FEATURE
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The Dilettante's Guide to the Michael Vick Scandal | |
| Seven ways to liven up the inevitable conversation this weekend | ||
 by Michael Weiss, August 2, 2007
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TAGS:
Just how far has Michael Vick mania wended its way into even the least likely news outlets? Here’s Ben McGrath’s latest “Talk of the Town” for the New Yorker, about a dilapidated kennel for urban hunting dogs in uptown Manhattan: “’One guy approached us—he wanted to bring some pits,’ Ross said, referring to pit bulls. ‘We try to steer clear of that. He might be Michael Vick-in’ it.’
Chances are good that at some point this weekend, you’re going to wind up in a conversation about this gruesome man-causes-dog-to-bite-other-dog story. But how much more is there to say, other than “It’s wrong to kill dogs”? In the interest of keeping your dinner party conversations fresh, we’ve provided you with a list of alternative angles. Print them out, study them in the john, and hope everyone’s drunk enough not to take you terribly seriously when you trot out one of the following:
As Effective As This Is...: Vick is better! TO PISS OFF A PETA ACTIVIST:
Michael Vick has done more for animal rights activists than Betty White, Christy Turlington, and Howard Stern's fiancé, combined.
Negative publicity works better than celebrity endorsements. Hence the glee of one John Goodwin, deputy manager of the Animal Cruelty Campaign for The Humane Society. Goodwin’s gone on record to the Atlantic Journal-Constitution about the Vick affair: "This is certainly the biggest dog fighting case in the United States, period… It certainly raises the stakes. There's a greater spotlight on the issue.” You can almost hear him chanting, “Faster, puppy dog, kill, kill!”
“Our Web system that has forms for donations and sending e-mails to the NFL crashed today [because it was] too overloaded,” Goodwin told the same newspaper, which saw fit to add context to its source’s newfound sense of importance: “Goodwin paused the interview, then came back to the phone. ‘Gotta go, I'm going to be on the O'Reilly Factor.'”
TO KISS UP TO EUROTRASH WHO DETEST “AMERICAN FOOTBALL”:
The NFL penalizes killing puppies but not people.
For his crime, Vick has been suspended indefinitely from playing for the Falcons, and he might well be banned from the NFL. Compare this with the fate of Ray Lewis of the Baltimore Ravens, who was indicted for double murder. Even before the charge was reduced—incredibly—to a misdemeanor, he was never, throughout the entire legal episode, suspended from league play.
Mau-Mauling the Kennel Captures: Tom Wolfe loves the racial politics TO CHARM LITERARY TYPES:
Tom Wolfe is no longer starved for a subplot.
It was getting a little desperate for a while there.
TO IMPRESS DAVE CHAPELLE:
It's proof that Al Qaeda failed to improve American race-relations.
In the months after September 11, no comedy club was complete without a black stand-up euphoric that Osama Bin Ladin wasn’t a black man. Middle Easterners were the ones getting stopped at airport terminals and it was the knit skullcap, not the lycra do-rag, that had little old ladies scurrying for the nearest exit of the subway platform. But after six years without another terrorist attack on U.S. soil, we’ve reverted nearly back to our fear of black celebrities. Also, white people still drive funny.
Bad Newz for Sports Fans: Falcons QB and dogfighting profiteer Michael VickTO GET ALL SELF-RIGHTEOUS AFTER THREE GLASSES OF ROSE:
Pets mean more to us than people do.
Sad but true. Think of the liberals who never grasped the big deal about Al Qaeda’s agenda until the jihadists started broadcasting their chemical weapons tests on Labradors. Now it’s war, motherfuckers! One animal rights activist compared dog fighting to child pornography, and a sports journalist said Vick would have “been better off raping a woman.” Indelicate things to say, but the latter was uncomfortable for its ring of truth.
TO BEFRIEND A DERANGED HOBO:
It's a sign of the apocalypse.
Killer dog symbolism has a long, storied history as a harbinger of world-historical doom. According to one ancient superstition, having a single canine cross your path spelled personal misfortune; having two do so spelled the end of civilization. (Ian McEwan used this gothic motif in his novel Black Dogs, in which one character suggests that feral mutts roaming around postwar France were trained by the Gestapo to rape women.) Forget blood-dimmed tides and raining frogs; maybe celebrity dog fights are God’s way of ushering in the end times.
Screw You, Vick: Kingsley demands canine respect
TO BE USED IF ALL ELSE FAILS:
Look at my puppy!
I take Vick’s cruelty personally, having just adopted this cocker spaniel a week ago. If you like, you can print out this picture and pretend he’s your own.
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Michael is a contributing editor of Jewcy and the New York editor of Pajamas Media. His work has appeared in Slate, New York, Democratiya, The New Criterion and The Weekly Standard. His blog is More... |
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Melissa M.
It's Not That We Don't Care About People
Enough, I'm about to wet my pants. However, on a more serious note. Although it's been said many times before (but apparently not enough for some), I'll say it again: IT DOESN'T MEAN WE DON'T CARE ABOUT PEOPLE. However, animal fighting is a rampant problem that's never gotten enough attention. Due to this case, people are just now learning about all the dogs that die gruesome deaths in the rings and about the ones that "make it" who are left bloody and wounded tied up in gang kids' backyards with grafitti painted on them or left to die in the streets or shelters. Aside from Vick's that were wetted down and electrocuted, shot, hung, drowned and slammed. But maybe you're actually aware of this and just wanted to show off your tremendous wit and figure Howard Stern's girlfriend's not gonna come after you. Make fun of the people you're sucking up to with this article (the ones who are more likely to kick your ass...then we'll be impressed). Oh, and one more difference for you in the way we treat crimes against animals and crimes against people: you wouldn't be on here making jokes about kiddie porn and rape.
