The J-Diet

I know you're trying to be 'funny', but this doesn't come off that way.  Instead, you're frantically trying to veil a resounding sense of self-loathing that comes from an obsessive search for a 'nice jewish boy'.  Maybe you should try and use the time you waste J-Dating on improving yourself intellectually and spiritually.

This piece is full of things I'd love to pick out and criticize, but I don't have 6 hours to do it.  Instead, I'll point out that you effectively devalue both men AND women.  That's not an easy feat.  

Frankly, your discussion of disordered eating shows a general disregard for the well-being of yourself and others.  Maybe you can't find a boyfriend because you're ignorant and self centered, not because you're 'fat'.

Just a thought.  

This JDiet of yours may lead to you becoming either very spoiled or very malnourished... or both. Clearly your 110 lb. ideal date weight means that even at your largest, you are never large - in fact, it sounds like you may have written this piece in order for people like me to feed into your desire to hear about how probably thin you probably are... which is sad in and of itself.

As someone who works in fashion, it seems like you may have been misinformed about how much in people eat in our industry. FYI - they eat. Not to excess - but they definitely eat more than you. Guess what? Even with a healthy diet, they are still considered gorgeous and some of them (even though they eat normal, square meals) have even scored husbands - and they didn't meet them on the Internet.

To be honest, the only thing good that may have come of this resolution of yours is that you've decided to no longer dress like a lazy hooker - God knows Manhattan doesn't need any more of those roaming the streets. My advice? Burn anything in your closet that screams hooker, make healthy food choices (insert commonly accepted definition of healthy rather than your own) and go on dates with people that you meet in public rather than those you meet sitting in sweats in front of your computer. If these men knew you were just using them for the free meal, the odds that they'd consider taking you out again is slim (pardon the pun) - leaving you still single, still sad, and inevitably eating your feelings - counterintuitive? I think so.

The whole 9 yards of fat-obsessed, buliminia-inducing self-consciousness and the need for validation through partnership....I know: the food is never about the food. It's about all the anxiety, fear, insecurity, panic, etc. and not being centered. Trust me: in 20 years none of that stuff will matter - and in 50 years it REALLY won't matter. Life is short. We don't know how long we're going to be here. It's way more fun and takes a lot less energy to relax, let go, and be who you are. Do what you're passionate about, and let the chips, chocolate or otherwise, fall where they may. Don't waste a decade of your life worrying about eating salads and how big your thighs are. Go out into the world and live! LIVE!

On the topic of food, or what we consume in order to sustain our bodies....I became a vegan because I'm so grossed out by the food industry. Learn about it, and I can pretty much guarantee you'll never want to eat meat or anything that comes out of a box again. I didn't change my eating habits to lose weight, but because I don't want to support the destruction of the planet or the torment of other living things. But I am losing weight without even trying, because after all the animal products and artificial ingredients are removed, there is not a whole lot left, and what remains is more nutritious and lower in calories. I'm in a better mood, too. What you put into your body affects your state of mind.

 : )

As Rabbi Hillel said, what is hateful to you, do not do to others. That is the whole of Torah, the rest is commentary.

I don't really care about whether this is memoir or satire (though I suspect the latter). All I want to say is that Carmela Machiato is an absolutely GENIUS drag name. You should trademark it ASAP.

Some people can't appreciate satire.

I thought this was hilarious. Neurosis about weight is so prevalent the only thing we can do about it is poke fun at ourselves. 

I was cracking up the whole time I read this. Thank you! Absolutely brilliant and hysterical. 

It was "heh" funny, but your writing style needs to be revamped if you're trying to make people laugh. I can see where you were going with this, and I love vulgar, gross, inappropriate humor (if you've read my blog), but at the same time, I don't really find eating disorders funny unless the punchline is put together. This was kind of a spewing, unorganized garble of potentially witty jokes. Good effort - you're on the right track.

For those here who don't know you, you've got to give a link to your blog. (By the way, I like your description of yourself as a "history nerd". Buuuuuut... you need to post a URL!)

That said, I thought this present post was a riot! 

alright, alright!