You've put together an extremely important and informative post here.  I sincerely hope it gets a lot of exposure.

You're obviously aware of the complexity of the problem, which is a terrific start.  There's no "magic bullet" solution to the kinds of issues you've identified, but saying them out loud (and online) is the first necessary step.

What I'd like to understand a bit better is the distinction you find many are drawing between "the Jewish children of intermarriage" and "half-Jewish" people.  Is the difference that the former are raised as Jews while the latter are not?

Dear Rogueregime:

I am very pleased that you found my essay of interest!

I have never seen any articles on why many Jewish outreach workers are reluctant to outreach half-Jewish people, and thought it was time that the subject became public.

With regard to your inquiry about the phrase "Jewish children of intermarriage," if you review my post, you'll see that I don't use that phrase anywhere in this post.

You may be thinking of an essay I wrote in November 2009, "What Do Half-Jewish People Want From the Jewish Establishment?", located here:

http://www.jewcy.com/post/what_do_halfjewish_people_want_jewish_establis...

I believe that essay addresses the issue that you raise, and the essay is followed by a comment thread of over 60 comments, many of which address that topic. I would suggest that you may want to re-review that essay and its comment thread.

If that very lengthy treatment of the subject does not address your question, I hope you will repost your question in the comment thread for that essay, and I will be happy to respond to it there.

Very cordially,

Robin Margolis

www.half-jewish.net

www.inclusivistjudaism.wordpress.com

This is a very thorough list, thanks. Being "half Jewish" myself (although I consider myself completely Jewish; I never say "half"), I have experienced firsthand a lot of what you mentioned. No one really reached out to me, but they didn't need to, because I just started to become very involved on my own.

The main thing problem I encounter is that I don't look Jewish, so a lot of times when I'm in a new Jewish setting people just look at me like, "are you really Jewish?" Sometimes they even ask or say, "you don't look Jewish!" I have lots of other half Jewish friends who look Jewish enough to people, so no one questions them about their background. But everyone always wants to know how Jewish I am, like I have to prove it to them by saying which synagogue I went to growing up (and I didn't go to one). 

...accepts as Jewish all people with one Jewish parent (it doesn't matter if it's the mother or father). 

This was a terrific article, but I wonder if it has to do with the author's cultural milieu. I have plenty of (born) Jewish friends who treat all people who identify as Jews as Jews, without question.

It's true, though, that with such a small population we shouldn't be turning away or alienating people that some might consider "not Jewish enough." And besides, the diversity of backgrounds and perspectives is one thing that makes the global Jewish community so vibrant. 

Dear Chanaswan:

I am sorry to hear that you have experienced firsthand many of the ignoring and rejecting behaviors described in my post. Your persistence in continuing to live as a Jew, despite all of this, is admirable, and shows great personal courage and determination.

You are not alone in finding your Jewish identity challenged because you "don't look Jewish" or "don't act Jewish" -- this is reported by many, many members of the Half-Jewish Network. Our message board at:

http://www.half-jewish.net/messageboard.html

has many posts on this subject. Have a look, we discuss this stuff, and our varying viewpoints about it all the time.

I look like my Scots-English-Dutch father, and always stick out like a hyacinth in a tomato field in Jewish settings --

Those of us who do not "look Jewish" often undergo a barrage of questions designed to establish if we are Jewish, which parent was Jewish, and many of the questioners then seem to expect us to provide a long list of Jewish achievements to prove our worthiness to live as Jews --

I joke that as a half-Jewish person, I am expected to do twice as many Jewish things, as a Jew with two Jewish parents, in order to achieve much less than full acceptance.

With regard to the use of the terms "half-Jewish" and "Jewish" -- I think of myself as spiritually Jewish, and culturally/ethnically as half-Jewish -- because I have a deep and profound connection to my Christian father's Scots-English-Dutch culture as well as to my Jewish mother's culture.

Chanaswan, for me personally -- everyone must make their own decisions -- I cannot describe my cultural/ethnic heritage as totally Jewish -- it means abandoning my beloved Christian father, who has been very supportive of me in my Jewish quest, including my rabbinic studies.

I take it that you are "totally Jewish" spiritually? or culturally? But that there is some emotional connection to your parent or grandparent who is not a Jew, and his or her heritage? Because, at a bare minimum, it is in our DNA.

I don't know about you, but I've got my dad's miserable sinuses, just for starters. I will never be able to forget that culturally and ethnically -- and yes, medically -- I am half-Christian -- especially during allergy season.

Very cordially,

Robin

www.half-jewish.net

www.inclusivistjudaism.wordpress.com

Dear Jason:

Thank you for considering the article "terrific." I appreciate your good opinion of it!

I heartily agree with you that we shouldn't be turning away half-Jewish people when Jewish numbers worldwide are so small, and our need for diversity so great. Jewish culture will not survive as a one-note Ashkenazi orchestra.

Now, if I understand you correctly, your other questions break down along the following lines:

1. Reform accepts all children of intermarriage, whether matrilineal or patrilineal, why not join them?

[2. Not asked by you, but this is usually the second question: why not convert?] and

3.  You're in the wrong cultural milieu, Robin -- if you hung out with my cool circle of warm Jewish friends, you would experience no discrimination whatsoever.

I've been asked these three questions -- in that order -- many times -- so bear with me on a complex reply!

1. Sadly, Reform does not accept all children of intermarriage, regardless of whether they have a Jewish mother or a Jewish father. I wish!

It is sort of a Jewish urban myth.

When Reform (in 1983) and Reconstruction (in 1968) made the decision to abandon the matrilineal descent rule (a person is Jewish if their mother is a Jew) -- and parted company on this issue with Orthodoxy, the Conservative movement, Israel and part of Jewish Renewal --

Few people realized that the relevant Recon and Reform ruling actually accepts as Jewish the children of a Jewish father or a Jewish mother only if they are raised as Jews.

If the children of intermarriage are not raised as Jews, Reform and Recon insist that they convert.

Since at least two-thirds of us are not raised as Jews -- largely due to the unwelcoming Jewish communal attitudes mentioned in the post above --

This means that Reform and Recon aren't quite as welcoming as they think they are.

2. So why not convert via Reform and Recon?

Well -- Reform -- I can't speak for Recon, as very few children of intermarriage that I know seem involved with Recon -- Reform's conversion process is often lengthy, expensive, and -- sometimes, not always -- demeaning for half-Jewish people.

For example, one patrilineal child of intermarriage reported that her Reform rabbi humiliated her in front of her entire conversion class by stating that the fact that she had a Jewish father and had been living as a Jew for several years "counted for nothing" or words to that effect -- because she hadn't yet had the magic mikveh immersion.

I was told (by a Reform rabbi in 1984), "Last year we would have had to accept you as a Jew [because of my Jewish mother], because we followed the matrilineal rule. But since we passed the new rule, we don't consider you Jewish any more, and you'll have to convert." That made me pretty angry. One year I would have been Jewish, and the next year I was not?

Many half-Jewish folks are fed up with the discounting of their Jewish parent.

Whereas people with two Jewish parents who've been raised as Hindus and Catholics from birth, and then returned to Judaism as adults, are usually not required to convert.

They are immediately welcomed warmly as Jews, and effort is expended to help them catch-up on lifecycle rituals, such as bar and bat mitzvahs, and Jewish knowledge. That has been Jewish custom in many Jewish communities since the Middle Ages.

Half-Jewish people raised outside of Judaism are starting to ask:  why aren't we welcomed in the same manner?

That's why the Inclusivist Judaism Coalition welcomes as Jews all children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren of intermarriage who identify as Jews:

http://inclusivistjudaism.wordpress.com/who-is-a-jew/

We're going to treat them just like returning Jews with two Jewish parents.

So conversion via Reconstruction or Reform is not always an option for half-Jewish people.

3.  You noted: "This was a terrific article, but I wonder if it has to do with the author's cultural milieu. I have plenty of (born) Jewish friends who treat all people who identify as Jews as Jews, without question."

Jason, sadly, it is not my cultural milieu that is the problem. If that were the problem, I could tell half-Jewish people, "Move to location X, and hang out with the Jews there, including Jason's cool friends." 

Nothing would make me happier than to have a tolerant central milieu to send half-Jewish people to visit.

I have met with Jews and Jewish groups from every conceivable background in my quest to gain more acceptance for half-Jewish people within Judaism.

If the outreach workers -- who are trained to do outreach -- paid to do outreach -- and their mission is to do outreach -- won't outreach half-Jewish people -- can you imagine how the rest of the Jewish community behaves to us?

Basically, Jason, there is sort of a communal illusion in many Jewish circles -- both in communal institutions and in informal circles of Jewish friends -- that they are welcoming to half-Jewish people, when often they are not. The gap between self-perception and actual behavior is enormous.

It's difficult to explain this -- many shuls, for example, think that they are welcoming to half-Jewish people. But when I question them, they have no programs for us, no brochures, no welcoming language on their websites, nothing, nada.

And when I politely suggest that they create these signs of welcome, I am met with a ton of excuses that reveal the true state of affairs: too expensive (what, to create a one page brochure?); too controversial (what, to start a monthly discussion group for us?), too 'divisive' (what, to put a statement on a teen Israel trips webpage that half-Jewish people are welcome to apply for the trips?) or most damning of all -- silence.

I have had complaints from half-Jewish people that they have spent years being a good shul member, paid dues, volunteered -- only to discover at the end of a year, when they questioned fellow congregants and the rabbi -- that no one really wanted them in the shul, because of their parentage -- but telling them this earlier would have violated official "welcoming" policies.

One buddy of mine abandoned her quest to join one Reform shul -- famous nationwide for its warmth and outreach -- when they told her that it would be "interesting" to "have the first open adult child of intermarriage" in the shul. Apparently all the other half-Jewish people who belong the shul are in the closet about it.

