As an Irish Catholic with a German surname from Billings, Montana, I should be red meat for anti-Semitic recruitment drives. Truth be told, I’ve never had strong feelings one way or another about the Jewish people (Elliot Gould and Larry Brown excepted). I did have an awesome time at Adam Weissman’s bar mitzvah party. We got to ride on a green double-decker bus to the Sheraton where we ransacked a make-your-own-sundae bar. And, well, I work in the media. But there is a whole mess of anti-Semitic Web sites out there, all beckoning the dirty-blond, green-eyed Montanan like varieties of grape at the wine shop. Choosing a white whine is really no different from a white wine—it’s all in parsing the $2,000 Chateau Lafite from the $2 Boone’s Farm Apple Blossom.

Can the best of these sites turn me into a Jew-hater? I’ve spent months of thorough research combing the Internet, separating the academic highbrows from the brown-shirted goons. One star goes to the unconvincing sites that made me think only “Oy! Can’t we lay off the chosen people for once!” Five stars go to any site that persuaded me that Jews are the spawn of Satan and had me salivating for the racial holy war (RAHOWA for us in the know).

If only for a fleeting moment, of course.

1. Prussian Blue

Wholesome fun: with the Hitler twinsIt’s Like: The Indigo Girls if they were Aryan twins who sang lyrics penned by Dr. William Pierce and didn’t perform cunnilingus.

Target Audience: The kids. Or, the parents who are hoping to get their progeny into “positive” pro-white music because they can’t stand all that infernal boot-stomping death metal.

Alexa Traffic Rank: 374,783

What You’ll Find: Folk music fromthe duo Prussian Blue. Lamb and Lynx are a pair of angelic blonde-haired, blue-eyed, home-schooled fourteen-year-old twins with not one but two albums to their credit: “The Path We Chose” and “Fragment of the Future” ($14.88 apiece). The site also features extensive lyrics, biographies, a blog and MP3s of songs like “I Will Bleed for You.”

Nutshell Quote: “I see you all around me/I see the apathy in your eyes/knowing not what it means to be free/watching as the White flame dies,” from “I Will Bleed for You” (lyrics by Ken McLellan.)

Highlights: From the fan mail section: “Thought that I'd just let you girls know that you are awesome! I'm from Northern California currently serving in the USAF. I wish there were more girls like you two when I was younger or even now. Most white girls now-a-days are Nigger lovin’ Liberals and it makes me sick! I'm serving my country as a proud Aryan and can't wait to get out to show my pride! Listen to your parents because they are teaching you girls well. AMMO! –Mark”

Conclusion: One star. Only dirty hippies dig folk music, and the warbling of these two adorable, precocious imps sounds like they’re chewing Milk Duds with retainers still in their mouths.

2. The Barnes Review

It’s Like: TheCongressional Medal of Honor if they posthumously awarded it to Ed Gein.

Target Audience: Revisionist history buffs, Alex S. Perry Jr. fans, peaceniks.

Alexa Traffic Rank: 785,758

What You’ll Find: A case from revisionist historian Alex S. Perry Jr. backing up his thesis that “if anyone deserved the Nobel Peace Prize, it was Adolph Hitler.” He explains how Hitler was democratically elected and dreamed of an alliance with Britain, but was thwarted when Winston Churchill and Franklin Roosevelt conspired to start World War II. Perry also justifies Hitler’s blitzkrieg in Poland, claiming he had no choice after thousands of innocent Germans were killed by Polish mobs.

Nutshell Quote: “Young German boys, when captured by the Poles, were castrated.”

Highlights: Perry’s essay has 30 footnotes, including three from Hitler’s War, written by renowned Holocaust-denier/jailbird David Irving.

Conclusion: Two stars. Although the Barnes Review scholar is thorough, and even manages to convey empathy for Der Führer having to watch his Teutonic brothers and sisters slaughtered, his argument that Hitler “worked for peace in every way he could” is really undermined by that whole Holocaust thing.

