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The Magenta Elephant in the Room: When Interfaith People Visit Israel |
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 by Robin Margolis, October 20, 2009 |
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From this Series
I sometimes think if I receive one more email inviting me to send half-Jewish people to Israel on trips or special tours for interfaith families, I'm going to have a neural meltdown. It's not the kindly trip invitations that get to me, though: it's the viewpoint. Here's their collective message:
Robin, why doesn't your group for adult children and grandchildren of intermarriage sponsor trips to Israel? They are the new silver bullet for identity problems among interfaith family members!
And some of them have actually used the phrase "silver bullet." The terminology is dreadful -- "silver bullets" are ordinarily used on werewolves and, in the 1950s, the Lone Ranger fired them at the Bad Guys on black-and-white TV shows. What is the subtext here: that identity problems among half-Jewish people can be resolved by killing them?
The implied message for members of my group, the Half-Jewish Network, is that we're apparently the Bad Guys for -- having been born. Well, then excuse me for living. Anyway, some Jewish organizations -- well-meaning to be sure -- have decided that the best way to deal with us having been born with one non-Jewish parent or grandparent is to ship us to Israel, where we will thus be overcome by the allure of Jewish identity. Ideally, we will then return home wanting to be completely Jewish, supporting Israel's government without question, donating to our local Federations, and not asking awkward questions. There's just one big problem with these trips. A huge pink elephant in the room. It's so pink, it's probably magenta.
The outreach officials organizing these trips -- the rabbis and tour guides and Jewish communal professionals conducting them -- almost none of them tell the members of interfaith families that Israel has legal and social policies in place discriminating harshly against interfaith couples and adult children and grandchildren of intermarriage. That's the real silver bullet -- straight to the heart. These policies are no secret. Israeli newspapers -- free, available online, and often in English -- discuss them endlessly.
I have spoken to many Jewish outreach professionals about this. I've asked them to please explain why interfaith family trips never include even one hour to meet with resident Israeli half-Jewish people -- who might give the American interfaith families a realistic picture of their lives in Israel -- living in fear of immigration bureaucrats yanking their Jewish identity papers; being refused permission to marry Jews with two Jewish parents; delayed (sometimes permanently) Orthodox conversions; being called "non-Jews" and "erev rav" (mixed rabble) and contents of "pooper scoopers" in the Israeli newspapers; and yet still being compelled to serve in the IDF and pay taxes. I want them to please explain why there is no time on these trips for members of American interfaith families to meet with three small, under-funded and overworked Israeli Jewish organizations fighting this discrimination in the courts and the Knesset -- the Association for the Rights of Mixed Families, the Israel Religious Action Center, and the New Family. Please explain why there is no time to meet with the IDF staff running the military conversion to Judaism programs -- they have many descendants of intermarriage among their students, who are tired of being called "non-Jews" and being buried in special sections of IDF cemeteries among the Druze and Christian soldiers, away from the areas set aside for Jews with two Jewish parents. Please explain why I keep seeing YouTube videos of young American half-Jewish adults who have just returned from Birthright trips, lauding the Israeli state's acceptance of half-Jewish people -- something that is demonstrably not true.
These young half-Jewish adults haven't been told that the Israeli Law of Return (allowing anyone with a Jewish parent or grandparent to make aliyah) currently operates as a "bait and switch." Once half-Jewish people arrive in Israel, there is a strong probability that they will be classified as "non-Jews" if they cannot produce enough documentation certifying either that they have a biological Jewish mother or an Orthodox conversion. Hostile Israeli immigration bureaucrats and Haredi-dominated rabbinical courts are reversing Orthodox conversions and rejecting proofs of having a Jewish mother or a Jewish father that were deemed quite sufficient two decades ago, leaving thousands of half-Jewish people stranded as second-class "non-Jew" Israeli citizens.
And the discrimination against half-Jewish white Israelis and half-Jewish Diaspora olim is escalated when applied to Jewish-Arab interfaith families. One municipality, Petach Tikva, has set up a government hotline which appears intended to assist parents in breaking up teen Arab-Jewish couples. Even more atrocious, Orthodox vigilante groups, strikingly resembling the "vice and virtue" patrols of some Islamic countries, have begun stalking teen Arab-Jewish couples in lover's lanes. An Israeli Orthodox anti-missionary group, Yad L'Achim, has a lot of its resources devoted to breaking up marriages between Jewish women and Arab men, allegedly "rescuing" them from "abusive" Arab husbands. One of their goals is to reach "out to other Jewish girls who are involved with Arab men – the number is estimated at a staggering 20,000 – and trying to help them find their way back to Am Yisrael." Surely 20,000 relationships can't all be "abusive."
