Thu, May 15, 2008

User login

The Jewcy Guide to Israel Apartheid Week

Everything you need to know to express your solidarity with Palestine!
 

The fight for Palestinian liberation is hip, timely, and fashionable, but how to get involved? Here's the good news: You don't need to know a thing. Armed with the right look and a few key phrases you'll have the Zionist entity in retreat in no time! To that end, Jewcy proudly presents an in-depth guide to Israel Apartheid Week, which runs from February 3 to 19 and features events from Johannesburg to Toronto and Berkeley to New York.

We've collected all the must-have items you'll need to get looking like a pro(-Palestinian).

First and foremost, you'll want to find yourself a breezy, global-chic, Euro, Riviera, Anti-War, Peace scarf. Anti-war scarves (some people also call them keffiyehs) are great for a few reasons:

1. They come in a bunch of different color combinations.
2. They turn any fashion into a statement.
3. They can help protect you from the environmental perils of the desert, making them especially useful for activists who live in places like the Middle East or the University of Arizona.

Most importantly, anti-war scarves are sporty, bohemian, and popular with celebrities.

Left to right: Juliette Lewis, Kirsten Dunst, the Olsen twins.Left to right: Juliette Lewis, Kirsten Dunst, the Olsen twins.

Left to right: David Beckham, Sting, Colin FarrelLeft to right: David Beckham, Sting, Colin Farrel

 

Don't let those Zionist naysayers tell you that this military-chic accessory is any worse than cargo pants, a trench coat, or a beret. These stylish scarves symbolize Palestinian nationalism, and that's what you're all about. Simply Islam has some great colors to choose from.

Round out your wardrobe with a graphic tee, a cool messenger bag, a declarative pin, and an assertive pair of socks. And don't forget the underwear! People who appear passionate about things are sexy, so you run a good chance of getting laid after the events.

1. Let people know how much Israel sucks with this pithy T-shirt, which is available at EvilMerch.com. Sure, Israel is the only country taking a stab at democracy in the predominantly authoritarian Middle East, but it totally sucks. Or are you calling that T-shirt a liar?

2. Moonbatter up! You'll be the catcher in the wry with this sporty "Free Palestine" jersey, which has been updated to reflect the 58--not 56--years in which Palestinians have been oppressed by Israel (and their own corrupt leaders, and terrorist factions struggling for dominance, but there simply isn't enough room for all of that rambling on one little shirt). Pick one up at the Palestinian Online Store.

3. Palestine is for lovers, which must be why gays and lesbians enjoy so much freedom there that they often flee to Israel.

4. Girl I know you wanna show that Palestine thong th thong thong thong: Radical Islam is all about the booty!

5. Pins like these are a great way of connecting with fellow travelers like the Truthers that you're sure to encounter during Israeli Apartheid Week. Get them at the 9/11 Truth Store!

6. Go the extra mile in these Impeach Bush socks, which were specially made for stamping out oppressive, Imperialistic, Fascist regimes like the one here in America.

7. What better way to honor an esteemed leader like Yasser Arafat than to keep an image of his boyishly charming face next to your genitals? Get these boxers here.

8. This handy Che messenger bag may have been produced by capitalist enterprise, but it makes a great icebreaker for striking up conversations with cute communists. Pick one up at the Che Store.

Next: Vocab for the Newbie



Helen Jupiter is a writer based in Los Angeles. She regularly contributes to Gridskipper,


More...
 

Anonymous


Terrific

Again Helen, you are fabulous.





Anonymous


ha ha ha ha ha!

ha ha ha ha ha!





naftali


About Yasser

It's realism, right? Didn't he himself like to keep his face next to someone's boxers. Or briefs. Those Fruit of the Loom Guys? Bomb belt underneath the apple costume. You heard it here first.





Jeremy Rothe-Kushel


Open Letter to Mr. David

Open Letter to Mr. David Frum with a Crucial Question

January 17, 2008
Los Angeles, CA

Mr. Frum,

As I told you in person last night, my name is Jeremy Rothe-Kushel and I’m a founder of a burgeoning group called Jewish Voices of Conscience for Truth, Justice and Peace. The following is the question I wanted to ask you before you cut me off to ask whether I believed that my U.S. government brought down the Trade Towers. Being a forward man who works to be honest, I told you the truth about what I believe, that I don’t know who blew up the Towers, but I know that someone did. And that just looking at the pulverization of 99% of the concrete soon breathed into the lungs of many of the 1st responders gives a strong clue that those buildings were blown up. To be even more precise-almost all the concrete, glass, filing cabinets and office supplies of all sorts, and a thousand human bodies, were molecularly dissociated into sub-100 micron-sized dust. Needless to say, the combination of plane crashes, fire and gravity does not do that in the physical reality that you and I co-inhabit. ( www.ae911truth.org )