3. The National Alliance

Aryan: The superior raceIt’s Like: “This American Life” if it featured broadcast stories from Father Charles Coughlin, David Duke and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Target Audience: Aryans of all ages, preferably those with cable modems or shortwave radios.

Alexa Traffic Rank: 151.434

What You’ll Find: The weekly wisdom of downloadable “American Dissident” broadcasts delivered by Chairman Shaun Walker. Impressively, Walker manages to speak on topics such as eugenics, the nefarious plots behind 401(K)s and Indian casinos, and that omnipresent problem, the Jews, all in the soothing manner of a seventh-grade social studies teacher. He hammers on a lot of the same topics, but give him credit for his partisanship: he has equal disdain for the “Jewish-dominated media” and “the moron from Texas” with his “thoroughly Zionist staff.”

Nutshell Quote: “You know, it is a good thing to be White. There really is no way to be modest about such a thing,” from Walker’s essay “Racial Identity.”

Highlights: Surprisingly, the National Alliance is aligned with Cindy Sheehan and Michael Moore. They, too, are against the Iraq war and think the al-Qaeda/Iraq connection is hooey—although the National Alliance’s main beef is that Americans are dying for a right-wing Zionist neoconservative war to empower Israel. Still, anti-war is anti-war. These Christian soldiers are even selling yellow ribbon magnets ($2.50 including shipping) that proudly demand “Bring Our Troops Home & Put Them on the Mexican Border.” Their site also features an investigative piece titled “Who Rules America?” It’s a who’s who of news Jews—a handy guide to those who control the media (now with headshots!).

Conclusion: Three stars. Initially, Walker is great at making the case for why people of my ilk should be 100 percent pro-white, why we deserve living space free of outsiders with no chance of race-mixing, and so forth. But then he drones on…and…on…and…on….Brevity is the soul of white, my brother. Nobody wants to listen to his or her laptop for 35 freaking minutes a pop.

4. Blacks and Jews Newspage

It’s Like: The History Channel if it were staffed entirely by the Black Israelites.

Target Audience: Blacks; not so much Jews. Not so much me, either.

Alexa Traffic Rank: 1,115,964

What You’ll Find: The “most controversial book (and study guide) in America,” The Secret Relationship Between Blacks and Jews, which “vindicates” Reverend Louis Farrakhan by documenting numerous slave owners of the Hebrew faith. It’s not all old school, though. Search around and there’s a link to a site that sheds some light on the Columbine murders, which weren’t the work of neo-Nazis after all, but rather a Jew and a dude who once dated a Jewish girl. You can also read all about the Israeli developer/drug kingpin who blew up the New Orleans levee to get rid of the blacks, presumably to put in condos and a Starbucks.

Nutshell Quote: “Bob Dylan, real name Zimmerman, was a honcho of the Sixties' pro-Viet Cong, pro-communist, pro-hippy element, which sought to destabilize the country during the Vietnam War. [Dylan] Klebold's mother doubtlessly chose the name for her son as a showing of solidarity with the extreme left.”

Highlights: An investigation into the “Curse of Ham,” which unfortunately, doesn’t have anything to do with pork. Rather, it’s some curse that Noah put on Canaan that ultimately led to the enslavement of Africans. The site also makes frequent hay of Henry Louis Gates, “the epitome of a house Negro.”

Conclusion: Four stars. The present-day conspiracies seem a tad implausible, but the sites probes into the murky historical truths of the slave trade, opening a still-resonant Pandora’s box

5. Vanguard News Network

It’s Like: The New York Times, if Bill Keller were Joseph Goebbels.

Target Audience: News junkies; film buffs; white people.

