Live Blogging the First Day of Gay Marriage in California

I'm pretty sure all of that did happen. Now just to wait until we are all locked into the hive-brain of Christianity.

 Over the past few days I have read about the "Gay Gene" and I'm confused as to how it is being attributed to a defect from the mother during pregnancy, or a defect from early childhood. If anything I'm pretty sure it is evolution at work. Just don't tell Jesus or we will have to hear about how "he just doesn't care anymore" on his myspace.

Wonderful!

Fucking Brilliant Marty!

Cute.

so much for the myth of jewish intelligence.

so much for the rumour of jewish humor.

I'm not gay, but if I were I'd totally sodomize your ass. See? See how those gays are getting into my brain? Prior to California's legalization of same sex marriage I'd never even contemplate the possibility of traveling down Marty Beckerman's Hershey Highway. And now? Why it's a regular Cage Aux Folles around here. God help us. One and all.

Great article Marty.... 

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I blog at Jewlicious.com

"Ladies! Now we guys don't even need you for that marriage thing. Ha! That was the last thing we needed you for, since we learned how to cook, or order food in, and do laundry, but no more! Now we don't need you for ANYTHING! You can take a hike, and see how you like kissing each other, you silly libber dames with your fancy degrees and your assertive attitudes. It's a little late for me. But, today's boys will grow up with A LOT MORE OPTIONS than taking the crap from women I see around me. Hurray. Finally. Today's girls want to play soccer, and run for class president? Fine. Let them. We'll see who cries last. Thank God almighty, free at last."

What you are forgetting, Marty, is the passage of time. In the immediate present, it doesn't look like that big a deal. Just a few. But ten or fifteen years later, it's a whole different world. On this issue, the happiness and rights of the few -five percent-should have had to make the regrettably difficult and dangerous sacrifice for the good of the other ninety-five percent.

We're supposed to be environmentally conscious, right? What's our one little tin can or our one little plastic bottle? Ah, but "it all adds up over time"! Re-cycle, don't toss it! Well, the same principle operates here. It all adds up, over time. Yes, the old way was hard on this minority. That is sad. But, they should stay a minority, and they are not going to. Say goodbye, Marty, you old guy, to the world you knew. In an amazingly few years, you won't know where to turn or hide. If you go to the gym and stay in shape, you will be endlessly pressured, and, if you don't go, you will be disdained and insulted, as one of THEM. Those relics from the bad old past. Nobody is going to give you a seat on the bus, grandpa. It will be very different. As for your putative children....

"In an amazingly few years, you won't know where to turn or hide. If you go to the gym and stay in shape, you will be endlessly pressured..."

 Uh, this already happens to me....

Hey, if I get free drinks out of it, why not?

Now, if I said that...... If I said "Oh Marty, all you care about is free drinks, so who cares what you think?  But I would never say that. 

"Just say no" is your point. How nice you're made of stone. And the children of today, growing up in this new world? They will routinely see stuff you never saw,when you were growing up.

There is a war on, and you are in deep denial about that. People are affected by what they see, and by what is considered acceptable. You are in deep denial about that, too. There will be a transition phase of tense co-existence of both cultures, then you will find yourself a defeated, last Mohican.

The women won't know what hit them, as usual. They will have pole-axed, blank, looks on their faces. Then, gradually, will come the fear. They will realize their enemies are now in charge, and their protectors have been economically and socially coerced, and now, sexually bribed, into leaving their posts. They will discover it is getting cold.

Maybe you don't care what comes after you.

Maybe nothing comes after you.

Maybe the war is over. Maybe this is just the mopping-up action after the defeat. What's so great about that?

"Mopping-up"? Sounds like a good party....

Dude, vaginas feel nice. They have always felt nice. They always will feel nice. The human race will continue to breed. It's going to be okay.

However, there is a radical element of the gay rights lobby that wants to suppress free speech -- criminalizing religious beliefs and harmless jokes as "incitement to hatred" -- and that's just as disgusting as suppressing the freedom of adult same-sex couples to do whatever they want. I get into this quite a bit in my forthcoming book.

