Look But Don't Touch: Non-Jews aren't the sexual holy grailSince Tamar and Laurel have weighed in on the whole pre-marital sex thing, I wanted to take a shot at it myself. I think enough clever things have been said about talking to frum girls about sex, but what about the guys? One of the responses to Tamar’s post made me cringe. The notion that pre-marital sex with non-Jewish women—or as a charming ex of mine once said “shiksa’s are for practice”—is one that gives me the dry heaves.

First off, what does that say about us as a nation if we consider women who are not of our faith to not count when it comes to sex? To my mind, that’s the same as negating the inherent value of another human being. Not cool.

And, more importantly, not even close to being an halachically sound notion. This might be a new term for many out there, but there’s a clearly little known concept described as menuval birshut hatorah—which basically translates to mean being slimy while remaining within the technical confines of halachah.

Yes, it’s halachically slightly more acceptable to sleep with non-Jewish women because the rules of niddah do not apply to them. But that still doesn’t mean it’s a good plan.

When discussing this topic with my parents—hey, I’m weird like that, what can I say—my dad wisely pointed out: “Remember Pinchas?”

For those who don’t, a quick refresher course: Pinchas is a biblical character renowned for his religious zeal, which earned him the honor of being appointed as a Cohen by G-d.

But let’s go back to Bamidbar 25 3-13, where Pinchas earns this honor.

And one man of the B'nai Yisrael came, and brought to his brothers a Midianite, in the sight of Moshe, and in the sight of all the congregation of B'nai Yisrael, and they were weeping at the door of the Ohel Mo'ed. And Pinchas, ben Elazar, ben Aharon HaKohen saw it, he rose up from among the congregation, and took a spear in his hand. And he went after the man of Yisrael into the tent, and stabbed both of them, the man of Yisrael, and the woman, through her belly. And the plague was stopped from the B'nai Yisrael. And those that died in the plague were twenty-four thousand. And Hashem said to Moshe, saying. Pinchas ben Elazar ben Aharon HaKohen has turned my anger away from the B'nai Yisrael

Please, please, please don’t think that by quoting this story I am suggesting that I think pre-marital sex of ANY kind, be it between Jews and non-Jews or two Jews, warrants a death penalty. We don’t live in Biblical times, and killing someone with a spear would certainly be a far greater crime than getting a little action, despite what the religious right may want you to believe. I’m just saying, there aren’t any stories in the Torah about men getting speared for sleeping with Jewish girls, whether or not they’re married. So maybe, just maybe, sleeping with non-Jewish women isn’t the solution to the Jewish male libido.