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The Jewcy Guide to Israel Apartheid Week

By Null / February 8, 2008

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The fight for Palestinian liberation is hip, timely, and fashionable, but how to get involved? Here's the good news: You don't need to know a thing. Armed with the right look and a few key phrases you'll have the Zionist entity in retreat in no time! To that end, Jewcy proudly presents an in-depth guide to Israel Apartheid Week, which runs from February 3 to 19 and features events from Johannesburg to Toronto and Berkeley to New York. We've collected all the must-have items you'll need to get looking like a pro(-Palestinian).

First and foremost, you'll want to find yourself a breezy, global-chic, Euro, Riviera, Anti-War, Peace scarf. Anti-war scarves (some people also call them keffiyehs) are great for a few reasons:

1. They come in a bunch of different color combinations. 2. They turn any fashion into a statement. 3. They can help protect you from the environmental perils of the desert, making them especially useful for activists who live in places like the Middle East or the University of Arizona.

Most importantly, anti-war scarves are sporty, bohemian, and popular with celebrities.

Don't let those Zionist naysayers tell you that this military-chic accessory is any worse than cargo pants, a trench coat, or a beret. These stylish scarves symbolize Palestinian nationalism, and that's what you're all about. Simply Islam has some great colors to choose from.

Round out your wardrobe with a graphic tee, a cool messenger bag, a declarative pin, and an assertive pair of socks. And don't forget the underwear! People who appear passionate about things are sexy, so you run a good chance of getting laid after the events.

1. Let people know how much Israel sucks with this pithy T-shirt, which is available at EvilMerch.com. Sure, Israel is the only country taking a stab at democracy in the predominantly authoritarian Middle East, but it totally sucks. Or are you calling that T-shirt a liar?

2. Moonbatter up! You'll be the catcher in the wry with this sporty "Free Palestine" jersey, which has been updated to reflect the 58–not 56–years in which Palestinians have been oppressed by Israel (and their own corrupt leaders, and terrorist factions struggling for dominance, but there simply isn't enough room for all of that rambling on one little shirt). Pick one up at the Palestinian Online Store.

3. Palestine is for lovers, which must be why gays and lesbians enjoy so much freedom there that they often flee to Israel.

4. Girl I know you wanna show that Palestine thong th thong thong thong: Radical Islam is all about the booty!

5. Pins like these are a great way of connecting with fellow travelers like the Truthers that you're sure to encounter during Israeli Apartheid Week. Get them at the 9/11 Truth Store!

6. Go the extra mile in these Impeach Bush socks, which were specially made for stamping out oppressive, Imperialistic, Fascist regimes like the one here in America.

7. What better way to honor an esteemed leader like Yasser Arafat than to keep an image of his boyishly charming face next to your genitals? Get these boxers here.

8. This handy Che messenger bag may have been produced by capitalist enterprise, but it makes a great icebreaker for striking up conversations with cute communists. Pick one up at the Che Store.

Next: Vocab for the Newbie