Alexa Traffic Rank: 88,730

What You’ll Find: “No Jews. Just Right.” This site gives readers a handpicked digest of top stories and resonant issues to start their morning hatred off right. It offers Victor Wolzek’s handy “Terror Timeline” of Jewish misdeeds from B.C. to Jan. 17, 2004, the date Zionism apparently reached its zenith when Elmo “brainwashed preschoolers” by appearing at the Los Angelitos Early Education Center to help kick off an Anti-Defamation League training program to help tykes learn about tolerance and cultural diversity. Vanguard News encourages community-building by soliciting op-ed pieces from everyday folks outside the semitically correct filter. It’s the Bizarro world version of the Sunday New York Times, covering national affairs (how the Bush administration perpetrated 9/11 on behalf of the Jews), style (a look at modern dating habits that found most women frown upon the “materialistic, urban, Jewish” lifestyle); Sports (a column on how the NFL wants “racial purity” and keeps the running back position “coal black”); and a stir-the-pot editorial titled “These Butt-Ugly Affirmative-Action University Cunts Are So Goddamned Predictable!”

Nutshell Quote: “Some Christians claim that the Jews are devils in human form. This claim is true if one defines being ‘devilish’ as homicidal and other behavior, but the case for some supernatural being named Lucifer, or Satan controlling all of their actions is unprovable, to put it mildly,” from the article “Planet of the Kikes” by Max Hadden.

Highlights: “The movie reviews. Not ones to shy away from pop culture, Vanguardians embrace mainstream movies, though they aren’t afraid to point out all the insidious Jewish Hollywood infiltration you might be missing. For example, Syriana is “essential viewing” and gets a straight arm’s up, even though it “uses the standard jew m.o., diversion and complication, to cover the ongoing campaign against nations,” proven slyly because “the J-word, I-word and Z-words are never mentioned, not once.” Scour the archive and you’ll discover that American History X “lets a Nazi make his case.” Meanwhile, The Notebook is great because James Garner is “promoting basic Aryan values,” and families should watch Thirteen to understand the “horrors of miscegenation.” Plus, of course, Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back illustrates exactly why the rape and murder of a five-year-old white Canadian girl isn’t on MTV News. I’ll be damned if Anthony Lane is wading into those critical waters.

Conclusion: Four stars. First off, the anger permeating from the site is intimidating and I don’t want to end up suiting up for the wrong squad in the upcoming race war. Second, the breadth and depth of the Vanguard News Network is staggering; it’s like they know the issues that are specifically affecting me…or other random Irish Catholic would-be screenwriters from Billings, Montana who’ve had their work rejected again and again by Jewish producers. In fact, I’m going to submit a review to Vanguard of Paradise Now, “the crowd-pleasing, feel-good movie of the year!”

Trawling through the muck on these sites left a bad taste in my mouth. None of the sites I studied is all that convincing. Don’t get me wrong: read enough rantings of lunatics and they start to seep in. I have to constantly remind myself that only 12 to 18.5 percent of what these folks have to say is gospel.

But as noted Jew Rodney Dangerfield once said, “Always look out for number one and be careful not to step in number two.” Since I work in media, and since I’m not giving up my Village apartment to move back to Montana and start a compound in Randy Weaver’s memory, I need to assimilate. I am nothing if not pragmatic. Bring on Zionist global domination!

Being part of Jewcy puts me on the inside. I am officially on the road to controlling the media instead of letting it control me, which is even more awesome than the make-your-own-sundae-bar at Adam Weissman’s bar mitzvah.

N E X T

Do: If you're not too busy leavening your rye with the blood of gentile babes, you may want to leave some feedback on this article in the Comments section. (To Zev-583AR2, Minister of Copper Price-Fixing: "The operation will commence as scheduled. Be sure to bring a poncho and four (4) glow sticks. Elder High Command.")
Go: Want to meet some people who think the Jews were responsible for 9/11? Then be sure to stop by the 9/11 Truth Movement meeting on Saturday, November 11 in Arlington, Virginia.
Read: Antisemitism: Its History and Causes, by Bernard Lazare. It's out in paperback, and the shipping is free from the warehouse. Natch.