Eligible Jewish Bachelors Wear Jewcy Thongs on Their Heads

You kept starting a sentence and then stopping... It was as though you were afraid I was going to blog you.

Luke, I do that even when sober. It's part of my charm! But when I'm drunk and talking to a vicious ruthless muckraking blogger, I do it even more. Just more charm!

My intention is to go to the Happy Minyan on Saturday. Thanks for the tip.

The thing I find most fascinating about Carlebach is his never mind anyway maybe see you Saturday.

You know, there's nothing wrong with young Jews trying to hook up with other young Jews.

My understanding is that they now have Birthright for that. 

"This morning, a Jewcy friend e-mailed: "Dude, I felt like a piece of
meat at this event! Never seen so many JAPs with a look of 'Desperately
seeking husband ASAP' in their eyes!""

Jewish men are so into themselves as the above illustrates that it's clear that a Jewish woman who wants to have a family will be happier, have a much better time, and get better support with a sperm bank and a job.   Sadly, the community worships its self-righteous men and always feels free to degrade it's women.  This quote tells the tale of how Jews declined from 6 per cent of the US population in 1940 to 1.6 per cent today.  Surrounded by a room of gentile women who had much less to offer him, I suspect the e-mailer would have though himself lucky to get a single hello, and then would be happy to worship the women even if she were less attractive, more demanding, and offered far less than women in that room who would not dared to even approach him since others with more to offer were surrounding him.

I'd try wearing the thong on my head to attract female Jews, but I don't think there ARE any in Colorado.

The problem is in thinking that wearing underwear on your head will attract anyone other than other drunken frat boys.

" Perhaps young Jews could even get Jewish orgs to directly "sponsor" our dates. "

THIS IS A VERY GOOD IDEA. 1) Absolutely. It shouldn't cost money to get to know someone! What happened to taking a walk, chatting, and having coffee, on a roof in mid-town Manhattan, admiring the view, and just well, talking? You have a cafeteria!

2) Then, the Jewish orgs should have a charming, easy, pathway to a free wedding. Not a free dinner and dancing, but a free wedding, with pre-wedding rabbinic instruction, the dress, chuppa, the rabbi, the ketubah, and - a New Jewish Home Package, with a mezuzah, pair of candlesticks, and a Tanach and 'complete' siddur from Artscroll. Now, is that so hard? You have a conference room! After the real true nuts and bolts of getting hitched, the couple could party-hearty somewhere else, if they want to. Take a horse and carriage to get there, for all I care. White horse?

3) Next, a New Jewish Baby Package, including a bris if needed, a full layette,  a stroller, carriage, and lots of diapers - for a year, free. You got something better to do with your money? They could name it after you. Your Hebrew name, obviously.

Jewish orgs! Leverage your buildings! Let the kids use them! Give the kids vouchers to get in, and to eat in your cafeteria, hang out on your roof, and get married in your conference rooms! And get busy with the Free Jewish Wedding, the New Jewish Home, and the New Jewish Baby packages! Don't get me started on what you don't do with your databases. You wouldn't match-make, we all know. J-date exists for that. Fine. But where's your input? You could provide a more targeted match than the J - users do for themselves. You could get the two families involved - for the really serious, not just the ones who just want, well, a J-date. How about J-Marriage? After all, both her family and his family are on your blessed DATABASE. You're just lazy!

Kids, keep insisting on your rights. Your elders are too slow.

Jewish orgs! Act like it's YOUR KID. It is. They are.

YOUR OWN KID will get all that stuff free.

Anybody who wants to have a quiet chat in a beautiful place, free, in mid-town Manhattan can use the lobby of the Galleria on 57th Street. It has Mendy's, a kosher sandwhich and soda place, and a Mendy's white-tablecloth place, right there. It is an artily designed, airconditioned, little-used lobby, with greenery and a little waterfall, and places to sit. Free. You don't have to buy anything to sit. The Galleria also has a little, out-door, waterfall vestpocket park. Free. The Galleria is not far from the Borders bookstore on 57th and Park, but the Borders coffee shop is not kosher. You can have the kosher sandwich at the Galleria, and then wander West to Borders, and talk about the books. If you feel like chatting under the trees, free, in the enclosed,  public, street level Bamboo Forest at the IBM building at 56th and Madison, nobody is going to stop you either. If you can manage to go there before 12 noon or after 2, it will not be crowded. All these things are near every possible subway and bus, if you need to end the conversation, and go on your way. You can get a job near there too, to pay for the sandwich. $1600 a month or so will get you a small studio apartment nearby, if it works out.

i love those guys...did that manouvre' work for them????? who are they!!! damn cute.........and funny!!!!

