It's All Just Sex and Torah

Yesterday night I was talking online with a friend of mine and conversation got pretty awesome. I've redacted his name, but mine is still here. This is what happens when day school graduates grow up ...

You're So Frum: it's so hot

X says: you're so fucking frum
X says: it makes me sick
Tamar says: you are the first person ever to say that to me
Tamar says: thank you!
X says: just talking all day about toire toire toire
Tamar says: what else is there to talk about?
Tamar says: actually, it goes something like toire sex toire sex toire sex
X says: well, everything is actually toire
X says: sex is toire
Tamar says: depends if it's good sex or not
Tamar says: bad sex is not toire
X says: bad sex is i'm afraid
Tamar says: nuh uh
Tamar says: it's like midrash or something
Tamar says: not Torah mamish
X says: i'll accept that
X says: it's definitely misinai though
Tamar says:i'm not so sure
Tamar says: I’ll have to think about it

And then later:
Tamar says: good sex=pshita
Tamar says: bad sex=remez
Tamar says: or is it the other way around?
X says: peshita la lerabbanit tamar
X says: ipcha mistabra
X says: pshat is just sex
X says: remez is good sex
X says: sod is simultaneous orgasms
Tamar says: what's drash?
X says:blowjob?
Tamar says: you're amazing
Tamar says: will you be my rabbi?
X says: yeah baby
X says: i should write a book
X says: The orchard of sex
Tamar says:i'd buy it
Tamar says: there would be commentary and stuff on the sides
Tamar says: and diagrams
X says:you could talk down to your audience
X says:just like other artscroll books
X says: you'd love it
Tamar says: bend at the knees and then bow until you see the labia
X says: remember that with frum girls, the more you mumble during sex the better. she'll know you're talking to god
Tamar says:When you reach simultaneous orgasm say, "Oh Gee dash dee!"
Tamar says: or maybe, "Amen!"
X says: awesome
X says: the act of sex can be consider one long bracha
Tamar says: when do you say barchu u baruch shmo?
Tamar says: initial penetration?
X says: you don't
X says: it would be a hefsek
X says: the girl is yoitse on the guy's bracha