But seriously, vaginas are fantastic.

I'd like to go on the record, as well, for enjoyment of vaginas.

Sure, they feel nice. Duh.They breed effectively, too. But, will their owners continue to be honored and respected real wives? Don't answer fast!

Could we stop saying "breed"? That's for animals. We are people. Calling heterosexuals "breeders" is just another group slur, so you might criticize people  for doing that, if you have time. "Tax-payer producer" is crude too, but more fully descriptive.

It is great that you are standing up for free speech. You mean, we can't say "Take my wife please" any more? However, I wonder if you have chosen the easier territory to defend, jokes, rather than the more difficult terrain found at the corner of Right-and-Wrong Street and What-Really-Works-Long-Term Avenue.  

However, it is great you are defending anything at all! Few do, these days. Too scared of being voted off the island, into .... an orthodox neighborhood. Oh nooooooooo  ... 

Actually, anybody who's tired of trying to make a female lawyer laugh can mosey on over to Orthodox Judaism, where in return for a not checking your email on Saturday you are GUARANTEED a wife, genuine children, some of whom might be male, and a real, handmade hot meals. You have to work for it, naturally, but at least you GET RESULTS. By contrast, this business of getting free drinks may NOT bring much return. You hope. They KNOW. And you know very well that nothing is ever really free.

Oh man... bad example Anonymous. I just want to chime in and say that despite having attended the Jerusalem Gay Pride parade, I still love vaginas. They feel awesome, I think they are neat and I will always think that. I aspire to nothing more than a nice wife, some kids and maybe even a white picket fence. And don't even get me started on boobs.

 Seriously, don't. King Solomon's got nothing on me...

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I blog at Jewlicious.com

Given who you are, nobody expects you to put down the parade, but you should have said nothing. You should not have given them aid and comfort. Here is why:

Two men cannot discuss Torah if one of them is toying with the idea, even a little bit, that the other one might be cute and fun to kiss.

That is why this is so destructive: they cannot discuss Torah, or even anything else, because this mentality destroys clean, simple, NEUTRAL interaction. (That truth applies equally to women.) In this new world, absolutely any human interaction has some degree of sexual potential. This creates a completely un-safe world, a world without friendship or dignity. A world without personal boundaries, or respect. And it is a VIOLENT world, because all sexuality contains an element of domination, not just love and rainbows. So, everybody is jockeying: who is going to manipulate whom? I know, I know, you feel you can handle any and all approaches and defend yourself. But, can everybody? This will escape from the evening party, where we all expect to get hit on, and float upstairs to permeate everything, like an evil fog in a horror movie. One will never be able to let one's guard down. This is seriously lonely, after a while. Whom can you trust? Everybody wants theirs.

You ought to have a long talk with your friend King Solomon. Though quite experienced, he seems to have agreed with me, not you. We have not heard of any young male cupbearers fluttering around HIM, l'havdil. Maybe he knew something you don't know.

Anyway, this isn't from the rabbinic tradition, it is very plainly proscribed right in the Tanach itself, in the severest terms. And, adultery is prohibited right in the Ten Commandments. So, a world with at least some kind of sexual self-control is our world. Not, "Hey... whatever floats your boat(s), and doesn't (seem to, visibly) hurt anybody". That's not our world.

We all have burdens. This is one of the absolute hardest. G-d should be good to us all, and take away all burdens and give us peace, peace to us and to all Israel and let us say Amen. And a wife, a kid and a picket fence to you.

I am struggling, absolutely struggling, to remember anything I have ever read that was less funny. It's not that you werent trying to be funny. And its not that I dont have a sense of humor. It's that this was pathetic in its lack of self-awareness, i.e. your complete ignorance that what you thought was funny was -- well -- not.

Went to BAM yesterday and ordered Generation Slut.

Read the first 7 pages online, you are a genius, if i must say so myself sir.