This is a shul with an openly gay and lesbian support group. It appears that half-Jewish people have replaced gays as the love that dare not speak its name in that shul.That shul also has piles of open interfaith couples. But their half-Jewish folks don't dare mention their status. What is wrong with this picture?

With regard to informal friendship circles such as your own -- there are several problems. First, half-Jewish people usually have no way of knowing in advance if a friendship circle of born Jews truly welcomes them. 

You see, Jewish friendship circles, just like Jewish institutions, often believe themselves to be welcoming to half-Jewish people. But what does the 'welcome' consist of? Sometimes all we get are a few hearty remarks about how they welcome everyone who identifies as Jewish -- but then the group does not act well when someone mentions his or her Christian mom or dad, even casually.

Even one snarky remark can show the underside of a group.

It is often tacitly understood that we will be accepted as "real" Jews as long as we keep quiet about the half-Jewish stuff.

Other times, the "you're-not-as-Jewish-as-me" stuff is very blatant. A group of observant Jewish students at Brandeis persuaded their half-Jewish friend to serve as their shabbos goy, flicking off light switches on Shabbat and running errands for them:

http://www.heebmagazine.com/articles/view/120

I'm sure those students would defend their behavior as just joking, but most half-Jewish people wouldn't think it was funny, and it said a great deal about their real attitudes towards their 'friend.'

One younger poster on Jewcy told me that he was teased so mercilessly by his Jewish friends for having blonde hair (from his Christian dad) that he dyed it darker, and is now treated more as a "real" Jew.

I also went through 100 or more posts on a Gen Y age group Jewish thread, a very friendly thread on "what do we like about being Jewish?" and noted with increasing alarm that the mostly Ashkenazi-two-Jewish-parents participants completely ignored every post by openly half-Jewish people and by non-Ashkenazi Jews (Ethiopian Jews, etc.) 

It is as if they literally did not 'see' any of the posts by people who did not have two white Ashkenazi parents. These were liberal Jews. It was frankly kind of chilling.

These are younger Gen X and Gen Y, whose friendship circles I would expect to be more tolerant. 

I think because the older mainstream Jewish community is so unwelcoming of us -- even the  outreach workers! -- that many informal younger Jewish friendship circles, in many areas of the country, reflect these unwelcoming attitudes.

It is very rare that we have a social circle of Jews who truly accept us, as we are, and give us the freedom to speak about ourselves as we truly are, unless there are several other half-Jewish people in that social circle. Otherwise, we are often very cautious about what we say, as we are "one down."

I've checked out some 'welcoming' Jewish groups -- shuls and social groups -- in stealth mode -- not telling them who I was.

One liberal non-affiliated shul -- another one famous for its "welcoming" policies -- was not happy to receive my report that I -- accompanied by a partly-Jewish, partly-African-American woman co-leader of my havurah -- were totally ignored by the attendees at a shul function, even when we attempted to politely engage them in conversation.

What the shul attendees saw  apparently -- when they looked at me and my co-leader, who were completely unknown to them --and these were 30 and 40 somethings -- was a WASP and a black woman. And they were not interested in speaking with a WASP and a black woman. Period.

Final example, one partrilineal friend of mine years ago confided to a secular, two-Jewish-parents friend of hers that the patrilineal was converting to Judaism soon. Much to her shock, her secular, easygoing 'friend' said, "Don't we get a vote? You mean people like you can just come in?" They had been friends for years, and my buddy was heartbroken. I don't think they were ever very close again.

In my experience, only three types of Jewish social circles truly welcome us with no reservations, and no unspoken understanding that we are not to mention our half-Jewish stuff too often: (1) groups where there are several half-Jewish people already embedded; (2) groups where half-Jewish people are a majority; and (3) small shuls in remote geographical areas that are desperate for more members.

Now the situation is slowly changing -- I see indications among Jewish groups on college campuses that born Jewish students reach out to half-Jewish students much more than in the past.

With regard to your social circle, Jason, I sincerely hope that they are as welcoming as you say. Half-Jewish people could use the welcome.

Sorry for the long reply, but these are very complex issues. If you would like to see the world through our eyes, you're welcome to visit the Half-Jewish Network message board and see for yourself:

http://pub2.bravenet.com/forum/static/show.php?usernum=132853333&frmid=4...

Cordially,

Robin Margolis

www.half-jewish.net

www.inclusivistjudaism.wordpress.com

If anyone asks me, I say I am Jewish. Despite not being raised as a Jew, I am as Jewish as any of my cousins who either A) were raised religiously but are patrilineal, or B) were "full" Jews raised "secular" with no religious training. If someone with two Jewish parents who knows next to nothing about Jewish religion, history, and culture can claim a Jewish identity, so can I. Unapologetically. As it turns out, with my burgeoning Jewish library, I now probably know more about Judaism than many "secular" American Jews.

If I were to change my name to my mother's (German/Ashkenazi) maiden name, most people would probably assume I'm "really" Jewish. This seems like an absurd hoop to jump through, since there is nothing wrong with the name I was given at birth. I've considered it - just to avoid having to explain over and over how I arrived at a state of Jewishness, and whether or not I'm entitled to be or worthy of being Jewish. Many other Halfies will know what I mean when I say I have encountered disbelief - which, yes, can be quite tiresome. I have my father's WASP last name, as a result of which I'm publicly assumed to be a WASP. As a result, anti-Jewish bigots feel free to share their anti-Jewish attitudes with me, as if they expect me to agree. "Full" Jews tell me I'm not "real" and "don't exist." What is this nonsense? Am I the Tooth Fairy?

LE SIGH.

I have given up wasting time and energy feeling resentful or sad about this ongoing, completely moronic dynamic. I know who I am and what I believe. I can pray, meditate, study, and finds ways to be close to God in my daily life, with or without the support of a rabbi, shul, or Jewish community. I know how to read. I know how to listen to Hebrew tapes. I know how to hang a mezuzah on my door. I don't need anyone to tell me how to do these things or to give me their permission or their blessing. The only opinion that matters to me is God's. So put that in your pipes and smoke it! LOL

I started the Seattle Half-Jewish Meetup group so I and other Halfies can share our unique angle on the culture in a supportive, non-judgmental environment. I wanted to create a safe and non-demanding place for those of us who are curious about our Jewish ancestry to explore the social forces that have shaped our lives. And to explore spirituality, and share resources in a low-key atmosphere. No agenda, no hurdles. Who we are, whatever we are, we are fine the way we are, the way God made us.

As Rabbi Hillel said, what is hateful to you, do not do to others. That is the whole of Torah, the rest is commentary.

Well, first of all, I think it might indeed be sensible to promote
outreach to "half-jews" and urge communities or
organizations to be more welcoming to people who don't have an
exclusively jewish background but are, or might be, interested in
jewish religion and community life.

But:

At the same time, I do not exactly understand some of the author's
terminology, and I have a problem with views as those
promoted on this website the author recommends
http://inclusivistjudaism.wordpress.com/

Halakhically, you are a jew if your mother is jewish, and if she's
not, you're not, no matter whether you have some other jewish
background, and if she is, you are, no matter whether you look like
dolph lundgren and have an alligator farm in louisiana or whatever.
period. Also intermarriage is clearly banned and not anything that
should be encouraged. And I don't see a reason why someone should
mess with these rules that have worked for at least 1800/2400 years,
and clearly contributed to sustain jewish communities in usually more
or less hostile or at least discriminating environments where
conversion to the majority religion was a reasonable, accessible way
out of the inconviences or severe hardships you had to face if you
were jewish (and one many actually chose). And of course
intermarriage is not a problem and has never been a problem if the
non-jewish spouse is willing to become jewish (though in some
environments, historically, and still in certain muslim countries
nowadays, converting to judaism simply wasn't possible if you didnt
want to get killed for it. but yet people married into jewish
communities in the past just as well as they do today... although
today most intermarriers decide to marry themselves out of the jewish
community). i have no idea why ruth is cited as an example for
non-tradionalist judaism on the inclusivist website, as if marrying
converts was forbidden in general anywhere.

So, there aren't any "half-jews". You're either jewish
or not.

In this context, demanding outreach for „half-jews“ (which can
only be people who don't have a jewish mother, if you really have to
use this flawed term) is equal to demanding actively proselytizing
non-jews, and that's simply not a particularly jewish custom, and i
can understand why many people in the outreach business don't see
this as something they need to spend their resources on. (Personally,
I don't have a problem with any of these things, though. And if
someone wants to send jewish missionaries to africa or india to mass
convert non-jews there that's perfectly okay with me, too).

But there's absolutely no need to mess with the traditional way to
define who's Jewish, just because some people who are not
halakhically jewish are too lazy to undergo formal conversion. From
what I can tell, a ger/gyoret with jewish background is generally
more welcome than a complete goy who feels attracted by Judaism for
one mysterious reason or the other, just like non-jewish spouses of
jews are generally more welcome. And if you just have a non-jewish
father and people reject you because of your looks or your job or
your last name, then these people are obviously just full of $“!§
and should either be avoided, or you fight your way in and forcibly
reeducate them, depending on what amount of energy you are willing to
spend on the matter.

That's how it is done: If you are not jewish but want to be a jew
and be accepted as jew, you find a community and a rabbi (preferably orthodox because otherwise you won't be accepted by most hardcore jews) where you
can undergo conversion. period. no matter whether you're a southern
baptist cowboy or the son of jew XY who happened to fall in love with
a shiksa. BUT you DO NOT whine and bitch about how mean halakha
adhering jews are if they don't take you for a jew just because your
granddad was jewish and your last name is Cohen or something.

It's really up to yourself, and if you don't feel a connection to
judaism and are interested in learning and adopting a jewish
lifestyle, anyway, i doubt outreach programs will have much effect on
you. But – if people venture in this direction it's just as swell.

