Religion & Beliefs
What Kind of Ass-Backwards Woman Goes to the Mikvah?
By Laurel Snyder / January 22, 2007
For years I’ve had a love/hate relationship with the idea of the mikvah, the ritual bath women are required to take after menstruating (and after childbirth too). The concept that women are unclean and must be purified seems like crap to me, but I dig the idea of ritualizing cleanliness, and I LOVE taking a bath.
And then today I discover that we should all be going to the mikvah more often. Not just women, but men too. Before holidays and Shabbat, and before getting married. Some Jewish men go to the mikvah every time they have a nocturnal emission (Yeah, right!) Some people have even started using it as part of the in-vitro process.
I’ve only been one time myself, and that was for my conversion, many years ago. But since then I’ve known women I respected, Jewish feminists, smart ladies, who went regularly to the mikvah, and today I’m trying to rethink what it means to be purified.
See, here’s the thing—I’ve menstruated, and I’ve had a kid, and the truth is that both of those things ARE unclean. Bloody and sticky and stinky at times too. I do not want to play in my menstrual blood, or smear it on things, or cook with it. After a couple of weeks of bleeding from your crotch, you SHOULD take a bath.
But saying this makes me realize that it isn’t the idea of impurity that bugs me as a woman. I think people DO get dirty (literally and figuratively) and they SHOULD be purified.
My issues stem from being told what to do, especially by men.
I wonder (and I’m just playing devil’s advocate here) if this isn’t the overarching problem with a feminist response to Jewish observance. Judaism LOVES to tell you what to do, and Judaism has been largely written and structured by dead white men.
Feminism hates being told what to do by dead white men. Period (no pun intended).
So now I’m wondering how many of you have been to the mikvah, and what your gut response is to the idea of going? If you were going to keep kosher and observe the Sabbath, would you also go and get purified?
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THANK you the anonymous posters at "DEAD WHITE MEN??" and "lost in translation."
I’m modox and have been married and going to the mikvah now for about four months. It’s completely awesome. I love it–the actual immersing and then also the jacuzzi soak beforehand–more and more each time I go. That being said, observing other parts of taharat hamishpacha, including the harchakot (not touching) is agonizing and, even though we observe it, we are constantly wondering "should we really be doing this?!" It’s really, really hard.
I cannot relate at all to women having a hang up about being naked in front of another woman in the context of immersing in a mikvah. First of all, she’s the mikvah attendant. She has seen you and probably a thousand others and is not interested in scoping out your naked body, passing judgment on it, etc. Second of all, we are Jews! We are not Xians. Our bodies are holy and natural and wonderful blessings about which we should not be ashamed. A woman who has an issue with going to the mikvah because of the whole nudity part seems like, to me, that she has an unfortuante issue with accepting her body as a holy and natural gift from Hashem about which she should not be ashamed or "humiliated." The shame of one’s body is obviously appropriate depending on the context in that only certain situations and people warrant seeing your body, obviously. I think it’s so sad that women are humiliated by something that is, in my view, is something that celebrates women. We are not available to our husbands whenever they want! They are not available to us! We get space! We can carry life! We are all subject to physical processes that are beyond our control! We all get a chance to transform, renew, start over! The cycle of life, as embodied in that which is Woman! (wait a second…kind of sounds like feminism! gasp!) These traits are what mikvah reminds us, forces us to respect and honor.
Anyways, it’s really sad that women are embarassed by this mitzvah. I’m also wondering, do those same women with hangups about the benign mikvah attendant have male gynecologists? I, for one, hope that I never have to go to a male gynecologist and, thank G-d, have not ever been to one. A mikvah attendant is way less weird than a male gynecologist, in my opinion.
Anyways, I currently love mikvah. I do not view my body as dirty and I’m totally onboard with the concepts of ritual purity, especially considering that we ALL become ritually "impure." Then again, I was raised in a pretty progressive household that really celebrated women and our matriarchal roles in the Jewish Family as well as outside of the family (I turned out to be a lawyer, for example), so I was not taught anything about womanhood that would make me be skeptical of this mitzvah.
I heard the best allegory for this specific situation.
