The List

The Bride of Wildenstein: a cautionary taleWhen it comes to the ever-growing beauty industry, there are three main categories: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. Today's news touches on all three, and includes some delightful--and some downright frightful--forecasts, trends and products.

• London's Daily Telegraph serves up a report on the future of face lifts, which aren't actually face lifts at all: Having discovered that the bones of our face lose volume as we age, researchers at Duke University are looking into the possibilities of "arresting" the natural loss of bone through an injection. Also on the horizon: High-speed cooling technology that promises to do away with wrinkles, "natural" breast implants that will harvest fat from other parts of the patient's body, and stem-cell injections.

• Wired reports on a new skin gel that seems to legitimately help reduce scarring, unlike a lot of the under-performers currently on the market. The only problem is that it might also reduce the "number of infection-fighting macrophages, which could make the gel-treated wounds susceptible to bacteria."
  

• The American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery says that nearly 9,000 lip augmentation procedures were performed in the U.S. in 2007.

• British news rag The Guardian has a couple of tasty tidbits on emerging surgery crazes. Apparently "New York surgeons and dermatologists are reporting an increase in the number of women having earlobe procedures." That's right: Ear lobe jobs. Meanwhile, "undo-plasty" is growing in popularity. It's what we're calling any procedure that seeks to "correct the unnecessary operations they had in the first place."

• Which brings us to the cautionary tale of Jocelyn Wildenstein, who teaches that chasing the dragon of youth can get you burned.

Ah, Christmas: The world’s most commercially viable pseudo-holiday. Full of enduringly confusing symbolism, the celebration drives millions of people (especially American people) insane each year, inspiring them to spend their hard-earned money on crap they (and their loved ones) don’t need. Though it's based loosely on the birth of Jesus, the festival is really the remains of the pagan winter solstice, and proves that from the beginning, the Christian church has enjoyed the savviest marketing and PR. Perhaps one of the most fascinating aspects of modern, secular Christianity, is that most Jews view Christmas and all of its glittering, flashing, toe-tapping accoutrements as religious, while many Christians do not! How ironical! Whatever lens through which you view the hullabaloo of Christmas, it can be a quiet, lonely day for les Jews, but the following five pastimes have provided solace for decades.

	Jews and Chinese food go together like...well, Jews and Chinese food. Legend has it that my father actually indulged in two--that's right, two--Chinese meals while my mother was in labor with me. I wasn't born on Christmas, but Jesus! In any case, many Chinese people don't take part in Christmas celebrations, and their restaurants offer safe and satisfying haven to hungry Jews.
	Celebrating Christmas simply isn't kosher, but taking in a double feature at your local cinema is fine and good. Extra large popcorn? Check. Extra large pop? Check. Clear conscience? Check, check, check.
	Matzo Ball. Not the soup, but the partay. Not on Christmas day, but on Christmas eve. Hit the ball hard enough, and your hangover will keep you occupied through Dec. 26. Let My People Go throws balls in NYC, Los Angeles, and Washington D.C. The Society of Young Jewish Professionals throws balls in Boca Raton, Boston, New York, Miami, Washington D.C., and Chicago. Even Heeb gets in on the party planning action. Don't say I never took you nowhere.
	It's a mitzvah and a great way to use the time you don't spend eating a goose or a ham and opening presents around a tree decorated with chotchkies. Volunteer to serve Christmas dinner to the homeless and hungry in your town. Lord knows (ha ha, get it? Lord?) there's a local shelter, church, or temple who needs you.
	Christmas day is a great opportunity for Jews to bond with family. You've all got the day off, anyway. Get together and revel in a paid holiday.

Breakfast. Mothers, nutritionists, and teachers alike tell us that it's the most important meal of the day, and we Jews have a handful of unique breakfast dishes all our own. Have a killer recipe for one of the dishes listed? Share it in comments, below.

	Matzo Brei: It certainly isn't a visually pleasing dish, but don't let that dissuade you. Matzo Brei combines crumbled matzo and scrambled eggs in what has become a filling, satisfying, Passover breakfast food.
	Bagels: Easily the most popular Jewish contribution to breakfast, everyone loves a bagel--especially when it's slathered with the traditional cream cheese and lox.
	Shakshuka: This popular Israeli egg dish, which translates to "all mixed up," is made with tomatoes, onions, and lots of spices.
	Blintzes: Whether filled with cheese or fruit, blintzes are always a sweetly satisfying way to start the day.
	LEO (Lox, Eggs, and Onions): A deli favorite, Sam the Cooking Guy calls it a "Jewish classic" and offers his own recipe up on his site. If you love eggs and salt, this is your dish.

Kein ayin hora and knock on wood--we Jews have carried some old school superstitions with us throughout the diaspora, and many of them lead right into the kitchen. Here's how to save yourself from the common cold and the evil eye, not to mention ensure your fertility and keep your pantry full, all by employing the use of common kitchen staples.

