Well, I’m here again, heading up Jewcy’s Amsterdam bureau, and figured I’d give you a nice old fashioned dispatch.

Perhaps in all of Western Europe, Amsterdam is the most Jewish of cities.  Any local will tell you as much, in the amused, slightly ironic tone we in the States use to say things like: “You know, the high school gym was built above an old Indian burial ground.”  

You wouldn’t know it from benign army of George Plimpton look-alikes whistling merrily atop their old-fashioned bicycles, seemingly unperturbed by Semitic worries like allergies, or digestive troubles, or genocide, but there are still a few real live Jews tucked away in Northern Holland.  I’ve even met five or six of them, which about as many as we had at my high school in Omaha.  What we didn’t have in Omaha, however, is the shadowy imprint of a once large and influential Jewish presence living in street names, history, and monuments throughout the city my magical, mystical tour of Forgotten Jewish Amsterdam.

If the lines snaking outside the Anne Frank House at Prinsengracht 267 are any indication, the famous Secret Annex and adjoining museum (and café—it wouldn’t be Holland without an attached café, serving sensible luncheon dishes of tomato soup, open-faced cheese sandwiches, and apple cake) are the still the first things people think of when they think of Jewish Amsterdam.  Tucked away around the corner is the little statue of Anne herself, looking for all the world the Degas sculpture La petite danseuse de quatorze ans in the Metropolitan Musuem of Art in New York (Anne herself was about fourteen when she was deported, so that’s a fun fact to know and tell.)  Just next to Anne’s statue is the famous Homomonument, Amsterdam’s tribute to all homosexuals that have been persecuted (especially by the Nazis) so if you’re Jewish and gay, that little stretch of the Rozengracht is really one-stop shopping (or sobbing) before you hit the sex clubs for the night.  

Far lesser known than the house where Anne Frank hid, however, is the house where Anne Frank lived, a nondescript apartment house on the Merwedeplein in the Riverienbuurt (in translation, River Neighborhood), which in the 20’s and 30’s was an overwhelmingly middle-class Jewish neighborhood—sort of the Skokie or Brookline of Amsterdam.  Today, it remains a middle-class neighborhood of comfortable WWI-era apartment houses and retains its Jewish heritage with the presence of an Orthodox synagogue and a small yeshiva alongside kebab shops and supermarkets.

Across town is the more historic Jewish section, surrounding the main drag of the Jodenbreestraat (which according to my handy online translator, translates literally as “Jews Cooked to Mush Street”; while tantalizingly poetic, I’m almost sure this can’t be right).  On this street is the famous Rembrandthuis the residence and studio of the great master Rembrandt van Rijn, who legendarily inspiration in the faces of his Jewish neighbors, many of whom he used as models for his work.  Nearby, taking up nearly the entirety of the Nieuwe Amstelstraat, is the Jewish Historical Museum, housed in four former synagogues, including the former Great Synagogue, once the largest synagogue in Amsterdam and founded in the 1671 by Ashkenazi Jews fleeing from the Chmielnicki massacres in Ukraine.  Next to the museum is the Jonas Daniel Meijerplein, a square named for the first Jewish lawyer in the Netherlands (but rest assured, not the last) who fought for full Jewish emancipation under the law.  The square also bears yet another monument, this one to the dockworkers who briefly went on strike to protest 425 Jewish men and boys being sent to Mauthausen in 1941.  I’m sure it would have made Jonas Daniel Meijer proud.  

There are many, many monuments in Amsterdam; it’s a very old city and a lot of terrible things have happened here.  But my favorite, for sentimental reasons, is the Holocaust Memorial on the Max Euweplein, situated (appropriately, I’m sure you’ll agree) in front of the Hard Rock Café.  It’s a block of marble roughly the shape of a face that reaches to about eye-level, and the site of one of my personal Great Moments in Jewish History: we were returning from a free vodka tasting in a nearby gallery, completely off our faces, and my friend Maarten was amusing himself by drunkenly recounting Nazi jokes.  Sadly, he scarcely had time to crack himself up before he walked face first into the Holocaust Memorial, immediately breaking his nose and thus mingling his literal Aryan blood with the symbolic blood of my own anguished people.  I never laughed so hard in my life (but then I tried to take him to the emergency room, like a nice girl.  He wouldn’t go.)

