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Hot Girl-On-Girl Action Is Halachichally OK

By Izzy Grinspan / December 8, 2006

It’s no fun being a Conservative Jew because it’s no fun being a moderate. Conservative Judaism lacks the fire of orthodoxy and the no-jacket-required freedom of the Reform movement. It’s all about nuance, and even the biggest wonks sometimes get sick of nuance. Speaking of no fun, you probably know about the recent announcement by the Rabbinical Assembly of Conservative Judaism stating that homosexuality is halachically OK but sodomy isn’t. Slate rounds up the best of the blog opinions (including one posting that includes another blog round-up, in case you’re looking for a way to kill the afternoon.) As for me, I’m just stuck on this sentence from the Washington Post article about the ruling:

“Thirteen members voted in favor of allowing gay ordination and same-sex ceremonies, and 13 voted against — meaning that at least one rabbi voted for both positions.”

Buh? Does somebody not understand how voting works? “I think you’re both special” does not count as nuance. Also, the prurient details here are utterly fascinating. I’ve been told that when Queen Victoria created a law against sodomy, someone pointed out to her that she should ban lesbian sex, too. Her response? “Silly man! Women don’t do that.” The laws of halacha apparently feel the same way, which is why hot girl-on-girl action isn’t forbidden. But then what about adventurous straight male rabbis? If heterosexual sodomy is still OK, then this isn’t really about homosexuality – it’s about penetration. I don't mean to play six degrees of feminist outrage, but if that's the case, then you guys really have to get over that phobia already.

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  • Corey Shefman
    By cshefman 12/8/06 at 5:24 p.m. UTC

    "ewwww they put it in their bum!"

    I can just imagine my Rabbi thinking that as he sat in the CJLS meeting. 

    Seriously tough. I don't have issue with most of the ruling, it's just the one that talks about "reparative therapy" that weirds me out. 

  • Elisa Albert
    By Elisa 12/8/06 at 2:51 p.m. UTC

    "at least one rabbi voted for both positions".

    i know how he must feel!  i mean, everyone knows that penetration isn't half as much fun without the secret shame! 

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