Hadar
Thats right he wouldn't be
Thats right he wouldn't be on here making jokes about kiddie porn and rape - thats exactly the point.
And I don't think Michael is making jokes about dog fighting/dog suffering/cruelty to animals, but about the ridiculous extreme media coverage and hypocrisy surrounding this.
Melissa M.
Ok, he's not making light of
Ok, he's not making light of the situation. I should have just gone after the artist who drew the cute picture of the two pit bulls in the ring.
The media coverage has done some good is my point.
I think most of the hypocrisy lies with those who say, "Why don't you care as much about people?"...they're normally the last to care about people.
Hadar
There is nothing cute about
There is nothing cute about the picture of the pit bulls. Its a visual expression of what's going on - going after the artist would be silly.
If you think the media coverage has done some good then enjoy it! In that case, you should be thanking Michael and the artist for keeping the subject alive.
Ken Krimstein
and roe v. wade...
there seems to be a lively discussion among the pro-lifers saying, well, you can imagine what they're saying...
even congressmen have gotten into this fray...
eesh...
Shaun
Oh the humanity!
I'm usually a fan of your posts but I think you get it wrong here. Obviously the Vick case is out of proportion but I don't think that implies all of the kneejerk liberal hypocrisy you so despise. Vick isn't a black man in a "do-rag," he's an arrogant, rich prick. He wasn't even getting money from the dog-fighting, he did it just to be cool--the epitome of a certain variety of selfish, ugly little shit celebrity many of us rightly despise. Sure, as always there's a lot of psychological bullshit and opportunism going on here, perhaps most significantly the bourgeoise taboo against hurting animals we keep as pets (while murdering the rest of them), but doesn't that go without saying for the media? Your frustration with animal rights activists (the only real complaint I could find in there) is misplaced: there's nothing wrong with enjoying the free publicity a scandal can creat for one's cause. Anyway, what's next, you gonna tell us we can't hate Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton either? The schadenfreude I get from watching celebrities eat shit and suffer is American as football.
Melissa M.
Of course the pro-lifers are
Of course the pro-lifers are in on it. How dare people care about helpless animals being tortured when there are so many Jewish, black and Mexican unborn that need help? Talk about hypocrisy. And of course Mike and his neocons are turning it into a political issue. Those horrid libs have compassion for animals. What next? Sorry this media attention is bothering you so Hadar that you felt compelled to speak against the horror of it all. Just turn off the TV and get offline. And be thankful you're not a pitbull.
Hadar
Actually the media attention
Actually the media attention is not bothering me all that much - I find it curious, but understandable.
I do though think the shrilly indignation in your posts is counterproductive to the cause. And yes I am eternally grateful that I am not a pitbull. Although....
Melissa M.
Shrilly Indignation
If someone's gonna let the shrilly indignation of my posts get in the way of compassion, then they were on the brink of being compassionless anyway.
anonymous
And Melissa are you at all
And Melissa are you at all concerned about all hundreds, maybe thousands of fantasy football players that have Michael Vick on their team and now they are scewed? Are they not the forgotten ones in all of this? Who will speak for them?
Melissa M.
Well, anonymous...there's
Well, anonymous...there's always Greyhound races. This way they can still win money, except it will at the expense of abused animals. But, I'm still trying to figure out what Hadar's argument is.
Anonymous
I think Hadar's arguement
I think Hadar's arguement was that Michael's post was not anti animals or even pro Michael Vick. What I think Michaels post is about, albeit in a potentially inflaming way (funny), are questions about how we deal with events in society; media, public discourse, our backyards etc.
Melissa M.
Missing my Point
I didn't say that Michael's post was pro Michael Vick or pro animal fighting. My criticism is that he somehow found a political connection: "kneejerk liberal" and that there are certainly more worthy targets of his satire: i.e., those who feel the issue is detracting from the abortion "crisis," those who have turned it into a political issue (Michael for instance) and those who see a racial connection such as Al Sharpton or "Hymietown." (Actually, I'm not sure if either has come to Vick's defense yet, but I'm assuming it's a matter of time). I was confused as to Hadar's argument because at first he criticized the extreme media coverage and the hypocrisy, yet in a later post said he understands it, but didn't like the tone of my posts. In any case, I think the article was some misguided B.S. and also think it's scary that nobody aside from myself and Shaun felt the need to disagree, which says something about your readership. If it's not about Israel, politics or arguing some abstract concept, fuck it. The only way for Michael to prove me wrong about the article and the accompanying picture making light of the situation, would be to post an article making fun of those who speak out against kiddie porn along with a picture of two naked kids with lipstick.
Anonymous
*Racial Epithet Was Here, Now It's Gone*
[[The comment previously here blamed Michael Vick's cruel behavior on his race]]
Melissa
Racial Epithet?
Michael Vick's sadistic and orchestrated abuse of innocent life was a result of him being subhuman (not a Black subhuman) and anyone who defends him merely because he is Black, like many do, are not much better than he is. Bringing race into it only serves to fuel racism.
Anonymous
Vick admitted his guilt.
That's the difference
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