Johnny Depp look a-like: Director Ed Wood failed at everything but failure.Those who cannot do, teach. And those who cannot teach write chipper, angora sweater-obsessed how-to books.

At least that’s the impression you’d get reading Hollywood Rat Race, famously failed director Ed Wood’s guide to being a star. It’s a strange, leering little book, both good natured and cynical, and totally dated by the time it came out in the sixties.

In it, Wood claims that anyone who doesn’t like Hollywood is a Communist (though he thinks Hollywood began before Communism), and brags about his good friend Bela “Dracula” Lugosi. The notorious transvestite also bemoans that boys now look like girls in Hollywood, with their beautiful, beautiful angora sweaters.

The money quote…

Sooner or later you will meet Mr. Sleazy--- probably sooner! He’s got a fast line to convince you and an even faster technique to get your clothes off and get you onto his casing couch. Strange as it may seem, a few of these characters will let you just sat on your back, nude, while they try on your clothes. Your panties, warm with the heat of your body, or your sweater of an expensive, and usually a furry nature, are hot items to them...

That happens at my portfolio reviews ever time.