A woman was the manager of a hotel and wrote in asking about premarital sex and why was it wrong. The writer turned the tables on her asking if it would be ok for her to stay in the hotelfor free. The woman responded that that was ridiculous. If you want to stay in my hotel, you have to pay for it.
The same goes to with sex in Judaism. If you want to experience the joys and ultimate connection of a sexual relationship, you need to do it (no pun intended) within the parameters of Jewish law.That means getting married and going to the mikvah first regardless of your age.
My issues stem from being told what to do, especially by men.
This is a quote from the middle of your article. The Written Torah and the Oral Torah tell you what to do. These holy laws were given by G-d at Mount Sinai to Moses and passed down for all generations. The "men" are not telling you what to do. The Chachamim of every generation are relating what G-d tells everyone to do. maybe your issue is with that you think feminism and Torah are mutually exclusive. If you knew what it meant to fulfill the female role in the world, you would appreciate how vital it is to the continuity of jewish life. Men and women were created differently for a reason. One is not better than the other. G-d wanted man and woman to be complements for each other in fulfilling the will of G-d on Earth. The concept of this is clearly outlined in the Torah when is calls Eve and "ezer k’negdo" which mean helper opposite (more literally against) him. If he is worthy the commentaries say she will be his helper, if not she will be against him. So a man needs to play his role and do whatever G-d (and in turn the Chachamim who have the authority to building fences around Torah by making laws to protect its observance) tells him to do. A woman must also play her role.
I feel the same way!!! I’m so glad there is someone out there who can relate. I dread going. I seriously wish there was a less humiliating way.
Yes. Consult your rabbi, or, start by talking to his wife, your Rebbetzin. (Day TWELVE is the good day for getting a baby, they say. But it’s all in God’s hands.) There are always special cases in Judaism! That’s why we have rabbis! This is not the Motor Vehicle Department, where there is one way for everybody. It’s about GOD, not RULES. It takes a long, long time to become a rabbi, and for good reason. They really do know how to work with Judaism as a living way of life, not an encyclopedia of rules. This is not do-it-yourself, any more than say dentistry is.
You can prepare, and get squeaky clean, and ready, at HOME, before going. Then, you just show up, immerse, and leave; streamlines the process a bit.
Don’t begrudge tipping them, even generously; they work hard, and get no thanks. Did you see a Wall of Honor with donors’ names at the Mikvah?
Dead white men?? If you are religious, you think this stuff comes from G-D, NOT MEN, dead or otherwise. G-d is their master, as much as yours. If you are not religious, then why think about a mikvah at all? Feminists: men have to go to mikvah, too. Please absorb that. Men get just as impure as anybody else, just in different ways from women. It's not about "woman is dirty". In fact it might be the exact opposite: woman is somebody. Judaism says physical contact with your wife – or husband! – is not just reaching for the salt-shaker, a casual right, anytime you want. No, it's a big deal. She's human. She's special. When the couple got married, he said his wife was SACRED UNTO HIM ("be thou sacred unto me according to the law of Moshe and the people Israel"); so being married is SOLEMNLY HOLY, not just convenient and fun. That's why the mikvah is part of it, as if to prepare for Temple service.
And, in a water-poor area like Israel, insisting, with the force of law, that even the poorest of the poor had a right to a complete, full immersion, not just a sitz bath, once a month anyway, is very democratic! What a luxury it must have been, back in the day. People forget how LIBERAL strict Orthodox Judaism really is.
As someone who became religious and follows the halacha of using the Mikvah, I can tell you that what in theory may sound very spiritually uplifting, can in reality be very clinical, and a disappointment. Mikvah is not just immersing in water, it is a whole series of rules of behavior and conduct leading up to it- including not touching or even handing your husband any objects, until you have immersed, as well as checking for all kinds of minute issues relating to a woman's cycle.This includes after childbirth, so that after our children were born, we did not hug, kiss, even pass the baby to each other for over 6 weeks. Still feel drawn to its "spirituality"? That is the problem with seeing rituals outside of the big picture- you have to accept it all, if it is going to be done, not just take out of it the parts you like.
designed to transport people from one seaport to another along regular
long-distance maritime routes according to a schedule. Liners may also carry
cargo, and may sometimes be used for other purposes (e.g. for pleasure
cruises or as troopships).
