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Choose Your Own Blood Libel Adventure

In light of the diplomatic crisis that has erupted between Israel and Sweden over the recent article in Swedish tabloid Aftonbladet ("evening star") and as result of the subsequent rise in traffic on Israeli and other Jewish news web sites, … Read More

By / September 2, 2009

In light of the diplomatic crisis that has erupted between Israel and Sweden over the recent article in Swedish tabloid Aftonbladet ("evening star") and as result of the subsequent rise in traffic on Israeli and other Jewish news web sites, Jewcy and the Israel Foreign Ministry banded together this week to form a template that should help foreign correspondents to more easily forge thinly-veiled anti-Semitic blood libels that spike our traffic and thankfully distract Avigdor Lieberman from any and all statecraft for at least a week. (Note: Arabic, Farsi, Russian, and Serbo-Croat versions of this template will be released soon) Culprit: (pick one) 1)    New Jersey Sephardi Rabbis 2)    IDF soldiers serving in occupied West Bank 3)    Israeli arms dealer in break-away republic in Africa (or Latin America) 4)    Jewish employee of the U.S. Defense Department 5)    Bernard "Cash Money" Madoff Accused of: (at least one)

1)    Harvesting organs from dead/dying/unconscious gentiles 2)    Eating, and/or trafficking in said organs 3)    Importing narcotics and/or pornography to Arab world 4)    Forcing starving Gazans to eat their homes* 5)    Requiring West Bank Palestinians to play a violin on command any time they pass a checkpoint*

Story revealed by: (pick one) 1)    Unnamed courageous Arab youth interviewed by non-Arabic speaking journalist 2)    Israeli living abroad, with rather pedestrian musical talents and a CD soon to be released 3)    Palestinian filmmaker whose film is funded by an Israeli university 4)    Australian Catholic filmmaker 5)    Blog

Israeli response: (as many as applicable) 1)    Howls of "anti-Semitism", "blood libel" 2)    Summoning of envoy to country from whence article originated 3)    Short-lived calls for a boycott 4)    Full-page ad purchased in publication read mainly by Jews 5)    Drawing up of plans for a tactical strike against hydroelectric dam located closest to publisher of article *Only relevant if culprit is an IDF soldier Manufactured blood libels can be sent to the following destinations: Iran Foreign Ministry

Hamas official government Web site

Stormfront White Nationalist Community

Islamic Resistance in Lebanon (Hezbollah Web site – Hebrew version)

Aftonbladet

Anti-Defamation League

 

Benjamin L. Hartman is an editor at Haaretz.com, the English Web site of Israeli newspaper Ha’aretz

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