When I press Jewish outreach professionals on these issues, some of them perceive their first duty -- beyond their duty to their interfaith family constituents and emet (truth) -- is to promote Israel. Others honestly didn't know about Israel's policies against interfaith families. They are very upset when they find out, but they have no answers for me. Still other Jewish outreach professionals apparently feel that outreach to interfaith families is still so controversial in many Jewish communities that broaching this issue might cost them their jobs.
Some Jewish outreach professionals have taken partial action on this subject. Birthright Israel recently fired an Israeli trip organizer who told his Birthright trip participants --some of whom were apparently half-Jewish -- that intermarriage was wrong. That's a good first step. But what about the second step -- leveling with half-Jewish trip participants about Israel's current legal and social discrimination against them, and the efforts of three Israeli groups to fight this discrimination? I have repeatedly suggested to Jewish outreach professionals that we organize Israel tours for interfaith couples and adult children and grandchildren of intermarriage that would address our magenta elephant. I want tours in which we meet with other interfaith families living in Israel. Tours in which we meet with the three Israeli Jewish organizations fighting for our rights. Tours in which we are encouraged to form realistic, caring bonds with Israel, as opposed to an uncritical "crush."
Because eventually the interfaith couples and half-Jewish people will find out the truth -- and who will they blame on that day for deceiving them? And how will they feel about Israel then?
I had a long correspondence with a kind rabbi in Israel who invites American interfaith families and adult children of intermarriage on his tours. I asked him: what did he tell members of interfaith families on his tours about Israel's laws and policies against us? He replied that he only says something if they ask about those policies. I asked him -- what if he was a realtor, who took a couple on a tour of a house that was beautiful--except for some termites in the basement--and he did not tell them about the termites because they did not ask? What would happen when the couple found the termites, after signing the lease? Wouldn't it be better to discuss with them what might be done about the termites? There is a Talmud entry which forbids dressing up goods in a deceptive manner before sale. He eventually replied to me with a highly emotional, angry email which seemed to say that I was a bad person for asking such questions.
Interfaith couples and adult children and grandchildren of intermarriage are not stupid. Many of them lack Jewish knowledge and are unfamiliar with Israeli society, but they are rapidly acquiring this knowledge. Shouldn't we prepare them for what they will discover about Israel, instead of sending them on "silver bullet" tours? Won't their feelings for Israel be more likely to remain compassionate and helpful if they are told the truth, than if they are deceived? Few people cope well with being deceived. Love isn't blind. And it is not healthy if it is blind. And relationships where love is blind usually don't last.
I know of only one Jewish outreach tour of Israel that has told the interfaith couples and teen children of intermarriage accompanying them the truth about Israel's poor treatment of interfaith families. And they found, as I expected, that interfaith families and adult children of intermarriage are capable of coping with complexity and ambiguity. The interfaith families on that tour were not turned off on Israel, and did not walk out of Judaism. The trip participants returned to the U.S. more interested in Judaism, Hebrew study, shul attendance and other Jewish identity markers. They told the trip organizers that they had never been interested in making aliyah. They were willing take the good of Israel and set aside the rest. They are more interested in Israel than they were before the trip. They displayed generosity and warmth of heart towards Israel.
Let us treat interfaith couples and adult children of intermarriage as grownup members of the mishpocha and entrust them with the truth about Israel. They will not disappoint us.
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ReligionandStateinIsrael
“When I press Jewish outreach professionals on these issues, some of them perceive their first duty -- beyond their duty to their interfaith family constituents and emet (truth) -- is to promote Israel. Others honestly didn't know about Israel's policies against interfaith families.”
With the array of online news sites from Israel, websites and blogs, there is no longer any reason why a Jewish professional should be uninformed on these issues.
For anyone who wants to receive up-to-date news on these issues, may I suggest visiting Religion and State in Israel and following @religion_state on Twitter.
Robin Margolis
Dear Friends:
I can atttest that "Religion and State in Israel" is a wonderful resource, with a free, wide-ranging selection of articles from publications ranging from Israeli ultra-left to center to ultra-right.
