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And Now Hillary Clinton Wants To Sue OPEC |
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by Daniel Koffler, May 1, 2008 |
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As the race for the Democratic presidential nomination goes on longer and longer,
"C" Is For Clinton, That's Good Enough For Me Hillary Clinton's candidacy becomes an insult to the intelligence of people further and further down the IQ scale. Earlier this week, the beer-swillin'est gun-shootin'est valedictorian of Wellesley ever! decided to base her Indiana primary campaign on a gas tax holiday proposal so imbecilic even Paul Krugman, who's been running agitprops for her ever since John Edwards dropped out of the race, had to concede the point. Last night, HRC appeared on the O'Reilly Factor, presumably to commiserate over the plight of what O'Reilly calls "the folks" with an even phonier populist than she is.
Naturally, when O'Reilly claimed that "both parties, both parties have sold the folks out on energy, and now the folks are gettin' hammered, and they should be angry at both parties," Clinton couldn't resist upping the ante for extra-chromosomal energy policy. She intends to pay for her gas tax holiday with a tax on "windfall profits" to the oil industry, which, as Krugman points out, simply means taking back the windfall profits that a gas tax holiday would giftwrap to the oil industry, and justified said tax on oil companies by claiming that there "is no basis for them to have these huge profits." No basis, that is, except for the oil companies selling a product and consumers buying --- you know, the legal transactions loophole.
But the stupid burns the worst when Clinton draws the proverbial line in the sand and announces her intention to "take on OPEC...I would file complaints [in the WTO] and change the law so citizens and businesses could file anti-trust actions. We're going to begin to hold them accountable." It goes on like that.
Megan McArdle links to trade law expert Marc Benitah's list of reasons the scheme couldn't possibly work --- but fuck that asshole, what does he know, he probably eats arugula from Whole Foods, am I right? --- and she adds:
OPEC isn't restricting production right now; pretty much everyone is working their capacity flat out. Hillary Clinton wants to sue OPEC for not producing oil from wells they haven't drilled yet. Next: a lawsuit against Ford for not building us the cool flying cars we were promised in The Jetsons. I WANT MY FLYING CAR!!!!
Yes, and I'd like to sue the human genome project for not making me super-fast, super-strong, and immortal, but let's not get carried away.
So Hillary Clinton is betting that people gullible enough to believe her candidacy is still relevant are also gullible enough to buy into an economic platform that appears to have been co-drafted by Huey Long and Rube Goldberg. At some point though, reality will intercede, and Clinton's supporters probably ought to be closely monitored to avoid some kind of Jonestown scene.
Anonymous
Dude, she went to effin' Wellesley -- not Wesleyan. On behalf of Wesleyan grads everyone, I hereby revoke your invitation to the Burning Man Festival and the Buffy the Vampire Slayer reunion.
Phantom
McCain's Campaing Advisor: Listen John, Hillary has trumped you on the whole gas tax thing. You need to come up with something new. Tell everyone you're going to sue China for hogging all of our God-given oil! We were there pumping that oil when the Chinamen were still counting their eggroles with beeds on a wooden rectangle damnit!
John McCain: Great Idea! You call Larry King, and I'll call Mark Geragos! Let's get this thing rolling before Hillary thinks of it.
Phantom
Hillary Clinton: My fellow Americans, today I pledge that I will sue China to enjoin them from buying and consuming more than 1% of the amount of oil that we Americans buy and consume. In addition, my plan would include a tax on the windfall profits of PF Chang restaurants. No American should have to put up with paying $15 for ground up chicken on a lettuce leaf!
Daniel Koffler
Shit, my bad. I knew that, and I also knew that Wesleyan grads hate being confused with Wellesley. Sorry that your comment's about to not make sense.
naftali
We've never had a real talk on economics here--but are you all down with the Chicago School? Not that there's anything wrong with that.