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Dating Blogger Charles: Entry 2

A relationship begins. If you have decided to take that next step and be exclusive it usually means something went right in the process of dating. Maybe you cruise through life in that stage when everything is wonderful, happy, all … Read More

By / September 18, 2006

A relationship begins. If you have decided to take that next step and be exclusive it usually means something went right in the process of dating. Maybe you cruise through life in that stage when everything is wonderful, happy, all spring flowers and lollipops. Eventually this stage comes to an end and the rose-colored glasses are lifted from your eyes. Now the relationship is at a crucial point: make or break. For arguments sake let us go with break. You find yourself back on the dating scene but with no prospects. Enter the “ex-factor.”

The “ex-factor” is a term I have coined to describe the time when there is nobody to have sex with. As a result, you continue sleeping with your ex until a better opportunity comes along. It is a way of keeping your hormones at bay while adjusting to being newly single; or else the sex was so good you simply can’t let that part go. I am sure most of you are all too familiar with this concept.

While I am completely aware that both parties are equally responsible for this relationship phenomenon, and though I myself have been known to dabble in the world of ex-sex, I find myself wondering why sex is the last part of a previous relationship to dwindle. Is sex the adhesive material that inevitably bonds us to our chosen partners? Perhaps, the sex is an addiction we have acquired and to quit it cold turkey would jolt us into immediate withdrawal.

Ex-sex is a risky business. Often it can cloud our judgment just enough to make us forget exactly what it was the ended the relationship. You decide to try again, of course to no avail, because the same problems still exist. Then you are left again, right back where you started, trying to make sense of what happened and trying harder not to sleep with your ex again.

I suppose what I am writing about is that “little black book” that people keep. You know, a book of numbers for that desperate evening that you need a date and a quick screw. I watch my friends rotating in between relationships and I see familiar faces. I find myself saying things like, “Oh hey, Jason, I have not seen you in a while. How have you been?”

“Well thanks, I was just leaving, it was nice seeing you.”

As it turns out, I never wanted to see Jason again. I scold my friend and ask how she can possibly sleep with someone who not three hours ago she swore to abhor forever and never speak to again. And then I hope that she doesn’t find out that I recently slept with my ex, and that I am a complete hypocrite. I do believe everything I say to her with all of my conviction but somehow my advice does not translate into my being.

When I left my relationship, I left for a reason. It means that my metaphoric rope was at an end and frayed beyond repair. Sex isn’t just sex when you have a relationship history with someone; sex is personal. The kinesthetic feeling of their skin touching yours, the fragrant bouquet that only they possess, the sound of their voice whispering in your ear, and the color of there eyes gazing passionately into yours; these are all potential elements of a g-force jolt into a reality that no longer exists. All of sudden, the memory that your metaphoric rope is frayed and damaged is gone. If and when you attempt to climb, the inevitable occurs: you plummet downward… a fate that you knew was yours from the first moment the choice was made.

Our moments of weakness are not the ones that define us. The definition of who we are should be defined by the lessons we learn from our mistakes and whether or not we manifest changes that help us continue our journey through this world. I have decided to take my own advice and make a sincere effort not sleep with my ex’s. Instead I have decided to sleep with complete and total strangers while I am on the rebound (insert laugh). The point is, in this fast-paced world we call NYC I feel the necessary movement is forward, not backward or stagnant: FORWARD. So there you have it – I am moving forward fast. Catch me if you can!

[To read Charles' first entry, click here.]

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