Leaving aside for the moment the very important questions of the health of the thousands of first responders and the facts that point to what actually happened to the WTC buildings, the following question is a crucial one for you to answer, both as a foreign policy advisor to Presidential candidate Rudolph Giuliani, and as a man whose words and/or concepts were used to launch a war of aggression that has led to the death of thousands of people, American and Iraqi. You said that strong people desire criticism and will respond to it even if, in the moment, they don’t really want to hear it. Prove yourself to be of strong mind and heart by being willing to grapple with a serious critical question, even if you think my “beliefs” about the fate of the Towers are an indicator that my non-existent Paxil prescription is clearly not heavy enough (which, I should mention, is a point of “left-right” agreement that you have with Bill Maher) and should deny me the possibility of asking an important question of you.

My question has to do with the historical implications and logical consequences of that potent phrase “Axis of Evil,” which, as I understand, you originally coined “Axis of Hatred.” The natural corollary to this concept is not “the coalition of the willing,” but the “Allies of Good,” or, to be even more faithful to your original inspiration, the “Axis of Love.” If, by the way, you like that phrase, feel free to give it to Mr. Giuliani to use, as it is, at least in my opinion, more inspiring than “9-11, 9-11, 9-11.” Just kidding. Sort of.

So, if Iraq, Iran and North Korea were considered to be the “Axis of Evil,” then the “Allies of Good” must be the U.S.A., the U.K. and Israel. Supposing this to be true- despite what a wise Palestinian Jew might have once said about the line between good and evil residing at the fine scale of the human heart, let alone the geo-political map- what then are the implications of this set of allies’ historical participation in false-flag provocations and other types of state-sponsored terrorism?

Briefly, in terms of the United States, we surely remember the open facts that the Spanish did NOT blow up the Maine, Iranian Prime Minister Mossadegh did NOT send out paid thugs to terrorize his people in 1953, and the NSA has just reconfirmed for us that the Gulf of Tonkin incident WAS a hoax; not to mention the sponsoring and training of death squads and other terrorists in Central America and beyond throughout the Cold War.

Just so we are all on the same pages as Allies, I would mention the Fall 2005 arrest, in Basra, of two British SAS operatives, dressed as Arabs, shooting at Iraqi policemen with explosives in their car. And, finally, so no one can say that as a proud Jewish man I am coddling Israel, on 10-10-01, just a month after 9-11, two Israeli operatives, one Israeli Special Forces and one a Jewish Mexican citizen, were caught in the Mexican Parliament with grenades, C-4 explosives, a high-powered rifle and a Pakistani passport each. This incident was reported on CNN, once. And never followed up.

So, the question then becomes: Are we the good terrorists? Meaning, Mr. Frum, in your vision of “comeback conservatism,” is there a moral argument to be made for a terrorism of love? Or, as a foreign policy advisor to presidential candidate Rudolph Giuliani, will you publicly denounce state-sponsored terrorism and other false-flag psyops as horrific and immoral forms of statecraft in the 21st century?

Sincerely,

Jeremy Rothe-Kushel





ChevyNazi


Great Helen!

You're the best.:-)





Mateo


Yo Jeremy

That "open letter" is hysterical.  Great work - I'm still laughing, buddy.





SrulyLaz


Hillarious

I laughed so hard I pissed my last pair of Kadafi boxer shorts. Helen, you rock.





Anonymous


ha ha ha Occupation is so funny!

This is great! Keep it up Jewcy- way to give Jews a good name! What other tragedies are you going to trivialize next in your more-ironic-than-thou tone?





Anonymous


If only...

If the Pals had a sense of humor, then maybe , with the added IQ required for humor, they could actually lead themselves out of a shoe box... instead of strapping bombs on themselves and lobbing missiles every day. Maybe then they'd actually find leaders who don't run off with all the EU money and serve to make life better for the poor masses, and actually create themselves a real state...





ChevyNazi


Palestinians have as much

Palestinians have as much sense of humor as driftwood does!lol





Post new comment

  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <i> <strong> <strike> <b> <cite> <code> <u> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <p> <br> <img> <blockquote>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
  • Images can be added to this post.

More information about formatting options

Captcha
This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.
Copy the characters (respecting upper/lower case) from the image.