I also do not exactly get why the author describes himself as
„half-jew“ when he apparently has a jewish mother. The fact that
you love your christian dad (or even if you embrace certain aspects
of christianity) does not have any impact on your legal status as a
jew.

Next. It's quite evident that some jewish communities can be
relatively closed societies that aren't overly welcoming to any
outsiders, even if they are thoroughly jewish, have a phd in law and
look like kafka. not to mention others. It's also quite evident that
more than just a few jews can be a bunch of narrow-minded racist
assholes. Well, that's one of the burdens you have to be willing to
take on you, if you want to be a jew: trying to find a way to live
with a bunch of narrow-minded racist jewish assholes. Being chosen
isn't meant to be an easy business.

Having said all this: I've got a non-jewish father myself and
don't look stereotypically jewish either. But i never felt my
jewishness was by any means diminished by that, and i cannot say i
met many jews who actually had much of a problem with my
„half-jewish“ background.

If you look closely, you'll see the term is half-Jewish, not half-Jew. Most people with one Jewish parent understand, when we hear the term "half-Jewish," that it means one side of the family is Jewish and the other is not. It is an imperfect but concise way to sum up who we are.

As the child of a Jewish mother, I find that halacha doesn't count for much in most Jewish communities - perhaps less in the liberal circles. I wasn't raised as a Jew. I'd have a hard time gathering the paperwork to document my Jewishness. But I was told and always believed I am Jewish.

What is the difference between my experience of the culture and the experience of someone with a Jewish father and non-Jewish mother? I experienced a mixed family. They experienced a mixed family. Being "half" Jewish is a cultural perspective, not a religious perspective.

Having said that, there is very little difference between a Jew with two Jewish parents raised in a secular setting, a patrilineal raised in a secular setting, or a matrilineal...raised in a secular setting. Thus, "who is a Jew" in that context seems like a pretty meaningless debate. Yet, the Jew with two Jewish parents would not have to convert. Theoretically, the matrilineal would not have to convert, but probably wouldn't be accepted fully. The patrilineal theoretically would have to convert, but to what? Some of us feel we shouldn't have to convert to what we already are, culturally or historically. We experience anti-Jewish bigotry, but don't get the support of a Jewish community.

My personal philosophy is to not attempt behavior modification of other adults. I'd rather spend my time on what is immediately and directly life-affirming. I have better things to do than argue, complain, cajole, scold, lecture, or try to educate or persuade anyone. I won't tell anybody what they think their religion means or should mean. Whatever does it for them, I get to decide what does it for me. My goal is to live a spiritual, God-centered lifel. I believe Torah is a means to an end, not an end in itself.

Still, I wonder how it serves the Jewish community or helps preserve the world Jewish population if people who want to be involved are turned away. How can someone complain about assimilation, then say we don't belong? Many behave as though once "assimilation" has occurred, it is irreversible. The assimilated are lost forever, dead to Judaism, not worth retrieving. It is not simply a matter of being "too lazy to convert." Some people convert and still get treated like crap because of who their parents were. Some would love to convert but can't get any help to do it. Also, there are mixed messages about one's Jewish "status" depending on who you talk to. Being of matrilineal descent is no guarantee of acceptance or recognition as a Jew.

Ultimately, if Jewish institutions don't do outreach to us- for whatever reason - we will be lost to their brand of Judaism. We may create our own. We may take our goy-cootie-encrusted dollars elsewhere. For groups who rant so much about wanting to preserve the Jewish way of life and to promote "Jewish continuity," not outreaching us seems like a lost opportunity for them.

As Rabbi Hillel said, what is hateful to you, do not do to others. That is the whole of Torah, the rest is commentary.

I have spent a few moments reading your passion about "half-Jews" and I
am surely confused. Since you obviously understand that any interested
non-Jew can convert and have a kosher conversion--what is your bottom
line?

 To whine that even Reform temples don't like "half-breeds" is a
bit over the top since the Reform movement is loaded with intermarrieds. It seems thay you believe that anyone of any ancestry or
predilection should be able to self-Identify as a Jew and everyone else
should agree. Is this your bottom line?

 It sure seems to me that our traditional standards cover these
problems and Judaism is for Jews and not for "half-Jews." If you have
care and compassion for the children of the intermarried--perhaps a
great place to start is to help in our efforts to reduce intermarriage.
Then, you could help encourage the Jews of intermarriage who want to
convert to Judaism, to find a kosher Rabbi with a genuine ordination and take the time and effort
to become Jewish and live as a Jew.

What am I missing?

Robin,

Thank you for your articles.  I'm married to a Reform rabbi in rural Connecticut, and because of what my wife does, I generally hear about peoples' Jewish family members within 10 minutes of meeting anyone. E.g., "my father's Jewish" or "my grandparents converted to Christianity when they emigrated from Russia."  They run the gamut from thinking of themselves as half-Jewish with some sporadic holiday observance to having essentially no Jewish memories or identification.  

My wife and I have sometimes discussed pitching a "Taste of Judaism" class toward folks who know they have some type of Jewish connection, but don't know much more about it.  I was wondering if you thought that would be an effective way to draw people in, and if there were curricular additions or even exercises from your experiences of working with the Half-Jewish Network that would be useful to add to that kind of class.

Dear Robin,

After reading your article and comments, I can't help but think of the uselessness of using "half" in this discussion. Some identify with Judaism; some don't -- some of these are folks with a Jewish mother, or a Jewish father, or both, or none.

While you have quite a bit of anecdotal evidence that, as you put it, "half-Jewish people" feel disconnected/scorned/unaccepted in the Jewish community, just as much anecdotal evidence could be collected to support the idea that many people who have just one Jewish parent -- like me -- feel at ease with our Jewish identity and our place in a Jewish community. 

As for shuls not catering to -- again, your phrasing -- "half-Jewish" folks' needs, that is most likely because most shuls do not classify people as "half-Jewish."

Also, regarding your comment to Chanaswan that you "will never be able to forget that culturally and ethnically" that you are "half-Christian," of course not everyone feels the same. 

I certainly do not feel any morsel of emotional connection to my grandparents who were not Jewish, or their heritage. My dad may have been raised Lutheran but he never uttered a word about it and I never had the chance to meet his parents or siblings while growing up, as my identity was forming. Therefore every relative I knew came from my mom's side and was Jewish. I would certainly hesitate to say that my experience represents the experience of many, however. 

Thanks for listening.

Hi Robin.

I would have commented on this article earlier but I wanted to give it some serious consideration.   Given some of the hateful headlines this year, I think it's an invaluable thing you are doing make our religion and culture accessable. 

Clearly I am not fully Jewish in the genetic sense.  I was raised in an interfaith home where one parent sought to wipe any and all evidence of my Ashkenazi heritage from my mind.  My growth toward Judaism was a long, painful process that did not become real for me until I spent a long, hot summer working at a public pool listening to (and sometimes holding hands with) an Alameda Holocaust survivor while he alternately cried and and amazed me with the fact that he did not let his family name end with him.

Later in my life, I was energetically pushed toward my Jewish roots by my primary care physician, an Orthodox man who saw something in me (that even I could not see) and spent a lot of time trying to calm my fears and assure me that not only was I one-hundred percent Jewish, but that G-d didn't really care who my father was.  He told me how important it was for me to get involved in Judaism if my heart and my values were truly Jewish.

When he died (suspiciously) at his Arabic language school, and when a local rabbi reached out to me in my time of grief, I decided then and there that frankly, I don't care who approves of me or not.  I care what G-d thinks.  I care whether I am striving to learn everything I possibly can about being a strong Jewish man.   I care immensely about whether I am living up to my potential, honoring my Jewish family and the values of the many people who lived and died to allow me the freedom to be who I am.

If there is one thing that I have learned from the amazing Jewish outreach in the San Francisco Bay Area (and believe me, it is amazing), it is the fact anyone who sincerely wants to learn how live a genuinely Jewish life (and who is willing to do the work) can do exactly that.  To be sure, I have received a lot of discouragement from people who are "Jewier" than me and who like to rest on their laurels due to the fact that their last name "sounds more Jewish" or because they "look more Jewish" than me.

Oh well.  I don't exactly seem them beating a hasty path to shabbas.  It's easy to say you're Jewish, and it's another thing entirely to make it to temple on Friday.

I know who I am, I know what I have to do, I have a wonderful support system thanks to organizations like Jewish Gateways in El Cerrito.  I have nothing but love for G-d, for my rabbi and anyone who wants to be a part of my Jewish life.  

Honestly...I feel that if someone is going to waste their energy on keeping track of whose mother had what last name, I think they might need to read Mein Kampf or Henry Ford's book. That kind of behavior borders on racism, and it's both self-defeating and extremely ugly.  Why do we want to emulate the very people who sought to wipe us off the planet?  Why do we want to treat people like they're some sort of modern untermensch or underclass?

I'm pretty sure that G-d cares what's in a person's heart.

Am I wrong?  Anyone out there have any conversations with G-d stating otherwise? 

If so, let me know.

Thanks again Robin. You're an inspiration.  And, honestly, sometimes you bring tears to my eyes.

-Erik

What you're missing is the entire point:

"Whatever is disagreeable to yourself do not do unto others"

I think G-d is, was and continues to be pretty clear about that commandment.  I don't see any footnotes or "if/then" addendums.

Do you? 

Should we have some sort of racial purity standard above and beyond matrilinealism for what makes a "whole" Jew? 

Because when you say "kosher" and "genuine" I'm hearing "race."

Can I get up in your business and start telling your family who to marry and who not to marry?   Should we hire investigators to cross-check genetic profiles?  Anyone can walk into a courthouse and change their surname. Maybe we should have spies tail people around to make sure they aren't secret goyim.

You say your last name is Friedman.  What if someone says it isn't?

Taking it further...I'm one eighth Turkomen.  Should I just say "f*ck it" and convert to Islam?   What do you say to someone who isn't "pure" but rejects their non-Jewish heritage?

