My WASPy Etiquette Consultant Recommended ThisLook what I discovered in my quest to find cool Rosh HaShanah cards.  The "New Year Girl" collection from tastemaking stationary designer Bonnie Marcus (formerly a wedding planner and special events coordinator at the 92nd Street Y, thank you very much) is stylish and appropriate, and includes both modern and traditional elements. 

The funny thing is, I discovered Miss Marcus through a rather unlikely source--namely, an etiquette blog written by one "Annabel Manners," a "displaced debutante" WASP in Los Angeles.  This southern belle from South Carolina (I think?) claims to be "learning all kinds of interesting things" in her current city of Los Angeles.  For example, Jews have their own New Year, which happens in Autumn. 

She explains that when she first saw the card, it really "threw her for a loop."  Despite a bit of confusion about the autumn leaves, apples, and honey, she thought the design might be a great choice for "clients who need non-denominational holiday cards."  Luckily, she made the Rosh HaShanah discovery before embarrassing herself. 

Good luck with the multicultural studies, Miss Manners, and might I add: You'd fit right in at my temple!

At one point on the first day of Rosh Hashana the talking at the Orthodox synagogue where I was davening pretty much drowned out the cantor’s voice. I switched seats a couple of times and ended up in the balcony, where the talking was still totally audible, but at least I didn’t feel tempted to give people dirty looks, which is neither effective nor in the spirit of starting fesh and being good. Even way up in the nosebleed section, though, I was bothered by all of the socializing that went on.
And I Was Like, "OMG, Malka!: I totally dig your new shaitel!"
Let me be clear: I am not exactly one hundred percent focused on the siddur on your average Shabbat service, let alone in a service that’s twice as long. Certainly I chat with my friends on occasion, and when I’m visiting my parents in Chicago I frequently ask my dad Jew-y questions during davening. There’s a pretty normal tide of talking that happens during any service, and I generally don’t find it bothersome. What I don’t get, though, are people who insist on using synagogues as exclusively social entities. Want to have a long conversation with your friend Betty about Tillie’s ugly baby? That’s why God invented Kiddush, people. But that discussion is not best accompanied by a shofar, or the dirges of Kol Nidre.

If you don’t want to come to shul, or if you just feel like putting in an appearance but you don’t buy any of this God crap, I think that’s fine. It’s your own business, and I don’t have the time or inclination to deal with it. But if you DO show up, the least you can do is try to refrain from ruining for the rest of us. Bring a book, for the love of God! Read US magazine for all I care, or have thumb wars with your sister, or make eyes at the cute guy around the room. Just please keep your commentary down to a low hum.

Interestingly, the siddur I use on Shabbat has a mi sheberach in it that’s meant to be said before returning the Torah to the ark, and it asks God to protect people who keep their mouths shut during davening. It’s kind of hilarious, and kind of brilliant.

If you won’t listen to me, maybe you’ll take it from SuperDavener! Below is an insane and ridiculous movie about not talking during davening made by prepubescent yeshiva boys. It features a superhero who wears boxers outside his pants, and his his tsitsit coming out the bottom of his boxers.

I am all about sending New Years cards before the High Holidays, but I’m not all about paying Hallmark insane amounts of money for lame little notecards with a shofar and a Jewish star on them. I have sixty people I want to send cards to this year, and even though I’m not exactly Miss Crafty I figured that I could buy some supplies at a craft store and make them myself for cheaper than it would cost to buy them. Here’s how to make cards like mine:

Have A Sweet New Year

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Every year as an undergraduate I sent out a flurry of emails to professors on the first day of classes. Basically as soon as I got my syllabus for a class I went back to my room and wrote an email notifying the professor about the days of class I’d have to miss because of the High Holidays and Sukkot. Occasionally I got off lucky if the holidays fell mostly on weekends, but for the most part I knew I’d have to miss a few days of classes, and I developed a pretty good template for notifying my professors. The key is to give as much advance notice as possible, and to be openly accommodating, especially if you’re going to be missing class for Rosh Hashana and Sukkot. I often attend class on Sukkot, and just refrain from taking notes. Again, the key seems to be letting the professor know what’s going on. I’m including my basic letter below. Note that this year Rosh Hashana begins Wednesday night Spetember 12th and goes until Friday evening when Shabbat begins. Yom Kippur mercifully falls on Shabbat. The first yom tov of Sukkot begins on the evening of Wednesday the 26th and lasts through Friday. The second yom tov begins Wednesday night October 3rd and again lasts through Friday.
Tekiah!: School's out for Rosh Hashana!

Dear Professor Know-It-All,

My name is Tamar Fox and I’m a student in your PHIL:200 Meaning of Life seminar. I’m writing because I wanted to let you know ahead of time that I’ll be absent from class on September 13th, and 27th in observance the Jewish holidays of Rosh Hashana and Sukkot respectively. I will be sure to get classnotes from one of my peers, and of course I will keep up with the reading. I have noticed that we have a 3 page paper due on the 27th, and I will make sure to turn that paper in to you on Tuesday the 25th. In addition, if you think I should have an appointment with you to go over anything I might have missed, or if you’d like me to complete a supplementary assignment I’d be happy to do so.

Thursday October 4th is also a Jewish holiday, but I will be attending class so as not to fall too far behind. I won’t be taking notes, in observance with the prohibitions associated with the holiday, but I will participate in discussion and will again get notes from one of my peers after the holiday.

For more information about Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, and its rituals and prohibitions, please see http://www.jewfaq.org/holiday2.htm. For more information about Sukkot and its rituals, please see http://www.jewfaq.org/holiday5.htm. You may also want to consult with the Hillel Director on campus, Judah Jew, who can be reached at Judah.jew@university.edu, or 123-4567.

Thank you for your time and I look forward to our next class session.

Sincerely,
Tamar Fox

I’ve never had any professor ask me to turn in any work or do anything extra as a result of this letter. In fact, being prepared and so organized right from the start has scored me a lot of points with professors in the past.

It’s still stressful to have miss tons of class because of the High Holidays, but it doesn’t have to burn bridges between you and your professors.