: Hilary Duff.

• Bad news bears for Republican Jews: the last Jewish GOP senator, Norm Coleman, has been defeated, leaving the GOP without a Jewish senator for the first time in more than fifty years. Ouch. More on this story to come.

• In the aftermath of the death of Michael Jackson, his album sales have shot through the roof - literally. 422,000 copies of his combined solo albums have sold since his death last week. His solo albums and one from his work with the Jackson 5 have taken the top nine spots on Billboard's Top Pop charts for the week, breaking all records.

• Yesterday's train crash in Viareggo, Tuscany has claimed the lives of 17 people and caused injury to more than 34, 12 of whom are in serious condition. Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi was booed as he arrived for a press conference.

• In case you needed more reason why you shouldn't keep a python as a pet, horrifying news is coming out of Florida, as a 12-foot-long Burmese python escaped its aquarium and strangled a two-year-old toddler as she slept. The mother's boyfriend, who owned the "pet," did not have a proper permit to keep the murderous creature.

• Oscar-winning actor Karl Malden, known for his roles in "On the Waterfront" and "A Streetcar Named Desire" has died. He was 97.

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• President Obama met with German chancellor Angela Merkel today. They talked about global climate change, among other things.

• Whales may be facing bad news as the head of the International Whaling Commission says he doubts whaling can be regulated internationally within the next 12 months.

• South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is continuing with his trail of apologies, this time to his staff.

• The FCC has a new chairperson. Julius Genachowski was approved by the Senate this morning to head the Federal Communications Commission.

• A body has been found in rural Indiana, believed to be that of 2-year-old Jada Justice who vanished last week. Further investigations will take place.

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• Actress Farrah Fawcett has died after a three-year long battle with cancer. She was 62.

• The entertainment world lost a second legend hours later when 'King of Pop' Michael Jackson suffered a heart attack and died at the age of 50.

• The Supreme Court has ruled that Arizona school officials violated a thirteen-year-old girl's constitutional rights when they strip-searched her in the school nurse's office. Why did they do it? She might have been carrying Midol. This reminds me of my elementary school prohibition of chewing gum. But strip-searching a teenager with cramps is always a good idea, of course.

• The United States and Venezuela are set to restore full diplomatic ties after four years of tense relations.

• College students rejoice! The Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA) is about to be streamlined by President Obama in an effort to return sanity to those families who have come to the realization that you need a doctoral degree to properly fill out the 153 question form.

• In an effort to increase lagging viewership and widen appeal, the Oscars will now feature 10 nominees for best picture, double that of the recent past.

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• Nine fatalities have been confirmed after the D.C. Metro train crash at the peak of rush hour yesterday. It is the worst accident in the history of the Metro.

• Gossip blogger Perez Hilton had a little spat with rapper Will.i.am that led to a black eye for Hilton and an even bigger attack--from the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, accusing him of "vulgar anti-gay slurs." They called him intolerant of homosexuals. It must be difficult to be intolerant of yourself.

• Showbiz superstar Ed McMahon has died at the age of 86.

• It's the second day of summer, which means it's time for the first Pacific storm of the season. Tropical Storm Andres hit Mexico this morning, killing one person and causing severe flooding and damage.

• A pilot is dead after an F-16 crash at Hill Air Force Base in Utah. Captain George Bryan Houghton was 28.

• Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are welcoming a set of twins through a surrogate. In keeping with SJP's apparent like of long-ass names, the girls have been named Tabitha Hodge Broderick and Marion Loretta Elwell Broderick. I wonder if Tabby will be jealous of her sister for her three names.

• Jon and Kate Plus Eight is now Kate Plus Eight as the couple files for divorce and Jon allegedly seeks out bachelor pads in New York City. I'm heartbroken. Really.

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• President Obama is about to sign a landmark anti-smoking bill which will allow the FDA to strictly regulate tobacco products, with bigger warnings, bans on flavoring and "light" products, and a reduction in nicotine. Perhaps these things would have helped Obama in his own struggle to quit smoking.

• Attacks in Iraq have claimed the lives of at least 27 people, with 77 others injured as car bombings and other attacks continue to be on the rise.

• All this rain has not come without consequences: eleven people have died across the country as a result of lightning strikes. a number that's "unusually high." And just think, the month isn't even over yet.

• An Aussie airliner hit severe turbulence on its flight from Hong Kong to Perth, rising and immediately dropping more than 800 feet and injuring at least a dozen passengers. The passengers have all since been treated and released.

• Two of my favorite people are pairing up to make some kind of nauseating addition to my favorite genre of television: Ryan Seacrest and Lindsay Lohan have a new reality show in the works. Remind me to toss my television out the window the day it hits the air.

• The North Korean vessel suspected of carrying missiles that the nation has threatened to launch is being tracked closely by the U.S.S. John McCain. Its current location is about 200 miles south of Shanghai.

• Four teenagers accused of theft in Somalia are facing a rather severe punishment--the amputation of one hand and one leg each, in a flashy show of power by the militant Islamist government. This brings new meaning to the phrase, "it cost an arm and a leg."

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• North Korea has pointed its missiles at Hawaii as tensions between the nation and the U.S. continue to mount. Government officials are working to fortify the islands and ward off attack.

• The Senate has approved a "cash for clunkers" plan that will subsidize the trade-ins of old gas guzzlers for more fuel efficient vehicles, up to $4500.

• Supermodel Gisele Bundchen and her husband, football player Tom Brady, are expecting their first child. I hope supermodels are immune to stretch marks.

• A police inspector is dead after a car bomb exploded in northern Spain. The Basque separatist group ETA is being blamed.

