Jews Have Disappeared into a Malady of Silence and Surnames

Thank you, Philip, for a very touching article.

"Jewcy" is one of the most anti-semitic websites to call itself "Jewish."  Pro-assimilation, pro-intermarrage, anti-Israel, etc.  I wouldn't be surprised if they got funding by anti-Jewish and anti-Israel groups.  "Jewcy" is against Judaism!

"As a Chinese woman said to me years ago, 'You Jewish people are crazy. 
You come to this country and change your name.  We Chinese would never
do that.  That is our family, our history.'"

Well, American Born Chinese tells a different story.  I agree, though - we need to take pride in our culture, not internalize hate.

Re: Anonymous - who the hell moderates this place?  Speaking of internalized hatred. (PS - I love my Gentile husband.)

I largely agree, but would go further.  You are a bit late.  The majority of Jewish baby boomer men have already intermarried and deserted the faith.  Many others have done worse... they intermarried and taught their kids they were Jews, but let them be raised as Christians, then called the community racist for not considering them Jews.  Yes, it's OK for every Christian to need a dunking (BAPTISM) to become a Christian, but it's not OK for dunking (MIKVAH) to be one path to becoming a Jew.

Jewish men actively seek out gentile women.  Like you, I have a nonobvious name, not because it was changed, but because my family was not from Eastern Europe to begin with.  Like you, I have passed without trying.  But unlike you, when Jewish men, be it in business or personal life, discovered their mistakes, I have been told to find another job, or, in a personal situation, walked away from in the middle of a meal without a word... or a way home.

I applaud your project.  It is late in the day, but not all is yet lost.  If you save one Jew to Judaism, you will have done a great thing.

It would be easier to stay Jewish if you didn't have to believe in an imaginary sky fairy with a strange pork fixation.

"We Chinese would never do that."

Oh, come on! The Chinese community converted to Christianity in HUGE numbers in the US!

Well, any Jew can have a Hebrew name, and can acquire it any time during his or her lifetime. Discuss this with family, and / or a rabbi. You can simply take it on! Perhaps not legally or on paper, but in verbal usage, socially, or, just to HAVE, even if you don't use it much. It's yours for the taking! We don't have to sit there and be wistful. Do something.

It would be used in synagogue when a guy is called up for an aliyah to the Torah. It would be used when you got married, whether you are a guy or woman. It would be used to pray for you, if you got sick. (G-d knows who you are by any name, but it warms His heart to hear Hebrew. It's the holy tongue.) It would be used in study situations, possibly. It might be used in Israel, and by Israelis anywhere, who addressed you. They might find it easier to pronounce than your English name.

Resisting erasure -- which is what assimilation means -- is one good reason why American Jews need to trash the whiteness that so many have so eagerly adopted. More should go to Israel simply to discover that we are just about everyone, and hardly just another  European ethnic group. And then, hopefully, more Amis will embrace all of their black and brown Jewish sibs, and start standing out again, instead of blending in.

thats cool, hakol sababa haveer

ur article is the sad true

I believe that my great-grandfather was almost certainly Jewish...but I also don't know for certain what our real last name was, just the Ellis Island name. Allegedly our real name may have been Jaeger - a common Jewish name in Europe. Here's why I believe I'm part Jewish. My great-grandfather was the acting kosher butcher in his community, but relatives claim he wasn't Jewish, if you can believe this. Oh no, the story goes, he wasn't Jewish, he was "just helping his friend the rabbi cut the meat in the kosher style." And the legend goes further that he "never spoke Yiddish until his friend the rabbi taught it to him." Hello? Has anybody out there ever heard of a CATHOLIC kosher butcher who spoke Yiddish?

I'd be so interested to hear what people on this board have to say about this. I'd also be absolutely thrilled to find out for certain that I have Jewish blood. I wouldn't hide it; I'd be delighted.

Hello Cari,

 My name is Meg and It's cool to find another mixed Jewish person out there. I can totally relate to that! My great-great-great grandmother came from Hungary, took her two youngest children from her first marriage (she had an arranged marriage to a wealthy Jewish man whom she didn't love and he didn't love her much either.) and moved to America with her Catholic- Hungarian boyfriend. My great-great grandmother did have some exposure to Judaism but found that it was much easier for her to hide her roots in order to avoid anti-Semitism. My great-great grandmother married a Irish-Baptist and when she had my great grandmother she chose to tell her about the family history but gave her a stern warning, "If anyone finds out you are Jewish then they can make things difficult for you so please, honey don't tell everyone in sight!"

So our family's  Jewish roots were kept in the closet. In our family we all regard our selves as Jews but when we are out in the real world that little detail still stays hidden and or down played so that it seems that we aren't really Jewish. But the fact is we are and the best thing that we can do to help out the Jewish community is to embrace our Jewish roots. By doing this we  are in a small way, insuring that Jewish culture and Judaism survives.  If you are interesting in being apart of the mixed Jewish community, there are many different groups that welcome descendants of Jews from intermarried backgrounds. The best websites I could find on the subject are: www.half-jewish.net and www.half-jewish.org

You're nothing but a Gentile who thinks she's a Jew!  You're about as Jewish as Pat Boone.  You're are delusional if you think that you're "insuring that the Jewish community survives" by identifying as a Jew in private but keeping your Jewish heritage hidden in public!  What a joke!

 The Jewish community doesn't need a bunch of poseurs!  There are still millions of real Jews so we don't need a bunch of loony Gentiles pretending to be Jewish.

These groups are run by Christians with some Jewish heritage.  Their agenda is to convert Jews to Christianity and basically ruin Judaism.  They have nothing to do with Jewish community.  They want to destroy Judaism.

The "Jewish community" would be a lot larger if it stopped defining itself as "Jews who follow the Jewish religion and, ideally, become professional Jews themselves", instead defined itself as "everyone Jewish according to halachah", and actually admitted that being secular is OK, that religious Judaism is not the only form of Jewish culture or identity.

But things don't work that way here in America.  Here, you're either moving towards being a blackhat, you're a blackhat, or you're assimilating.  Fuck it, I'm making aliyah.  I'll gladly marry an Israeli Jewess who knows as little about Judaism as I do about Islam and still call our family Jewish than be constantly told that unless I come to all the Right Services and basically become a rabbi that I'm Not Jewish Enough.

Mazel tov on your loving marriage girl detective! Don't let the jerks out there bring you down. 

@Phillip:  Thank you very much for this article. 

My heart aches, but only because I can relate in so many ways. This was extremely thoughtful and well-written.

@ezg:  You hit that right on the head.  I must say though...if a shady-looking character like myself can find a great rabbi (who recommended that I read Jewcy) and a congregation which cares about (and accepts) me then I think all is not lost.  Granted, I'd probably cross the street if I saw your "blackhats" coming my way but that's only because I'm an awesome Jew.   I don't want them to feel bad about their personal shortcomings.

Thanks, both of you.

-Erik