Tough sh*t?  

I'm sure as hell not going to set foot in a Christian place of worship and I don't see myself doing well in a Mosque.

But please do let me know if you have a solution.  As I stated above, it doesn't seem to me that there are so many of us (or that we are so loved in the world) that we can afford to kick people out of our country club because they don't meet murky, dangerous and downright insulting racial criteria.

Prove me wrong.

Shalom,

Erik

Why the "half-Jewish" stand when one wants to be Jewish?  We have a solid definition of who is a Jew and that is someone born of a Jewish mother or has converted by the terms set forward from our tradition.  Therefore, what is the problem?-- and I asked Robin but I will be pleased to respond to you as well Erik.

What is the "disagreeable" part? Perhaps your argument here is that ANYONE who wants to say he is Jewish is to be considered, by the force of popular will, to be "fully" (this is not my stand since one is either Jewish or not and no one is more Jewish than anyone else) Jewish.  Erik--you have said nothing to define your stand and curse words towards me surely does not help.  Regarding getting in my face to tell me "who to marry and who not to marry"--although I am a Jew--if I did not marry a Jewish woman I would not have a Jewish son and if he does not marry a Jewish woman--he will not have Jewish children--this is a statement of the obvious.  It is a tautology.  What is the beef here? It seems you are Jewish,Erik, since it seems your mother was Jewish--right?

To repeat, if someone born without a Jewish mother wishes to become a Jew--there are conversion classes in most cities in the world sponsored by qualified Rabbis.   This is called a solution to the "problem." In such a process, that person "rejects" (as you say) his non-Jewish heritage.  I am a bit lost here--have you and Robin not heard of conversion?

But intermarriage is really harming our community so the solution is not the rearguard plan to bring people to endure years of study and become Jewish again--it is the inreach which encourages our community to not marry out in the first place. 

In your first post, you asked what you are missing. Perhaps what you are missing is awareness of your own priveleged place as a full Jew in the broader Jewish community. Maybe you are not aware that half-Jewish people (which we define as those with only one Jewish parent regardless of the gender of that parent) often encounter discrimination, suspicion, hostility, and dismissal in Jewish circles even when we want to convert or, if matrilineal, when we seek Jewish learning opportunities in established institutional settings.

The issue being raised by Ms. Margolis is, I believe, that there are currently no outreach efforts directed specifically at adults who are the children of intermarried Jews. At the Half-Jewish Network, the question has been discussed at length: One would think we would be an easy catch for outreach efforts, "low-hanging fruit" for those working to preserve the Jewish way of life. However, there are no currently available outreach programs directed toward us. This makes it appear that adult children of intermarriage, whom we describe as "half-Jewish," are considered to be less desirable members of Jewish communities than the members of other demographics (such as converts from other faiths, interfaith couples, and the GLBTQ community.) While it is good that outreach is available to these other groups, we are baffled as to why we are overlooked if the goal is truly to increase participation in Jewish life. Is this not the goal of outreach? Or inreach, or any kind of assistance with study that facilitates inclusion?

As for the harmfulness of intermarriage, I might argue that it is harmful to discriminate against intermarried couples in such a way that their children - us - are punished socially for the simple crime of having been born. If our parents are terrible people, what does that make us? Natural born traitors? Contaminants?

As Rabbi Hillel said, what is hateful to you, do not do to others. That is the whole of Torah, the rest is commentary.

I think one problem is that even some people who define a Jew as someone with a Jewish mother do not treat us (people with a Jewish mother and non-Jewish father) as full Jews, even as they claim to consider us full Jews. As Robin pointed out, there is a disparity between the way people are and the way they perceive themselves. Or you could say there is a disparity between they way I perceive someone's treatment toward me and the way they perceive it. According to your definition of a Jew, I am fully Jewish, but I am often not treated that way. To me that is a real practical problem that needs to be addressed, even if you don't have any theoretical disagreements with matrilineal descent, halakhic conversion, etc.

Holy Halfbreed--If the call here is to have access to great learning opportunities--you have it.  Who is turning you down? National Jewish outreach specifically targets intermarrieds who are interested and motivated.  Birthright gives free trips to Israel to the intermarried.  I often sit next to people who are converting and look very different from myself in an Orthodox setting--so all the more so in non-Orthdox shuls. If the complaint is merely social acceptance--let me be plain--part of what you say can be accurate.   If the child has a father who is Jewish and a mother who is not and has made no attempt to go through conversion--this is a clear signal that the father has made his choice and knows that his children will not have a solid Jewish future--unless the child as an adult feels strongly about it and converts.  Therefore, this child might feel slighted if his Dad is there bringing him to shul. 

Yet, no committed "half-breed" (wow I hate that term) will be turned away from the most frum shul anywhere if there is a conversion by halacha and the effort is made.  The Conservative movement has made a big effort to welcome intermarried couples but unlike Reform (which welcomes all intermarrieds unconditionally)--they want the non-Jew to enroll immediately in a conversion class. It is one thing for two married Jews to lead total secular lives and have children who may or may not find their way back and quite another for that bond to be broken with an intermarriage.  It is truly the most momentus decision for a person to make and if a Jewish future is not precious to a Jew, that choice has consequences. 

Is the impulse here to have a world where such a choice has no consequence--is this the bottom line need stated here by Robin and others?  I must observe that all significant choices have consequences and we cannot live in a world where the impact of having a man like Obama as President (for example--choose your own if you do not like this one!) can be fixed by having his opponents live in a world where the impact of his bad decisions are not felt by them.  This is not possible. 

But on the other hand, It is simply ridiculous to say intermarrieds are not sought after.  Reform accepts all intermarrieds unconditionally and the Conservative movement wants membership but often requires conversion classes for the non-Jew.There will always be a bit of tribal prejudice when one is presented with a very non-Jewish sounding last name from their non-Jewish father. Therefore, the son or daughter of a Jewish mother/non-Jewish father can defeat those attempts through the strength of  learning and commitment so that when this young adult marries a Jew--those children will not have that "baggage."  In my experience, everyone has baggage so the Hillel quote is not one to pin on some while making it free for others to use as a baton.

Chana, you do not require conversion and if you struggle with how you percieve yourself--this will influence how others see you.  So if a Jewish journey is your choice--make it and you can't worry about how others see you since you are Jewish by halacha. Your issues and solidarity with the complaining parties requires more understanding that you have not specified.  If you are not treated well--what is happening?

You said: "Is the impulse here to have a world where such a choice [intermarriage] has no consequence"? I can't speak for Robin, but I will say I feel it is wrong for the children of intermarriage to have to live with the social fallout of a decision made by others before they were born. We should not be discarded as throwaways or marked as irretrievable or as a lost cause.

Why is intermarriage in and of itself viewed as a threat to Jewish life? If the spouse wants to convert and does so, why is the conversion sometimes not respected? Why is the conversion not considered final? What does a convert bring to Jewish culture that makes that individual less than desirable?

What is the purpose of religious observance if it is not to cultivate awareness of and respect for God, to know who we are, to enhance the quality of life for others? Can't any motivated person do these things, regardless of parentage? Is connecting with God a human need, or only a Jewish one? I believe religion is a technology, a method, a path - not the destination, and thus people of myriad traditions have insights to offer the world. I am interested in using the path that works for me.

You also stated, "If the complaint is merely social acceptance--let me be plain--part of what you say can be accurate:" Exactly. You don't need to be plain, because the rejection, when it occurs, is both frequent and obvious. The greatest learning opportunities, I have found, are online and in books, where I don't need to explain myself. Trying to enter a Jewish classroom setting is another matter, and after many atttempts over a two-year period, I got demoralized and simply stopped. Finally I was rescued by a rabbi I respect and admire. I just got lucky. Many don't. If I could, I would want to make it easier for other Halfies.

Sorry you don't like the term "half-breed" but that is what it feels like to me to be on the outside, essentially unwanted in both cultures - too Jewish, yet not Jewish enough. Hopefully the second half of the equation can eventually be remedied.

You feel bludgeoned by my use of the Hillel quote? I like that quote. It reminds me why I am alive.

As Rabbi Hillel said, what is hateful to you, do not do to others. That is the whole of Torah, the rest is commentary.

1. A few comments suggest that conversion of the non-Jewish spouse is a "solution" to what would otherwise be an intermarriage. Regardless of the denomination you convert with, there is a considerable amount of time and energy invested into the process. Furthermore, the non-Jew must be prepared to adopt Judaism as his religion and abandon whatever non-Jewish beliefs he has. For some, this is feasible because they are genuinely attracted to Judaism. But for others, conversion is simply not an option.

2. Regarding all this talk of who's a MOT and who isn't because of their mother. I grew up with the understanding that Judaism was inherited via the mother, but I see it's more complicated than that. Can thousands of years of history be erased in one generation? I'm not so sure.

If you hold by the matrilineal rule, that's understandable, but you should at least recognize that half-Jews are our fellow Israelites/Hebrews and are of Jewish stock.

Sure, Holy Halfbreed--there is an absolute disconnect here in the stand you are taking.  The answer to my question concerning the consequences of choices is that you seem to want to live in a world where there are no consequences and this is truly a poor response.  And look at the consequence here--it can be remedied--unlike the consequence of having one's mother have an abortion of having one's mother fail to assume good pre-natal care--these consequences cannot be fixed.  But if one's parent marries a non-Jew--this can be fixed.  Only by Jews marrying each other is the opportunity for a Jewish outcome equalized.  So this extra burden is understandable and able to be fixed if the party wants it to be fixed.  But only a small percentage of the people are Torah Jews and the expectation that the Jewish people cannot by their free will fall from the path is not desirable or in tune with reality.