Further south, behind the Heineken brewery, is a trendy area called the Pijp, and in the center is the beautiful Sarphatipark.  It’s prettier (I think) and more peaceful than the larger (and more famous) Vondelpark nearby, and in the middle is yet another monument (but this one is a fountain) to Samuel Sarphati, the Jewish physician and city planner who dedicated his life and work to improving living conditions for the poor.  The park was planned as a tribute after his death in 1866, and remains named for him to this day—apart from a brief interruption during the Nazi occupation when it was temporarily renamed.  

The Amsterdam ArenA is home of the Amsterdam football team Ajax, colloquially known as “the Jews” (you know, like “the Yankees.”)  I’ve written about Ajax here before, so I won’t go into it all again, but…until you see a giant blond Eindhoven fan screaming “Up with Hamas” to a defiant Moroccan youth in baggy pants and draped in a sheet covered with Stars of David…well, welcome to New Europe, ladies and gentleman.  (Who thought it would sometimes seem so much like Old Europe?)  Often forgotten in Dutch athletic history, however, is the 1928 Dutch Women’s Gymnastics Olympic Team, who won the first gold medal given in women’s gymnastics at the Olympische Stadium in their home town of Amsterdam.  Nearly all of the team was Jewish, including their coach; only one would survive the Holocaust.  

And on that happy note, you can celebrate the fact that you are still alive by engaging in what is possibly the most preferred Jewish pastime of the postwar era—grab a seat at one of the many, many “coffee shops” in Amsterdam and spark up a big fat joint.

Goed zo!  Dat is het!  Dank u well, dames en heren, en tot ziens!
 

• Matzah and Nudity: a winning combination?In one last round of Passover-related news, a 27-year-old yeshiva student in Israel went into a supermarket and got totally undressed, save for a sock on his cock. He was protesting the recent Israeli ruling that allows chametz to be sold during Pesach in places that are not public—including supermarkets and pizza places. The nude student was arrested by Israeli police for suspicion of performing an indecent act in public.
  

• In Jerusalem, Israel's national water company, Mekorot, has shut off the pipeline that brings water from the Kinneret because of crumbs of bread that fisherman on the lake drop into the water. During Passover the water in Jerusalem comes from local reservoirs and wells.

• Tonight in Tel Aviv a number of Conservative, Reform, and independent congregations will be gathering at the beachfront for a cross-denominational prayer to commemorate the splitting of the Red Sea, and to ask for the speedy release of the three captive Israeli soldiers Gilad Shalit, Eldad Regev and Ehud Goldwasser.

In non-Pesadik news:

• A New Year’s card that Anne Frank sent in 1937 has been found in an antique shop in Amsterdam.
  

• Jdate was nominated for a social networking Webby.

• A Florida human rights board ruled in favor of a woman who wanted to put a mezuzah on the doorframe of her condo. Laurie Richter was told by her condo association that if she didn’t take her mezuzah down she could face a $1000 fine, but the Broward County human rights board found that the Port Condominium could not make that demand. The condo association could face up to $11,000 in fines.

• Proving once again that dorky Jews can be sexy, a Brandeis University group called Students for Environmental Action (SEA) has put out a calendar called BARE: Brandeisians Advocating Real Environmentalism, which features 25 student models posing nude with strategically placed fruits, bicycles and computer chords. The calendar costs $10 and helps raise money for the group’s annual organic and locally grown food banquet. Maybe they should hang out with that yeshiva student in Israel…

• The Conservative movement’s halachic policy committee will be voting in May on a rabbinic legal opinion having to do with providing workers with a fair wage. Debate has already begun to get heated, with some rabbis saying that paying fair wages puts Conservative Jews at an economic disadvantage, and others saying that it’s an issue of social justice and cannot be compromised.