	Chicken Soup: Not just for the soul, this traditional remedy known as "Jewish Penicillin" is more than just superstition. Studies have shown that it may actually "contain substances with beneficial activity including an anti-inflammatory effect that could ease the symptoms of colds and other upper respiratory infections." Sounds like your mom (not to mention all of her female ancestors) was right.
	Break That Bread: This is an old, general superstition. Never eat from a piece of bread over which you have recited a berakah before first cutting it in two. Why not? Because otherwise, evil spirits might trouble your digestion. Bread is also traditionally brought with salt to welcome someone to a new house.
	Something in the Oven: This kitchen superstition, which is said to have originated in Minsk, insists that you always keep something--anything--in your oven. If it's ever left empty, you run the risk of not have anything to cook or bake when you really need it. In order to avoid this hungry fate, people historically kept a piece of wood in an empty oven.
	Good Eggs, Bad Eggs: The good news is, if a woman eats an egg with a double yoke, she'll be blessed with many offspring. The bad news is, if you steal an egg, you'll face seven years of poverty.
	The Garlic Method: Eat lots of this bulb to ward of evil spirits (and everyone else in your shtetl). Garlic and red ribbons have also been placed on cribs to protect babies from the evil eye.

"To life, to life, l'chaim. L'chaim, l'chaim, to life. It gives you something to think about, Something to drink about -- Drink, l'chaim, to life." So wrote Sheldon Harnick in his lyrics for the Fiddler on the Roof song, "To Life." Over the years, a handful of unique beverages have become as intrinsic to the Jewish culinary world as are dishes like kugel and matzo ball soup. When we "drink l'chaim," we often do so by raising a glass of legendarily sweet wine, but a few other libations have also found their cultural home within the Jewish people's soda and shot glasses. Here they are, in all of their strange, delicious, intoxicating, refreshing glory. Have one you want to add? Feel free to do so in comments.

	From those thimble-sized tastes at temple onegs to the fourth sickening glass at a Passover seder, the overwhelmingly sweet Manischewitz is arguably the ultimate Jewish drink. These days there are plenty of fine, kosher wines to keep us busy, but the "Witz" will always hold a special place in Jewish hearts and homes.
	Walter Winchell called it "Jewish champagne." An acquired taste, this celery-flavored Dr. Brown's soda was developed in 1869, and is made with is made with celery seeds, sugar and seltzer. It's hard to find outside of NYC and Jewish delicatessens, where it's usually on offer alongside other Dr. Brown's flavors, like Black Cherry, Root Beer, and Cream Soda.
	Seltzer is the old school, Jewish version of "sparkling water," and like Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray, it has also been referred to as "Jewish champagne." Of course, this is not a term that's used much anymore, and frankly, neither is the traditional seltzer bottle. In New York, in the early twentieth century, seltzer was not just commonplace but essential to Jews who believed it was healthier than city water, and aided digestion--hence its other nickname: Belchwasser.
	A freshly made Egg Cream Soda is the stuff of legends. Deeply rooted in New York City, the classic brew is mixed to order and made with Fox's U-Bet Chocolate Syrup. The other two ingredients? Seltzer water (go figure) and milk.
	Some may tell you that this plum brandy takes its root from the Slavic word for plum, but I'm pretty sure that Slivovitz translates to "Party Time." A traditional libation of Eastern European Jews, this stuff packs a punch, hitting you with a standard proof of 100 to 140. In other words, 50 to 70%. Drink it in shots, and don't say I didn't warn you.

Don't get me wrong: a bagel with cream cheese is one of the most perfect foods. But sometimes I just want something more...substantial. Sometimes I feel like getting creative, and there's nothing wrong with a little experimentation! So if you're sick of lox on your bagel, or whitefish is wearing you down, try one of these alternative bagel toppings you certainly won't find on Bubbe's brunch platter.

