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Looking For Ms. Keaton

I'm fed up with the Diane Keaton of late. If I see another ad for her latest film in which she plays yet another matriarch on the verge of maintaining her matronly hotness quota while suffering from some emotional breakdown, I'm gonna call up Nancy Meyers and the Ephron sisters myself. I'm gonna beg them to channel "Annie Hall" and give us a situational comedy script that showcases the endearing Keaton fun-loving persona coupled with her signature neurotic feminist shtick in which she isn't chasing Keanu Reeves' tail all over town.

And if all else fails, I'm going to put it bluntly.

Beth: Yeah, Nancy? Delia? Nora? We need to conference call here. Sorry for the short notice, but it's an emergency and I need you to listen up. Just because Diane Keaton has chosen to age naturally (not having kids of her own helps with that), become some glamourpuss, looks better than some of the other actresses her age, and has half a brain does not mean she needs to be cast in some silly romantic comedy in which she is pit against some young Hollywood diva for the love and respect of some annoying Alpha male. We get that she's a bit of a feminist icon and her age and experience probably render her more substantial than the younger bitch, but there's more to life than vying for the attention of Jack Nicholson while standing up in a convertible and conjunctly shouting that menopause is great and uttering the refrain, "I still got it." Besides, no one buys that menopause is great and just in case you fight me on this script idea, I have Woody Allen on the other line.

As Dana Stevens of Slate reiterates, "Keaton's enduring appeal isn't that she's stuck in an eternal girlhood, it's that she makes being a grown woman look like so much fun. The problem is, the movies haven't grown up along with her."

And why are the age-appropriate women writing the scripts, who probably burned a few bras in their day, giving us such sentimental shallow schlock anyways?

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