An ocean liner is usually a ship designed to transport people from one seaport to another along regular long-distance maritime routes according to a schedule. Liners may also carry cargo, and may sometimes be used for other purposes (e.g. for pleasure cruises or as troopships).
In the time of the Temple, mikvah was a part of everyone's life. If a little kid played with or merely touched a dead rat s/he had to go to the Mikvah. There was plenty of occasion for all kinds of impurities, especially for people who lived in Jerusalem and ate Ma'aser Sheini all the time.
Today, Mikvah for women, in general, is reserved for three things – to prepare for sexual relations, to prepare for Yom Kippur, and to prepare for the Temple Mount see http://www.hamikdash.com/AliyaIntroenglish.htm and http://www.hamikdash.com/Aliya_English.html both in English and http://www.hamikdash.com/UnmarriedGirlsAliyaHebrew.htm in Hebrew
In some communities, it is/was customary for everyone – men, (separately but also) women and children to go to the Mikvah on erev Yom Kippur. In the Jewish Quarter of the Old City of Jerusalem, the women's Mikvah is open to all females on erev Yom Kippur.
The issue here should not be whether dead white guys should tell you what to do, nor whether unmarried women should use the mikvah.
The significance of going to a Mikvah (and by the way, under certain circumstances you can use a natural spring or the ocean) as a purification rite as distinct from a cleaning or washing act is really only there if somehow you believe that this is a fulfillment of G-d's commandments. And G-d is not dead, nor white, nor a guy.
Once one accepts that G-d's will is that women who have menstruated must not have sex until they immerse properly in a mikvah (or spring or ocean as noted above), the question is not should she toivel (immerse in a Mikvah) but should she have sex.
If she is happily married, this more or less goes without saying. if she is single, then to say the least, official Judaism officially frowns on this. But if she has made the decision to have sex (or she thinks it is likely to happen without much advanced planning) then she should very definitely go to the Mikvah.
I am saying this as an orthodox rabbi of the hareidi (ultraorthodox) type. Saying that unmarried women may not or should not go to the mikvah is only an acceptable statement if the result is that those unmarried women will not have sex. The custom or edict or whatever it was that unmarried women not go to the mikvah was to discourage nonmarital sex, not to doom those who have unmarried sex to the highest spiritual punishment which Judaism has.
So once again, I am not encouraging nonmarital sex, but if you are going to do it, go to the mikvah. This is not (neither for me, nor for the woman doing it) being hypocritical. This is saying that in the real world we have to do the best we can and limit our sins as much as we can.
If anyone wants to contact me about this or anything welse, I am available at emeslyaakov@yahoo.com
Mikveh in Beijing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zoZzD0VPfeM&mode=related&search=
You should ask yourself why you want to go to the mikvah. If you're going because it's mandated by your faith, then you're holding a double-standard for premarital sex. If you're going to affirm tradition, you could try using the mikvah somewhere with less orthodox rules for access.
As a married religous woman, I HATE going to the mikvah. I wish it was abolished. My problems are not so much as men telling women what to do; it’s about having a strange woman wathing me naked. I’ve had one mikvah lady who was so obvious about it, she just stared at me while I walked down the steps to the mikvah. I was so embarrassed and came home in the worst mood ever – no passion happened that night. To me it is extremely degrading to have some strange woman see me naked,someone who is clearly looking at my flaws and imperfections. This mitzvah would be so much more special and meaningful to me if I could have privacy while in the mikvah. But knowing someone is watching me naked makes me anxious and just want to get out of there as soon as possible.
It wouldn’t suprise me if this mikvah lady was comparing our bodies. What kind of “mitzvah” is mikvah anyway?? Every month is a nightmare.
lynn harris wrote a great essay on nextbook about going…
http://www.nextbook.org/cultural/feature.html?id=251
many religious men go before shabbes every week, and many more go before the high holydays. According to tradition men are also required to bathe in the mikveh after "nocturnal emissions" before they can enter the holy temple, but since we don't make sacrifices anymore, that tradition has fallen by the wayside.
Things being menstruated by the little anime girl: A sheep. A bunny. A bear. A kitty. And she looks so happy! Please tell me this is all part of Playtex's next ad campaign, in which the Power Tampon Girls fight crime and promote justice with the help of their magical menstruation spirit animals.
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