What is at issue here is the primacy of marriage, the family unit and how Judaism is passed from generation to generation.  You have not "bludgeoned" me with a Hillel quote--you are misusing it.  I am not doing somehting harmful to the children of intermarrieds and I do not know anyone who is.  Children of the intermarried are commonly less involved in Judaism--but this does not at all mean that "half-breeds" are being blocked from Jewish learning. Again--you have not specified the nature of your problem (without naming names and places)--you have not said you went to your Rabbi at your Conservative shul and asked to be a part of his Wednesday night Talmud class and you were told you could not participate.  Again, I have been to many learning events and I see people who are coverts, beginners, etc. It would surely be helpful if you spoke about how you are being turned away and by who--and why.  Is it because you have not undergone conversion and you have refused to undergo conversion with a Rabbi whose conversions are recognized as by halacha?  I have attended many classes with people who are not yet converted and they go to the same classes I attend.  Absolutely--these conversions are respected since they are done under the auspices of qualified Orthodox rabbis.  The ones which are NOT respected deserve no respect because they are performed under the auspices of Reform or sometimes Conservative Rabbis who fail to give the convert therequired level of training.  So is this your beef--you have not had a conversion and you expect to be treated as a Jew?  I don't know the facts and I am guessing because you have not spoken about the facts and  I must observe for your benefit that generalized anger brings nothing. 

For Jakes--no I will not follow a movement that wishes to discard the tradition of who is a Jew since this is not only a stand which is traditional--it is a standard which is flexible and reasonable as well so that anyone who wants to become a Jew can choose that path.  Try to become accepted as Chinese, by contrast--it won't work.  And yet, one of the shuls I attend has black faces, Chinese faces, all kinds of people.  This is something to celebrate.  A Jew who breaks the bond and marries out has created a net loss for the Jewish people and that person has either a minor or major correction on his plate.  Only when two parents united in their Jewish mission have a child can the OPPORTUNITY for a Jewish future be maintained and that opportunity is realized only when that child chooses a Jewish path for himself/herself as a young adult.  If one's mother is Catholic and one's father Jewish--an adult child can choose what he or she wants to choose.  But to presume that child to be a Jew makes no sense--that young adult must take the steps necessary to show that he is a Jew since he could just as easily say he is a Catholic or a Buddhist.  To be plain, those steps are not entirely different from the steps I have made as a BT and I have a clear Jewish line from both of my parents as far back as I have been able to trace.

As I've stated many times in this thread, I am a matrilineal Jew. I should not have to convert. The Reform movement might think so, but I disagree. I was told by a Reform rabbi, "You're not really Jewish." Another one said I don't have to convert. Meanwhile, I tried to talk to Chabad...the rabbi there asked me how I know I'm Jewish, by which he seemed to mean how did I know my mother was Jewish? How did I know her mother was Jewish? It was not enough for him that I said so (why would I make it up?) - he wanted some kind of proof or documentation. I tried to go to classes at an Orthodox learning center where I was quizzed at the door about whether or not I am Jewish, and the person at the entrance desk visibly recoiled from me. People stared at me, presumably because I wasn't dressed like them - maybe they were afraid of me, although I was dressed quite modestly. They pretend they are open to all Jews, but they are only open to Jews who are exactly like them. At JFS, I asked about a class for mothers who are converting, to which I was referred by another agency, but I was told I couldn't be in it because I am not a convert - and in the same breath I was told I was not really a Jew and they didn't have classes for people like me. I was also told my family - me, and my children - are not Jewish. So, halacha counts for nothing with any of these people. It is meaningless. They are hypocrites. They say a Jew is a Jew to them, but they are lying. People deny they are behaving this way, when it is perfectly obvious what they truly believe - and that is crazy-making. I tried to work with a Conservative rabbi privately and at great expense. As soon as I brought up the fact that my father wasn't Jewish, she stopped answering my emails. When I was in my 20s and wanted to attend a synagogue I was told that if I wasn't raised religiously I wouldn't be welcome there.  If people had supported me then, I might have reclaimed Judaism much earlier, married a Jew, and raised Jewish children, but that didn't happen. The prejudices of others made them behave irresponsibly. That is is my opinion.

Chronic anger and resentment are not healthy, I agree. My current rabbi told me there is no place in Judaism for resentment, and to pray for those who piss me off. Which I do. I pray three times a day, at least. I should do it more. I should avoid these discussions, because they make me feel bitter instead of grateful for what I have. And I admit, that is not cool.

Since I discovered the Half-Jewish Network, I have learned my experiences are very common. Others receive similar mixed messages. Someone was told his mother's conversion - back before his birth - was now coming under scrutiny and could be reversed, which might mean he would no longer be considered a Jew. How crazy is that? If you are truly interested in what Halfies experience, pick up a copy of the book Half/Life, a compilation of 19 personal essays by halfies, edited by Laurel Snyder. Read the HJN message board. Listen to what people say.Try to understand what it feels like to come to Judaism as an adult but also as a born Jew, but also as someone not considered "real." Try it on, that's all I'm saying.

shalom

"no I will not follow a movement that wishes to discard the tradition of
who is a Jew..."

 Good, I wasn't asking you to. I'm not a follower of those movements myself. I was just making a point that half-Jews are, ethnically at least, 1/2 Jewish. They still have some connection to Judaism, even if one does not believe they are Jewish. I just thought it would be nice if everyone recognized that.

" it is a standard which is flexible and reasonable as well so that
anyone who wants to become a Jew can choose that path. 

Flexible and reasonable is subjective and it varies from rabbi to rabbi, even within the same denomination.

"Try to become
accepted as Chinese, by contrast--it won't work"

Not really a valid comparison. Besides, a lot of converts complain they aren't treated the same as those born Jewish. 

I'm a bit confused. You say that a chance for a Jewish future requires two Jewish parents and that a half-Jew can choose whatever he or she wants. Clearly some so-called half-Jews are choosing Judaism (as is obvious from other postings) and some Jews (Jewish by mother and father) are not.

Not so much hostility as contempt for your racist opinions, Friedman.  If that really is your name.

You are clearly quite skillfull with the use of intellectual dishonesty, and you are an expert with the same codewords and button-pushing terminology used by the racists at Stormfront.

If you want so badly to be part of das eine volk...and if keeping things ethnically "pure" is so important to you, perhaps you should find another religion.  Bottom line. 

Furthermore, I have quite literally risked my life fighting Nazi skinheads and their organizers on the streets of San Francisco, Oakland and Berkeley.  I have been physically beaten - quite badly - and shed much of my own blood fighting for your right to say hurtful things to people who want nothing more than basic human respect and recognition.

I won't be spoken to in condescending tones by the likes of you.   Clearly, being the member of an exclusive "race" and defending it against miscegenation is more important to you than sharing a commonly-held belief in G-d. 

Given that fact, I have nothing left to say to you.  Enjoy the view from your high horse.

If you approach people in this aggressive, insulting and ignorant manner, reject and defame Jewish law and custom as "racist" and compare someone arguing completely in line with Jewish law and custom, like Mr Friedman, to neo-nazis, then I can very well understand why many Jews refuse to deal with you, irrespective of their own background and attitudes on the matter. 

"As I stated above, it doesn't seem to me that there are so many of us
(or that we are so loved in the world) that we can afford to kick
people out of our country club because they don't meet murky, dangerous
and downright insulting racial criteria."

Well, we have always been a small minority. No need to accept every bum who wants a free membership card and calls the club rules shit.

Jake:  I'm a bit confused. You say that a chance for a Jewish future requires
two Jewish parents and that a half-Jew can choose whatever he or she
wants. Clearly some so-called half-Jews are choosing Judaism (as is
obvious from other postings) and some Jews (Jewish by mother and
father) are not.

Resp:  Right--it is the SAME process.  Those Jews who are opting out when they make their free will choice to marry out.  When the offspring of that relationship wants to opt back in--there is another choice and when they opt in--they marry a Jewish spouse and have Jewish children.  But it is an uneven process.  The Jews who marry "in" have that continuity and those who marry out have a far greater chance of losing the bond forever.  This is all easy stuff.

Jakes:  Flexible and reasonable is subjective and it varies from rabbi to rabbi, even within the same denomination. 

Resp.  Sure.  How can one expect more although I agree we should demand more.  So let's start with getting every Rabbi a kosher ordination.  Ooops--that won't work so there you have the reality. We cannot get all Rabbis on the same page and this is why there are rules and standards.  In our secular society, rules vary in their enforcement far more widely.

Ok, Holy Halfbreed, I think I hear correctly what you are saying here.  You say you are the daughter of a Jewish mother who also had a Jewish mother but you and your Mom did not marry a Jewish man.  A Reform rabbi wrongly said you were not Jewish--that would be an odd statement coming from a movement now dominated by the intermmaried--while another agreed you were fine.  So far so good.  Then, a Chabad Rabbi simply asked about your Mom and grandmother and you became very angry and defensive.  He clearly has a right to ask and yes--I have been asked and so has my wife.  I would assert that at some point almost all Jews are asked and why is this bad or wrong?  I would argue this is very good since if there is no meaning in our standing--no one would care to ask but if there is something important about it--the Rabbi wants to know when he first meets you.  But he did not deny you access--he merely asked and you walked away.  Since you have something vital at stake in learning Judaism and being Jewish--why can't you say with pride about your Jewish family? I bet your grandparents were both Jews--is this the case?  I bet you know their family names.

Then, at a Orthodox learning center--you were not denied access--you merely felt that people were looking at you. I cannot comment on your subjective feeling concerning how people are looking at you--I would not know how to begin but again, I can easily imagine that this is very common and even universal feeling for everyone at some point and fails to document your allegation that you are being deprived.

Then, even though you know you are halachically Jewish and you require no conversion--you inquire about a conversion class and alas, you are not a convert.  