• This week saw two stories of rabbis involved in sexual abuse scandals. Rabbi Yehuda Kolko, who was accused of sexually molesting a number of young boys at Yeshiva Torah Temimah in Flatbush, pled guilty to three lesser charges of child endangerment and got three years of probation. It’s not clear why Brooklyn District Attorney Charles Hynes was willing to drop so many charges in the high profile case.

• The chief rabbi of Kiryat Bialik in Israel is finally under house arrest after he was arrested more than a month ago on charges of sexual abuse and committing indecent acts with female Religious Council workers. The charges go back at least 18 years. 

• It’s nice to see that there are still some religious figures who can keep their pants on: Prominent cantor of the Great Synagogue in Jerusalem, Naftali Hershtik, seems to have been the target of an entrapment scheme that aimed to get him fired for sexual misconduct. Hershtik was lured into the hotel room of a young woman while hidden cameras caught everything on tape. Apparently, though, nothing untoward happened. The plot seems to have been the work of Israel Rand, a former student of Hershtik’s.
  

• Gravestones were defaced and smashed in a London Jewish cemetery, Damaged fences and a small fire were also reported in the apparently anti-Semitic attack. So far there have been no arrests.
  

• Also in England, the Jewish community is catching some flack because several state-aided Jewish schools have been asking parents for inappropriate personal information and/or requesting donations on admissions applications. This is in breach of the government admissions code. The problem seems to stretch to most state-aided Jewish schools, and the Jewish Chronicle reports that some schools have violations in up to seven categories.
  

• The Pope’s big news for Jews again. He’ll be attending Park East Syangogue in Manhattan on erev Pesach. This is the first papal visit to an American synagogue. Meanwhile, the Vatican has just released a statement about the revised version of the traditional Good Friday prayer for Jews. Though some rabbis and Jewish leaders are still not happy with the text, the Vatican maintains that the Good Friday prayer, "in no way intends to indicate a change in the Catholic Church's regard for the Jews."

• On a lighter and slightly bizarre note, this week is the premiere of Margot Frank: The Diary of the Other Young Girl, at Shea Center for the Performing Arts at William Paterson University. The premise is a musical exploration of Anne Frank’s sister’s diary, where Margot reveals that she and Peter are in love, and calls Anne, “a conniving little bitch.” Writers Diana Rissetto and Lori Mooney say that the show is a serious attempt to ponder the voices silenced by the Holocaust and history. Um, okay.

Yiddish modernism: High design from Henryk Berlewi This week in Jewish media:

• Kickass Yiddish Modernism. [Jewschool]
• Commentary considers beards: “By forbidding Jews to destroy their hair, the Bible warns them away from seeking the siren song of eternal youth.” Yes, but eternal youth is sexy! [Commentary]
• Jewlicious is all over the story of Don Siegelman, the imprisoned former Alabama governor. Siegelman is serving seven years for bribery, but he might have been targeted by Karl Rove as the lone powerful Democrat in a heavily Republican state. [Jewlicious, 60 Minutes]
• LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa: Honorary Sephardic Jew. [The Forward]
  
• Did you know that Patti Stanger, Bravo’s “Millionaire Matchmaker,” is a third-generation yenta? Did you know that out of the reality show’s seven episodes, five feature Jewish millionaires? Bad, bad, bad for the Jews! [San Diego Jewish Journal]
  
• Remember that episode of My So-Called Life where Angela says she’s jealous of Anne Frank because she got to hang out in an attic with her crush? A photo of that crush, Peter Schiff, has turned up in Europe. [Yahoo, the Yada Blog]
• Remember that Dave Chappelle sketch about the blind African-American KKK member? (For some reason I can only find it online in German.) Pinchads Zlotosvsky used to be a Neo-Nazi. Then he found out his mother was Jewish, and now he’s ultra-Orthodox. [Ha'aretz]

Neo-Nazi crimes rates in Germany are at an all-time high according to a Reuters report. The last time they were this bad was in 1990, the year of Germany's reunification. There were 18,000 reported acts this year, 1100 of which stemmed from violence. The pinnacle of anti-Semitic activity being the July burning of Anne Frank's diary. Additionally, this past Fall, the National Democratic Party (NDP), a far Right extremist political faction, gained a foothold in Eastern Germany, with the election of a few new members to Parliament.