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Franklin Dictionary Plans Global Thermonuclear War

The Franklin BDS-1860: The Dictionary of the Beast I am not making this up. For my German language courses I purchased a Franklin Deutsch/English Professor PRO BDS-1860. As one of its many functions that include Tic Tac Toe, the game … Read More

By / September 25, 2007

The Franklin BDS-1860: The Dictionary of the BeastThe Franklin BDS-1860: The Dictionary of the Beast I am not making this up.

For my German language courses I purchased a Franklin Deutsch/English Professor PRO BDS-1860. As one of its many functions that include Tic Tac Toe, the game Conjumania (possibly a cross between naked Twister and Jumangi), and cultural notes on items such as Britpop ("Oasis, Travis und Blur"), my electronic dictionary offers up handy words to know when you turn it on.

Now remember that this is the German version of the dictionary. It's not meant to be purchased by English speakers, and they do their best to dissuade us using it by putting the Z key wackily in the middle of the keyboard. I spent hours trying to find the Y so I could translate "I have been sitting here looking at your stupid keyboard all day looking for the 'y'." So when it gives me words to learn, I can only assume it doesn't know my President is George W. Bush.

Here then are a sampling of what my dictionary wants me to know. And again, I am not making this up. If you want, get your own BDS-1860 or just come by and borrow mine. Just be aware that they know I have it now and may be watching.

Again, I am really not making this up.

BDS-1860 Me
   
Unbroken. "To date the peace treaty remains unbroken." Clearly, not a good start.
   
My name is Dieter, excuse me? Whoa! Are you listening to me?
   
Special. "Linda is my special friend." This is just getting weird now.
   
Hurt. "One more drink won't hurt." For who? Me or you Mata Hari? I won't tell you anything more than my name, rank, and Halo 3 save code.
   
Regierung Oh, a German word. What's it mean? "To take power," that's what.
   
Transmit. "to transmit cholera" And how often does this come up in conversation?
   
Schutz. "Protection from infection. To protect the eyes." Have they been watching Bones? I swear I saw this last season.
   
Raid. "A raid on Belgrade/London" At least where know where to schutz our eyes.
   
Scheffen. "We've got to get to the border." No surprisingly, even in their dictionary, they are not expecting to beat U.S.A.
   
Excused. "Many of the war criminals were excused of their crimes." Nice hoping there Dieter. But don't bet on it. U.s.A. U.S.A. U.S.A. Ah, who am I kidding. That's really really @#$% up.

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