Intermarriage: Parents Just Don't Understand (And Neither Does the Rest of the World)

This painstaking demographic analysis may be of interest, although it assumes a bias toward in-marriage:    http://www.aish.com/SSI/articleToPrint.asp?an=10170&PageURL=/jewishissues/jewishsociety/The_Missing_Piece.xml&torahportion=&teaser=Why+finding+a+Jewish+husband+is+no+cakewalk%2E

Oh, and there are TOO medical benefits to infant male circumcision, quite apart from religious thinking. Any decreased sensitivity just drags out the whole marital business for a longer time, no? People supposedly like that, no? And nobody has reported any lack of interest, as is well known. Gee whiz. And - infection-driven emergency circumcision later in life is a real misery, and does indeed happen, plenty. A moment of pain in infancy is worth a lifetime free of that horror. Reduced cervical cancer in women too, and blah blah. But please, very early infancy, not later. People drive themselves crazy for nothing. Nature isn't right all the time.

But anyway. Cultural continuity doesn't work without endogamy. So Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. It's not an issue if you don't think it is. But don't be amazed if your parents like their culture and were hoping to see it go on. They are just following the model of their own parents. Try to understand. Merry Christmas. I LIKE Christmas, I really do. It is very wholesome, beautiful and positive. But I gotta be me. So? Peace to everybody, of all cultures. God Bless America. Gotta run. Sun going down soon. Shabbat Shalom.

even though America is the land of opportunity where we are free to socialize with anyone we choose we still find ourselves keeping certain relationships hidden from our families, particularly if they involve someone of a different race or religion. our parents grew up in a time when intermarriage was rare, while we came of age in a time when it was more common. some of us hail from backgrounds where we were taught that Jews must marry Jews, some of us from backgrounds where the parents preferred a Jewish spouse but ultimately knew the choice was not up to them, and others whose parents supported them no matter what.

we fear the uncomfortability within our families that will grow should we wind up marrying non-Jews, non-whites, etc. so we keep these relationships secret because we don't want to disappoint our parents. but the truth is, it's not up to them. and yes, they're going to be disappointed if things don't turn out the way they want. but there are far better ways to get through a difficult situation without acting as though their children didn't exist.

i consider disowning to be a sin. parents have every right to be upset if their children don't marry someone of the same religion/ethnic group/race, but cutting them off is uncalled for no matter how much it hurts. there are two options when intermarriage is on the horizon: either be critical and "in mourning", or take the high road and welcome the new partner so that they can see what a wonderful religion/culture we have and possibly even convert to it someday. most sensible people who want to avert further disaster to the Jewish population would choose the latter. and it shouldn't be reserved just for engaged and married couples. even people who are just in the dating stage should be part of this, because we don't know who we're going to wind up with in the long run.

Ariel Beery wrote an interesting article related to Intermarriage-- and it's not the same old BS-- in PresenTense magazine.

The link, if you're interested:

http://www.presentensemagazine.org/mag/?page_id=127 

that was a very compelling article, and definitely not the tired doom and gloom crap that's so often found on the Internet. thanks for posting it.

Ariel Beery is onto something here. obviously, he's not encouraging intermarriage. but he is encouraging people to see the bigger picture. it's not intermarriage that's the problem. it's the lack of attachment. Beery states that "we should recognize that whether or not intermarriage depletes the Jewish People is dependent upon the content of the Jewish life lived by the Jewish partner in such a pair". in other words, if the connection to Judaism is strong even in an interfaith relationship, chances are good that if the non-Jewish partner finds something beautiful and welcoming in our faith, they will either convert or raise Jewish children. if it's not, then we need to utilize all our resources to make sure we don't lose another Jew and potential Jew.

people often forget that many of the great Jewish leaders were intermarried, and that one (Ruth) chose to become Jewish. while they may have chosen spouses from other backgrounds, they stuck with the fold. and there are many Jews today who follow in their footsteps. yet they often go unrecognized or are ostracized for their relationship choices. why was Moses not cut off from his people? was it because without him, they'd have no clue how to fend for themselves as they wandered aimlessly through the desert? perhaps it was because they needed him to lead them and to set an example that one is still a Jew regardless of their actions.

It's as simple as that, and Ariel Beery is delusional.