The above comments by anonymi are priceless. Why don't these Jewish orgs get it?? IT SHOULDN'T COST US MONEY TO BUY A JEWISH HOME OR RAISE A JEWISH CHILD.

If they won't do it, I bet the Mormons will...

The Mormons really go quite far in developing and training their youth. They could be looked at for an example, although we might not want to imitate them exactly, but what they do is still interesting to think about.

Let us see a whole lot of dark-eyed beauties whispering to nice young men in the shadows of the palms inside the Galleria on 57th between, I think, Lexington and Park, on the uptown side of the street. Wear some black and put your hair up, honey. Wear a nice sandal, no track shoes allowed.

Joey Kurtzman, you, or somebody, has to get to work on this, because we Anonymi have no power. We do not even have our own blog. Our opinions mean bupkis.  Surely, somebody at Jewcy, or out there in radio-land, can ACTUALLY GET TO WORK on these catchily named, important, proposals.

1) Free Jewish Wedding, not the party, the real ceremony, strictly kosher, in our nicely appointed conference room.

2) New Jewish Home Package, the basic equipment and instruction. How hard can it be. Stupider people than you have managed this.

3) New Jewish Baby Package, you both get some phone counseling and hand-holding before the birth, and a year's supply of diapers, baby supplies, a stroller, and a layette too.

4) Meet The Family: Your New Mishbocha Are Somewhere In The Org Database So Let's Find Them - a phone bank of counselors, who will talk over what you are looking for, and will send you privacy - scrubbed profiles. This is intended for the mommies and daddies, not you, dude and Jane. A professional Shadchan, thoroughly screened, will be hired also, to oversee and advise, so this is done carefully.

Anonymous, I wouldn't have a prayer of improving on your above ideas. But here's my problem: why does the free Jewish meal at the free Jewish wedding have to be kosher?

See, this is why Mormonism is so enchanting to today's young sexually active Jewish couple. Mormon proselytizers are all generosity and affected hipness...no demands whatsoever! All they ask is that you take that fascinating book with you when you leave. None of this crap about "eat this," "don't eat that," "hump her," "don't hump him." et cetera. And you know what, after the fourth or fifth read, you start to realize the Book of Mormon is pretty damn good!

Thanks, but I don't need you to improve on them, or though you probably will, I need you to act. We anonymi have no connections. You are a big deal Jewcy heavy hitter, a BMOC among young Jews, connected, in circulation, so talk, and push, and get it DONE. Maybe there's a job in it, for you or somebody else.

Should we feed them porkchops? We're US. I gotta be meeeee. You know the tune? Be yo'self.

The Mormon tactic hasn't fooled even you, an outsider.  Do you think it fools anybody else? People who are ready to marry can handle the white-hot pressures of our demanding, but grandly exhilerating, heritage.

What is offered under a Jewish roof is Jewish stuff, duh. They can go out for ribs later, that's their business.

"What is offered under a Jewish roof is Jewish stuff."

Good lord! Does that mean that my collection of vintage mint-condition Ken dolls qualifies as "Jewish stuff"?? And then would the Jewish Federation buy my Jewish family that hard-to-find 1962 Painted Hair Ken??

Anonymous, I agree that action is required here. But what should I do? How might I help Jewish orgs see reason on this?

I meant an official Jewish roof, a roof of a Jewish institution.

To develop institutional support for American Jew-on-Jew marrying: 

1) research the web for what is already being done. Mulling what is missing, what is NOT being done, what's wrong.

2) talking about it to the smart people you know. Just listen, without losing your own internal focus, as they rant.

3) Create a new computer document and write down your thoughts, as a way of clarifying them. Start with a cut-and-paste of Anonymi's remarks on this very thread. There is no copyright issue!

4) Fiddle with and edit your piece every few days or weeks, as the picture becomes clearer. It will become clearer as you continue to talk about it to real people, young unmarried people, who will point out problems, and contribute their own ideas. Over time, it will become a reality-based plan. Or a few separate plans. All the eggs don't have to be in one basket.

5) Ask yourself who works for an org, any org. Officer level, not clerical. OR VOLUNTEERS AT ONE among your acquaintance and relatives. Have a sandwhich with that person and bring two copies of your piece. Mark one up with his or her ideas, and take this home and do the edits. He or she may want the clean copy. Ask him  or her how much the different proposals might cost, approximately. Ask this person to make a list of various experts such as shadchanim they trust, rabbis, people in retailing of food, gowns and strollers who might find it good publicity to contribute. Ask this person to think about who else they might like to partner with, as a leadership committee. The leadership committee eventually contributes money to the project. That shows they care. They are willing to spend their own money on this.

