What is a Jew without a Gym Membership?

Lying in a Flu-induced haze of psychic malaise, I had an epiphany.  Following the dozens of Hillel Shabbats and 2 successful Purim parties I feel a new understanding.

1. A Jew is nothing without a gym membership.  Disbelieve me? Listen to this, Jews tend to marry late especially the women who wait until they finish their graduate degree before they even consider marriage or motherhood.  So what do you do to stay attractive after +35 years? Work out consistently of course!   If you do not meet these criteria you forced to either intermarry, remain single, or turn Frum and have everything arranged for you.  Either way, you don't get jewish kids unless you got a gym membership, a master's degree, and are financially stable.
   I think this practice began durning the Roman occupation, jews discovered gymnasiums and workd out all day so that could be as physically intimidating as their goyish roman occupiers.
2.  If you want to go to meet Jewish singles, never ever go to an advertised event without word-of mouth to back it up.  If you're cool Israeli friend mentions an event, you go there, even if you have to invite yourself clawing tooth & nail!  If you find a flyer for a Hillel dinner for $5,  flee!  Friday night with family, temple or homework assignments.
3. Never go by the itenerary. I went by the schedule, meanwhile all the pretty 21 year olds jewesses were drinking in the hotel they rented down the block!  Grrr, like I said if it's advertised it sucks fish balls!

This took a whole 30 minutes to write.  Pardon me if my choice of words had been lousy. ;P