Then, you tell us the following:  When I was in my 20s and wanted to attend a synagogue I was told that
if I wasn't raised religiously I wouldn't be welcome there.  If people
had supported me then, I might have reclaimed Judaism much earlier,
married a Jew, and raised Jewish children, but that didn't happen. The
prejudices of others made them behave irresponsibly. That is is my
opinion.

So here is finally the tale of woe--again I can't say I have much sympathy.  If there is a shul that turns Jews away--that would be a very rare shul.  In my circle--most of us were not raised religiously--I have never met a congregation or a Rabbi that would hold that against anyone. And drawn to Judaism late, we became BT's--and so can you.   But you have this allegation of not being supported "then" so ipso facto--forget your own choice and blame that unnamed shul--you married the non-Jew and had a family much less likely to want to be Jewish as adults as a result.  But you still have the choice--the door is still open to you and your family. You are a "real" Jew who can choose to have as rich of a Jewish life as you want.

Or you can join in common cause with people who are the offspring of bad conversions and lead a protest--not against the people who performed the bad conversion but against Judaism itself.  

I find your choice hard to explain and since  you wish to go back to the Hillel quote--I would clearly want to be a Jew with my house in order.  In a related and far less substantial way--I would not want to be in America illegally if I was from a South or Central American country.  I would want to play by the rules and enter legally.

"The Jews who marry "in" have that continuity and those who marry out have a far greater chance of losing the bond forever. "

I don't disagree. What I find problematic is denying people who are born of these unions a right to their Jewish history and its traditions. Go ahead and blame their parents if you want, but the children are innocent. Their only "crime" is taking an interest in their ancestry. If they want to live a Halakhic lifestyle, I assume they would want to convert. But I'm getting the sense that many do not want to live a Halakha lifestyle, they just want to identify as Jews. This is no different from Jews with two Jewish parents who identify as Jewish but are not shomrei mitzvot.

So if you're concerned about "losing the bond forever" why is it so bad for these people to practice Judaism or identify as Judaism, even if they don't convert? This way, the bond is at least preserved.

"We cannot get all Rabbis on the same page and this is why there are rules and standards."

I'm lost. The rules and standards are, once again, subject to interpretation. I think you said you're a BT. Surely you're aware of the differences in interpretation among the Orthodox regarding Halakha (agunot and mamzerim issues come to mind). So rules and standards don't get everyone on the same page, even among the Orthodox. I don't understand what your solution is. The half-Jews should convert to what your LOR 's opinion is? Your comment to HH suggests you believe there are bad conversions out there  (even if they were al pi Halakha)- some (many) Orthodox rabbis would disagree and would cite sources to support this. Halakha is not always clear.

Of course, if nobody knows your mother and you can't come up with any documents proving that she is Jewish, why should people believe you? Whether you're considered jewish is a legal matter, and as in all legal matters you need documents or testimonies to support your claims. Basically EVERYTHING in Judaism is a legal matter. If you still haven't realized this, you will need to study more. 

Same with conversions. Whether a conversion is recognized or not is a legal matter, and different people can have different views on what's required for a conversion to be valid. There will always be people who might have doubts on the validity of a conversion, sometimes even if it was an Orthodox conversion at a widely respected Beit Din (particularly in Haredi communities, but it might also happen in liberal circles occassionally, I've heard). And non-Orthodox conversions will almost never be recognized by Orthodox communities and institutions. Then you basically have two possibilities: Either you go to another community that sees no problems with your mother's conversion, or you undergo formal conversion yourself (possibly in a shorter process, to make an existing but somehow doubtful or insufficient conversion kosher). I don't know anyway why people on here seem to have such big problems with conversion - it just serves to see whether you are actually willing and able to live like a Jew, and you do nothing different from what any observant Jew does. And if you don't intend to live like a Jew, I don't know why it should matter to you to be considered a Jew. Why not just be a happy, spiritually fulfilled non-jew - there's absolutely nothing bad about being a non-jew. 

"Of course, if nobody knows your mother and you can't come up with any
documents proving that she is Jewish, why should people believe you?"

Why shouldn't they believe you? I can only see a few situations in which proving one's Jewishness should be required (and even in those situations, we can never be 100% sure). Surely studying at a Chabad house, the people who teach the Noahide laws to gentiles, does not require presentation of a family tree. What could this woman realistically gain from lying? How does this rabbi really know he is Jewish?

She talked about going to classes at an Orthodox learning center that claims to be open to all JEWS. She said nothing about it claiming to be open to EVERYONE. So her being Jewish or not would matter in that case. She also didn't specify what kind of classes she wanted to attend. If it had been a course directed at non-Jews, or at anyone interested, I doubt her status would have played a role.

HH: "Meanwhile, I tried to talk to Chabad...the rabbi there asked me how I
know I'm Jewish, by which he seemed to mean how did I know my mother
was Jewish? How did I know her mother was Jewish? It was not enough for
him that I said so (why would I make it up?) - he wanted some kind of
proof or documentation."

It was Chabad she was cross-examined at and it is was your comment on that incident I was responding to.

I don't know about what she talked to the Chabad rabbi and what she wanted from him.  I also didn't have the impression the Chabad rabbi incident and the learning center incident necessarily happened at the same place. You suggested that, but to me it seems these are two different examples for situations when she didn't feel accepted. But anyway, if a stranger nobody knows shows up for the first time to participate in a religious Jewish setting, it's natural that people want to know: Who are you? Where do you come from? What do you want here? Instead of just accepting herself that people might ask these questions she seems to prefer starting a whining support group for other people who don't like to have their alleged Jewishness scrutinized.

Felix,

I also think they are different examples. I am not talking about the Orthodox learning center at all! I just don't understand why the Chabad rabbi needed to interrogate her. It's not the same as who are you and what do you want. They were trying to ask how she was sure her mother, her mother's mother etc were Jewish. You know if I went to Chabad to learn about Judaism (for some reason) and they proceeded to cross-examine me on my Jewishness, I probably would have left too.

Jakes:What I find problematic is denying people who are born of these unions
a right to their Jewish history and its traditions. Go ahead and blame
their parents if you want, but the children are innocent. Their only
"crime" is taking an interest in their ancestry. If they want to live a
Halakhic lifestyle, I assume they would want to convert. But I'm
getting the sense that many do not want to live a Halakha lifestyle,
they just want to identify as Jews. This is no different from Jews with
two Jewish parents who identify as Jewish but are not shomrei mitzvot.

Resp.  The issue here is that there is no such "right" and the law assumes the answer to the question and the problem.  No one can simply self-identify as a Jew.  This is why there is the standard of requiring one's Mother to be a Jew or having a real conversion.  So instead of seeing the affirmative and seeking to define the difference between someone who is a Jew and someone who is not--you are arguing to assess the difference between a born Jew with Jewish parents who is not living the life of a Jew and a non-Jew who is seeking his Jewish ancestry in part of his family as being comparable.  But these are not comparable things.    As Felix and I have both pointed out the child of intermarriage (specifically, the child with only patrilineal heritage) can make that choice and CONVERT.  The only squabble about conversion is that I believe we need to come together as a people and accept all Orthodox conversions as legitimate (perhaps even 2-3% of Conservative conversions) and reject the others since they are in fact meaningless.  

This puts all Jews on the same page. and we have shared responsibilities as Jews, not "rights."

Once again, Jakes--the Chabad Rabbi merely asked a simple question.  But you would argue--when I go to the Chabad Center for a class with my wife--he does not quiz us.  OK--you are right.  I have the kippah and my last name is Friedman, my wife appears Jewish and looks the part--so for the one class with the new Chabad Rabbi who does not know us--we are not asked.  Of course if we joined the Center we would be pointedly asked and we would need to give the names of our Jewish family on both sides.

Poor HH was asked. Is this a scandal or a discrimination?  I think not-- and it is no scandal in any other context.  I was asked for ID when I was 24 to get into a movie or buy a beer--others were not--so what?--I had to show ID.For some reason some people questioned my age.  I was not refused service--I simply had to do a quick action to make things right with the gatekeeper.  HH was asked to do the same thing.

Robin indicated she would respond to questions in the comment section but she is not responding to the latest  postings.

Your comments here are great. Very illuminating. David, you made me laugh at myself a little bit. Thank you all, so much. I think I understand what you are saying.

Should I study more? Yes. I had never thought about all of this being looked at from a purely legal perspective, but rather, from a humanistic perspective, in terms of what would be considered kind or simply polite behavior in my own circles. Where, for example, it would never be appropriate for a woman 20 years my junior (rebbetzin or not) to ask me in front of a room full of people who is watching my children. Where, for example, it would never be polite for a rabbi or anyone else to grill me about my family's history or behave as if I might be lying about it. (Yes, for what it's worth, the Chabad incident was not at the same place as the Orthodox group.)

Essentially what it comes down to is an enormous culture-gap. I am
working from a different social paradigm. So from that perspective, you
are right to ask why should anyone in that setting accept me. I am as
foreign to them as they are to me. My values are not about what Jewish law says, but about what it means
to be a decent person - to treat others with compassion, respect,
kindness, empathy, and generosity. To me, that is the foundation of a
spiritual life. I don't believe halacha comes from God. It comes from human beings. Many world religious traditions offer useful insights. We can learn from all of them. Isn't there some sort of comment in Talmud about not assuming the worst of people? Could it be that for the most part, we are simply not coming from the same place?

I am not blaming anyone for who I married or didn't marry. I love my husband, I love my children. I have a perfect marriage. I was raised outside of Judaism by a terrified woman who told me I was Jewish but not to tell anyone else. (Both of my grandparents were Jewish, and that goes back for generations. I can't prove it.) I could have been drawn into Jewish learning at a much younger age if there had been support for my interest. My point is, I wish that didn't have to happen for others. Those who claim to abhor assimilation should not turn away children of intermarriage. If they do, they are being hypocritical. They have no business complaining if they are not willing to help. That was the point I was trying to make.

