You Might Be PunkTorah If...

What does it mean to be PunkTorah? In the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be a Redneck If..."

-You've seriously considered taking speed in order to stay awake on Shavuot

-You only have one-night stands with girls/guys you've met at JCC

-Your rabbi is on your Top 8 on Myspace

-You hosted a bar mitzvah for your black, lesbian neighbor's dog

-You think Whole Foods should sell organic gelt

-You got your "Never Forget" tattoo on Friday night after watching Schindler's List

-You try to match up the rhythm of the Shema with your favorite Sex Pistols song

-You love the High Holidays because you get to wear your Converse high tops to Shul

-You despise bureaucracy but will join every Jewish group on Facebook

-You feel a sense of indie street cred for knowing that Brian Chase from Yeah Yeah Yeahs is also in a band on JDub Records

-You secretly admire Chabadniks because they out-drink everyone on Purim

-You're on a never-ending-quest for a hemp yarmulke with an anarchy symbol

-Your car has "gefilte fish", Obama, and Apple stickers on the bumper

-You like going to Hillel meetings to see "how the other half lives"

-You beat the shit out of everyone at No Limit Texas Dreidel

-For the guys... if you've considered becoming a frum because their beards are "metal as balls"

-For the ladies...if you wish the local sheitel store had wigs in blue, green or fire engine red

And finally, you might be PunkTorah if you consider it a mitzvot to get rabbinical students stoned after they pass final exams, because those kids worked their asses off and deserve a nice vacation with Mary Jane.