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Too Hard to Hondle
By Hillary Fields / June 10, 2009
So I married a goy. It’s fashionable these days, right? And anyway, it hardly matters, ’cause I’m a terrible Jew in most respects: I don’t speak any Hebrew, I was never Bat Mitzvahed, I don’t know my high holidays from my Lohmann’s, and I never met a lobster I didn’t eat.
I am, however, quite a respectable bargainer. When I go to a street fair, bazaar or market anywhere in the world, when I enter a store or a gallery, whether I’m browsing for earrings, a toaster, a carpet, or a new car, I don’t expect the price to be, you know… the price. I expect a little leeway. If I don’t get it, so be it, but at least I tried. I’ve been known to gasp theatrically in sticker shock at an inflated price tag, make horrified comments under my breath, etc. (Equally in hopes of receiving a counter-offer or shaming the merchant; I don’t really care which.) In the end, I sometimes save as much as 30-50%, but I don’t always look like an angel doing it.
This embarrasses my blond, blue-eyed, strapping Alaskan husband.
Oh, boy, does it.
The other day we’re walking through the Union Square Farmer’s Market, trying to get some greens and be all healthy ‘n’ stuff. We see a vendor who’s got these amazing-looking organic microgreens in every variety. They’re glistening with nutrients, practically glinting with vitamins, laid out in vibrant rows of fresh-picked goodness. So I drift over to poke through the merchandise. Then I notice the prices. Instinctively, I screech (sotto voce), "Twelve Dollars for a QUARTER POUND of DANDELIONS???? Are they out of their MINDS?"
Hubby turns bright red and drags me from the stall. "I am so embarrassed," he mutters. "Guess we’ll never be able to shop there."
Like I ever would. Paying $12 for a fistful of weeds would send the angry ghosts of every ancestor I ever had shrieking from out of their graves.
The truth is, I’m not so sorry he pulled me out of there. My hondle-radar told me I wouldn’t have been able to bargain with those dudes; their pricing chutzpah simply out-chutzpahed my haggling chutzpah. Still, I enjoyed getting in my little dig.
My beloved goy-boy doesn’t get it. He may gamely try to pronounce ‘mensch’ or use ‘farkackte’ in a sentence, but he’d rather pay through the nose than make a stink. Must be those WASP genes.
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I’ve heard Jewish retailers say that Jews are difficult customers. But I can’t say that the Jewish people I know are particularly hard bargainers.
Obviously you come from a different neighbourhood. Or, you are as ignorant about Jewish things as you claim.
Why are you making a fool out of yourself in public? Do you fart and belch loud for effect? I guess the old stereotype of Jews being smart is outdated
EmmaBliss — What a great avatar picture. I should look for one of those, as I’m a wasp too!
I’m with you –for $12. I’d expect to be able to purchase a few bottles of dandelion wine! Many times, though, there are some interesting explanations for why meat & produce are
marked-up"priced generously". For many organic growers, 3/4 of their crop is devoured by bugs due to the lack of pesticides.I remember years back getting serious sticker shock the first time I went to buy good kosher steaks. Then I learned all the steps that were involved in the manual, individual slaughter of the animal, its autopsy/lung inspection, vein-stripping, salting, etc., etc.
Public shaming is a NY stereotype as well as a Jewish one. Either way, it’s an unfortunate one.
But Hillary, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. When you say, "Instinctively I screech," I don’t entirely believe you.
BTW gang, Alaskans (such as Mr. Fields is) aren’t tightwads. Stuff is expensive enough up there that they learn to pay whatever’s asked.
Wow, you’re not Jewish in any way except for the worst Jewish stereotype.
Habitual bargaining and even the very idea that complaining audibly is a good way to charm people both make me cringe.
But honesty and a sense of humor about the world and oneself are good things, and you seem to have plenty of that.
I like being healthy and ethical in my choice of foods, but those prices are insane. I once asked about a leg of lamb that would have fed maybe 3 people. It was over $50. I got the same thing at Trader Joes for about $8.
–Z
Reminds of a joke I heard from a man at the office (Jewish Orthodox).
A Gentile man walks into a department store to look for a suit. He sees one he likes very much. He asks the salesman, "How much is this suit?" The salesman says "$1,000." The Gentile man says, "I’ll take it."
As you can tell from my photo, I’m a WASP. Seriously, I am. And I would have not only turned red, I would have fled. I may never have spoken to you again. I think it would also have brought on a strong craving for a strong bloody.
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