Sex & Love

Last week I kvetched whether or not my decision to be Jewish included an exclusivity clause in which required me forthwith to only date Jews. Among the varied comments on the post was one pro-Jew dating response from a nice Jewish boy who bolstered his argument with an invitation for drinks. More than a little curious and after some off-line discussions I agreed to meet him out for drinks, a little take-out and trivia night at a local bar. This was how it went:

7:28 – I’m sitting in a cute neighborhood coffee-shop/bar full of 20-somethings tapping away on their laptops waiting for Hebrewzzi to arrive. The music is good and I’m sipping on a $3 draft beer. Not so bad, the place has a very comfortable feel. The front door is open because it is a freakish rainy 60 degrees in New York City in December. Only two days ago is was bitterly cold with the occasional spastic cough of snow swirling down from the sky. I guess anything is possible.

7:34 – My stomach growls. Lunch was inadequate and too long ago. I hope he gets here soon so we can order food. 7:49 – Hebrewzzi arrives, but doesn’t know what I look like. He calls my cell and waits to find the girl at the laptop who picks up her phone. We engage in the usual conversation, inquiring how one’s trip was and if the directions were helpful. I sense a slight bit of unease. Either one of us could be totally weird or crazy or both. After all he doesn’t really know anything about me beyond what is on the blogs. This is really the blindest of dates.

7:53 – He’s read me on the Jew and the Carrot so he knows my love of food so in lieu of flowers, he has brought me a loaf of banana pumpkin cranberry chocolate-chip bread he baked himself. The bread is good, moist, a little dense. The flavors are very Fall-like although the enthusiasm of the cranberries overpower the pumpkin flavors. I think it is thoughtful of him and take a few bites to satiate my growling stomach. 8:01 – He grabs the menus from behind the bar so we can peruse our dining options – from the looks of things our best choices appear to be sushi, Thai or burritos.  But he tells me he doesn’t eat seafood or meat or tofu. A knot forms in my stomach as I’m immediately reminded of a guy I recently broke up with that was a dreadfully picky eater. 8:04 – Thankfully without too much fuss we settle on Thai – lots of vegetable options. 8:07 – Trivia night starts. It’s loud. I decide we will play on the same team. I call us Team Jewcy. The bar is pushing Mike’s Hard Lemonades for only a dollar.  He says they would have to pay him to drink those.  Hum. 8:10 – In between the trivia questions he tries to start a conversation. He asks me what I do for a living.  Yawn. 8:17 – The trivia questions start. The moderator comes over our table frequently to look at our sheet and I’m pretty sure to also look down my shirt. 8:23 – Hebrewzzi has an obscene amount of knowledge of pop culture – which is good because I’m completely useless with these types of trivia questions (I also suck at Boggle, Scrabble and Wii tennis). Although, neither of us could name five out of the last six American Idol winners. 8:27 – Our food arrives. The moderator comments to the crowd how trivia night and dinner at the bar makes the perfect first date. He has no idea. 8:38 – I’m on my second beer. I had ordered the Tom Yum Goong, which is great but very spicy. I’m drinking my beer way to fast. 8:55 – End of trivia Round 1. Hebrewzzi doesn’t know the national origin of cars as well as he thought he did (I didn’t have a clue). We are in 3rd place. He’s not terribly competitive, which is nice since neither am I. The food is good, the setting is nice – but its a shame I’m not actually getting to talk to him. 9:28 – Trivia Round 2. Okay, trivia night is officially a bad idea when trying to get to know someone. The moderator has clearly taken a liking to me (or my breasts) and keeps checking our answers, offering clues and obvious hints. Because of the game there really is no real good chance to interact with each other. Neither of us are any good at ‘naming that tune’ and listing a movie is was played in. However, I did know Mark Felt was Deep Throat. 9:51 – We’ve tied for last place. A ‘rock, paper, scissors’ game later with the other last place team and Hebrewzzi gains us the prestige of being the official last place team.  We win a bag of pork rinds (how appropriate!) and two Blow-Pops. We also won an extra“funny answer” prize and the moderator tosses my breasts a package of Hostess cupcakes. We rock. But to be fare we did very well on the actual trivia questions – it was the score skewing questions like “for ten points list 10 American wars in order of most America casualties” that killed us. Really? Who knows this stuff? (apparently the Columbia doctoral students seated next to us) 9:59 – Hebrewzzi is settling our bill. The moderator pulls me aside and says I should come back on more Wednesdays. He asks me to sign up for their email list. I dodge his sign-up list and furtive glances and we make it out the door into the unseasonably warm soggy weather. We are off to find another bar, one that is quiet and where we can actually talk. 10:07 – Another coffee shop/bar but this one only has two couples in it. A young lesbian couple and a woman and man in the midst of a break up. I hear her rip his heart out but then resort to tired clichés – “I want to stay friends” “ I want you to be happy” “I just don’t feel what you said you feel for me” Kinda sucks. I want to move tables, but there isn’t really anywhere else to go. The lesbians leave so it is just us four and the bartender. 10:17 – We tuck into some hot cocoa and conversation. I’m ignoring the fighting couple and the sound of the guy’s heart breaking so near to us. 10:19 – We have an easy back and forth. Hebrewzzi sounds like a nice, decent guy. Appears to be honest, sweet, thoughtful. It’s sometimes hard to tell about these things, but he doesn’t seem the type to pursue you and then not call after you’ve slept together. 10:34 – Hebrewzzi asks the “Why Judaism” question. It is a long answer – in fact I’m writing a book about it. He clearly has strong opinions about his Judaism, about his Jewish identity. But as promised, he isn’t religious and is not comfortable with it. I can understand that. I’m not all that comfortable in church services any more, but I do appear to have more of a regular Jewish practice than he does. And then there is the issue of geography. We are not geographically compatible. I’m a Manhattan girl and he is Queens boy. I realize there are trains that connect the two, but that is something to think about. 11:14 – We close the bar. At some point the defunct couple had left. The bartender cleans up around us seemingly undisturbed by our being there. Around us chairs are placed on top of tables, the floor is swept, and the coffee machine is washed. It is time for us to make our exit. 11:26 – We are standing next to the train stop ready to part ways. I think he is waiting for me to say something like, “so, how about we do this again sometime?” but he’s not saying it either so maybe he is on the fence? I’m not a big fan of rejection so I prattle on with some inane story about something totally irrelevant. 11:34 – Okay, I’m getting tired although he has a much longer trip home than I do. We say good night (again) and I turn away at the moment I think he is timidly leaning in for a kiss? Oh, I hate this awkward first date ritual – the uncertain first kiss game. For me, even the best first dates shouldn’t be obliged to end with a kiss. I tend to feel this action is far too formulaic and artificial at best. And as much fun as this date was with the evening of trivia and all, I didn’t really get much of an opportunity to get to know him. If I’m going to kiss him, I’d like to get to know him better rather than kissing him out of some ritualistic requirement.

I know there is some stupid “wait a couple of days to call” rule to first dates. However, I would have to assume Hebrewzzi is going read this post anyway. So I’ll say it, he was a really nice guy. I know, I know that is totally a turn-off for some people, but he really was nice, polite, courteous. He offered to pay for dinner and our $3 beers (although I bought the cocoa) which I appreciated (I’m not old-fashioned – just broke). Sure there were moments of awkwardness one might expect when you’ve meet that person randomly online but I’d go out with him again – without trivia or computers. But to be honest, the evening didn’t convince me one way or another if I should only date Jews. Sure, it might have offered the suggestion that perhaps someday I should only date that yid. And ready as I am to do my final dunk in the mikvah, I’m not ready to completely swear off the goy.

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