There are many obstacles to reclaiming a Jewish life, mainly having to do with the culture gap I am speaking of. This is why I have created a social network - because I (as well as Robin) want to offer a space where it is okay if people don't know if they want to be Jewish; if they practice another faith; if they don't know about Judaism; if they want to explore the social dynamics in their families, and so forth. This is not about "whining," although I can see how it might come across that way. (Replace "whining" with "confusion"  or "questioning" and you might come closer to the truth.) My goal is to create a safe place to talk about how we got to where we are, and what we might do about it, and what it means to us. Sometimes conversion is not what people are after, but rather learning about and
connecting with their ancestry, which yes - everyone has a right to do,
although they may not have a right to expect help from those
unconcerned with their situation. It made sense to approach Jewish institutions for information and guidance - but now I wonder if that is a mistake. The learning process has been extremely painful, confusing, and lonely for me - why should it have to be that way for others? Jewish institutions don't offer this type of support. You may be right to ask why they should - I don't know. But this is something we can do, for which there is a clear, wide-spread need. We know from our own experience what the challenges are. No one I've ever known with Jewish ancestry can forget it.

shalom

As Rabbi Hillel said, what is hateful to you, do not do to others. That is the whole of Torah, the rest is commentary.

"No one can simply self-identify as a Jew."

It's not for you to tell someone how to identify. If you don't want them to receive an aliyah in your synagogue, that's fine. It's also ok if you don't accept them as Jews unless they convert. But to tell someone they're not allowed to identify with their own heritage? Please.

 "As Felix and I have both pointed out the child of intermarriage
(specifically, the child with only patrilineal heritage) can make that
choice and CONVERT"

Not everyone can convert because they don't plan on living in accordance with Halakha. It doesn't mean they don't identify as Jews. Look at all the secular Jew, they still identify as Jewish.

 "The only squabble about conversion is that I believe we need to come
together as a people and accept all Orthodox conversions as legitimate"

Agreed.

"(perhaps even 2-3% of Conservative conversions) and reject the others since they are in fact meaningless."

 A bit harsh. I'd rather let the denominations make their own decisions regarding conversion.

 "
Poor HH was asked. Is this a scandal or a discrimination?  I think not"

Nor do I. I just don't think it's a very welcoming approach.

 "was asked for ID when I was 24 to get into a movie or buy a
beer--others were not--so what?--I had to show ID.For some reason some
people questioned my age.  I was not refused service--I simply had to
do a quick action to make things right with the gatekeeper.  HH was
asked to do the same thing."

A silly comparison which isn't relevant. 

I went to a rabbi at my own synagogue about what I should learn, and asked him several times. He didn't tell me what to learn. He ignored my requests, basically. I took an Intro to Judaism class and there found out some general topics to study, which I did. For the most part, I have had to figure out on my own what to learn, due to what I consider an unwelcoming attitude on the part of those who are meanwhile carping about assimilation. If I'm at your door asking you what I should know, and you think you're too special to tell me, whose fault is that? As a newcomer, how the hell should I know what to study? Or how to interpret the information I find? I've got a Jewish library of 60 or so books. Are they the "right" ones? Who knows? So what I am saying to people who complain about assimilation is: Put up or shut up. If you care, you are willing to teach, and you are willing to meet people where they are, as who they are, with what they know.

To repeat,  You are a full Jew in the eyes of our community and you can study with ease wherever you feel comfortable.  So you want me to tell you why any particular Rabbi or Jewish institution might make you feel unwanted or not "fully" Jewish, etc.  I cannot.  What I can tell you is every Rabbi I know and every shul I know would welcome you.

It is surely divisive and unnecessary to make a cause out of being half-Jewish.

Further, every Jewish institution I know is open about teaching NON-Jews our message and this is why Christians avidly listen to Chabad.com and Aish.com and I understand Christians are frequently in attendance at any number of events sponsored by Rabbis.

At my shul--my Rabbi does require for advanced classes that the participants be Jewish.  He is also someone who is reluctant to spend his time teaching non-Jews and this is understandable.  This has no effect on you.

Indeed, the Jewish world is "putting up" with yearning for Jewish knowledge--they are teaching and you are yearning--there need not be any animosity, fear or recrimination.  But let it start with each of us so we know the animosity is not with us.  

Thank you, David. I appreciate that.

Just so you know, I myself am not "making a cause out of being half-Jewish." I am not interested in arguing with anyone or demanding that they change to accommodate me. I have, however, been both hurt and confused by what I interpret as hostile behavior from many Jewish groups and individuals. If I were to assume instead that these are people of essentially good will, I might ask more open-ended questions. I might be less defensive, and I would hope that they, too, would give me the same benefit of the doubt. Whether you understand the term "half-Jewish" or not, I am unavoidably the child of an intermarried Jew. It is not a "cause." It is a circumstance, shared by others, who are in a better position than Jews with two Jewish parents to understand the unique challenges.

The purpose of my group is sharing. It is about finding my way and helping others to do the same. It is about attempting to understand, process, and navigate. I can see why, to Jewish insiders, our group may come across as divisive, but we apparently have a very different angle on the Jewish experience. We are operating from a different set of assumptions. That doesn't make established Jewish community members wrong and us right - it makes us different. Ideally, we can refrain from assuming enmity where none exists, as I think we all want pretty much the same thing - Jewish continuity.

It makes sense that those who are already in the Jewish community would be confused by where we are coming from, because our experiences are not their experiences. When I started my "Jewish journey" I needed answers about things only someone with my background really could answer, such as how to cope with being both insider and outsider, or how to cope with anti-Jewish bigotry, or how to cope with not belonging in either branch of my family, and why my family ended up where they did, why my mother made the choice she did, and what that meant, and what I should do about it - or what to learn, or where to learn it, or from whom, and for what reason. There was no one to ask until I found the Half-Jewish Network. No one else could help me with those issues. I am fortunate to have met Robin Margolis, who helps literally hundreds of people around the world with the same concerns.

Everyone has to start somewhere. When I approach a group that seems to expect me to be where they are when I just don't know what they know, that is uncomfortable, particularly if they seem angry that I don't know - if they are resentful, or suspicious, or offended that I haven't had the same kind of life they've had, or if they are offended because I'm doing something wrong that I am probably not even aware of. Coming from where I do, how could I know what they know?

It would be nice if Jewish institutions understood how to communicate with us, but they don't, really. I think Robin wishes they would learn. I don't care if they learn or not, because I feel this is something we can handle ourselves collectively as "halfies." On the other hand, if there is no one to teach us in ways we can understand, how are we going to learn - or more to the point, what are we going to learn? If Jewish institutions want us to know certain things, isn't it incumbent upon them to teach us? Also, it seems like it would be beneficial to the broader Jewish community to accept our money and our numbers - and thus, they should be interested in seeing us succeed in adapting to Jewish life.

I am fortunate to have finally met a rabbi who treats me with kindness, patience, and respect, and who advised me to "put aside pre-study notions" - who has been willing to walk me through the learning process. For that, I feel extremely blessed.

Dear Friends:

Please accept my apologies for my delayed return to this thread. I have had some work project emergencies.

I have read all of the responses on this thread, and will reply to each person separately, as each one of you raised different and unique issues.

Cordially,

Robin Margolis

www.half-jewish.net

www.inclusivistjudaism.wordpress.com

Much of this conflict surrounds the very nature of Judaism as something specific and grounded in a historical framework.  Kosher is not fluid and expaning--it is either kosher or it is not.  Marriage is not fluid--one either marries and Jew to remain Jewish and so to maintain Jewish continuity or one does not.  Halacha is not ever changing to meet modern needs although it can be adjusted in some circumstamnces--it is a body of law which will not change.

Yet the impulse of modern secular life is to have THINGS blended.  I agree that some things are better blended--not Judaism.  What is Jewish is not a blending of various things--the "best" of this and that.  It is one unique message that came from a static source--the Almighty.

Robin posits a "traditional model" and an "inclusive" model --and that is to say she rejects the historical model and wants to push the inclusive model--so this is activism and running with an agenda.  My counter point is to refute her example of Ruth (for example) as part of the "inclusive" model--thius is surely part and parcel of the traditional moidel since from Ruth is King David and from King David will come moschiach.Our tradition has this all pre-figured and anticipates these problems.  All we have to do is listen.

Therefore, marry a Jewish man/woman.  If one is compelled--convert back.  

And Robin is also wrong that the trends are going in favor of the intermarrieds.  The trend is going wiht the Orthodox simply because we replace our ranks frequently and fervently while the price of intermarriage is all negative.  The fact that Reform can count its numbers as large and increasing is only temporary as these so called half-Jews will marry out completly down the road. Therefore the Jewish future will be with the Orthodox.

This is no celebration.  The fact remains that Jewish inreach and outreach is vitally important and the children of intermarriage should be treated well.  After all--we are speaking about our very own families.

Thanks for your post. It brings up the issues suggested by the "raised Jewish" children of intermarriage.

I would urge you to keep in mind that two-thirds of us are raised outside of Judaism, largely because our intermarried parents were rebuffed. So your perception of being comfortable in the Jewish community is wonderful for you -- but the rest of us cannot board a time machine and arrange to be "raised Jewish."

We need your help. I would urge you to visit the Half-Jewish Network website message board, and help the rest of us advise the other descendants of intermarriage:

http://pub2.bravenet.com/forum/static/show.php?usernum=132853333&frmid=4...

People who are "inside," like yourself, could be very helpful in advising the rest of us.

With regard to some of your other points:

You stated: "After reading your article and comments, I can't help but think of the uselessness of using "half" in this discussion. Some identify with Judaism; some don't -- some of these are folks with a Jewish mother, or a Jewish father, or both, or none."

Robin replies: "half" is the best we can do. Two decades ago I ran the first U.S. national children of intermarriage group. We were careful to avoid the word "half" and call ourselves "children of intermarriage." It was a disastrous decision. They literally couldn't find us. Once the internet arrived, I reviewed all of the search terms children of intermarriage use -- "half-Jewish" appeared more frequently than any other term. So when you're marketing, you have to go with the term than works.

You stated: "Also, regarding your comment to Chanaswan that you "will never be able to forget that culturally and ethnically" that you are "half-Christian," of course not everyone feels the same. I certainly do not feel any morsel of emotional connection to my grandparents who were not Jewish, or their heritage. My dad may have been raised Lutheran but he never uttered a word about it and I never had the chance to meet his parents or siblings while growing up, as my identity was forming."

Robin replies: Please forgive me, as I may seem somewhat tactless. You never met your paternal grandparents or your dad's siblings at all when you were growing up? Not once? Your father never said a word about his Lutheran childhood? Not once?

Jamieelisa, in most families, when there is no contact with one side of the family, and parent representing that side of the family says nothing about them -- that means there is something has gone seriously wrong -- usually a history of alcoholism, violence, etc. Or were your dad's family bitterly opposed to your parents' intermarriage? Or chas v'shalom (G-d forbid), did a Jewish outreach worker encourage your intermarried parents to cut off your Christian family?

I ask these questions because I grew up in that way.

 My Jewish Orthodox mother ran away from home to marry my Christian father. I was raised Christian and never told that she was a Jew. She even converted secretly to Christianity. I met my mother's parents only a few times prior to my thirties, in circumstances where I was not told their real name and their real religion. I never heard a word about Judaism.

I didn't find out the truth until shortly after my mother's death, in my middle thirties.

The reason all this occurred was that my mother had grown up in a very dysfunctional Jewish family and wanted to get as far away from it as possible. I understand her feelings. I'm sure she was afraid that her family would be bad for us as well, but it severely damaged me, in ways that have taken years to repair, to be completely separated from one-half of our family, and one-half of my heritage.

I was, baruch Hashem, able to locate my Jewish family, and find two relatives who weren't dysfunctional -- the rest rejected me -- but I thank G-d that my Jewish grandmother and great-aunt -- in their late eighties -- lived long enough for me to meet and bond with them. We bonded very tightly. 

I sincerely hope that unless your Lutheran family has become dangerously dysfunctional or is extremely anti-semitic that you will find it in your heart to initiate at least some contact with them. There may be a relative who needs you, and who could be helpful to you as well.

If they are too dangerous or dysfunctional to remain in contact with, I would urge you to acquire books, CDs, etc., and learn about the history of Lutheranism and what ever country they came from -- Swden? Germany? You don't have to have an intense bond, but it can never be good to be cut off from a part of yourself.

You stated: "Therefore every relative I knew came from my mom's side and was Jewish. I would certainly hesitate to say that my experience represents the experience of many, however. Thanks for listening."

Robin replies:  Jamieelisa, when I did my first formal co-authored study of half-Jewish people in the early 1990s, I found that 10% of all children of intermarriage I surveyed had been completely cut off from one of their parental families -- back then it was usually the Jewish family that was cut off or with whom contact was minimized. We called them the "children of the runaways."

I think that as someone who identifies as a Jew, you will agree that cutting those children off from their Jewish families and all knowledge of Judaism was not good for them?

Unfortunately, as part of draconian interpretations of "raising Jewish children," some Jewish outreach gave the appearance of encouraging intermarried couples to "back off" from the Christian or other non-Jewish family, starting in the 1980s.

I would hope that you remain comfortably Jewish, as that has made you happy, but I would seriously urge you to reconsider the apparent boycott of your Lutheran family and their history. Even if it is a tragic history -- I hope not -- it is part of your history.

I have never seen any good come out of cutting off children and other descendants of intermarriage from one-half of their family history. In some cases, it defies reality, as I have begun to deal with families in which half-Asian and half-African-American children are being raised to consider themselves "fully Jewish" and discouraged from learning about their other family's heritage, even as they carry it in their faces.

I believe a person like you and me can be a very sincere "fully Jewish" person spiritually and culturally, and still maintain a tie to our other heritage.

I am a little surprised that you did not comment on my essay. Does any outreach to half-Jewish people exist in your community? Could you start some?

Cordially,

Robin

Dear Erik:

I will only reply to the comment you addressed directly to me, as many of your posts were discussing issues other posters had raised --

You stated: "I'm pretty sure that G-d cares what's in a person's heart.

Am I wrong?  Anyone out there have any conversations with G-d stating otherwise? 

If so, let me know.

Thanks again Robin. You're an inspiration.  And, honestly, sometimes you bring tears to my eyes.

-Erik

Robin replies: Thank you, Erik! I really appreciated that. It is the support of my fellow half-Jewish people that keeps my work going.

I'm glad that you have found a supportive Jewish community. Your area does much better than many Jewish communities elsewhere. Hopefully, other Jewish communities will catch up to yours.

One more thought -- I, like you, am a person of fiery temperament :)

I know you were pretty aggravated with Felix -- and some of his responses were -- well -- pretty aggravating! -- but he is the child of an intermarriage like you and me, so if you can find it in your heart to show him mercy, I think you will gain points in olam haba  :)

I've besought him to ease up on the rest of us. :)

Many blessings on your path,

Warmly,

Robin

Dear David Friedman:

I have been responding to each commenter in the order that they first posted on this thread, but I have definitely not forgotten your inquiry.

Now many of the points that you raise I have dealt with in my replies to the other posters -- you may wish to look especially at my reply to Felix, who, like yourself, advocates the Orthodox point of view -- I believe that my replies to him cover many of the points that you raised re: Orthodox conversions, etc.  --

I will just offer you a few thoughts --

You stated: "I have the kippah and my last name is Friedman, my wife appears Jewish and looks the part--so for the one class with the new Chabad Rabbi who does not know us--we are not asked."

Well, that is not the situation of many children of intermarriage. You have two Jewish parents, your wife has two Jewish parents, correct? So, of course the Jewish world looks very welcoming to you, and rabbis are courteous to you, and most Jews are anxious to welcome you, and no one challenges your Jewish identity. 

David, I have had about a million Jewish institutions claim to be welcoming to people like myself. No Jewish institution of any type will publicly announce: "We are an unwelcoming shul, secular group, etc."

On rare occasions some of them are welcoming. But for many of them it is lip service. That's why I wrote the essay 

"Why Many Jewish Outreach Workers Ignore Half-Jewish People" 

I have contacted all kinds of Jewish organizations who claim to be welcoming to people like myself and asked them three simple questions:

1. do you have any language on your website saying, "we welcome children of intermarriage"? Would you be interested in putting those words on your website?

2. do you have any brochure or material you have prepared for them, even a one page pamphlet, or a one page PDF download, specifically welcoming them? Would you be interested in assistance from me in creating such a one page statement?

3. do you have any type of discussion group for the children of intermarriage? Would you be interested in free advice from me on how to do so?

Guess how many Jewish institutions have answered yes to all three questions? Zero. Guess how many Jewish institutions have answered yes to even one question? Maybe two out of thousands.

These are not costly measures, nor do they violate halacha. The fact that almost no Jewish institutions are willing to implement them speaks volumes about how they truly regard half-Jewish people. It's not a positive message, to put it mildly.

They have plenty of welcoming messages for almost every other Jewish group in the universe.

Once I found a newly-forming Orthodox shul -- not sure if it ever got off the ground -- that had put language welcoming interfaith couples on their website. I asked if they would add the phrase "and adult children of intermarriage." They said no. They also removed the welcoming language for interfaith couples. Oh well.

 You stated: It is surely divisive and unnecessary to make a cause out of being half-Jewish.

The children of intermarriage have the right to speak out about how poorly we are treated. It is not Torahdic for other Jews to treat us as badly as many of them do.

You stated: The fact that Reform can count its numbers as large and increasing is only temporary as these so called half-Jews will marry out completly down the road. Therefore the Jewish future will be with the Orthodox.

This is kind of off-track. My essay is about why Jewish outreach workers are ignoring and rebuffing adult children of intermarriage.

If you are interested in my views on Jewish population statistics, I have written another separate Jewcy essay on Jewish population issues here.

http://www.jewcy.com/post/judaism_year_2040#

In the year 2040, the Haredi Orthodox will be the majority of Israeli Jews.The Orthodox will likely not be the majority of American Jews. The adult children of intemarriage are will be the majority of American Jews in the year 2040, but you would want to read the essay about why this is so.

I cannot answer questions about that on this comment thread, as I would be cross-posting.

You stated: "The fact remains that Jewish inreach and outreach is vitally important and the children of intermarriage should be treated well.  After all--we are speaking about our very own families." 

I agree. Do you know any Jewish institutions that would be willing to: (1) put welcoming language for us on their website? (2) create a one page brochure, as a PDF file or print out, that could be downloaded from their website? or (3) create a monthly discussion group for us?

If so, please let me know.

Sincerely, 

Robin Margolis

www.half-jewish.net

www.inclusivistjudaism.wordpress.com

Dear Rebbitzer:

I have sent your Jewcy account a private message in response for your request on my thoughts about how you and your rabbi spouse might best outreach half-Jewish people.

If you will respond to my message, we can arrange to talk or exchange emails.

Cordially,

Robin Margolis

www.half-jewish.net

www.inclusivistjudaism.wordpress.cpm

Dear Holy Half-Breed:

Thank you for your spirited defense of the interests of your fellow half-Jewish folks!

May you be rewarded in olam haba for your nuturance of others.

And thank you for continuing to facilitate the Seattle Half-Jewish Meetup and your assistance to the Half-Jewish Network and myself.

I promise when we get to olam haba, I get a special set of study tables set aside for you, me, Erik and the rest of us to hang out at.

Warmly,

Robin Margolis

www.half-jewish.net

www.inclusivistjudaism.wordpress.com