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Contest Winners and New Contest

By Boris Jackson / July 30, 2007

Hey Folks, This week's challenge is to come up with the…. Best Haiku About Harvard law professor Alan Dershowitz (Please note that if you cannot think of a haiku about Alan Dershowitz, it is also acceptable to write one about Rabbi Joseph Telushkin.)

The deadline is Friday at 5:00 PM.

Now, as for last week’s challenge, let me just say that you’ve made old Boris proud. Choosing among the entries was like spending a day on the lake, catching a big bucketful of largemouth bass, and then having to throw all but one of them back. It hurts like a solid punch in the groin. After spending all weekend pacing back and forth in the attic, I choose jrscribbler’s “She wasn't dry, but boy, was she ready” as the winner. It’s, of course, a reference to that famous “Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel” song, and I’ll be damned if I don’t love that song. Just the other day I heard the twins, Squirrelisha and David, singing it together. I would have joined in if not for the fact that I can no longer sing on account of the accident with the syrup and the balloon. (Remind me to tell you folks about that one another time.) My runner-up is this wonderful entry: “After the dreidel collector, Sarah Rochel, had her way with the yeshiva student she lured from his prayers at the Wailing Wall, she took a black pen and inscribed the Hebrew letters-nun, gimmel, hay, pay, on his fatigued penis– a great miracle happened here.” Thanks to all of you for entering, and I hope you’ll all enter this week’s contest. And please don’t forget that you have to register to be eligible to win the Jewcy T-shirt. Sincerely, BJ

POST A COMMENT

  • By Jenny P. 8/4/07 at 10:42 p.m. UTC

    people say o.j.
    no one talks of pro bono
    nice work, Derhsowitz

    –jenny p.

  • By mstakelt 8/3/07 at 2:27 p.m. UTC

    This guy sure can kvetch.
    But to get rich doing it?
    Damn! I can kvetch too.

  • By SaraBenincasa 8/3/07 at 1:33 p.m. UTC

    Doucheawitz, advise

    Harvard Chabad House.

    Also, wife-killers.

  • Izzy Grinspan
    By Izzy Grinspan 8/3/07 at 1:15 p.m. UTC

    Anon, your understated hyperbole is ridiculously hilarious (assuming you're not, like, Mrs. Dersh.)  But you can't win unless you sign up!

  • Adam Shprintzen
    By Adam Shprintzen 8/3/07 at 1:04 p.m. UTC

    Horrifying image
    Running through my head, thoughts of
    Finkelstein/Dersh Lovin'

  • Eli Valley
    By Eli Valley 8/3/07 at 1:02 p.m. UTC

    If Der Sturmer ran

    Centerfolds, a naked Dersh

    Would make Nazis hard.

  • By Tzveee 8/3/07 at 11:03 a.m. UTC

    Chutzpah his mantra,

    "lawyer of last resort," he

    defends, bloviates.

  • By Anonymous 8/2/07 at 2:53 p.m. UTC

    Alan Dershowitz
    The best lawyer and lover
    In the whole wide world

  • Daniel Sieradski
    By mobius 7/31/07 at 10:58 p.m. UTC

    All you need to know

    Defended OJ Simpson

    and Claus von Bulow

  • Craig Leinoff
    By JewcyCraig 7/31/07 at 4:30 p.m. UTC

    I love you guys..

  • By mstakelt 7/31/07 at 2:16 p.m. UTC

    I'm anonymous 11:24 exposed. Don't get too excited. This is a Jewish place.

  • By Dan Freeman 7/31/07 at 12:41 p.m. UTC

    The Case for Israel

    Given Four Copies as Gifts

    Still I'm Self-Hating

     

  • By Anonymous 7/31/07 at 11:51 a.m. UTC

    I’m anon 7/30, 1:37pm. But anon. 7/30 11:24pm blows me and the others out of the water.
    give him/her the prize.

  • By mstakelt 7/30/07 at 11:24 p.m. UTC

    Dersh was unhappy.

    Blamed goyim and the Arabs

    Cheaper than a shrink.

  • Michael Pine
    By mhpine 7/30/07 at 8:25 p.m. UTC

    chutzpah reversal

    genesis of vanishing

    case for law prof views 

  • By Anonymous 7/30/07 at 1:37 p.m. UTC

    warrants for torture?
    evil dwarf’s filthy wishes.
    soul full of winter.

    yeah, I know I’m not registered. I’m just doing it for the glory. extra points for seasonal reference, please.

  • Yusuf al Amriki
    By Yusuf al-Amriki 7/30/07 at 12:32 p.m. UTC

    Rabbi Telushkin
    Writes books with Dennis Prager
    Damn, Prager's an ass

     

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