Only about 2% of the US population is Jewish, meaning the chance of anyone one is attracted to being Jewish is 1/50. (probably less in Tennesse).

Then multiply .02 by the fraction of Jews who are religiously-compatible, and you're stuck with a very low chance of meeting anyone who will meet your standards.

In traditional societies people ensured religious continuity and conformity in a deliberate fashion: parents would simply set their kids up before the kids could make a choice. Often you'd end up with your first cousin--how better to ensure that your son/daughter inlaw is religiously appropriate than to put your sibling in charge of his/her religious upbringing. And you'd live in a ghetto, so chances are you wouldn't even know someone from another religion, much less fall in love.

In 21st century America we can't stomach arranged marriages, and we live in diverse communities where everyone chooses their own level of observance. This translates into low odds of meeting someone religiously compatible. At the same time, our view of relationships is such that we imagine the person we commit our life to must be a "soulmate": perfectly compatible AND full of chemistry/romance.

In the end something has got to give. If you draw a line at religion you'll probably have to compromise on compatibility in other areas, or on chemistry. If you marry for love (and love only) you're not likely to end up with the .02 X ? percent of the population that is both Jewish and has the same level of observance as you.

And I haven't even touched on the problem of people's observance changing over time. If you marry someone, does he/she make an implicit commitment to stay the same until death?

I'm not trying to tell anyone what to do, although personally I prefer intermarriage to ghetto-ization. But it's clear you can't have it all--the numbers just don't work.

--Z

Tamar, unless you reclassify "three-day a year" Judaism into a denomination, most of what you are talking about isn't inter-denominational, but simply a mismatch between someone who is passionate about Judaism and someone who isn't.  That's an awfully big hurdle to overcome and I know that I could never have married anyone who didn't care deeply about Judaism. 

On the other, inter-denominational relationships pose a very different challenge.  Now you start running into questions like whether or not a mechitza is a red line, or whether or not to travel to services & Shabbat dinner across town, whether to keep Orthodox kashrut or eco-kashrut, and whether all of this ritual observance is taking away time better spent on social action.  These questions do not have easy answers, but with a degree of flexibility and patience on each side they can be resolved, and each partner's Jewish identity is enriched and challenged by the other.      

At least with interdenominational marriage the children will be Jewish. Intermarriage = the extinction of Judaism. Zbird is dating a shiksa and doesn't care about his children being Jewish. Nice going Kapo.

"Kapo" is not an acceptable name for one Jew to call another.

z's right, the odds are against us.  i've gone back and forth in my head on what i will compromise on regarding a potential jewish partner.  non-negotialble: jewish home, jewish children, attending shul on fridays, and most saturdays.  i am not shomer, but wouldn't mind crossing over every once and a while.  does the person have to be as "passionate" as myself? no, that would be boring.  maybe their passion about being jewish just looks different than mine, and hey, i might learn something new by being open to their level of observence.

anonymous - you are entitled to your view, but using abusive language is unnecessary, and it takes away from your argument.  name calling is not nice.

I will ignore the uncalled-for name-calling.

 But I do want to comment on the notion of a person's level of religious observance changing over time.

We take a risk, any time we commit to another person, that he or she will change and grow in ways that do not match up to our own change and growth.  I think the best we can do is be honest with each other about our needs and desires.

 I was an ex-Catholic, secular LGBT activist when I met my partner, who had been mostly a "holiday Jew," though her family had Shabbat dinners when she was a child.  We knew that, if we decided to stay together for the long haul, we would raise our children Jewish.  So, that was out of the way.  I wanted my children (God willing we'll have a few!) to be raised with a religious and ethical tradition, and I felt a sense of political responsibility to Judaism, given the too-long history of attempts to annihilate the Jewish religion and people.  So I was willing to learn about Judaism, but I never made a commitment to convert.

And then I converted and of course became more observant than my partner had been.  We are Reform Jews, we attend shul every Friday and most Saturdays, we observe Jewish holidays, and I am still trying to figure out my own relationship to other rituals like Kashrut.  I talk to my partner about all the changes and choices.

 But, for that matter, I talk to my partner about all the changes and choices in our lives, from financial issues to how we might want to discipline those future children to how we spend our weekends to her needs for her career to how we want to deal with things like world hunger and cruelty to animals and sexism... get the picture?