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My Father’s Questionable Diet

My late father had been raised in an orthodox house, but his favorite foods, which he could make on his own without my mother's help were: A BLT. A grilled cheese sandwich with bacon a tomato. A spiced ham sandwich … Read More

By / September 24, 2007

My late father had been raised in an orthodox house, but his favorite foods, which he could make on his own without my mother's help were:

  1. A BLT.
  2. A grilled cheese sandwich with bacon a tomato.
  3. A spiced ham sandwich (not SPAM!) with raw onions on white bread.
  4. A kosher hot dog grilled on wax paper with cold sauerkraut (has to be cold).
  5. Bananas and sour cream. Really.

3 out of 5, clearly not kosher. 2 just weird. So how come I felt guilty when I first was given a bagel with cream cheese and bacon by a friend? Because the friend was Christian. That's why.

On the car ride today back from my cousin's funeral, stuck on the LIE, we had the following discussion about kosher, my father and pork, and what to put on pastrami:

My sister: I once decorated this bar mitzvah party at the W Hotel in Union Square. The theme was "Sushi." They had these giant cakes made to look like pieces of raw fish on rice.

Me: Doesn't sound very kosher.

My sister: I think they only had cakes that looked like sushi. No actual sushi.

Me (considering this): Come to think of it, where did Dad get his love of pork products?

Uncle H: Not at our mother's house, that's for sure.

My sister: He did really love his pork products.

Uncle H: You know, your father was the first person to make me a BLT. I'd never seen such a thing.

Aunt G (known for her love of lobster): And where did he make it?

Uncle H: At my mother's house.

All of us: While she was a alive?

Uncle H: No, after she had passed away. Although, if she'd been alive, I'm sure seeing your father making a BLT would have killed her.

Me: And he had the nerve to criticizes me for putting mayo on pastrami.

Uncle H: Oh, I wouldn't have put up with that either.

So does anyone else put mayonnaise on pastrami? Bacon on their cream cheese? What is going to become of us? And lastly, can you believe that there's a website for a kosher seasoning to make everything taste like bacon? Really.

 

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