Cordially,
Robin
www.half-jewish.net
yyeze
Nice post Robin. How do you guys feel about Eli Yishai's support for Yad L'Achim, considering Yishai is Israel's deputy PM and Interior Minister?
http://www.hurryupharry.org/2009/10/12/eli-yishai%e2%80%99s-ministry-of-love/
Nami Handel
I am trying to learn about all religions. I have children to teach. And always the best I can do is shake my head and explain that there is no GOOD explanation for how people behave in the name of their god and their religion. But that it is how they were brought up and it is hard to soften someone who has been indoctrinated into beliefs that put anyone beneath another person for ANY reason. And my hope for them is that they can believe in a higher power , with out all the trappings that only divide one person from another. We have so many reasons to kill , I was hoping to eliminate the most often used. Religion
Robin Margolis
Dear Friends:
Thank you for the thoughtful comments and I am glad that you found my article of interest!
yyeze -- I knew members of interfaith families were in serious trouble the minute Netanyahu was invited to form a new government -- the ultra-Orthodox parties and right-wing parties in his coalition are mostly unfriendly to interfaith families, to put it very mildly -- so I am not surprised by the comments about Yishai --
Nami -- I would suggest that the culprit in human conflicts is not religion -- I believe that it is totalitarian thought -- the idea that because, say, I am blonde or blue-eyed, I am automatically entitled to harm brunettes.
The reason I do not believe that religion can carry a major share of the blame is that the biggest slaughters of the 20th century were perpetuated by three dictatorships -- Hitler's Nazis, Stalin's Communists, and Mao-tse Tung's Communists -- all of which detested religion and spirituality.
The Nazis planned to replace churches after the war with a national Nazi 'religion' -- no G-d, but weird 'rune' symbols substituting for Christian and other religious symbols, and Mein Kampf becoming the primary 'religious' text, with murals of Nazi triumphs in the churches..
Lenin's and Stalin's Communists had already declared war on religion -- thousands of religious believers were imprisoned, tortured, and murdered -- in the name of Lenin's and Stalin's version of secular Marxist economic and political theory --
Mao-tse Tung's Communists likewise hated religion and seriously harmed followers of spiritual beliefs. Thousands of Chinese were killed, exiled, or imprisoned.
Some historians suggest, if I read them correctly, that these three secular dictatorships killed more people in one century than the Holy Inquisition had managed to do in several centuries.
So I'm inclined to believe thatspirituality/ religion is not the real cause of all of this mayhem and slaughter -- I think it is the concept -- whether from a religious or secular perspective -- that one person is entitled to take the life and/or property of another, without any legal sanctions -- simply because the other person will not slavishly obey him/her.
Cordially,
Robin, www.half-jewish.net
limberliz
Great article! Israel's policies regarding interfaith couples and being Jewish enough for immigration, but not for anything else have always rubbed me the wrong way. It's one reason I've not spent more time in Israel than on a birthright trip. My mother is Jewish, so in theory I'd be Jewish enough for the the Haredim. However, we are Reform Jews and are probably the most practicing of any of our family since they came to America. I'm sure there's not a way to sufficiently document my Jewishness to the liking of the Orthodox rabbinate in Israel. I don't like the idea of having to "convert" to a religion I'm already a part of. It's insulting.
Was any of this mentioned on my birthright trip (organized by the URJ)? Not really. Were there other people on my trip who also had only one Jewish parent and/or only Reform religious documentation? Oh yeah.
Robin Margolis
Dear Limberliz:
Your feelings are shared by many of us with one Jewish parent or grandparent.
I was horrified to discover -- after writing this article -- that one Israeli town has brougt in Yad L'Achim to teach its high school girls that they must not date local Arab Bedouin boys -- who are Israeli citizens and serve in the IDF! -- the Yad L'Achim program has a video it shows these girls called "Sleeping With The Enemy" --
Now the Bedouin have been loyal to Israel, despite very poor treatment from the Israelis, but if Israeli Jews do things like this, the Bedouin may become enemies. Here's the info:
A new program launched in Kiryat Gat schools has the expressed purpose of preventing Jewish girls from becoming romantically involved with Israeli Bedouin.
The program enjoys the support of the municipality and the police, and is headed by Kiryat Gat's welfare representative, who goes to schools to warn girls of the "exploitative Arabs."