• In another case of parenting gone wrong, a Queens mother has been charged with assault after conducting a voodoo ritual that involved lighting her 6-year-old daughter on fire. The girl has since recovered and has been placed in foster care.

• World hunger has hit one billion, up nearly 100 million since the global economic crisis. Nearly 650 million of those undernourished people live in the Asia-Pacific region of the world.

• Former president Bush may have a thing or two to say about what he deems the failures of the new administration, but the White House had a pretty simple retort: "We won."

• Two U.S. troops were killed by a roadside bomb in southern Afghanistan. No other information has been released at this time.

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• A pilot died in midair on a flight from Brussels to Newark today. The flight landed safely at its destination and passengers were none the wiser.

• A suicide bombing in Somalia has left 23 dead, including a security minister. The car bomb is just the latest in two months of unrest in the region.

• President Obama is an executioner, according to PETA. Why? He swatted a fly, of course. They claim he should have shown more compassion. To the fly. Because this is really the biggest of our concerns in the world right now. The swatting of flies.

• Big time bummer for Twilight star Robert Pattinson, who, in the process of fleeing from crazed teenage girls (out for his blood, maybe?), was hit by a taxi cab in New York City. Ouch. He's okay, just in case any of you crazed teenage girls were wondering.

• The Senate has approved a bill that will apologize to African Americans for slavery and segregation.

• Secretary of State Hillary Clinton fell late yesterday on her way to the White House and fractured her elbow. She is apparently recovering and will undergo surgery next week, though some doctors say she may need to undergo months of physical therapy to be back to 100%. Boniva?

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• Autopsies of the bodies found among the Air France wreckage suggest that the jet broke up in midair.

• A New York man has been accused of impersonating his dead 77-year-old mother for more than six years to collect Social Security and city rent subsidies valued at over $100,000. He even went so far as to dress up as his mother to collect cash in person. This sounds like a bigger problem.

• Tamil protests in Sri Lanka have ended after 73 days. Still, another rally is planned for Saturday in Central London.

• A 54-year-old man suspects he was kidnapped in 1955 and raised by the couple that nabbed him from outside a New York bakery. DNA tests are pending to confirm or deny.

• A Belgian teen fell asleep during a body art session and woke up with approximately 53 more tattoos than she requested. On her face. The lesson here? Don't fall asleep while someone is holding an ink gun to your face.

• Billy Joel and wife Katie Lee have separated after five years of marriage. The two remain "caring friends." I'm sure.

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• The Iranian election saga went into day four as thousands of people took to the streets in Tehran today. These demonstrations are the biggest since the 1979 Islamic Revolution.

• The annual "Trafficking in Persons Report" is out from the U.S. government and it's put more than 4 dozen nations on its watchlist for not doing enough to combat human trafficking. Seventeen nations are up for sanctions and 52 are on the watchlist.

• Lindsay Lohan's in trouble again, this time accused of swiping jewels worth nearly a half million dollars from her last photo shoot with the British edition of Elle Magazine. Nothing is confirmed at this point, but let's be honest, we're only interested in the gossip anyway. [Editor's note: Remember how she once stole a fur coat from the coat check at some club and the owner sued to get it back? I wonder if all this time we thought Lindsay was a junkie and it turns out she's just a klepto.]

• After a meeting between Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi and President Obama, Italy has agreed to take three Guantanamo Bay prisoners.

• A Carnival cruise ship has lost a passenger in the Gulf of Mexico, thought to have gone overboard. The Coast Guard is conducting a search-and-rescue mission.

• Thank goodness, we can all rest easy now: Sarah Palin has accepted David Letterman's apology about his joke she claimed was about the statutory rape of her daughter.

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• At least three of the hostages abducted in Yemen last week have been killed. They disappeared while picnicking on Friday. Reports say as many as nine could have been killed.

• In an interesting report, more than half of students in Ohio colleges are planning to leave the state after graduation.

• Canada's opposition government, the Liberal party, is prepared to bring down the minority conservative government.

• We reported last week about the serial cat killer in Miami. An 18-year-old Florida resident has been arrested and charged with 19 counts of animal cruelty and 19 counts of improper disposal of an animal body. He was arrested last month for driving on a suspended license and possession of marijuana. [Editor's note: Has anyone besides my mom and me seen that show "Animal Cops: Miami"? I really hope they were the ones who caught this guy. They don't fuck around. One of the cops is in charge of pinning down and capturing alligators who wander into neighborhoods.]

• Bruce Springsteen joined Phish on the stage at Bonnaroo 2009 this weekend in a performance being called "electric." 

• A family of four has been found dead inside their home in a gated Orlando community in an apparent murder-suicide.

Here are today's top stories in no particular order:

• A suicide bombing in a mosque in Pakistan has left 10 dead, including a moderate Muslim cleric who denounced suicide attacks.

• A serial cat killer is on the loose in Miami, having already claimed the lives of at least 18 cats. The gutted bodies have been left on front lawns. Miami residents are being urged to keep their felines indoors.

• Chastity Bono, child of Cher and the late Sonny Bono, is about to undergo a sex change, reportedly in order to marry her longtime partner. In the words of TMZ, "Exact same person - totally different result. Go figure." He will now be known as Chaz.

• A Sunni lawmaker has been assassinated in Iraq, inside his mosque. Five others were killed and 12 were wounded.

• Today marks the much-anticipated switchover to digital television and the end of analog broadcasts as we know it. However, an estimated 1 to 2.5 million people, depending on which reports you read, remain unprepared for the switch, which will severely cut into their Law & Order rerun-watching time.