Religion & Beliefs
A Former Baal Teshuva’s Anger at Teachers
By David Kelsey / November 24, 2009
One of the ways that Orthodox, and even formerly Orthodox people (FFBs) attempt to silence former baalei teshuvah (secular and Liberal Jews who went through a black hat-style Orthodox phase) is to dismiss us as "angry."
But there is often good reason to be angry. And the fact is, not every former baal teshuvah looks fondly in retrospect at the mind games, the lies, the hagiography, and the general bullshit employed without restraint by the Kiruvniks in order to "make them frum."
As Elana Sztokman writes on the Sisterhood blog in, "Between Baalat Teshuva and Britney Spears,"
Although the journey is enlightening, I wonder how much of the pain is necessary. Put differently, some days I’m angry at my teachers.[...]
In fact, the polarized juxtaposition of Western culture versus ultra-Orthodoxy is at the root of women’s entrapment. As if it’s either one or the other: If you don’t want to be a superficial, mindless, materialistic sex-object, cover up and come to us. The returnee movement feeds on people’s dissatisfaction with what Beverly Gribetz calls "great, big, shopping-mall America," with Paris Hilton and Britney Spears as models of femininity. But of course, there are worlds in between. It’s just not so easy for an impressionable 18-25 year-old sincere spiritual seeker to unravel the subtleties and summon courage to say, "None of the above."
I have noted this exact issue of selective retrieval before myself, and would only caution Dr. Sztokman to remember that the blackhatter baal teshuvah experience is just as bogus and debilitating for men. The men may not be refashioned into "helpers," as the wives for the husbands are, but they are refashioned into Hebrew slaves for the Gedoylim.
You say you have anger towards the BT movement, Dr. Sztokman. Well, you are in good company. And as a fellow Kiruv survivor well aware of how nasty the Orthodox get when one criticizes their "outreach" efforts to make other Jews like them (but as second class members), I thank you for coming forward.
Unfortunately, there will be more and more angry former baalei teshuvah in the coming years.
Just this month, the Hertz Family Foundation announced a $1.5 million dollar grant to the Dark Light.
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‘FFB’ does not refer to ‘formerly Orthodox people’. It stands for Frum-From-Birth, i.e. someone who was born into a religious home and always lived a frum life.
Oh how true these journies are, though the labels move from ‘angry’ to outright villification if you are involved in causes that run counter to the ‘Rebbe’ or other power-figure’s ideology. As these groups take over our communities,they are radicalising them which drives off the great majority of people who are told that they are not good enough.
One would question the acceptance and sincerity of the BT movement, given that most of the groups that promote it either want you to accept a shtetl mentality, or label you as divisive and dangerous if you think differently to the leader or the group, yet never accept you as an equal member of the ‘fraternity’. Â
What is worse, they operate from a profound base of ignorance. Most of the ‘outreach’ workers have very little formal education training, or education in the humanities and sciences. But they will proclaim as holy writ facts that are patently wrong, but if you add a few superlatives then that makes it true.
What is required are more strident Modern Orthodox and Progressive Movements. Wearing a kippah and tzitzit is not just an Orthodox, or Haredi mitzvah but the common heritage of us all. Rather than let someone who is running from modernity and has very little understanding of patriarchy, feminism, or science above a year 8 education tell us what is true, we need to take ownership back. We can be Progressive and dati, we can be Orthodox but not shtetl-Chassidic, we can be Chassidic but not a member of a boys only club for emotionally immature men who would not know how to talk to a woman, let alone understand the complexities of the human condition.We need to PUT THE JEW BACK INTO JUDAISM.Â
 When we actually become more confident in our own Judaism then these self styled ‘priests of orthodoxy’ can return to policing their own communites for dangerous free thought, and making sure women are kept in their place. And if anyone turns out gay, well they’ll be watching your family.
We need to move beyond the anger, but not forget it. Come to a point of understanding and present alternatives to the Lubavitch/Black Coat vs everyone else struggle for what is true. We need to return to a living Judaism where the Rabonim serve the communities and not the other way around. Â
So huzzah to you good people for speaking out, and let us take back what is ours. We can be a baal teshuvah without the ideology. It requires courage, vision and a bit of chutzpah
Shabbat Shalom ALL
Yes, correct, thank you.
the historiography?
i assume you mean hagiography.
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