T
LauraP
...as someone who was profoundly burned by these policies when an ex-fiance of mine who wanted to make aliyah did some research (just a few months shy of the big wedding that wasn't) and discovered that I, with a mixed-ancestry mom who went through a Reform conversion, wasn't Jewish enough for Israel and if he married me his children would not be Jews.
Lets just say Israel doesn't get a dime from me as long as they treat me like crap...and worse, treat my child like crap.
Shalom!
Robin Margolis
Dear Laura P:
I am truly sorry that you were treated so badly by your former fiance, and cannot blame you for feeling really angry with Israel.
I try to keep in mind our Israeli Jewish buddies at the Association for the Rights of Mixed Families, the Israel Religious Action Center, and the New Family. If you feel like giving them a dime, it would be well-spent, as they are fighting for the rights of half-Jewish (by descent) Israelis like ourselves.
Very cordially,
Robin, www.half-jewish.net, www.inclusivistjudaism.wordpress.com
Throbert McGee
I was horrified to discover -- after writing this article -- that one
Israeli town has brougt in Yad L'Achim to teach its high school girls
that they must not date local Arab Bedouin boys -- who are Israeli
citizens and serve in the IDF! -- the Yad L'Achim program has a video
it shows these girls called "Sleeping With The Enemy"
Robin -- you should get over your horror and ask yourself why there isn't a similar program to discourage Jewish high school boys in Israel from dating Bedouin girls.
I don't see anything horrifying or racist about warning girls who have relatively egalitarian views of male/female relations and a "Western" understanding of women's rights that they should regard Muslim men with extreme wariness. (Presumably, among Israel's Arabs there are some studly Christian and Druze males that Jewish girls would fight over -- but the linked video makes the point that the program specifically discourages Jewish girls from having Muslim boyfriends.)
הגיון
Robin Margolis
Dear Throbert McGee:
If there was a program in a United States public school, warning young white Christian and Jewish women not to marry Islamic African-African American men -- of whom there are a great many -- taught by a fundamentalist white Christian minister -- what would happen?
We know what would happen. It would not be acceptable. It would be considered extraordinarily racist, paternalistic and against U.S. civil rights laws. Jews would be the first to object.
Israel -- at the present time -- is still a secular democracy. The Arab Bedouin are full Israeli citizens -- at least on paper.
It is not acceptable for an ultra-Orthodox group that is dedicated to breaking up Israeli-Arab marriages to be invited into an Israeli public school to lecture high school girls on not dating Bedouin Arabs who are citizens of Israel and serve in the IDF. It is especially inappropriate to show a movie on the subject entitled, "Sleeping With the Enemy." Last I heard, there are Bedouin in IDF cemeteries. They are not "the enemy."
It's a miracle that the Arab Bedouin haven't revolted against Israel and joined the Palestinians. Israel treats them very badly in many ways, besides this dating prejudice. Why should they bother dying for Israel under these circumstances?
Sincerely,
Robin
www.half-jewish.net
www.inclusivistjudaism.wordpress.com
Throbert McGee
If there was a program in a United States public school, warning young
white Christian and Jewish women not to marry Islamic African-African
American men -- of whom there are a great many -- taught by a
fundamentalist white Christian minister -- what would happen?
Robin, your analogy is flawed because (a) the program in Israel isn't aimed exclusively at light-skinned Jewish girls, and (b) it apparently doesn't go out of its way to discourage Jewish girls of any color from dating Arab boys who are Christian or Druze or Bahai or whatever.
הגיון
Robin Margolis
Dear TheRobertMcGee:
If you read my article a bit more closely, you will see several links to articles about programs and groups dedicated to preventing Jews from dating Arabs.The type of Arab does not concern these programs -- they do not want Jews -- and Jewish women, in particular -- dating Arabs -- especially Arab men -- of any ethnic background or religion or skin color.
Such programs and groups are not appropriate in a democracy. They do not belong in Israel's schools or its municipal governments, and they would not be tolerated in any other functioning democracy.
Whenever I see Israeli efforts to stigmatize or break-up interfaith families, I am always reminded of the huge banner in a photo of a Nazi women's rally I saw once. It read (my German is approximate): "German women and maidens! Do not date the Jews!"
Sincerely,
Robin Margolis
www.half-jewish.net
www.inclusivistjudaism.wordpress.com