How many godforsaken hours can one possibly pass via Chinese food and movies? How many hours of our lives must we watch tick away waiting for the world to start up again? Unlike Ms. Chupak, I do not get off on appropriating the (a)religious rituals of others.You smell like chimney and old people.

Humiliatingly enough, tried to take part in revelry with my purported peeps, but was turned away at the door for insufficient proof of ticket purchase. Alas!

There is nothing to be done but get fucked up, haul out the best Hanukkah present ever, and start taking bets as to how long until those jackass decorations go away for another year.

And! Compose a Haiku:

Christmas is boring
Everything is closed and shut
I want a latte.