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A History of My Jewish Identity Viewed Through Men I’ve Dated |
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 by Lilit Marcus, January 26, 2009 |
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Nihilist Guy, 1997. "I don't really get why you care about
this so much."
He was an actor. After we broke up I got the lead role in The Diary of Anne Frank. I was pretty sure it was because I was the only Jewish girl at my high school, or at least the only one in the theater department. - Unitarian Guy, 2002. "No, don't worry, my parents will love you, you're not really Jewish."
- Reform Guy, 2004. To him, Judaism was neither a cultural identity nor a religion; it was an intellectual tradition. He gave me books: Hannah Arendt, Leon Uris, Gertrude Stein. They all had his notes in the margins, disagreements with the texts. He liked Yiddish because he thought it was full of jokes. We only kissed once. I kept all the books.
- Secular Guy, 2005. He told me he was a Buddhist, despite the fact that he'd never taken any courses in or read any books about the religion. I took him to a meditation class. I signed him up for a Daily Buddhist Quote newsletter. He told me I was too religious for him. He's married now. She's not Jewish. I believe they had a civil ceremony. I have no idea if he still tells people he's a Buddhist.
- Conservadox Guy, 2006. I cannot prove this, of course, but I
am pretty sure that he hated Judaism. He wasn't a self-hating Jew, he just
didn't really care much for the rituals of religion. Yet he did them anyway,
using a block of wood to divide his sink into a fleyshig and milshig
side. He used the religion he couldn't stop making fun of to his advantage when
he needed to: because he wanted to leave the office early on Friday afternoons,
he kept up the ruse of being observant. He kept a kippah in his back pocket and
put it on his head just before he walked into the office and took it back off
as soon as he left for the day. Sometimes on Friday afternoons we went to MOMA
or the park. We never went to shul.
On Saturdays he made me carry his money for him because there wasn't an eruv around his building and he couldn't bear the thought of violating the Sabbath, even though it was 'stupid' and 'a relic.' He was thrilled that I didn't adhere as closely to the rules as he inexplicably did. I realized he was using me as his very own Jewish Shabbos Goy. I should have realized something was wrong when he refused to stop calling me "Lilith," because I wasn't good enough for Hebrew pronunciation of my name.
He's married now. She's Orthodox.
- Culturally Jewish Guy, 2008. "I always wanted to fall in
love with an Israeli girl."
I had to break it to him that while my name was Israeli, I wasn't. But he stayed. And so I told him the story of how I got my name (and how my name got me). He stayed longer. And kept staying.
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Mikewind Dale - Michael Makovi
Wow. Most of them are idiots; they may be clueless, but at least they were well-meaning and sincere. (Even the Unitarian guy, we might forgive, though he's pushing the boundaries. But all the same, since he's not Jewish by any measure, we might forgive him for being very (very) insensitive on matters of Jewish interest.)
But that Conservadox guy takes the cake. My mother (a Conservative convert; I did my own Orthodox conversion) would drive to shul on Shabbat anyway (i.e. with or without me), and I still felt tangible pains in my body every time I rode in the car with her to shul. Even though she ostensibly wasn't Jewish by my standards, and even though I technically wasn't doing anything (she was doing all the "work", i.e. melachot), I still felt *tangible* pains in my body. Of course, I therefore stopped going to shul with her not long thereafter. She still goes, with or without me, but at least now, I'm not taking advantage of her Shabbat labor - it's between her and G-d now, and I'm not being a hypocritical parasite.
(Oh, I just remembered that at that point in time, I hadn't actually finished my own Orthodox conversion; I was an ostensible non-Jew relying on another ostensible non-Jew's labor, and it was still too painful to take advantage of her.)
But thanks to Mr. Conservadox, all I had to do was lose my soul and my conscience, and there'd have been no problem! Want to use your mother as your Shabbos goy? Just ignore your soul's moral protests!
This guy deserves an award. Can we kick him in the tuhus while he's on the bimah?
Elizabeth Teitelbaum
Isaac
"Jewish boys are so influenced by their mommys."
Ah! Now don't you wish you had that kind of power! Ahahahhahahha.....
Mikewind Dale - Michael Makovi
Matrilineal descent?