Sylvia Browne

Any psychic who’s been indicted for grand larceny and is a reoccurring guest on the Montel Williams Show is no winner in our book. She doesn’t listen to the people who come to her readings, she’s arrogant, and she’s about as sympathetic as a landlord holding an eviction notice. Two thumbs down.

Watch as Brown explains to a couple that a “spirit or angel” spoke to them through their novelty wall bass. Then check out StopSilviaBrown.com, which has what we’re fairly confident is the most hilarious icon of any psychic-busting website, ever.

John Edward

After a brief stint as a ballroom dancing instructor, John Edward found his niche as a conduit to the otherworldy on Crossing Over, which ran from 1999 to 2004, and on his new show John Edward Cross Country. We’re inclined to like him because he’s patient, warm, and sympathetic, but we're still not convinced he’s for real. Luckily, 20/20 conducted a hard-hitting investigation into this pressing national issue:

Walter Mercado

Looking like an older, whiter Prince, Walter Mercado has been giving Latin Americans their horoscopes on the show Primer Impacto for decades. He is sweet, endearing, and his predictions all carry a grain of truth. We’re also big fans of his unbridled fashion sense. Two definite thumbs up.

If you can speak Spanish, check out the clip below. If you can’t, just admire the haircut; he's admitted to spending $60,000 on a single cape. You can find more Mercado—including a video of him making a mystical salad—here.

Sonya Fitzpatrick

Sonya Fitzpatrick, the Pet Psychic, diagnoses furry woes on Animal Planet. Her readings are very casual—she barely gives the animal time to, um, speak before launching into its story. But everything is more convincing in a British accent, especially one that sounds like it ought to be narrating a Peter Rabbit audiobook. Since she’s neither fake nor transcendent, we’ll give her one ambivalent thumb up.

Here, she discovers that a Las Vegas snake is sick of showbiz: