Once A Year, Every Year

This year, as with every year around this time, you hear a lot of people wishing each other health and happiness. And I believe that people are sincere in this wish, but unfortunately, being healthy and happy requires some work of the wishee. Being healthy means, among other things, going to the doctor.
If This Is What You Need: to get you motivated to put these things on your calendar, I say go for it.
I’ll be the first to admit that doctor’s appointments are about my least favorite activities. The examinations and questions make me uncomfortable and unhappy, and even with insurance, the cost stresses me out. But even though I dread my doctor’s appointments, I’m diligent about going simply because I’m terrified that if I don’t keep on top of my health I’ll find out I have some serious condition that requires lots and lots of time with doctors in hospitals, paying lots of money for procedures that hurt. So if you’re like me, I strongly suggest that you make your annual appointments ASAP.

AppointmentS, you say? In the plural?

Yep. There are a bunch of things to get checked out every year. Check with your doctor to see if all of these apply to you (pap smears, for instance, are recommended yearly for women under 30, and and then less often as you get older, and colon screening isn't necessary until you're fifty) but you really should investigate.  Sucks, but just do it.

1. Get Squeezed
Breast health is my number one issue right now because my mother was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, and that makes her the fourth woman in three generations of her family. She was diagnosed because of something that was found in a mammogram, which only reinforces everything I’ve always heard about mammograms: they work, and you need to get one every year. Starting when you’re forty this should be something that you keep up with no matter what. Until you’re forty, practice monthly breast self exams (alas, being felt up by your boyfriend doesn’t count).
Boobs: If you wanna keep 'em, get 'em squeezed
For more information on the importance of mammography, click here.
For information on getting a free mammogram click here.
For instruction on how and when to conduct a breast self exam, click here.

2. Get Poked
Colon cancer is one of those cancer’s we’d really rather not discuss. Colons are gross, right? You know what’s grosser? Dying. From the time you turn fifty you should get one of three tests that screen for colon cancer every year. Every ten years you should get a colonoscopy. For more info on what tests you should ask for (and yes, you may have to ask for them) click here.

3. Get smeared
Girls, you need to go to the gynecologist every year for your annual pap smear. This may be my single least favorite activity of all time, but I hear cervical cancer is a bitch (and frankly, if there’s any part of my body that I want in tip top shape, it’s my cunt) so I grin and bear it. While you’re there, I suggest being tested for STDs, too (assuming you’re sexually active) because some of them, like clamydia, might not have any symptoms, and so can just hang out in your cooch for ages if you don’t catch them early. For more info on the importance of Pap smears, and how often to get them click here.

4. Get scraped
Is there anything worse than the sound of plague being scraped off your teeth? Blech! But it turns out going to the dentist is not just about checking for cavities and and gum disease. Because so much enters the body via the mouth, lots of things can be diagnosed early by looked closely at oral health. For more information on the Mouth-Body connection, check out this website. I was especially surprised by this:

Many diseases and conditions can affect your oral health. For example, people with weakened immune systems may be more likely to get fungal and viral infections in the mouth. The immune system (the system that protects the body from illness and infection) can be weakened by disease or as a side effect of cancer chemotherapy drugs or by drugs that are taken to prevent the rejection of transplanted organs or bone marrow. Medications taken for other conditions also can affect the health of your mouth. For example, many drugs cause dry mouth, which can increase your risk of dental decay, oral yeast infections and other oral infections.

Your oral health also can affect other medical conditions. For example, if you are diabetic, an infection in your mouth can disrupt your blood-sugar levels and make your diabetes harder to control. Researchers also are exploring the role of periodontal (gum) disease as a potential risk factor for various medical conditions, including heart disease.

So do yourself a favor and make an appointment to see a dentist every six months.

5. Get screened
Heart disease is the number one killer in the US. Half of all Americans will die of heart disease. If you’re like me and hate being a member of a the mainstream, or if you just don’t want to die anytime soon, I highly suggest getting screened for heart disease, a process that can be as quick as 15 minutes, and can help you see how to make changes in your diet and lifestyle that can save your life. For information on what happens at a screening, and where to be screened, check out Heart Screen Now.

6. Get charged
The smoke alarms in your house or apartment need to be checked once a month, and the batteries should be replaced every year. For more info check out this directive from the US Consumer Product Safety Commission, or this rapping British firefighter.

If you think you might have trouble remembering all of this stuff, I encourage you to sign up for a free service that will remind you to set up appointments. I like MyHealthTests.

This stuff might not seem spiritual, but unless you want to become a spirit, you’ve got to stay alive, and to stay alive, you’ve got to keep on top of your health. So this year mark your spiritual beginning by having a bunch of doctors make you uncomfortable. Then take yourself out for a drink and congratulate yourself for being so damn on top of things.