6) And ask yourself, who do you know who has some money to kick in, to get something started. A grand-childless relative? Just a little money, so you are not just bringing talk, you are bringing your own sandwich. Sound out this person, possibly first. They may then suggest who you should have your sandwich with. If you know someone who volunteers at a high level of bucks at an org, you are on your way.

7) Still keep talking to the actual customer, and never stop. Only the young, who are really walking the walk, not talking the talk, can tell the old what is keeping those grandchildren out of existence. Do they need babysitting? Do they need moral encouragement? Do they need somebody to say it is all worth the trouble?

This may be of interest: http://blogs.jta.org/philanthropy/2008/08/20/465/digesting-the-jewish-papers-micro-giving-in-baltimore-less-state-funding-for-nj-survivors-and-inner-city-kids-in-philly-get-cameras/

"Anonymous, I agree that action is required here. But what should I do? How might I help Jewish orgs see reason on this? " you say.

I am assuming that the idea sells itself, as they look at the reproductive wreckage around them, including in their own families. But maybe it doesn't! If it did, there might be less wreckage!

You are married, states your bio on this site.

1) You might have to bring your wife to a meeting, so they can inspect her for signs of oppression, and of stunted growth and advancement. That might help, if she is smiling, and doesn't seem drugged or afraid. They could take her into another room and offer her asylum, to bolster their faith in her statement that marriage isn't so bad for a woman.

2) You are a married man:  you might offer yourself as an example of that being a nice thing. Leer meaningfully. You might detail how while marriage is work, being single is also work, just a different kind of work, and with a lot less return on investment long-term.

3) You might bring a note from your Mommy. Your parents - and hers - might be willing to express their views to the wondering bureaucrats, that it really is cool to have their children in harness, instead of running the streets. Even if this does involve some sacrifices, which, let's face it, it does. Your parents could say, mistily, that children and grandchildren give meaning to all those degrees. Your father might say something about wanting the financial fruits of his lifetime of hard work going to people he knows personally, and is, well, related to.

4) Keep careful notes of all the reactions you encounter, everywhere. Many will be negative. But they are very important. These reactions taken together may shine a light on the problems. No matter how stupid or upsetting they are, preserve every word in your notes - without attribution of course. We really have to figure out why the more sex, the fewer children. There is something backwards about that.

There is a book in this.

There is a play in this, involving four freaked-out oldster parents from the Sixties milling around a young couple, who are just going to go down the street to the local synagogue, and do the number, and he will ask for a raise, and she may write a brief or two from home, and the dress is used, but gorgeous, and there isn't any time to horse around, and it's going to be fine. Auntie from New Jersey is going to save the day. By renting out her little house in a tatty suburb, and moving into a furnished room across Broadway, so she can be on-site, to help when the baby comes in a thousand ways. Above all, by thinking it is all a good idea, and putting up a crock-pot, and some brown rice. She is from the Sixties, too, but the poorer part, the earthier part. The earth mother part, not the bra-burner part.

You could end up the hero of your generation.

They are MARRYING in the play. Not shacking up. Not single parenthood, G-d between us and evil.

A dear, sweet, local wedding, with neighbors gawking at the beautiful white vision of the bride, parading down Broadway, and through Central Park in her horse and carriage. No country club. A syngogue wedding. Cheap, and around the corner. Champagne breakfast with strawberries and stuff. Seven dinners. A Ketubah. Guys with beards dancing madly in a circle with the two fathers! Oy! Their bloodpressure! They didn't know they could do that! Hey, it's fun!

"You know, there's nothing wrong with young Jews trying to hook up with other young Jews.

My understanding is that they now have Birthright for that."

they also have JDate...and Aish...and SawYouAtSinai...and MJE...and Jewster...and JRetroMatch...and the Missed Connections section of Craigslist...am i forgetting any?

You are not forgetting things, except that marrying is not necessarily the inescapable, inevitable logical consequence of dating. Dating is dating, and marrying is marrying. Marrying is the consequence of wanting to marry. And, of course, of G-d's sending you the right person. Too many people think they are buying a couch from Macy's, and can specify texture, size, style. It's a person, not a large appliance. It may not matter that they aren't all that tall, rich or gorgeous. They might be steadfast, intelligent, serious-minded, innocent and cool. Innocent is a wonderful quality because they are not sneaky and are easy to please.

Frankly, I believe it is great. It is like wearing a t-shirt with something written on it like "Beer of the Month Club". My boyforiend would definetely wear something like that on his t-shirts. He is a huge fan of the beer, well, not any kind of beer, but German one especially.