Is There a Common Jewish Denominator?

...in our modern world where everyone lives in their own bubble, having ANYTHING in common with someone gives a different vibe to it.  Being Jewish means you have a thing or two (at least) in common.  It also happens when you see people with your favorite team's apparel on, or whatever.

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This commonality you are referring to is a real phenomenon, and it is a mystery and is going to stay a mystery. It's because you, and this person, whoever they are, were both at the foot of Mt. Sinai, when the Ten Commandments were given, back in the day. Talk is not going to make this phenomenon, or personal quality, go away. It has been remarked on from time immemorial. Carrying on about "it isn't so", or "it shouldn't be so", is not a wise use of calories. It is going to win, and you are going to lose. I can't explain it. I just get on with it. There is nothing else to do. Candlelighting is getting earlier. Shabbat Shalom.

I think what's also fascinating is that "feeling" or connection we get that someone is Jewish (even if we don't know that).  Call it Jewdar, perhaps.  I do find I relax, feel more comfortable, when speaking with someone who is Jewish (perhaps this is why most of my friends are Jewish).  Maybe it's having the same frame of reference or history.  Maybe it's not having to explain or edit myself (I can throw in the occasional Yiddish phrase) or even having similar issues on my mind (even if it's as simple as not having to prepare for Christmas, but having to get my kitchen ready for Passover.)

But, back to my original thought...how is it we can "sense" someone is Jewish (and I'm not talking about the overtly stereotypical Jew).  How do we "sense" kinship?

Yes, I feel a sort of connection and find myself being more relaxed and comfortable when talking with someone who is Jewish...I think what's happening is that I know that the other person won't be thinking with stereotypical notions about me like non-Jews do. I know they won't be comparing me with other Jews they've met in the past and trying to (dis)confirm what they think they know about me (and other Jews). On the other hand, I've observed Jews thinking like that too when talking with converts (trying to confirm or disconfirm their stereotypes about somebody that used to be different from them).

"I think what's also fascinating is that "feeling" or connection we get that someone is Jewish (even if we don't know that).  Call it Jewdar, perhaps."

Guess I'm a Jewdar jammer, then. You could power a small city from the kinetic energy released from all the dropped jaws when Jews learn that I'm a Gentile. And Christian. And an Arab. Been happening since high school. Work colleagues, neighbors from the dog park, girls (pre-marriage, of course), clients et al. The default assumption is that I'm Jewish-people don't ask, they just relate to me as though it was obvious-with that same level of "comfort" that you describe. (By the way, many Gentiles make the same assumption. Must be the payis.) And this misapprehension is not a momentary event-it persists until I mention my Christmas tree or my early incarceration in parochial school, which might happen down the road a while. Then, it's mandible, meet gravity.

Now, it's true that I speak with a mild Brooklyn accent (muted, upwardly-mobile variant), sport a head of thick, formerly black curls, am smart as a whip, disputatious as they come, practice a profession highly associated with Jews and I suck at sports. Still, many Gentiles boast these virtues without being taken for MOTs.

So, you tell me-what is it that is being scanned when your Jewdar starts beeping?

hmmmm, interesting...I don't know exactly what I pick up on.  I don't think it's hair style or accent or career or intelligence or lack of athletic acumen (although I can understand why people assume you are Jewish based on those attributes.)  I think it's a way of talking, a way of joking, a way someone carries themselves.  And, I'm not saying all of this is good or bad or better or worse than non-Jews, it's just somehow different.  I remember being in college and talking to a roommate who I knew was Christian and saying to her, "I know this sounds weird, but you seem so Jewish."  turns out, her parents were both Jews who had converted (they converted for reasons that don't make sense to me--her father thought he'd be more successful if he was Christian and her mother thought it would make them safe if there ever was another Holocaust--but that's another story).  So, even though my friend was raised going to church and having a Christmas tree and believing in Jesus, she was, in effect, raised by Jewish parents. 

 Last night after back-to-school night for the kids' Hebrew School, some of the moms gathered in the parking lot commenting about the mom who had converted to Judaism who had participated in the discussion about whether or not the upper school kids should still be taught Hebrew (Hebrew is dropped after Bar/Bat Mitzvah year and the curriculum focuses more on ethics, teen issues, etc.)  She said, "I was bat mitzvahed and I don't remember any Hebrew.)  The moms in the parking lot basically said, "she was bat mitzvah'd  at 22.  What does she know?"  as if only those who grew up Jewish and went to Hebrew School and grew up in Jewish homes, had a right to join the conversation.

 I may be getting a little off track--it's just that I can't stop thinking about that incident last night--that very visible pulling together of us vs. them ("us" being the Jews by blood).  And even my college roommate is another example of this--raised Christian, but, a Jew-by-blood.  And, maybe it comes down to a similar childhood--the kinds of parents we had.  Maybe my Jewdar wouldn't go off with a Sephardic Jew, maybe it's only East Coast Ashkenazi Jews.  Maybe it's Hebrew School and USY and b'nai mitzvah and break fast with the Fisher's and Passover at Aunt Aileen's.  Maybe it's not drinking a glass of milk at dinner or knowing what it's like to wake up to a Christmas Tree.  Maybe it's just knowing we're somehow different and not always liked and historically the scapegoat and that if we don't stick together we'll disappear.

I believe we were talking about stereotypes...not reality.  I'm certain there are also plenty of Jews who do not have curly dark hair or are even"smart as a whip".  I was responding to the reasons Ismail gave for why others assume he's Jewish.

Check out mama's mama's maiden name. Might have been a Jewish name. There's a book called "Suddenly Jewish".

There were plenty of pressures in the past and people just kind of went into other groups, but.......

It must be awful to have to boomerang off all these different invisible currents.

1) It must be awful to be mistaken for something you are not. What an insult to the integrity of identity.

2) It must be awful to be mistaken for something you don't think you are, but you might be.

3) And everybody just feels free to coolly see something about you - that you don't see about yourself. An intrusion, on top of an insult. That must REALLY be awful.

But people don't post at Jewcy for no reason.

I am just mumbling in general. Nobody in particular is meant.

I don't think it's just any connection.  I think if someone else, say, is also a musician, I may feel something other than comradery- maybe even some sense of competition or jealousy.  I might wonder if they're as talented as me.  If I meet a Jew, I don't wonder if they're as Jewish me (probably more!), I simply feel I understand them more than most other strangers.