	The Breakfast Bagel – This one's a no-brainer and my number one go-to hangover food. I actually prefer it open-faced in order to get the perfect ratio of cheese to egg to bagel in one bite. Toast the bagel, and when it's nearly done, lay a slice of American cheese on each half. Continue toasting until cheese is just melted. Meanwhile, scramble two eggs with butter. Top cheesy bagel halves with eggs (if you're feeling up to it, insert sausage patties or bacon on top of the cheese), and you've got yourself the perfect breakfast.
	The Pizza Bagel – What genius thought to combine New York's two great culinary claims to fame? And we can give a shout-out to Chicago while we're at it since a pizza bagel is offically deep dish. Toast your bagel, top with marinara and mozzarella, toast some more to melt the cheese. This one can be as simple or fancy as you want it: add some fresh parmigiano-reggiano, asiago, fontina, or any other cheese you like. Basil, oregano, anchovies, pineapple: the possibilities are endless.
	The Elvis Bagel – There's something magical about peanut butter and banana. Sometimes I sit with a banana and a jar of chunky peanut butter and enact my very own spread, bite, spread, bite, spread, bite ritual. Put it on a bagel, and you've got a meal. Toast your bagel, let it cool a little (you don't want your pb melting), spread with the pb and top with banana slices. If you're feeling a little crazy, sprinkle on some bacon bits, as the King himself sometimes did. Try cashew or almond butter for a twist.
	The Nutella Bagel – Simple, but oh so good. The first time I had Nutella, back in the sixth grade, it was so exotic. I had a friend who went to Holland frequently, and she'd always bring back jars of the stuff. Now, this chocolate-hazelnut spread is everywhere, including my pantry. Try it on top of a chocolate-chip or cinnamon bagel for an extra sweet treat.
	The Cinnamon-Sugar Bagel – I must admit, this one's a bit nostalgic. When I was growing up, we always had a little Tupperware container of cinnamon-sugar mixture in the pantry, at the ready for my dad's perfect cinnamon toast. It transfers quite nicely to a bagel: Spread each bagel half with a generous amount of butter. Top with cinnamon-sugar mixture (about two parts sugar to one part cinnamon), toast until the topping gets bubbly and crunchy. Enjoy!

Welcome to The Friday 5, where each week, we'll offer up a 100% unscientifically compiled Top 5 list of Jewish culinary treats, meats, feats...you get the picture. Topics will range from the best desserts to kosher kitchen faux pas, so stay tuned. Don't agree with the list, or have more to add? Challah back in comments.

Top 5 Jewish Desserts:

The Black and White Cookie: The black and white cookie may be indigenous to New York, and non-Jewish, New York baked-good buffs may regard it as the city's cookie, but let's get real: The black and white is a Jewish dessert, all the way. Even Jerry Seinfeld has expounded upon the ideal way to eat one: "The thing about eating the Black and White cookie, Elaine, is you want to get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. And yet somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie all our problems would be solved."

Rugelach: Ah, the ubiquitous, inescapable rugelach, without which no Shabbat oneg (or any oneg, for that matter) would be complete. These little rolled cookies are Ashkenazic in origin, and can be filled with anything from chocolate, to raisins and nuts, to fruit preserves. Fun fact: Rugelach translates to "little twists" in Yiddish.

Hamantashen: Some say that these three-cornered pastry delights are called Hamantashen ("Haman's pocket") in reference to the infamous Purim villain. Others argue that the word is actually a corruption of the Yiddish "montashn," which translates to poppyseed-filled pouches. I say, who cares? Whatever you call them, these things are frickin' delicious, whether they're filled with poppyseeds, or lekvar, or apricot, or...

Halvah: Easily the most "ethnic" dessert on our list, halvah is a popular sweet from Turkey to India, Bulgaria to Israel, and many other places in between. Ingredients differ from place to place, and the traditionally "Jewish" kind (at least, the kind I grew up feasting on) is made with sesame seeds (surprise!). The dry but sticky, flaky but chewy confection is unlike anything else I've ever tasted.

Sufganiyot: Last, but certainly not least, the lauded sufganiyah - AKA jelly donut - paraded out at Hanukkah, but delicious any time of year. Are you ready for this Israeli jelly?

If your family's like mine, you have my condolences (Ba-boom! Thank you! I'll be here all week). Seriously though, I love my family, but we cook twice as much as we eat. We have a holiday tradition of eating twice as much brisket as anyone ought, which results in heartburn and leftovers. Once the former has passed, it's time to deal with the latter. Here are my favorite ways to eat that leftover holiday beef:

PelliscadasPelliscadas
A dear friend and collaborator on the smash hit ballet, Nutcracker: Rated R, recently introduced me to Cafe el Portal a delightful Mexican eatery in Manhattan's Nolita district. El Portal has become her number one choice for a delicious, laid back meal between performances as a showgirl at celeb magnet cabaret/restaurant The Box. Cafe el Portal serves pelliscadas, which the menu describes as “boat shape corn masa filled with chorizo, fried beans topped with chicken, tinga, salsa greens, cheese and sour cream.” Here’s how you can make these at home:

1. Make the "boat shaped corn masa": You can do this from scratch fairly easily with masa harina a.k.a. masa flour and water. Here's a recipe that uses vegetable shortening or lard. Here's a recipe that uses potato. If you're lazy you can just use Tostitos Scoops. I'm not usually a fan of mass-produced snacks, but these are very convenient little cup-shaped tortilla chips.
2. Load up boats or Scoops with brisket.
3. Top 'em off with some salsa (chipotle-flavored if you’ve got it), sour cream and cheese, and prepare yourself for a culinary trip to sunny Oaxaca, by way of cloudy Khelm.

Suggested Brew: If you must imbibe a Mexican beer, I suggest Negra Modelo. Unlike many of its brethren, it actually tastes like something other than the lime desperately squeezed into it.
Suggested Spirit: Lt. Blender makes a surprisingly acceptable frozen margarita that comes in squeeze bags like Capri Sun.

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